My life always went upside down. I always asked myself who I am, if I am on the right place, if what I'm doing is right and if my decision was wrong.

When I was younger, I never really cared for things like leadership, getting respect from others nor love between siblings. During the time I've grown, my mind got more confused. Now (in the age of 22), I understand people more than ever. But one thing will never leave me...

...my clumsiness...

I know, I know. It totally sounds crazy, but since I was young I had been always clumsy. Still remember when I stepped over a microphone? Well, I can remember it. I still have to smile about this incident. Every time when I get ill, the other members are watching over me though I always tell them to go to the schedules without me. I'm glad to have such great dongsaengs. But there are just too many questions which have been bothering me until now.

Why do they respect me? Why do I have so many fans? Why did they choose me as the leader? Why am I that clumsy? Why are all these people I don't even know here for me? Why do my parents still love me even though I left them for my career? What's the real matter for all these things? What's the real reason for me being here?

Of course that's not all, but I kind of think these are the most important ones. I just concentrated on my health and career all these years. But why right now? Why are all these questions suddenly coming up in my mind? Oh hey, why is my stuff toy chicken so fluffy?

Since I've been a trainee in SM, I always told myself to fight for my dreams. And I really did it. I'm now a member of SHINee. But was it really worth it? I've left my family for it. It's like I broke someone's promise... I don't even want to know if I already broke one.

Damn it! I love this chicken! Sigh...I feel like a loner right now. Yeah, Lee Jinki. You really deserved it to be a loner. Why am I even here? I didn't deserve all those stuff! I didn't deserve ANYTHING! What am I still doing here?! Maybe I should go out to get some fresh air... Huh? Oh Taemin, does he want to come with me? Naah~ I don't think so. It's also better to give me some peace right now...

Outside...

So yeah...

I'm now sitting on a bench in this freaking cold weather. I miss my chicken...
Why do I like chicken again? Oh yeah! It tastes so good and gives me a satisfying feeling!
Wait...why did I go out again? Oh...because of...
I MISS MY CHICKEN! CHICKEN WHERE ARE YOU? Duh I'm getting weird. I should stop crying about my chicken.

Wait...when was the last time I visited my family? I'm sure it's been already a long time. Should I visit them now? No, it would be weird. Besides it's already night.

I'm so cra— cra— crazy
Clap clap clap clap mad man!
Cra— cra— crazy
Clap clap clap clap mad man!

Why am I like this now?
Thinking 'bout silly those questions?
It's been already years so I should leave it, right now!

I'm so cra— cra— crazy
Clap clap clap clap mad man!
Cra— cra— crazy
Clap clap clap clap mad man!

What should I do now?
I don't have any plans now.
Maybe I should forget about the past and—

Oh maaaaaaan~
(I'm a) mad maaaan~
So mad maaaaan~
Ohhh ohhh ohhh~~

Wow, now I'm even starting to rewrite lyrics. Eotteokhae? My life doesn't make any sense until I've answered those silly questions!

Why do they respect me? Why are all these people I don't even know here for me? Why did they choose me as the leader? Why am I that clumsy? Why do my parents still love me though I left them for my career? Was it really worth it to leave them? What's the real reason for all these things? What's the real reason for me being here? Why is my stuff toy chicken so fluffy? Why am I asking silly questions? Why? What? How? WHAT THE HECK?!

AISH!! I can't bear with this all!! I should go back to the dorm or they will start panicking.

LALALALALALALA~
What a wonderful night. Hey! I've seen this dog before! I bet Taemin would have approached him if he went with me. He would also have begged me to bring that dog to the dorm. Well, it wouldn't really bother me if the dog is nice to me, but Key...
I think he would nag again and hold a presentation about why we can't have pets in our dorm. Yep, yep. That's Key.

I never really thought that the Han River looks like this at night. It looks beautiful. Sigh, I wish there would be someone by my side right now. I miss them all. I should keep on going.

In the dorm...

Why are the lights off? Please don't tell me that saesang fans came and kidnapped them all! Omo! A letter!

If you ever want to see those four again, follow the following advice: Get out of the dorm and push your to the concert house. If not, you will never see your so called siblings again. – Anon

Sigh...well, I can still call my parents. Wait, there is something.

P.S.: We also have your family and manager under control.

