==

 

 

 

“I think I’ve said something umm.. personal.”

 

Chanyeol paused, cup of coffee touching his lips when Luhan spoke. He didn’t think Luhan would bring that topic up real soon.

 

He lowered the cup on the table, steeling his mind to whatever may happen.

 

“that I’m.. you know”

 

Luhan casted him a wary glance, probably getting nervous since Chanyeol was still being silent.

 

In all honesty, inside his head he was forming words to say, an appropriate reply, and keeping emotions at bay.

 

“a-are you uncomfortable? It’s okay if you are. A-and if you don’t want to be friends anymore… I-Im.. okay with it t-too.. I mean, you’re not the first person t-to..” he didn’t continue.

 

“Luhan” the seriousness in his voice wasn’t gone unnoticed. Luhan chance a glance at him, gauging Chanyeol’s reaction

 

Chanyeol took a deep breath, calming his self, hoping that his voice wasn’t shaking “you silly boy” he gave him a small but sad smile “do you really think so little of me?”

 

“we’re friends, just because you like men doesn’t mean I’ll cut ties with you. And besides, I wouldn’t be here if I’m that bad of a person your mind conjured up”

 

It was true, if anything, cutting ties with Luhan was the last thing in his mind right now. The fact that Luhan revealed someone was already in his life was what Chanyeol was keeping up with, and he didn’t exactly understand why.

 

When he looked up, Chanyeol can see the relief in Luhan’s face, with the latter wiping at his eyes. Chanyeol’s heart ached, thinking how he almost made Luhan cry, but it all went away when Luhan finally smiled a genuine smile.

 

“have I told you how sweet you are?”

 

Chanyeol showed him a small grin, making Luhan relax further “maybe you should do it more, wife” he added, with a moment of wonder if it was still okay to call Luhan the pet name.

 

He got his answer when Luhan’s face scrunched up complaining that the pet name broke whatever dramatic atmosphere they initially had.

 

Chanyeol’s smile tightened for a brief moment before he covered it up with a mocking grin “Fine, I’m not going to call you wife anymore”

 

Seeing Luhan grinning back was enough for Chanyeol to make up his mind “Ah Park Chanyeol, I think I’m liking you more than before now”

 

Chanyeol only gave him a stare, a slight pause before he let his hand reach out and messed with the shorter’s dark hair.

 

 

 

 

 

          

 

 

 

“hmm what else? Have I forgotten anything?”

 

Chanyeol nodded his head, before realizing that he can’t see him. Instead, he hummed in reply. When his friend asked him what other questions he had, his eyes once again went back to a small sketch of his modified heroine from a few weeks back.

 

“have you ever been with a guy before?” Chanyeol hesitantly asked, it felt weird, asking this kind of question.

 

He can hear shuffling from the other line. “I’m sorry, what?” Kyungsoo’s voice said

 

Just hearing Kyungsoo’s confused tone made him nervous and backed out in an instant. It was clearly a surprise “No, nevermind. Maybe I should get back to work”

 

“Chanyeol, it’s not a strange thing to ask.” There was a pause.

 

”No, I’m lying, it is strange.. Is this for your manhwa or..”

 

Chanyeol bit on his lip, awaiting Kyungsoo’s response.

 

“What are you up to lately, Chanyeol? It’s something else isn’t?”

 

‘Is it?’ he can’t also help but think. And instead of saying it out loud, he released a shaky breath, chuckling awkwardly “No, it’s for the manhwa. It just came to mind, I was thinking.. ah.. no, forget it. Thanks for checking on me Kyungsoo. I really think I should get back to work” without even so much a reply from Kyungsoo, he hung up.

 

Chanyeol took a breath, placing a hand on his chest “calm down..” he gently said.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

==

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘do you want to meet up right now?’

 

Was what the message said. Chanyeol heaved a deep breath. He honestly didn’t want to see him right now.

 

But they were friends, just because he let his thoughts get to him for a short moment doesn’t mean he should ignore him. The matter was within him, not to anyone else. Chanyeol really needed to straighten things inside his head. ‘don’t let it mess your mind’ he thought.

 

Just as he was choosing a nice emoji to accompany his reply to Kyungsoo for a cover up, his phone vibrated in his hands flashing a notification above that made Chanyeol effectively stop. Abandoning Kyungsoo’s thread, Chanyeol immediately tapped the new message from Luhan

 

‘dis might be out of the blue but could u help me out? u see im picking a present for a friend.’

