Dear Chanyeol,

  Dearest Chanyeol,

  To Chanyeol,

  Dear Chanyeol,

Yes, ‘Dear Chanyeol’, that kept things polite, warm without too much commitment. Perfect for Jongdae and Chanyeol.

They were just friends.

  I don’t really know how to word this letter. Father, he just informed me that you have presented! I’m so excited for you Chanyeol! This is such a momentous occasion in your path to taking over your kingdom. Initially I asked if I could come and see you, bring over snacks and sit under the cherry blossoms like we used to this time of year, but the assistants had told me you’d gone into rut.

If I’m being honest, it made me laugh, imagining you like that; I mean, we’ve been friends since before we could even talk (can you even be friends if you can’t talk? Ask Yura for me). After I laughed though, I promise I asked them to relay the message that you should have lots of snacks and water. Father didn’t tell me much about rut when he gave me the ‘talk’ but he assured me it was tiring. I hope they gave you what I asked to be brought to you. This letter should come with a package of hangwa that Jongdeok’s wife helped me make (mother was too busy).

  You probably know that I haven’t presented yet, and it feels odd, to you know, out of the two us, have me presenting later. I’m older!! Not by much! BUT! I’m older…

  This probably means you’re going to have your bride picked out for you soon right? Someone that is compatible with you? Someone that can give you kids? God…it’s gonna be weird, soon we’re gonna be where our dads are, with kids, and partners and people we kiss goodnight.

  Weird.

ANYWAY!!! Wishing you a good rut seems weird too, on so many levels. For starters, you probably aren’t gonna read this until you’ve finished, not to mention the fact that wishing you a good time ing seems weird even by our friendship standards. BUT. I think we both know that I’m going to do it anyway.

  Happy first rut! I hope it all goes smoothly and you have someone to spend it with soon!

  Waiting until you’re eighteen isn’t too bad, I mean it’s only like two more years!

  (That’s me being optimistic)

  Love,

  Respectfully,

  Kind Regards,

  From,

  Kim Jongdae

       Crown Prince

Sealing his letter with wax felt like more than it was.

Jongdae had gotten his official seal for his birthday, a neat way of telling him that this was the end of his childhood and the beginning of his transition to adulthood. These two years, beginning three months ago, was an intense training period; the eleventh hour before he ascended to the throne after his wedding and his father’s blessing.

And he still hadn’t presented.

It had taken Chanyeol three days.

Three days after his sixteenth birthday, there’d been the buzz in the kingdom that he was an Alpha.

Four days before the palace had acknowledged the rumours and confirmed them to be true.

Yet here Jongdae was, unpresented, stuck in a limbo where he couldn’t receive proper training based on his presentation, repeating the basics over and over, praying it would be over soon.

Somehow he’d reached the point of not minding, anything would be better than nothing. Anything would be better than lagging behind his friend, watching the gap between them grow further and wider.

(That was a lie; there was something he wanted. Not that he’d say)

They’d not been the same since that summer afternoon. Something had changed, their families had pulled them further apart, making up excuses they couldn’t see each other. Chuseok hadn’t been a joint celebration either, which hurt even more when Jongdae had spotted Chanyeol visiting the shrine from his bedroom window. Yura and Jongdeok were the only ones that really spoke to each other, and that was only after Jongdeok had married and moved away from the palace to take up the role of King in his wife’s kingdom. Jongdae had only managed to get Chanyeol’s writing through the convoluted system that was Yura writing Jongdeok and Jongdeok writing him.

He’d figured it out around his fifteenth birthday, the first one his parents said Chanyeol couldn’t attend. Not that things were complicated, his father was a poor liar and his mother faltered anytime Jongdae drew his brows together. The fact that the King and Queen didn’t want Jongdae to grow too fond of his friend was probably the worst kept secret in the palace.

Convincing his mother (and by extension, his father) that he didn’t and never would feel that way about Chanyeol did cross Jongdae’s mind as something he could do but; he wasn’t a liar. Hindsight told him with 20/20 clarity that there was a reason he’d been so worried to slip that bracelet over Chanyeol’s wrist.

Mind you, the reason wasn’t totally complicated, and it weighed on Jongdae’s mind as he handed the letter and hangwa over to one of his maids. He was sending this as a friend, that’s all Chanyeol would see it as; and it shouldn’t have hurt him as much as it did.

It shouldn’t have hurt to know that Chanyeol would be opening and eating the hangwa, seemingly in the safe knowledge that his friend had made those for him with his sister-in-law.

It shouldn’t have hurt to know that this letter just marked Chanyeol taking another step away from him and closer to the inevitably of leading his nation.

It shouldn’t have hurt to know that Chanyeol would be leading a nation, would be an Alpha, and Jongdae was looking more and more like he wasn’t going to be the person standing beside him.

Yes, all those things hurt; more than any scraped knee or bruised side from training could.

But,



the thing that hurt the most was the fact that Jongdae would have to pretend he didn’t love Park Chanyeol.

AN//

title: from One More Time, One More Chance - cover by Park Chanyeol

a/n I AM SORRY FOR HOW ANGSTY THIS IS BUT IT WAS ALWAYS DESTINED TO BE AN ANALYSIS OF JONGDAE AND THIS IS HOW I’M GOING ABOUT IT!!! COME CRY WITH ME ABOUT APPREHENSIVE AND WORRIED JONGDAE

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