At this moment in time, the promises of all his worries flowing out the window and all the room to relax in the world sounded like the perfect vacation. When he opened his eyes, Soonyoung couldn’t help but be so disappointed that they weren’t at the damn resort yet. 3 hours of a car ride later, Soonyoung nearly fell face first on the beautiful pavement that welcomed him after being trapped in a death vehicle for hours with two of his friend who don’t know when enough is enough when it comes to talking, and laughing, and singing, and everything.

Sitting on the ground and staring into the sky, which he feels like he hadn’t seen in ages, he hears the door next to him shut and the voice of someone he wished he could permanently erase from his memory speak up. ‘What the hell are you doing?”

Soonyoung shot up and glared at his friend. “Wen Junhui,” He spoke softly, but with force. “If you make me sit through another car ride of you and Minghao not being able to shut your goddamn traps for hours on end, I will tuck and roll out of the car and you won’t be able to stop me.” Huffing, he pulled his bags out of the car and stormed after Minghao who was already headed towards the hotel entrance.

“Oh,” Soonyoung calls after Junhui, whose face was written with amusement while taking bags out of the trunk. He put on the fakest, most sickeningly sweet smile he could muster. “Thanks for planning this.” After blowing a kiss, he heard Junhui scoff and he turned back to find the other friend, who he wished didn’t have such long legs.

The whole thing was a ‘Congrats’ gift to Soonyoung, who had just published his first book about, well, after staring at the headache inducing pages and screen for so long, not even Soonyoung himself could tell you what it was about. Science fiction? Something about a gang? Werewolves? No, no, those were all scrapped ideas. Something along the lines of his own life, falling in love and having his heart broken, he knows that much. The typical story of his stupid young love life.

The two of them- Junhui and Minghao insisting they take him out of his dungeon to see the real world and not one made of words and ink, their words- planned this four-day trip to the beach, which Soonyoung hadn’t been to since he was young and if he was being honest with himself, he was excited. Yes, the ride made him want to go completely deaf, but a little company of real people and not the sound of a pen scratching paper never hurt him.

Upon walking into the room, there were balloons on the desk chair- an obnoxious orange color- and a banner that read the exact words he had heard too many times since the release of his book, ‘Congratulations’. He sighed and turned to his friends, who wore grins and stood in weird positions, and promptly turned back to the room.

He heard Minghao laugh from behind him. “It’s a joke, we know we were already pushing it too far.” Soonyoung shook his head and shrugged.

“It makes up for my months of sitting in the dark and wondering when my suffering will end, I guess.” Junhui clapped him on the shoulder.

“Listen, this is all because we both know that after all you went through- pre author Kwon Soonyoung and now- you deserve this. ‘Seventeen’ was only a hit because the best author I know wrote it.” He raised his hands in defense. Soonyoung rolled his eyes and turned back with a smile gracing his lips.

“I’m the only author you know, unless you’ve been cheating on me with another author.”

--

He shivered violently as the comforting duvet surrounding him was ripped off, to reveal his bare upper body and the blinding sunlight which he wished he had a button to dim the settings for. Then he remembered he wasn’t thrown six months into the past.

Trying desperately to open his eyes, he saw Junhui scramble to catch his phone which he somehow managed to drop out of his hands, and Minghao turning to Soonyoung to see that he was awake.

“Good, you’re up. I thought we were going to have to pull drastic measures.” Soonyoung propped himself up on his elbows, watching Minghao gel his hear up and Junhui tapping away on his phone, which he now had a grasp of.

“Not going to ask what those are.” Soonyoung grumbled as he pulled himself up, and thanking anyone listening that the flooring was carpet and not hard wood. “What are we doing anyway?”

Junhui piped up from his seat. He was clad in a grey tank top with some weird geometric design on it, edgy, he probably has said about it before, and Hawaiian flower printed shorts which only meant one thing. “We’re here for the beach, so to the beach we will go.”

Soonyoung rolled his head to crack the bones in his neck, and stood, stretching his arms above his head and groaning at the pulling his sides did in poor response to movement. “We didn’t eat.”

“Downstairs is breakfast, this hotel does it for free.” Minghao threw out nonchalantly. Soonyoung stood, staring out the window for a solid minute, a piece of him hoping that it was a big screen and it would shift to a city scene; but it didn’t, and he forced himself to move.

“God, Minghao, he’s gonna take forever do we have to wait?” Junhui whined childishly, and Minghao rolled his eyes and pulled him up by the bicep.

“We’ll be downstairs. Don’t bail on us like you have before.” Minghao reminded, and Soonyoung walked towards the entrance to shut the door behind them. Out in the hall, Soonyoung saw Junhui turn and face him before he could be met with the door.

