Author's note: I just want to say that reading all your comments made me smile, everyone! I love how all of you are so angry at me right now for ending the last chapter like that hahahaha XD Writing this chapter has been one of the most challenging for me so far. I want to capture all the emotions that Shi-Jin and Mo-Yeon are feeling in the story and I hope I’ve done enough to share their hearts with all of you J

Thanks for bearing with me. Writing one chapter takes me at least 12 hours and it’s crazy!! Hope it’s all worth it J

Chapter 12 

The soft mood set by the sun, the freshness and crispness of the plants, the way the flowers both stood proudly and swayed humbly to the music of the wind—it was the perfect setting for a romantic gesture in a romance flick. Mo-Yeon and Shi-Jin couldn’t get their eyes off each other, and the electricity between them hung in the air like bursts of sweet, exciting, and tense energy charging the atmosphere.

Mo-Yeon smiles despite Shi-Jin’s melancholic recollection. She wants to thank him for coming back, for forcing himself on her life, for saving her. She couldn’t say she’s a better person now, nor is she a more capable Queen. But she finally understood that she could keep living even without Ah-In, that she could keep having these normal fights and emotions even if she had to be the Queen, that she could have a reason to wake up a tad bit earlier in the morning or sleep tighter at night, filled with dreams of happier memories.

A heartbeat, a bird whistles, a gush of wind blows hard enough, knocking Mo-Yeon’s hat into the ground. But then again, there were too many words, and much more emotions she couldn’t even begin to understand or make sense of. So she settles for, “And you know what, your timing couldn’t be more right.”

Shi-Jin looks at Mo-Yeon for a moment, at that priceless smile etched on her beautiful face, and he raises himself from the bench, makes his way directly to her, takes her face in both her hands, leans in, and finally, after all this time, closes the distance between them.

There is nothing, nothing else on Mo-Yeon’s mind other than the feeling of his lips on her. His hands are warm on her face and neck, and his lips are burning on hers. Her lids threaten to drop, her resolve threaten to dissipate, but as she is about to close her eyes and give in to his kiss, her eyes shoot back open and it’s as if her arms moved on their own as they push him aggressively away from her.

Surprise is etched on Shi-Jin’s face as he watches Mo-Yeon’s quick and ragged breathing, her eyes clouded with uncertainty and shock of her own. He takes one step towards her but she retaliates with a step back, one hand flying to her lips. He sees her bite her lip hard, nervous, her breathing still quick and irregular as if she just ran a few miles.

“Hey,” Shi-Jin says softly, unable to piece together Mo-Yeon’s reaction to the kiss. “Uh, should I say sorry? Are you alright?”

Their eyes meet for a split second before Mo-Yeon pulls away. “Let’s go back.”

They stay silent for a few more moments, both of them wanting to say something but not quite knowing what to say. With nothing left to do but leave, Shi-Jin turns on his heel and leads them both out, back to the car, and back to the palace.

As they arrive, Shi-Jin escorts Mo-Yeon back to her room, no more words passing between them. But before Mo-Yeon enters her room, he pulls at her wrist to stop her. With her back to him, he asks, “You didn’t answer me. Should I say sorry? Should I ask for your forgiveness?”

“Do you want to?”

“No.”

“Then please let me go.”

Shi-Jin tightens his grip on her wrist but does not force her to face him. “But what do you want me to do about that kiss? Do I say sorry or should I confess my feelings for you?”

Mo-Yeon feels her heart tighten and her lips go dry. She tries to wriggle her hand out of his grip but he only holds on to her tighter, as if holding on to her like that could somehow convey to her a bit of what his heart wants to say. Mo-Yeon turns around to face him, only to find herself pinned against the door. She only stares at him back in response.

Shi-Jin’s jaw tightens and his free hand punches the door, which lands inches from Mo-Yeon’s face. “Dammit, Mo-Yeon, should I say sorry or should I confess my feelings for you?”

Mo-Yeon feels all sorts of emotions starting to bubble inside her but she tries to keep even a hint of anything from showing on her face. “I feel like you’re forgetting that I am your Queen, Yoo Shi-Jin. And if you have forgotten your manners, let me remind you that this is no way to act towards me.”

The hand that Shi-Jin used to punch the door falls back to his side as he sees Mo-Yeon’s desperate attempt at indifference. “Is that your answer?”

“I am merely stating a fact.”

In one sudden swoop, Shi-Jin has pulled Mo-Yeon closer to him with his hand that’s still on her wrist, and his face hovering dangerously close to hers. He sees Mo-Yeon clear nervously and her eyes fall back to his lips. He says in a barely audible whisper, “Then what is this? Your words desperately push me away but your body pulls me so painfully closer. What am I supposed to do?”