 

Maybe this would help him distract himself from getting eaten by his thoughts. He went back to Kyungsoo’s thread re-typing ‘some other time, something came up’ before sending a ‘Sure! i dont mind. wat time?’ to Luhan. It seemed like it was better choice to see Luhan than Kyungsoo anyway after what happened last time.

 

He hoped.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“There’s no one to impress”, he told himself once again as he worried about choosing an outfit. He ignored how he we went with a button up instead of his usual hoodie and ripped skinny jeans instead of his comfortable denims.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“You look nice today, do you have somewhere else to be after this?” Luhan complimented after giving Chanyeol a once over with a low whistle escaping from his lips

 

Chanyeol for a mere moment felt conscious.

 

Willing his nervous away, he his lower lip, entertaining the idea of stopping by at Kyungsoo’s place “Not really.”

 

“If you say so.” Luhan shrugged “anyways, thanks for coming. I really need your help in choosing a present for this um friend.”

 

Chanyeol nodded “what’s the occasion this time?”

 

“It’s just a... special day”

 

The pause in between didn’t go unnoticed, it was strange.

 

“present for a special friend on a special day” Chanyeol repeated, putting it all together. For some reason, Chanyeol wasn’t buying the ‘special friend’ part. He was reminded yet again about that night.

 

“a lover” he deduced. He watched Luhan sputter, his cheeks flushing a darkening shade of pink “N-no! he’s-..” ‘bingo’, Chanyeol thought. Luhan continued, brushing him away “w-whatever, let’s just go”

 

Chanyeol accompanied Luhan throughout the day, the shorter seemed to be stressing so much about it.

 

‘Something meaningful’, the latter would say.

 

‘That was vague, could totally help’, Chanyeol would reply.

 

After some witty remarks, punch on the arm and a few painful jabs to the sides later, both of them stood in front of a men’s clothing store.

 

“seriously?” Chanyeol said.

 

“I asked you to accompany me to help, not question my choices.” Luhan replied, still staring straight ahead, eyes already scanning the items from afar.

 

“Isn’t it like.. the same? and I keep suggesting this to you earlier but you shot it all down” Chanyeol retorted, almost coming out as a whine.

 

Chanyeol left Luhan for a while as he continued on his own pace with eyes scanning the items of clothing in pure interest. The store was one of his favorite brands. He visits whenever he felt like it. Content with just looking around and buying stuffs occasionally, he was not really a money spender.

 

He was turning the corner where one of his favored items of the store was located when Luhan appeared before him once again, holding a pair of jeans this time.

 

He can only lift a brow as Luhan placed it in front of his hips, as if comparing.

 

“you guys are the same um height.. almost” he mumbled, probably expecting Chanyeol’s question.

 

“Oh.” Chanyeol simply said. Luhan’s friend who has the same height as him, Chanyeol can only think of one.

 

“I don’t think jeans would do. I’m pretty sure your friend’s waist is smaller than mine. Find something else” Luhan shot him a puzzled look, probably wondering how he figured who this special friend was, Chanyeol thought.

 

The shorter’s mouth parted, he awaited his reply maybe a question about how he found out but instead, Luhan gave out a sigh before saying ‘ok’

 

Luhan walked away to place the jeans back where it belonged with Chanyeol left staring at his figure, racking his brains, wondering what that look on the other’s face meant. It was unsettling for the least. With a sigh of his own, Chanyeol once again bounded by the corner where he frequent at.

 

Snapbacks. He has a thing for snapbacks, Chanyeol himself owned a collection of it. And if anyone where to notice, which probably no one since he doesn’t go out that much, people would realize how he always has a different snapback on whenever he leaves the comforts of his apartment.

 

His hand reached for the snapback he was wearing, only to realize that he hadn’t worn one today. ‘Right’ Chanyeol thought ‘there’s no one to impress’, who was he kidding? He fished for a compliment and it was strange thinking about it.

 

Putting the thoughts aside, Chanyeol reached for one, easily finding a mirror to try it on. If he was being honest, he’d long lost interest in helping Luhan pick a good present when he came to realize who this special friend was. And it was for a special day at that.

 

‘Anniversary?’ he couldn’t help but think. It gave him a strange dull feeling in his stomach, which he hoped was just hunger, he feared if it was otherwise.