Aish, them too?! What the?! Is this a joke or what?! Sigh. Maybe I should take the bus. The concert house isn't anyways that far; but who's kidnapping Taemin, Key, Jonghyun, Minho, my family and even manager hyung? Are they now really crazy or what?

Buhuu! It's so boring in this damn bus. I can't even call the police. Number not available. What is this?! Why is my birthday such an unlucky day?! Okay, I'm now in front of the building. Should I get in? No. What then? I can't just stand here and wait until it's too late! Ugh, okay I will get in now. No! I'm not going in! Wait, wait, wait, wait. If I'm not going into this building, I can't rescue them! But if I'm going in, they will kill me too! EOTTEOKHAE?! I CAN'T DECIDE!

Wait, my phone. Huh? Though the person's voice is high pitched, it sounds familiar to me. So I should ring the bell and give them TWO MILLION WON?!?!?! ARE THEY SERIOUS?! I DON'T HAVE THAT MUCH MONEY!!!

Omo! I— Taemin? UMMA?! Hell man! I NEED TO RESCUE THEM! I'm coming guys!

On stage...

Damn, the stage is so huge! How should I find the light? Oh right here. *brrrrrrrrrriiiiiiing* Oh wait, wrong one. And this? HA! I—

"CHUKKAHAE!"

Y-yah! I thought they got kidnapped.
And why are so many people here?

"Saengil chukka hamnida! Saengil chukka hamnida! Saengil chukka, saengil chukka~ Saengil chuukka hamnida! WOOHOOO!" Omo, I can't hold my tears back~ No please! Don't cry Lee Jinki! Yo— No! Aish, I hate crying.

"Onew hyung! Someone wants to tell you something!" Me? Okay then. Aww, a little girl and...YOOGEUN! "Appa!" I so missed him! But, what's an unknown girl doing here on stage? "Annyeong Onew oppa." "A-annyeong." "Dear Onew oppa, all those people here are of you. We're over 1 000 000 here. We all love you with our fullest heart. No one ever showed us, how hard it is to be a leader. You showed us to make people laugh also if we get hurt. You also showed us never to give up on something. Though you are clumsy, we really love and respect you. We will be always by your side and support you. Yours sincerely, your loyal Shawols."

Now I understand it. I do have so many fans because of what I've showed them, not because of my sangtae. They respect me for my appearance towards other people.

Why do they respect me? Why are all these people I don't even know here for me?
Check.

"Hyung, I— Yah Key hyung! Tell him 'cause I forgot!" "Aish! You're not easy Taemin! Ehem. Dear JINKI aka ONEW hyung. If SM wouldn't have 'crowned' you as our leader, we still would see you as one. It maybe sounds stupid but we love you like an older brother. We love you for your kindness and for being worried about us when something is wrong. To respect you is not even a word. You're the greatest leader we ever had and we would never think about replacing you. If someone should ever think of it, we will get out and find that someone! Yours, Minho, Jonghyun, Taemin and me~"

Why are they all reading letters for me? Do they even know that I hate crying? Sight, at least another question got answered. They would still choose me as the leader even if I'm not. Respecting me is not even a word for them and they already love me as an older brother. I'm totally happy for having them.

Why did they choose me as the leader?
Check.

"Jinki-ah, we are glad that you followed your dream. Please don't think that we would hate you be because of it. Don't even think of it if it was really worth it to leave us. It was worth it. Trust me. What I'm really glad about is that you never broke a promise before. You promised us to get famous when you're older and you really made it. Maybe god gave you a chance. I am glad for having such a great son. I'm glad for having someone who follows his dreams. I'm glad for giving birth on you. Happy birthday honey~"

Umma, Appa, I'm also glad to have such great parents by my side. It was really worth it to leave to follow my dreams. I'm also glad about the fact that I've never broke a promise before. Maybe I should visit them tomorrow again.

Why do my parents still love me though I left them for my career? Was it really worth it to leave them?
Check.

But I still have some questions...

Why am I that clumsy? What's the real reason for all those things? What's the real reason for me being here?

"Hyung! Watch out!" OUCH! Oh man! "I'm alright!" "Hahahahahahahaha!"

I think I know why I'm clumsy; because it's part of my personality. I think someone up there wanted to make a great present for some. Not some, for ALL the people who are here and everywhere. And as a thank you, they give me what I usually don't expect to become from someone.

Being a leader-brother, being a great a son, being everything and someone I wouldn't have thought to be. And for this all, I thank them.