Mo-Yeon catches herself staring at his lips so she pulls her gaze back to meet his. “This is your fault. Why did you have to complicate things? We were alright, we were getting things done. Then you have to friggin’ kiss me!”

Shi-Jin scoffs and shakes his head. “We were alright? You seriously think that? You didn’t mind that we were a walking pair of unresolved ?”

Mo-Yeon glares back at him. “So what do you want me to do? Kiss you back? Say I love you? Marry you and carry your babies?”

“Preferably, maybe,” Shi-Jin shrugs.

“We are in the middle of a crisis and I don’t what to do!” Mo-Yeon replies frantically. “My kingdom needs me, Shi-Jin! All of me. In fact, even my everything is barely enough to make me look like a half decent Queen.”

Shi-Jin leans closer and he lets his forehead rest on hers. “Then you can have all of me, too, if you think all of you isn’t enough. You don’t have to do this all by yourself anymore.”

Mo-Yeon’s lower lip quivers and she closes her eyes. “I have a duty to Urk, to my people. And I have long surrendered myself to that responsibility.” She pauses and opens her eyes. “And you have a duty to me, Yoo Shi-Jin; your all already belonged to me the day you swore allegiance to my crown.”

Shi-Jin grimaces at her words and pulls away from her. “So I’m just another servant to Your Highness.”

Mo-Yeon slowly rests her free hand on Shi-Jin’s chest, and pushes softly. “I’m sorry.”

Shi-Jin’s grip on her wrist loosens until Mo-Yeon is able to take her hand back. He puts one step away from her and lets his gaze linger on her just one last time before he replies, “I’m sorry, too, Your Highness.”

Xxxxx

As Mo-Yeon lay in bed that night, images of the day swirl relentlessly in her head, denying her sleep. Shi-Jin’s beautiful face under the bright sun, Shi-Jin’s warm lips gentle but exhilarating on hers, Shi-Jin’s pained eyes as she forced him away from her. No matter how hard she pushes everything away, her heart is still pounding and her head is still throbbing. In a desperate attempt to throw it all out of her system, she rolls into her stomach and screams a muffled cry into her pillow. This only eases her tension for a few seconds before images of Shi-Jin began to fill her once again.

Submitting to defeat, Mo-Yeon rolls to rest on her left side and spares a long look at her new cellphone, sitting quietly at the desk beside her bed. After the bug incident with Daniel, Shi-Jin took the liberty of getting her a new pink iPhone, in his words, “just to be sure Daniel isn’t still snooping around.” Oh, there it is, Shi-Jin again. It’s like he forced himself in every aspect of her life, like a leech you won’t be able to shake off until he’s drained you of your blood.

As Mo-Yeon imagines a giant leech with Shi-Jin’s evil face on its head, her thoughts get interrupted by her cellphone. She scrambles to answer her phone as she sees Myeong-Joo’s name on the screen.

“Hey, you’re still up.” Myeong-Joo’s voice rings in her ear.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep.” Mo-Yeon replies in that gloomy tone she knows makes Myeong-Joo irritated.

 “Shi-Jin keeping you up?” Myeong-Joo snickers at the end of the line. “I heard about what happened from Dae-Young.”

Mo-Yeon blushes her head off and thanks the heavens she didn’t have to have this conversation with Myeong-Joo in person. She manages to stumble a weak “t-that’s not it!” which earns her more chuckles from her Commander-in-chief.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, I didn’t just call to tease you.” Mo-Yeon can basically see the evil grin on Myeong-Joo’s face as she speaks. “I’m calling to tell you that you have to go back to Urk tomorrow. The new security installations and protocols are in place and I’m scheduling an international press conference to update our allied countries about our improved defenses. Exchange rate and export rate continues to plummet every day, Mo-Yeon. We have to do something to at least bring our economy back up. I’m sorry this has to be a last minute change in your schedule but I did not want to waste any moment.”

Mo-Yeon feels her stomach getting heavier with Myeong-Joo’s report. She knows that Urk has suffered a lot from the VP’s murder but it’s much more painful knowing that them not finding the perpetrator makes Urk more and more beat down. At the back of her head, however, she feels some semblance of joy as the thought of going back to Urk eases her. She can practically imagine her room, Ye-Hwa’s cooking, and Myeong-Joo’s signature cold but comforting attitude.

“Alright we’ll head back to Urk first thing in the morning tomorrow. Have you contacted Captain Yoo about the change in our schedule?” Mo-Yeon asks, trying hard not to let her voice break at the mention of Shi-Jin’s name.