“You better come, and don’t look so grumpy, be glad about this trip, dude, you deserve happiness.” He winked at him mockingly, and Soonyoung rolled his eyes and shut the door. He turned to the full length mirror that was conveniently placed by where he was standing, and he stared at what he saw. The background of the hotel room, the walls of monotone beige paint and tile flooring, the light behind him his features, but the overall setting bright enough so he could still see himself.

He was bare-chested, usually enjoyed sleeping with no shirt on but once he got cooped up in the house and flooded with red marks on lines of type in yellow envelopes, he didn’t bother to change his clothes to sleep. The pants he wore, a thin material of red plaid, stereotypical, hung low on his hips and the waistband of his underwear peeking over, and the trail of hair beginning at the navel he usually shaved staring to grow back and dip underneath the material. His body wasn’t in terrible shape for not eating correctly for an unhealthy amount of time.

It was his face though, that threw him back a bit. As sad as it is to say, he hadn’t looked at himself in the mirror for a long time. Yeah sure, he did it when he got ready and out of the shower, he saw himself then, but he never really looked. He was pale, he had always been a bit pale, and he didn’t know if it was the lighting or if that’s what months of darkness did to him, but he was pale. He turned his head to the left, then to the right, familiarizing himself with the features he once saw every day. The dark circles under the eyes which seem to have gotten a lot more present, the crack in his bottom lip where he had a bad habit of chewing when he was stressed, the scar on his chin when he was too caught up in revisions that he wasn’t watching where he was going. New things he hadn’t seen before, the fact that his left eyebrow peaked higher than his right, or the dip of his cupids bow that seemed to fit his face nicely. The dark stubble coming in that he kind of just shaved as a default action, never really taking time to look at it, and once he did he thought it looked a bit good. He didn’t give himself enough credit where credit was due.

When Soonyoung started to write ‘Seventeen’, he remembers every night the exact thing that drove him to want to vent all of his anger in a slow burning way. The story wraps around the path that his own life took, an autobiography, a sad one at that. Soonyoung fell in love in high school with a boy that seemed all too innocent to had delved him into the life he did. He was short and had big cheeks that Soonyoung could have had nightmares about, and back then, when he looked at Soonyoung, he thought he saw appreciation. Love. Looking into it now, Soonyoung couldn’t have been more wrong.

After the rough break up they went through- which consisted of the boy spewing virulent words of distrust to Soonyoung, his deepest secrets which he had trusted the other with now known by everyone, and the heart he once found solace in wanting nothing to do with each other- his life was at a stand-still. Months of being angry at the boy who spent him up, angry at himself, angry at people who wanted to help him, played out so easily like a hand of cards, one thing happened, and it was the gateway to the next. Shortly after, a few lines here and there of the happy little drug that surrounded everyone made its way into Soonyoung’s life, and to this day, he is still thankful that it did not spiral into anything terrifying.

Four years later, Soonyoung wrote ‘Seventeen’ out of the anger, despair, and remorse he went through over the course of one whole year. Months of venting through rigorous typing and scribbling, he thinks he now has a clean slate to go off of again. He keeps his eyes open, though. He is not as vulnerable as he was.

He stared at himself still, he mumbles, “When I was seventeen, I did my first line of .” The first line of the first chapter, something he often repeated, to which he does not know why. The line that stuck in his mind before he even thought about turning the tragedy into a book, but it seems as if fate handed the rest of his life out on a silver platter for him, and he just had to write the course.

“When I was seventeen, I tried to kill myself.” The first line of the fourth chapter.

“When I was seventeen, I thought I had no new beginning.” The first line of the seventh chapter.

“When I was seventeen, I slowly began to love myself again.” The last line of the last chapter.

He shook his head and quickly diverted his gaze, being sure not to get lost in remembrance of the past and the torture of the beginning steps of his book. Junhui was right. He did deserve happiness.

--

The gentle breeze hugged Soonyoung’s body like he had never been hugged before and the sand made his feet feel so warm he forgot he ever knew what cold tile feels like in the morning. The cheers and laughter of people around him made him comfortable in his surroundings, and he felt peaceful, looking out at all the children running and adults sitting, watching, and the teenagers strolling. He was eyeing people through his peripheral, and before this would mean he was sizing up couples that he wished he could warn about the dangers of getting attached; he has moved on from that now. This time, it was only in the sense of trying to print everything into his memory, he was afraid he did not know when the next chance to go to the beach was.

The arguing of the two idiots trailing behind him brought him out of his daze and he turned around to glare at them, warning them to shut-up-or-you-will-be-an-embarrassment. Junhui stuck his hands up in defense, something he does often when he’s trying not to get blamed. “Minghao did it first! He said I should carry everything because I’m strong, which, yes, I agree, but he should carry it all to get as strong as me.”

“Shut up, I’m perfectly fine on my own, you carry everything since it was your idea to bring this much with us.”

