"Let's stop this..." He said, his eyes wanders around the corners of our shared room. His eyes avoid my gaze but I can feel his heart beating my name.

My heart knows he doesn't want this, I believe his heart as well and it hurts. I close my eyes stopping my tears from falling. I took a step back, thinking of running away instead of accepting the reality.

No one is at fault.

Nothing went wrong. It's just happened. Things are getting hard for both of us but our love for each other remains, not fading with our will to work things out, but not enough to keep us together. From the very beginning, we both know it's not going to be easy. It's a gamble, no assurance whether we will win this one way ticket to happiness. 

It is not as simple as ABC or 123. It's more like a puzzle, sudoku or fill in the blanks, a maze where we don't know if we go left or right. A dead end street in a dark alley with no one to ask for help. It was a risk we carelessly took and we know that changes are bound to happen the moment we enter the battlefield. Despite of knowing it, we recklessly went for it without further thinking.

It was a battle between staying or not and we chose to stay and fight together yet now, we find ourselves not next to each other as the clock continues to tick... there's a distance between us, creating the gap that cause us to lose the battle of staying and just give up.

"I.. It hurts..." I said.

He closed his eyes before speaking, "I know... I know it, Vernon... I'm hurting also but what can we do?"

"Let's stay a little longer please?" My voice broke as tears continue to flow. He looked at me and tears start flowing from his eyes. "D.. Don't cry, Seungkwan... It breaks my heart more..." After I said those lines, he fell to the ground and cry even more.

It breaks me.

This wasn't part of our dreams. This was never one of our goals. It happened all of a sudden just like how fast stoplights switch from green light to red light... but unlike the cars, our feelings will not stop when it turns to red. The warmth of our relationship is now as cold as the winter night when the wind blows against our skin under our thick coat.

Now, the heat of our love is like a forgotten coffee on a cafe... The heat is gone and all there's left is longing and bitterness. We are just kids chasing our dreams and it came out of no where, the feeling we never knew would bring this kind of heartache when it brought nothing but happiness the day we first felt it.

At first, we thought it was normal. Nothing to pay attention on and there is nothing to worry about. It was okay, it was just fine. We thought there's nothing wrong with staying late during practice when everyone left already. Nothing wrong with holding hands when no one's watching. Nothing wrong with hugging each other so tight with fear in mind, once we let go he'd be gone.

We thought it was normal to sleep next to each other. We thought it was okay to feel your heart breaking watching ther other laughing with another. We thought it was fine not wanting the other out of my sight. We thought everything is just normal. But as day passes like how we flip pages from a book and go in depth through the story... Just like any story, our story reached that point. I reached that point, I felt the urge to miss him.

So I did.

"Seungkwan..." I hugged the other. He hid his face on my chest. He hugged me back while crying. "Stop crying... We'll be okay... If this is what you think is right... I understand."

No, I don't... but I had to.

Everything felt right when we started. It was like the missing piece in my life was finally found. It's like the hole in my heart was finally fixed. The gray sky was finally blue and I felt like the birds started chirping again and all the love songs I listen to, at last, made sense. But seeing ourselves now makes me want to regret everything that ever happened between us.

It was like a dream come true, finding someone who matches you so well and sadly, we need to wake up. It hurts, I want to regret meeting him but how can I? He made me the person I am today. We were each other's strength.

I found the reason to pursue my dream when I felt like giving up. I guess, having someone who has the same goals as me made our relationship deeper... But it's funny to realize that, the dream that brought us together is now tearing us apart. It's like a movie scene. The of a script. The bridge of a song. The body of an essay. It's like where people try to meet half way but end up breaking the bridge along the way. It to know that the reason we found each other's warmth will be the very same reason why we will feel the cold once again. We will feel the loneliness but unlike before this time... It will hurt.

I closed the door with a heavy sigh, leaving Seungkwan inside the room. I was about to go down the stairs when I felt someone hugged me from behind. I felt the warmth again, it's like summer in the middle of winter.

"I.. I take it back. We don't need to stop.." Seungkwan said as he sobs behind me, hugging me tightly. "I can't..."

I put my hands over his, "Are you sure? Once we debut... Things will not be the same.." Please, say yes.

Just thinking about the things we can't do anymore makes my knees weak but it's better than nothing.

He remained silent for a minute and it felt like forever. I shouldn't have asked that, what if he backs out? What if he is not willing to take another risk? Deciding to not let go from each other is a start of another battle.. A battle with our dreams.

"I guess... It's better than not having you by my side, right?" He said, I felt him smiled as he hugged me.

I was about to speak when we heard a voice from our side.

"Are you done? We need to practice."

Seungkwan let go by pushing me, I nearly tripped. I looked at him with disbelief but he just gave me a sly smile before looking at the person who spoke.

"Hi, Jihoon hyung..."

-
To be very honest, I don't know what this is. This is supposed to be for Seungkwan's birthday but yeah...