“Yes, I just called him a few moments ago. And he told me to call you instead because, in his words, he’s too busy to tell you himself. Hah, as if that ironhead can avoid you for so long, he’s practically your nanny for god’s sake,” Myeong-Joo drones.

Mo-Yeon bites her lower lip and attempts to change the subject. “Wait, so are we clear on Daniel?”

“Yes, Daniel’s cleared of all our suspicions. I’m sorry we have to put you through all of that but Shi-Jin and the other generals won’t rest until he’s stripped clean.”

Myeong-Joo’s response finally perks Mo-Yeon up. It has been a roller coaster ride but Daniel has finally been cleared—although at the back of her mind, Mo-Yeon knew there’s just no going back to the old dynamics between them. She gives out a deep sigh. That’s one less thing to worry about, at least. “Well I’ll see you tomorrow, then. What time is the press con?”

“I’ve scheduled it at five in the afternoon so you better be out of Denmark before lunch time so you can get here in time. I’m finishing your brief tonight so you can review it on the plane tomorrow.”

“Alright, thank you, Myeong-Joo. Please don’t work yourself up too much and get some rest, too.”

“It’s my job to worry about you, Mo-Yeon, not the other way around.” Myeong-Joo replies. “Go on, get some rest. Try not to think about your lovers’ spat so you’ll have energy tomorrow.”

Mo-Yeon scowls at the phone. “You have a funny way of expressing your concern, Myeong-Joo, you know that?”

Myeong-Joo chuckles and says goodnight before cutting the call.

Mo-Yeon checks her phone for the time before putting it back on the desk. It’s just ten in the evening but she knows she has to get a good night’s rest for tomorrow, which is surely going to be a long day. She closes her eyes and tries hard not to let all the worries and the frustrations from creeping into her bed by counting sheep on her head. She occupies her head with the image of sheep after sheep jumping a small fence but she finds this too tasteless and boring to keep the stronger images from taking over her mind, and gives up after thirty.

Image after image take over her consciousness, images of Yoo Shi-Jin, Urk, Daniel, Yoo Shi-Jin, food, Myeong-Joo, Ah-In, guns, the VP, Yoo Shi-Jin, tomorrow’s outfit, Min-Ji, Yoo Shi-Jin…

Mo-Yeon finally gives up and raises herself from her bed. She’s not even concerned about getting sleep anymore. She’s more concerned about how frequently she thinks about her captain when there’s so much more important things to worry about. Thinks like boys and happy-ever-afters are things normal people can pull their hair out about. But when you’re the Queen, it’s just not like that, no matter how innocent you are when it comes to love. In fact, Queens marrying for love is a fairy tale, not something that happens in real life.

She looks at the time on her phone and is surprised it’s already two in the morning. Who would’ve thought all that thinking—about Yoo Shi-Jin, mostly—would take up so much time? She pulls her hair up in a quick and messy bun and opens the door towards the balcony. As she steps out in the night, the air sends goosebumps up her arms, but she doesn’t mind. She leans on the railing and looks out into the darkness that is Denmark, imagining how much more cheerful the view is in Urk at night.

Her gaze shifts to the trimmed lawn below her balcony and she notices a figure seated in the middle of the vast grass. She squints for a moment to identify the person before she realizes it’s Yoo Shi-Jin, which immediately sends her heart into a frenzy. Shi-Jin is looking up at her, comfortably seated in the grass, not making an effort to move. They look into each other, not counting the seconds, the minutes, and Mo-Yeon doesn’t notice that this is the only time in the whole night that her mind is free of everything. It’s just the image of Shi-Jin’s unmoving figure in front of her. No complicated emotions, no complicated problems.

Another gush of the wind sends chills down Mo-Yeon’s arms and she notices that Shi-Jin is only wearing what’s probably a thin v-neck and trousers. “Aren’t you cold? How long have you been sitting there?” She calls out to him.

“I’m not actually sure. What time is it?”

“A little past two I think?”

He runs a hand through his hair and stretches his arms in the air. “Wow, I didn’t notice I’ve been here a long time.”

“You know I should be creeped out with you stalking me like this.” Mo-Yeon’s eyes narrow dangerously.

“Actually, you’re right. I shouldn’t be hanging out in here like this, people might get the wrong impression.” Shi-Jin stands up and dusts the back of his pants. “You wait there, I’m coming up.”

“Hey!” Mo-Yeon realizes what she’s done and racks her brain to stop him from coming up. Talking to him even more won’t help in her trying to keep him off his mind. “No one’s inviting you here! On second thought, you stay there. That looks like a very comfortable spot.”

Shi-Jin crosses his arms across his chest. “It’s actually cold out here, you know. Just saying.”

