a/n: i had many ideas about this particular a/u after the recent halloween fanmeeting, but this drabble stuck with me the hardest so i wrote this first lest i forget about it. funny enough, as i was writing this, i thought of a drabble series where i could explore the idea of love languages - ie. touch, acts of service, words of affirmation, gifts, quality time. let me know if you're interested in this series or if you have anything i could improve on! again, thanks for reading/commenting/upvoting <3

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pic was too uwu to not upload here. ctto.

It’s times like these when Chaeyoung doesn’t feel like she’s enough: when she holds Mina close and smells the lavender on her hair, the green tea on her skin. Times when Mina’s pressed so close against her on the couch she can hear the soft pulse thud in her ears, and if she looks close enough, she can probably see the pulse beat through the flimsy material of Chaeyoung’s graphic t-shirt Mina has grown to love wearing.

It’s when Mina is so close that she’s afraid she might break her. Afraid that twirling Mina’s luscious hair might lead to a graze on her scalp or cheek and all she can do is watch helplessly as Mina rushes to the first aid kit and attempt to bandage the fresh wound on her own. Afraid that Mina forgets for a moment that Chaeyoung is less than able to hold her close and clasp their fingers together, feel the ridges of their fingertips join themselves seamlessly, so Mina proceeds to join their hands together, only to have Chaeyoung pull away as if burnt from fire.

Because sometimes, most times, Chaeyoung knows that the only way to keep Mina safe is to be away from her.

“What are you thinking about?”

Mina whispers into her chest before she looks up at Chaeyoung, as if prompting for an answer.

“Nothing.”

Mina furrows her eyebrows in worry but sees no rush to press further. Chaeyoung tells her everything in the end. She returns to leaning her head on her chest, mindlessly tracing infinity symbols along Chaeyoung’s collarbone. Chaeyoung hums contentedly, because Mina’s fingers flitting against her clavicle makes her feel at ease, makes her heart beat loud enough to reassure Mina that of course Chaeyoung feels the same way, has been for quite awhile.

But she tenses up again nonetheless, because she is reminded that any small movement from her could lead to Mina getting hurt, and Chaeyoung is reminded everyday when she looks into the mirror resentfully at the small cuts on her face that have scarred over through the years the same could happen to Mina if she weren’t in the least bit careful.

Snip.

The sound pierces through the soft silence of their apartment unwittingly, and Chaeyoung gasps a little too loudly. Mina is not in the least surprised by the sound, slowly looking down at Chaeyoung’s hand and moving her hands carefully over them, covering the steel blades warmly.

“Easy, Chaeyoung.” Chaeyoung relaxes into her touch, all signs of tension abating as Mina caressed her scissorhands.

“Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to be sorry for, Chaeng.”

“Are you ok?” Chaeyoung guiltily asks, afraid that she might have hurt Mina in her moments of anxiousness.

“Yes, I’ve always have bee-”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Chaeyoung interrupts, a tinge of anger laced in her words. She knows that there have been many occasions when she just couldn’t stop herself from hurting Mina unintentionally. Whether it was a simple attempt to take over the washing of the dishes in the soapy sink or helping to remove Mina’s handbag slung heavily over her shoulder as she comes home from work, Chaeyoung just couldn’t help but make small cuts on Mina’s porcelain skin, which would make Mina wince slightly. Her heart would throb painfully as she laid in bed those nights, staring helplessly at Mina’s back, wondering if she was even deserving of Mina when all she knew how to do was hurt.

“Shh- I can hear you thinking all the way from here,” Mina softly replies. She shifts her hands to caress Chaeyoung’s cheeks instead, smoothing over the worry lines on her forehead and also the scars on her face. Mina’s known all along Chaeyoung never had the heart to hurt, and sometimes people were just placed in circumstances where it was hard for them to see that they could be loved. But Mina wanted to prove Chaeyoung otherwise, that in spite of Chaeyoung’s hesitance to come close, Mina would love her all the more.

Chaeyoung sometimes went to bed ridden with guilt. She remembered those nights where Mina fell asleep, with newly bandaged wounds and hoped Mina could not hear the anxious snipping of her hands in the dead of the night. It felt like a restless eternal night until Mina turned around to catch Chaeyoung who would look back at her like a deer caught in headlights, her blades snapping shut immediately. A small smile had always grazed Mina’s lips before Mina leant in to kiss her forehead and pull her close, feel Chaeyoung’s shoulders relax and Chaeyoung knew then that she was forgiven.

Mina didn’t mind the days where she saw the many different cuts graze her skin. These cuts only meant Chaeyoung wanted to come close, wanted to help her out, wanted to show her love. If anything, her lips had always curved into a smile when she saw the cuts, because of the many Chaeyoung’s steel blades that pulled people away from Chaeyoung for fear of being hurt, it only reminded Mina how Chaeyoung pulled her in, like a moth to a flame. Except Mina knew Chaeyoung would never burn her to crisp; in her own unique way, Chaeyoung was the only one who could light her insides a fluorescent white – hot blinding love; the way Chaeyoung leant in and kissed her lips so softly her stomach would churn and make a of passion course down her spine.

So Mina pushes herself up and hovers over Chaeyoung, tidying up her fringe and delicately placing them behind her ears. Chaeyoung gazes into Mina’s eyes and Mina sees how Chaeyoung struggles too much and too often about how to love better. Mina wants Chaeyoung to know that it’s ok, that Chaeyoung can take all the time she needs, as long as Mina reminds her everyday she’s worth it.

“Chaeng?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m ok.”