So here's an update after almost a year. It's not that I abandoned this story, it's just that I write it so slowly since I'm focusing so much on the character study of both Hakyeon and Hongbin and the dynamic of their friendship. Because that is the main reason I want to write this in the first place, to explore more about ChaBin's friendship since I haven't seen much fanfic/story/fanaccount of it.

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Both N and Hongbin decided that they wanted something warm but with no caffeine since they still needed to sleep later that night. So Hongbin ordered a simple hot peppermint signature chocolate, while N was convinced by the barista to order a tea menu which was made from a special tea blend that’s only being sold in Starbucks located in Bali. The leader was so impressed by the fact that the barista recognised who both of them were and even spoke fluent Korean to them to make it easier for them to order, so he just went along with whatever she’s offering. (Hongbin on the other hand was too busy staring at her name tag because he wanted to show his gratitude by calling her with her real name, but the name’s written on it was ‘Putri’ and Hongbin wasn’t sure how he supposed to read that. He ended up not saying anything other than his drink of choice, which he kinda regretted because the said barista told them she was a fan. And the fact that she actually knew their songs by playing said songs right after she finished preparing their orders, Hongbin realised she wasn’t just saying it.)

After they ordered their drinks, they decided to take the outside table in order to enjoy the night sea. This Starbucks they’re visiting was beautifully located in the private beach area owned by the hotel, so it wasn’t too crowded and only filled with around a dozen of the hotel’s guests. It also got an outside porch that extended to near the water so they could enjoy the sea without actually having to take a walk on the beach. The weather was pleasantly warm too, with brisk wind blowing once in a while, rustling the coconut trees standing along the beach.

N took a sip at his drink was pleasantly surprised by the fragrant tea he was sipping. The barista didn’t lie, it was a very unique-tasting tea. There’s a hint of lemon and bergamot in it but it wasn’t too acidic for N’s liking. He quickly decided that he liked the tea and that he had made a good choice.

“This is nice.” The leader finally spoke, after savouring his tea for the second time.

The dimpled visual stopped his activity of taking pictures of his own beverage of choice and looked up towards the leader, “Your drink?”

N nodded and hummed his agreement, “This tea’s nice. This place too. Everything’s nice here.” He then gazed towards the beach and the sea, which was lit by rows of orange-y street lamp. The sea was unexpectedly calm, with small waves hitting the sand in regular intervals and big waves came in once in a while but nothing about it was too abrasive for the serene atmosphere surrounding it.

“It’s nice to be able to forget every single problem you got and just stare at the calm sea like this once in a while.” N said again, his eyes glazed over but was still fixed on the constantly coming waves.

“Yeah, it is.” Hongbin simply answered, while glancing at the dimly lit beach and back to N. He studied his hyung’s expression. The younger of the two knew, when N started to get sentimental like he was acting right now, it was usually the time the older would start talking about what’s bothering him. Hongbin just needed to stay silent and listened until it was his turn to give his opinion to the older. Though the visual wondered what could be the problem with everything’s going so smoothly recently and nothing’s too worrying came up regarding any of the members or them as a group. ‘Is it a personal matter then?’

N was still staring at the coming waves solemnly when he realised that Hongbin was looking at him. There was this unreadable soft expression pasted on the younger’s face, with a slight curious smile formed on his lips which N eventually realised what it meant: “Are you okay?”

The older of the two sent a small smile towards the other and then took another sip of his drinks to dismiss the look on Hongbin’s face. “I’m okay, Bin-ah. Don’t worry.” He finally said several moments later, hoping that it would answer the unspoken question the younger had thrown at him. Though by the look that was now displayed on his younger friend’s face, N knew that Hongbin still got more things to ask.

“You don’t look like it though, hyung.” Came a response from the dimpled visual. His expression was flat but his voice sounded otherwise. “You haven’t been looking okay for weeks.”