Mo-Yeon crosses her own arms across her chest. “Then go back to your room! Why does it have to be mine?”

“I can’t sleep. And I’m probably right that you can’t too. So instead of moping separately, won’t it be better to sulk and be restless together?”

“Only you can come up with such a dumb conclusion,” Mo-Yeon scoffs.

“Well I’m still coming up. I’ve got nothing better to do, and so do you.” Shi-Jin marches out of Mo-Yeon's sight despite her desperate attempts at stopping him and before she knew it, he is already knocking at her door.

Mo-Yeon sighs and opens the door. “I have nothing more to tell you, Yoo Shi-Jin. I just need some rest.”

Shi-Jin lets himself inside her room and sits down comfortably on the bed. “Well so do I but apparently, no one is getting their rest tonight.”

“And whose fault is that, do you think?” Mo-Yeon snaps at him from across the room, crossing her arms against her chest. Two more steps closer to him and she knew she will lose what’s left of her sanity.

“You know I’ve never been rejected before, so you must feel pretty good about yourself,” Shi-Jin smirks at her.

“If this is what ‘feeling good’ feels like, screw that. I’ve been trying to sleep for hours now and your irritating face and irritating voice and irritating logic is making me restless!” She tightens her grip on her arms to stop herself from pulling her hair out.

“Well sounds like someone’s thinking of me.” Shi-Jin’s smirk grows even wider and more evil.

“Gaaah!” Mo-Yeon gives in and ruffles her hair violently with her hands, sending the ponytail flying from her head.

He leaves the bed and makes his way to Mo-Yeon, who looks like steam just got released from her head. He picks up the ponytail that lay on the floor beside her and reaches for the brush on her dresser. He starts combing her hair, offering no more taunts or teasing.

While hair-combing has become one of Mo-Yeon most relaxing ritual, she finds it hard to ease her tension with Shi-Jin so quietly brushing her hair for her. She then tries to imagine Min-Ji and surprisingly found it easy, with Shi-Jin’s touch as feather-light as hers. “I don’t know how you manage it.”

“Manage what?”

“This. How can you act so cool and casual after everything I’ve said and done?”

Shi-Jin pauses for a moment and continues brushing her hair. “Because I know you’re just as pained as I am. And although it’s your fault—let’s both agree this is your fault because you’re the one being hard, not me—it’s something we both have to go through. For now. You’re right. Because our kingdom needs us. And our responsibility to Urk takes precedence over everything—even if it’s something that will keep me awake for many nights.”

Mo-Yeon feels the heavy cloak that has been clinging onto her heart lifting and disintegrating with Shi-Jin’s words. She offers no response as she savors every bit of peace and warmth his confession has finally brought her.

“But I’m not apologizing, if that’s what you’re looking for. I won’t apologize for wanting to tell you what I feel and wanting to know what you feel.”

She wants to say it’s okay, that it should be her apologizing, not him. That it really is her fault, for being an inept leader, for being an incompetent Queen. If she were anything like her mother, then maybe Urk wouldn’t be in such a pinch. Maybe she would be free to purse what she feels.

Mo-Yeon turns around and faces him and she sees he is smiling. Not the teasing smile or the evil smirk he would usually sport, but something genuine. A little sad, yes, but genuine. His smile tugs a smile from her own lips. “You should still apologize for that kiss, though.”

And the genuine smile was gone, replaced by his most teasing yet. “Of course not! If there’s anything good I’m getting out of all this mess, it’s the memory of your warm and gentle—”

Mo-Yeon cuts him off as she hits him in the chest, which, of course, he catches. “Okay fine, no talking about it anymore.” Shi-Jin laughs and pulls her closer with her hand in his. She looks at him and his eyes are burning with something that she has never seen from him before. “I have a proposal.”

Mo-Yeon swallows a lump in . “Go on.”

Shi-Jin tightens his grip on her hand, his eyes sparkling with inspiration and something more vicious. “I swear, I will catch whoever did this to Urk. And I will make him pay with my own hands. I will make him feel every bit of pain and every last inch of suffering he has put you through. And when everything’s back to how things should be, I will come to you again, and you will have no more excuse to force me to apologize when you feel the same way.”

Mo-Yeon feels it should be inappropriate to be happy about something that sounds so vengeful but a smile still makes its way to her lips. “Okay. But I’m not promising anything!”

Shi-Jin gives her one long look and plants a small kiss on her forehead, which takes Mo-Yeon by surprise, and lets go of her hand. “Rest well tonight. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Mo-Yeon watches Shi-Jin leave the room and she weakly makes her way back to her bed, the feeling of his lips still burning on her forehead.