Melodious laughter filled my ears, I slightly lifted my head from the pillow and rested my gaze across the room trying to find the source of the said noise. Finding the source to be Taehyung and Jungkook laughing over something he showed him on his phone. I watched him throw his head back and laugh. His laugh reminds me of wind chimes, soft and melodious. I watched the way his eyes shone with mirth, the way his neck and jaw was exposed. The way his adam's apple moved, but what made my heart stop was that smile. The smile that I fell in love with. My grip tightened on the pillow as I watched the pair interact. Why couldn't it be me? I want to be the source of that smile. I want to be the reason his eyes shine with adoration. I want all his attention to be focused solely on me.  My knuckles started to turn white from my hard grip. My jaw tensed as Taehyung put his arm around him. I want to be the one to hold him, I want to be the one who makes him laugh. Why couldn't he notice me more? As more than his hyung. "He doesn't love you" the voice in my head whispered. "He will never love you more than a hyung". I mulled over my thoughts and sighed. It's true. He's probably straight and if he was gay, he'd probably choose Taehyung anyway. I glanced at them only to find him looking at me. He smiled at me but frowned afterwards. I saw Taehyung reach forward and place his hand on his arm. I narrowed my eyes at the gesture, gritting my teeth. My action did not go unoticed. Jungkook had confusion and worry swimming in his eyes. Those beautiful eyes that mesmerise me every time. I couldn't take them getting touchy and having fun.

 I abruptly stood up and left the room ignoring the looks from everyone, especially his. What I didn't notice was the two pairs of eyes following me as I left the room. I needed air. I couldn't breathe. Is this what it feels like. Watching the person you love, love someone else? It hurts so much, so ing much.

 I had to get out of there. I couldn't breathe. It was too much. I darted up the stairs, stumbling on the last few steps. Wrenching the door open, I unceremoniously tumbled out. I thought it would help only it didn't. It still hurt, I clutched my chest willing the pain to go away. 

Sighing I walked over to the ledge and glanced down. I could hear the honking of cars and I could also see people going about their daily lives. They looked so small, so insignificant. I always wondered what goes on in people's heads. I always wondered after seeing a person, what goes on in their life. Are they happy? Do they have a family? Does the one they love, love them back? I thought bitterly. 

I looked up towards the sky, it was a dull grey. Meaning it will rain later, I always loved the rain. It's so soothing, the pitter patter of the raindrops sounding like a lullaby. Whenever it rains, I can't help but think it's everyone's tears. The strong people's tears after being strong for so long. They simply breakdown, I've already broken down a long time ago. 

I looked down at the ledge, tracing the cracks with my fingers. Thinking about him. I shook my head trying to disperse the thoughts. I'm trying to forget about him, thinking about him will only make it hurt a lot more. He occupied my thoughts again. His radiating smile, his shining eyes that held a glint of youth yet also matureness that I can't describe. 

I love the way he scrunches his nose when he's frustrated or simply just trying to act cute. I love the way his lips quirk at the sides when he's smirking or smiling, those captivating lips. The exact same ones that I wish to feel against mine. I clenched my hands into fists. I may seem like a cold person who doesn't have a care for anything, it's just a facade to hide my vulnerability from the world. From him. Just hearing his voice makes my heart beat a tad faster. The warmth that spreads through me every time he touches me. 

I took a step back and jumped on the ledge. A sense of deja vu hit me like a feint train. I looked down at the street again. Mulling over my thoughts. I was so concentrated on staring at the street that I failed to hear the door open followed by a pair of footsteps. 

I nearly lost my balance as a gasp resonated through the air. I quickly turned around locating the source. Finding Jin hyung. He had a look of worry and fear on his face. He ran over and pulled my arm causing me to lose my balance and roughly land on my feet. 

"What are you doing? You could have fallen!" he yelled at me.

I just looked at him with a blank expression. He took a deep breathe and composed himself. "Were you trying to kill yourself?" he half yelled at me with a glare. "I wasn't going to jump, I just wanted to look down" I replied gruffly. "Couldn't you have just looked without standing on the ledge?" he retorted to me.

Guilt started to eat at me. It probably looked like I was going to jump. I felt so bad for scaring him. I felt a tear slip down my cheek. I didn't realise that I was crying. Jin's eyes softened. He took me into his embrace and just held me.