The dorm has been engulfed in silence for quite some time until Ricky made his way towards the living room . 

" .. What's bothering you ? " A certain emotional vocal hesitantly questioned as soon as he noticed how troubled his teammate looked . 

For a moment , the younger just sighed and shrugged , as though he himself had no idea what was bothering him . At that point , he felt like everything was . However , someone seemed to be the main cause right now  .

" Chanhee hyung .. He does look exhausted but at the same time I can't help but feel like he's avoiding us . " Frown deepening , Ricky explained as he recalled how a certain power voice has been returning back home late only to excuse himself saying he needed to sleep as soon as he stepped a foot inside the dorm .

The younger's words were met with monentary silence that was broken when Niel sighed before replying 

" I know what he's doing . " 

" you see .. He's trying to deny it in his own way . As long as he doesn't see his absence . As long as he doesn't have enough energy to focus on anything but his schedule , it's not true . He is trying to distract himself .. Which - am afraid - will only intensify his pain in the end . "  Niel's expression had taken on a bitter hint as did his tone at last . He honestly didn't know who to pity anymore . Deep inside , he had been feeling guilt eat him raw because the one thing Byunghun wished for was given to Niel instead when he hadn't even asked for it . Byunghun has been denied the happiness of achieving his dream to both , pursue acting and stay a member of teen top ..

Every time Niel thought about it , every time he held the mic and practiced for his solo album , he would feel ashamed .. At first , because Chanhee deserved it more . But now , because Byunghun also did . 

" You have really garnered my respect though  , Niel .. I dont know how you could stay so strong , perform and interact with the fans showing none of your pain during such times .. " The compliment pulled him out of his thoughts but never warmed his heart . Really .. He wasn't as strong as people gave him credit for . 

" .. Maybe it's because I'm still in shock , Ricky . I still cannot process the whole situation . I feel like I'm watching a dream from afar , a blurried one . My mind is a jumbled mess I'm rendered speechless .  "

If Niel was paying attention to Ricky , he would have noticed how the younger bit his lips and fought back tears . Instead , he was once again trapped in a world of his own making , thinking over and over again . 

Ricky and I have always hated the term " Change " . once we get used to a certain routine , we get attached and when that routine changes , it hurts like hell . Now imagine something a whole lot more important than a mere routine . Imagine having forced to part ways with a best friend , a band mate , and a person so irreplaceable you never thought such day would come . Terrible .. Is not strong enough to capture what I'm feeling right now .    I feel empty .. Irrevocably so .

Meanwhile with Chanhee : 

Though I'm very much aware of the fact my actions dont go by unnoticed , I can't help but keep on pretending .. I end up submerging myself in practice just so I won't have any strength left in me to wonder , to think ..

People say we should talk , let it out , instead of bottling our emotions .. But I can't .. I don't want to talk about it . Because in doing so , I would be admitting it , acknowledging what I truly dread with every ounce in my being . Every time I feel like someone may bring up that topic ,  I cower away in fear of hearing it .  As ridiculous as it may sound , I feel like .. As long as I don't hear it , it's not true . As long as it stays unspoken , it cannot hurt me .. As long as I pretend to not know , it will be fine . because what you don't know doesn't harm you . 

However and deep inside , a part of me has long lost the fight , determination and motivation .. That part seems to have accepted it .. That part screams claiming it hates him for thinking of leaving .. But at the same time that part is desperate wishing , no , begging him to stay . 

                                    ~•.♥.•~

The only way to stop your pain is - ironically - drowning yourself in another kind of pain . 

That's what Changjo decided to do . he has been working out to the point of inflicting harm on himself , just to distract himself from the pain of thinking about Byunghun leaving .

 They were family , then why ? Family don't separate . family don't part ways  .  He felt it the most because he really grew up with them considering how young he was when they debuted . He felt like a magnificent castle losing one of its pillars all too abruptly . Though maybe it wasn't so sudden .. the signs were there .. Few months ago . But he couldn't read them or maybe he could but chose to ignore them as if it was a phase , bound to come to an end . Little did he know . The phase wasn't Byunghun's depression , rather his presence . Just a phase .. A memory . Something he would have to learn and get used to referring as the past .

God ! It hurt too bad . 

The maknae was so lost in his thoughts that he accidentally lifted the dumbbells too abrupt sending sharp pain to his neck .

 " ! I think I just pulled a muscle . "

It did hurt but such pain seemed insignificant compared to the one residing in his chest  .

                                   ~•.♥.•~

As a leader , I feel at loss ..  I'm torn between two extremes .. If I try and talk to Byunghun  about it , would he reconsider his decision ? Can I even dare to ask such thing of him ? Can I really be so cruel and force him to stay ? Can I do that when I'm well aware of how painful it must have been for him to reach such decision ?

It has started two years ago , I guess .

one day everything was fine , we were one of the most famous bands , our company gave us lots of comebacks and even though it was exhausting , we cherished such times .. And the other ,  There seemed to be a dark cloud constantly following after him .. We would constantly try to cheer him up both in private and during  recordings . Changjo has expressed his wish in Angel Box asking Byunghun to smile again . Ricky has recited a poem asking him not to suffer alone .. We have tried .. But maybe it wasn't enough or maybe it just wasn't meant to be ..  

Sometimes I felt like begging the company to let him pursue his acting career but the knowledge such action would not change anything always made my thoughts ground to a halt ..  

The company has robbed Byunghun of his dream , and I couldn't do the same to him or the others . I couldn't force him to abandon his dream and I couldn't disregard the others' either .

If we don't renew our contract , what would happen ? 

I couldn't possibly bear such guilt of ruining their dreams .. I have a sliver of hope that Byunghun has already attracted attention in the acting field so maybe that would pave the way for him . he has a chance .. But if we leave , where would that leave us ? No where ..

Without him , we are incomplete . I feel like the least we could do is move forward because if we don't , he would feel guilty for the whole mess when it isn't his fault to begin with  . I honestly don't know how to adapt but .. Maybe if i think of it as him being away in a vacation , it would hurt less ..  

The only thing I'm sure of is that we all have to fight for our dreams .. I won't let our memories get buried , I will do my utmost effort to keep the name of teen top , the bond that united us , shining for as long as I possibly can . 

Of that I can promise you , Byunghun . 

I'm not sure if you noticed but i purposely wrote each member's reaction in a way that correspond to the various reactions of fans .  Some Angels might have been too hurt they started blaming Ljoe saying he broke the promise and that they hated him because he broke their hearts as well . while others promised to keep on supporting both sides . Then we have those still in shock not being to comprehend the whole situation . Some who are too desperate wishing that was a nightmare , delusional , others wishing for a miracle . And others who couldn't imagine Teen top without Ljoe so they decided to leave .