Hongbin sounded worried, which made N wasn’t sure if he hated or liked it. On one hand, N disliked the fact that he made his friend worried about him. But on the other hand, this was Lee Hongbin we’re talking about here. The guy was so reserved regarding his own emotions that he rarely displayed any affection or showed his true feelings to anyone ever, so for him to get the special treatment of Hongbin worrying over him was such a rarity that made him feel slightly happy.

“Lee Hongbin!” N made a fake surprised expression and gasped dramatically, decided to lighten the mood. “You care about me so much, I’m touched!” The leader laughed when the younger shot him an unimpressed look after he uttered his answer. He then stifled his laughter a bit, “Really though, I’m fine.”

Hearing the statement, the younger of the two grumbled while retaining an unimpressed look on his face. “Now you’re just outright lying to my face.” He then shrugged, “Out of the six of us, we know each other the longest, hyung. Despite the fact that you declared Taekwoon hyung is your lifelong friend or something like that.” He totally missed the way N flinched when Leo’s name was mentioned, “I knew you for so long that I can just easily tell when you’re really okay or you’re just saying that you are.”

N was slightly taken aback by the younger’s statement, though he’s not surprised. Not really. Hongbin had always been an observant guy, N knew that much. He wasn’t a quiet guy for sure, unlike a certain vocalist he knew, but he still was quieter if he were to be compared to the other VIXX members. Of course Hongbin could also be loud sometimes, especially with his smart mouth, cunning mind, and wicked sense of humour. But most of the time, especially when he felt that his presences wasn’t needed, he would choose to just blend into the background; Passively observing everything’s happening around him while deducing how he would respond to any of it, should he needed to.

This was also what made Hongbin so distinctively different from Leo, in N’s opinion. Though at first glance they both would struck you with a similar vibe of someone who doesn’t talk much, Leo, when he was being quiet, it would meant that he’s blocking almost everything that would disturb him from the serenity he created from himself. In a cruder word, it meant that he’s ignoring his surrounding, distancing himself from from the world in order to recharge. Exactly like how an introverted always did after interacting with other people. But it was the other way round for Hongbin. When he was being quiet, he would instead be more aware of his surrounding because, well, for the lack of a better phrase, he’s observing everything.

The leader let out an emotionless laugh, “Do you know how it is when you fell for the person you’re not supposed to?”

The dimpled visual was taken aback by the question. Out of all the possible causes he got in his mind about what happened to the leader, he wasn’t expecting this to be one. Hongbin didn’t know why, but he never expected his leader Cha Hakyeon to get bothered this much by a ‘mere’ love-related problem. That was probably due to the fact as long as the time he knew the older since they were still trainees, N wasn’t one to get interested to be in a relationship, let alone actually liking someone. So it became natural to Hongbin to just assume that this kind of thing didn’t matter that much for the older.

“Is that why you’re acting weird lately?” Hongbin blurted his question and in the end, that was the only thing the visual managed to form as a respond. Because he was still having a hard time to believe his leader would let his feelings distract him this much from his professionalism. He immediately regretted the way he questioned his leader though, being a patronising member and friend really wasn’t his intention at all. At times like this he could only sighed at his own (sometimes) reckless mouth.

“Hyung, you like someone?” Hongbin managed to question again, this time phrasing his question more carefully.

N scoffed at the questions and stared at his younger member, who was staring back at him wide-eyed. “If only the problem ends at that.” He sighed and threw his vision back towards the serene beach. “I really don’t know how or to whom to talk about this. I tried just to ignore it, but the more I ignore it, the more I’m thinking about it.”

The younger of the two nodded, trying to understand that this was probably the first time his hyung really ever truly liked someone and that was probably why it affected the older this much. Hongbin himself had never truly liked someone. A crush, maybe, but that’s just about it. The thought made him pondered for a while, wondering what it was like to fell for someone. Almost all the romance dramas and films he had seen made it as if falling in love was the best feeling you could ever feel, with all of those heart-fluttering moments and pink-filled scenes. But really, now that he got a real-life example sitting in front of him and seeing how bothered and distracted N because that exact feeling, Hongbin wasn’t sure if it’s really as cherry-like and straightforward as it seemed on the screen.

