04  THE FOURTH CHAPTER  |  FEELINGS

She freezes. “What did you just say?” Her eyes conflicted in bewilderment. I gathered my courage once again, and repeated myself, this time enunciating each word distinctly, “Do. You. Like. Me. More. Than. A. Friend.” I was certain that she had heard me this time, yet her eyes didn’t meet mine. Instead they hovered at my lips, and trailed to the ground. After what seemed like an excruciating long pause, Chaeyoung finally sighed. She ran her hand through her tousled brown hair as her eyes rose to meet mine and said, “Let’s talk inside.”

I obediently followed behind her, as she led me to her room, all the while my insides broiled in fear. Despite the numerous scenarios that I had run in my head prior to asking her, I wasn’t prepared to hear the answer. The serious tone of her voice beckoned for me to sit beside her, but I couldn’t help but feel distant. There was something else that lingered in her voice, an elusive form of doubt or hesitation that simmered in the background. “Why do you think I like you?” She asked, re-directing the focus to me. A mixture of nerves and embarrassment immediately flushed my face, as I confessed the origin of my conclusion. “I was talking to Jooheon and he brought it up. It made sense at the time…” I almost whispered in response.

“So you were talking about me with Jooheon?” She probed with a raised brow. She was spinning me in circles, leading me astray from the initial question. Why couldn’t she just give me a direct answer, as she always had?

“No, your name just happened to be mentioned.” I said nervously, as the beads of sweat between my palms trickled. I felt like I was being interrogated for a crime I hadn’t even committed.

“Well, I don’t like you in that way Dahyun. There’s no need for you to worry.” Chaeyoung light-heartedly chuckled to herself, as she playfully slapped me on the back. Rather than feeling relieved, I felt disappointment. A part of me had secretly hoped that she did have feelings for me. Not because I harboured those feelings for her, but because it would have been so easy for the two of us to be together. It would’ve worked effortlessly.

“Did you really ride your bike all the way here, just to ask me that?” She amusedly asked.

“Yeah, I needed to know the answer.” I admitted with sunken shoulders, as I let myself fall on to her bed.

“Don’t look so disappointed. Even though I don’t like you in that way, you’re still the most important person to me Dahyun.” She consoled, looking at me with a soft smile.

“I know, things just would’ve just been easier....” My voice trailed off.

“Just because things may have been easier, doesn’t make it right. What we have between us is worth more than any measly relationship. You and I understand each other better than anyone else. I know that things have been hard lately, but you’ll get through it. If not, I’ll be here to drag you through it. Don’t give up on pursuing your emotions, wasn’t it only a recently that you told me you were adamant about your feelings for Nayeon.” Chaeyoung reasoned motivating me on.

“Don’t even get me started on Nayeon, she has a boyfriend.” I groaned.

“So what?” She asked quizzically taken back by my disgruntled self.

“She’s straight.” I retorted.

“Has she specifically told you that, or is that your own label that you’ve given her?” Chaeyoung tested.

“You’re right, but even so she’s not single.”

“That hasn’t stopped you before.” Chaeyoung pointed out. She was right. I usually wasn’t the type of the person that was easily deterred by someone’s relationship status. It ultimately didn’t matter to me. It usually never had. A person’s loyalty to their partner wasn’t my responsibility, nor did it concern me. I pursued whomever I wanted, and their actions in return are of their own choice. It wouldn’t make any sense for me to be held accountable for someone else’s’ transgressions.

“When did you get so mature?” I laughed, as I nudged her lightly.

“Probably whilst you were busy chasing after girls. Seems like Sana might be the one chasing you this time round though.” She teased happily.

“I don’t even remotely like her, I see red when I see her. Thanks for giving her my number by the way.” I bitterly grumbled with a heavy sigh.

“Come on, she’s not that bad. She just really admires you Dahyun.” Chaeyoung continued to tease, as she snickered cheerfully at my frustration.

“Shut up.” I countered, as I pinned her to the bed, ready to attack in a tickling frenzy.

*  *  *

I was stumped. There I was, standing in the middle of the cafeteria with both eyes closed at the sole bidding of Nayeon. “Can I open them now?” I impatiently asked at the sound of her giggling. She didn’t respond, instead she placed what felt like a square box in the palms of my hands, “Here.”

“What’s this for?” I asked confused, as I examined the chocolate box with hidden joy.

“Just because, I felt like it.” She replied casually, in her usual manner.

“If this is because of the flowers I bought you. You didn’t have to buy me anything in return Nayeon.” I explained.

“I know I just wanted to give you something.” She eagerly assured me, with my favourite smile that sparked my own.

“Something about this makes me feel bad though.” I truthfully confessed, as I tried to return the gift back to her. There we stood, passing the chocolates back and forth as if were playing hot potato. She’d pass it to me, and I’d return it back to her, and the cycle continued. “Can’t you just accept the gift, you’re starting to hurt my feelings.” She grumbled unhappily.

My hands hovered in hesitation for a split moment, before reading her disappointed expression. “Alright, don’t be upset with me.  Thanks for the chocolates.” I laughed as I finally accepted her gift.

“That’s it? Don’t I at least get a hug?” She teased with pursed lips, opening her arms wide in anticipation. With a beaming grin, I happily melted into her arms; it was my favourite place after all. There was just something unbelievably soothing about her hugs. It was the way she held me close, with her arms softly encircled around me. It was the way her scent wafted around me, and left me reeling for more. I was obsessed with how good she made me feel. 

“Oh, are you free this Friday?” I pretended to coolly ask, despite my palpitating heart.

“For you? Always.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at her cheesiness, “I’m having a party so you better be there.” I childishly advised.

“Can I bring a plus one?” She had asked the question that I had dreaded to hear. I didn’t want her to invite her boyfriend. It was the last thing that I could want, but