Nayeon is selfish, Nayeon is inconsiderate, Nayeon is cruel, you’re better off without her.
Mina tries to believe herself, but she can’t. She can’t because Nayeon is so selfless, Nayeon is so considerate, Nayeon would never hurt anyone. She thinks about Nayeon and she cries, like she has many times before.
You are selfish, you are inconsiderate, you are cruel, she’s better off without you.

    The month passes quietly. Mina learns to go about her routines as usual, learns how to stop the tears from falling when she thinks about Nayeon. Things are getting better. She hasn’t heard about Nayeon, hasn’t heard from her, hasn’t even heard her name. When she meets up with Sana and Jihyo they don’t mention anything either. It makes things easier, she learns to smile again, and what it feels like to have dry eyes. 

    It’s new, it’s strange, but it’s okay. She can learn to ignore the empty feeling.

    She gets used to her phone not ringing as much as it used to.

    She’ll be okay.

    And then, it seems, Nayeon is everywhere. Nayeon is that woman just out of her reach in the morning crowd at the station, she’s the woman who turns the corner and simply vanishes when Mina makes her way there, she’s—right in front of Mina as she sits alone at a table, drinking coffee.
“M-Mina!” Nayeon is wide eyed, and so are Jihyo and Sana behind her.
Mina feels a but betrayed seeing this, but how can she complain when they were Nayeon’s friends first?
(Then again, when it comes to Nayeon, she’s always second)
“We’ll go..get a table?” Jihyo says? Asks? It’s more of a question than a statement, but either way there’s no time to answer, because she has already dragged Sana away with her, and Nayeon is left alone with Mina.
Mina swallows.
She smiles like it doesn't hurt, “Nayeon!”
Nayeon seems a bit taken aback, “you—you look…happy.”
“And why shouldn’t I be?” Mina laughs, but to Nayeon it sounds like Mina’s challenging her.
“Oh no I didn’t mean—”
Mina gives her a soft smile, “I’m just kidding, Nabongs.”
“You called me—you called me Nabongs!”
“Don’t I normally?”
Nayeon is confused, “yeah—yeah, you do.”
Mina smiles again.
But it’s not the smile that Nayeon has missed for so long, it’s different; it’s not a smile.
“I have to go now, but see you around!” Mina says, and before Nayeon can say anything she’s out the door, leaving behind only her empty up and empty seat. 

    “How’d it—how was she?” Jihyo asks carefully.
Nayeon sighs, “it was—like we went back to normal.”
“Well that’s a good thing, right?” Sana looks at Nayeon, trying to read her emotions.
 Nayeon is silent.
“Nayeon?”
“I don’t want to go back to normal,” she whispers.
Sana sighs, “oh honey come here.”
In Sana’s arms, she just exists. She doesn’t even cry. There are no more tears. 

    When Mina walks out the door, she learns that she can try to forget what Nayeon did, but there’s no way she can forget the way Nayeon makes her feel.
And Nayeon makes her feel so many things.
She just wishes pain wasn’t one of them.

    Mina falls in love with Nayeon on a day like any other, except it’s not, because it’s the day she starts loving Nayeon and never stops.
“Sana.”
“Yeah?”
“I fell in love with a girl today,” Mina grins giddily.
Sana is all ears, “tell me everything.”
Mina tells Sana a story of a girl who is smart, beautiful, amazing and beautiful.
Sana is glad that her friend has found happiness.

    You never fall out of love when you want to, when you need to. Mina discovers this the day Nayeon tells her about her boyfriend, how smart, handsome, amazing and handsome he is. It’s also the day Mina discovers how hearts break and never really quite get back together.

    Mina finds peace somehow. She finds peace in the thought that she can just remain by Nayeon’s side for the years to coming, loving her quietly and without want. If they can’t be lovers, she decides, friends are better than strangers. For now she can love Nayeon without asking for anything in return.

    It piles up. She not sure how, but it piles up and it all comes tumbling down. When Nayeon calls her, complaining about her boyfriend yet again (which one was it? She’s lost count), Mina breaks under the weight of herself. Before she can stop herself, everything escapes and it’s all over now. She regrets.

    Mina regrets many things. 

    Mina regrets many things, but she will never ever regret falling in love with Im Nayeon. It hurt, good god it hurt so much, but being in love with Im Nayeon was, and still is, one thing she can never bring herself to regret. Because falling in love with her was just like they make it out to be in the movies, exactly what Mina thought falling in love would be like. The only thing she regrets about falling in love with Im Nayeon is that she isn’t good enough for Im Nayeon to fall in love with.

    It’s strange, hearing a knock on her door past midnight, usually people use the doorbell. She puts down the book she’s reading and walks to the door. The knocking continues. She has barely unlocked the door when it swings open on its own and Nayeon is kissing her with the bitter taste of alcohol on her lips and Mina can’t move. Nayeon buries her hands in Mina’s hair and her kisses are rough and they burn and they are lies. Against her better judgement, Mina pulls her closer and kisses her back.
Nayeon’s voice is hoarse and needy and pleading, “Mina.”
That’s all it takes for Mina to realise that all of this is nothing more than the universe’s idea a cruel joke.
Mina shoves her away, hot with anger.
Nayeon steps back, a cheek hot with pain the fiery sting of a woman scorned.
It’s not long before Mina’s body is wracked with sobs and warm tears trickle down her face.
 “You—you can’t just— can’t just kiss me like you love me,” she falters, with that dangerously soft voice, barely more than a whisper.
Nayeon swallows back a scream, a cry, a sob, “why not?”
“How am I—how am I supposed to get over you when you—you turn up out of nowhere and kiss me like that?” Mina’s voice sounds like it’s on the verge of disappearing altogether.
“Don’t.”

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hello friends are you in pain bc if yes sorry oops 
stay tuned for more angst!!
but dont stay too tuned bc ive been busy w/school so i'll probably update on the weekend
tbh angst is hard and idk why i did this sigh