“I don’t think I can say I understand how it feels like.” Hongbin started, “But at least I can be your listener, hyung. After all you did choose me to talk about it. I am the chosen one!” He declared jokingly and grinned cheekily. Upon hearing the statement N narrowed his eyes and shot a nasty look to his younger friend, which was responded by an unimpressed look plastered all over the dimpled visual’s face, “Do you think I don’t know why you suddenly asked to be roomed with me?” Hongbin scoffed, “You do realised that you’re not that hard to read, right.”

“You do realised that I sometimes wanna strangle you because of that smart- attitude of yours, right?” N snarked back at the visual, and the latter only cackled.

“What’s new, really?” Hongbin finally answered jokingly, “I’m actually surprised after all these years neither you nor Taekwoon hyung even tried to kill me. It’s always amusing to see that annoyed look pasted on either of your faces.” N flinched again by the time Leo’s name was mentioned and this time, Hongbin did take a notice of that so he tried again. “Seriously though, hyung. You can talk to me about this… Problem of yours. I do know how much it has bothered you lately.”

N sighed but nodded at the younger’s statement before the latter continued, “Think about it this way. You said yourself that the more you try to ignore it, the more you’re thinking about it. Then wouldn’t it be better for you to talk about it to someone instead of trying to contain it all by yourself? Either way, that feelings of yours would still be in your mind anyway. I know that you know that you won’t stop liking someone just because you try your hardest to suppress your feelings. That’s just not how it works, hyung.”

Hongbin shrugged and waited for an answer from the older but he got none, so he continued, “But by talking about it with someone else… With me, at the very least you can unload the weight of that feelings a little bit so that it wouldn’t burden you so much. And even though I might not be able to help you to solve…” He paused and wondered if ‘solve’ was the right word but then continued again, “Correction. Even though I might not be able to help you to sort this feelings of yours, maybe when you’re frustrated over it, you can vent it out on me.” Hongbin finally smiled that cheeky toothy smile of his, “Like you used to do when we were trainees.”

The lengthy statement of the dimpled visual wasn’t wrong, N thought. Because he knew that Hongbin was the more sensible one out of the six of them, even when they were younger, even when they were still trainees. Hongbin’s sensibility also accompanied by the fact that he was a very stern and straightforward individual, and you didn’t have to know him that well to realise that. He always told the truth as it was, never once trying to glaze over it whatsoever. Sometimes this could came across as harsh and brash to other people, but to N (and to all of the members) this side of Hongbin was needed both personally and professionally, so that they wouldn’t stray afar from their path. Sometimes it made N chuckled to realise how Hongbin was actually the second youngest out of the six of them and the youngest one in his own family yet none of them (not even N nor Leo) could even be as stern and straightforward as Hongbin when it comes to stating their opinions.

“So?” The dimpled visual started again, still retaining his cheeky smile. He’s patiently waiting until the older answered him… And he got what he’s waiting for.

“So…” N threw a half-smile towards the younger and took a deep breath. “As I said earlier, if only this whole thing just ends in me having a crush or liking someone, Hongbin-ah.” He sighed, “I really wish it’s as simple as that but... It's not.”

Hongbin patiently nodding upon listening what the older just said and asked, “Why is that?”

“Taekwoon.” N shortly answered.

The visual was now visibily intrigued by the answer the older gave him, with his lips slightly pursed, eyes rounded curiously, and ears perked up readily to listen to anything his hyung's about to say... So he asked once again, “What about Taekwoon hyung?”

The leader sighed and contemplated whether to tell the younger but then again, they’re already here and talking about it therefore backing out wasn’t really an option anymore for him. So he braced himself to spill it out to the younger visual, “Taekwoon’s the one… He’s the source of my problem.” He stated quietly all the while the visual sitting in front of him only shot a blank stare at his answer.

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