 

“a snapback?” a voice from beside him inquired.

 

“nahh, I don’t think he wear snapbacks that much” Chanyeol answered swiftly, not even glancing at Luhan as he brushed past him “This just crossed my mind. What about pyjam-“

 

“h-he does!!”

 

Luhan threw him off for a second, surprised by the sudden outburst “I’m sorry, what?”

 

He wasn’t looking at him in the eye but there was a firmness on his voice “he likes snapbacks, he looks good on it too” Chanyeol immediately got on his feet as Luhan added “help me pick one”.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“present for a special friend on a special day” Chanyeol repeated, letting out a sigh and giving Luhan a small smile “done.”

 

“thanks for today”

 

“anytime, wif-..“ he paused “..Luhan” if the other noticed the immediate shift of his words, Chanyeol was thankful Luhan didn’t question such a small deal. “anyway, have fun with that. See you, and say hi to Sehun for me.”

 

“Okay..?... okay, I will. See you”

 

With a last wave and a smile, Chanyeol left first. As soon as his back was turned to Luhan, the smile slipped his lips. No doubt about it. Chanyeol knew now for sure, all of it was for his muse’s boyfriend, Sehun.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His hold on the B4 paper he was scanning loosened as unwanted thoughts kept invading his mind

 

‘Sehun.’

 

The dull feeling in his stomach he feared was back and he feared it more when he spoke aloud “jealousy.”

 

No, that was not right, he cannot be jealous. Luhan was his close friend and there was nothing more to it.

 

..But there was also no denying his jealousy, Luhan was someone a person can easily fall for.

 

‘Oh ,’ he thought.

 

He had fallen for Luhan.

 

Of course that had to be it. And it was unfortunate because Luhan already has someone.

 

Gnawing on his nails, which he hadn’t realized he’d been doing, Chanyeol leaned back on the sofa. It felt like someone pulled his heart out only to stab it a hundred times. It was unexpected, his past relationships were with a girl, never did he even stopped by to think that it was possible for him to fall for a guy.

 

Yet he did, the feeling of realization was more than pleasant but the same could not be said about the situation, afterall, there was still a constant reminder that Luhan was already with someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

==

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For the next few days, Chanyeol locked himself in the comforts of his home, entirely working on his manhwa. He made abundant changes after gaining approval and that left him with racing against his deadline.

 

He had pleaded Kyungsoo to do something about it and luckily they gave him a few weeks. It was enough for Chanyeol, he also promised to treat Kyungsoo to another round of their usual drinking after all the rush is over.

 

With the obvious changes made, Chanyeol can confidently admit to no longer feeling that something was amiss, rather, it all fit perfectly fit like a puzzle.

 

He was both excited and worried with how his usual readers would take it, romance was something he was already familiar with, yet the genre and concept he tried on this one was new. He was damn sure he wouldn’t regret publishing this new work of his, he had high hopes.

 

Not to mention, he considered it as something special.

 

Chanyeol swamped himself with his manhwa, taking all his attention away from the world outside, even the people.

 

He hadn’t seen nor hear about Luhan that much, though it may have something to do about Chanyeol texting him to stop dropping by to his apartment for a while, with the excuse of working on his manhwa. It was not exactly a lie, but it was the half-truth. The presence of Luhan, most of the time, was never a distraction (aside from the times he whined about getting attention), in the contrary, he helped a lot. He has these insights that Chanyeol had taken a liking to, it was also one of the reasons why he like Luhan.

 

He likes Luhan and that was the sole reason why he didn’t want to see him just yet. Moreover, he was not ready to face him with his new found feelings of affection .. and heartache.

 

That didn’t mean that his affection would not grow with each passing day, Chanyeol did wished that he could just stop the feelings he was having for his friend, but with Luhan texting him every single day, telling him to eat, greeting his mornings, giving him an encouraging message to get through the day, and wishing him a good night and sweet dreams, it was truly impossible to stop. All the things he does is endearing and Chanyeol didn’t know if he could get fond of Luhan even more.

 

‘it’s obviously a yes’

 

He groaned out loud when he realized what he was doing, wondering why he let his thoughts get so easily consumed by his muse for the umpteenth time. He didn’t think he could get any more pathetic than this. “Hopeless.. You are hopeless Park”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

==

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chanyeol was nearly