“Really? Then how come Soonyoung-”

“Are you both trying to give me a headache?” Soonyoung crossed his arms and stared at his friends. “How old are we again? Twenty-four or fourteen?” He grabbed his bag from Junhui’s arms after grabbing Minghao’s and throwing it to him, taking the lead on the two, hearing them grumbling, but following.

They set their towels down a few feet away from the tall lifeguard chair- as Junhui liked to do just in case they needed help with anything and needed it quick- unfolded the chairs and Soonyoung sat down, just trying to soak up as much sun as he could before it disappeared for the day. He went to push his hair back but stopped when he remembered he let Junhui style it back to let his forehead breathe, he quickly questioned himself why he was friends with him. He propped his head up to watch everyone around him, mainly searching for his friends who he can’t let loose ever because they act like toddlers around candy, and relaxed when he spotted them running to the shore, drenched from the ocean.

He heard the whistle of the lifeguard and pinched the arm of his glasses to bring them below his line of sight, he eyed up the buff arm of the lifeguard signaling something he didn’t really care about as long as it wasn’t Junhui and Minghao, and pushed the glasses back to his nose when they approached where he sat.

“Come into the water, it’s so nice.” Junhui dripped down onto his arm, and he flicked it away before looking up again.

“That’s enough water for me.” They both groaned.

“Fine, no water, I get it.” He turned around to catch the football that Minghao suddenly threw at him, which lead him to wonder if the synchronized this whole thing. “At least play.”

Soonyoung sighed, but got up with a smile on his face anyway. He watched as they backed up far enough, and told him to move back a bit more. He protested with that he would hit the lifeguard chair, but they told him to do so anyway, and stopped when he thought it was enough. The first throw was okay, he hadn’t played in a while but he wasn’t bad, just a bit rusty. He caught it with a bit struggling before lining up to throw, and without lying to himself, it was a pretty decent throw for three years in the house with no outside activity. Minghao ran forward a bit to catch it, but Junhui seemed to have the same idea, and they both crashed when they met, causing them to quarrel again. Soonyoung sighed, he couldn’t hear the argument but he could imagine with ease what they were arguing about.

“Just throw the ball, one of you.” Minghao grimaced at Junhui, but threw it back anyway. This time it was a bit higher, and Soonyoung ran backwards to catch it. He knew the chair was there, but he tried his best to get it without needing to jump. He couldn’t do that. He jumped for the ball and once he caught it, he heard Minghao faintly yell a warning of: “Watch out!” before he landed, lost his balance, and smacked his head square on the wooden leg of the lifeguard chair. The yelped in pain and tumbled to the ground and laid there trying to recollect the wind that was knocked out of him.

He heard feet hit the ground, and a pair of hands pull him to a sitting position. “Are you okay?” An unfamiliar voice sounded, and he didn’t look up to need to know it was the lifeguard. He groaned a response and brought a hand to the back of his head that was dulling in pain now. He rose his head just as his friends ran over to assess the situation. He caught a glimpse of the lifeguard’s profile, a sharp nose and sharper jawline, aviator glasses sitting nicely on his nose bridge and his blonde hair fitting his tanned skin incredibly nicely. A small mole appeared on his cheek, and he clammed up once he saw the lifeguard turn his head back to Soonyoung.

“Be careful next time, and think of the consequences of playing near a lifeguard stand.” Soonyoung nodded dumbly, the guard’s teeth so straight and white, his eyes a warm brown that peeked over the edge of his glasses, and Soonyoung didn’t want to look down at the body, not yet, at least. He placed a hand over Soonyoung’s on his head. “How does your head feel?” Soonyoung was too awestruck by the deep voice this man had to notice the fact that he was blatantly staring, which Minghao and Jun noticed quickly. “I can take you to the pavilion to get some ice,”

“We can take him, you don’t need to interrupt your guarding lives and stuff.” Junhui stated stupidly, and Soonyoung shot a look that told him to shut up and get the pretty boy to help him get some ice.

He shook his head anyway. “End of my shift, I was just getting ready to leave the stand when I heard you hit it.” He looked down to Soonyoung again. “Come on, I’ll take you.” He stood and offered Soonyoung a hand, which he took graciously, trying to dust the sand off of his back once he stood. He had already started walking away, and Soonyoung turned to stare at his friends one more time, watching Minghao give a mocking wave to the two and Junhui make an obscene gesture with his hand and mouth. He turned around.

“Do you come to the beach often?” Soonyoung noticed the man was talking. “Maybe a jump to conclusions, but you look like you don’t, you’re very light.” He laughed. Soonyoung gawked inwardly at the way his sharp teeth pointed out from his lips.

“Um, no, I don’t come here often, I live three hours away.” He shamed himself at answering awkwardly, but the man didn’t seem to notice. He smiled and nodded.

“Not a beach lover?”

“Well, I was when I was younger, but you know, the older I got the less time I had to come here.” He climbed the concrete steps to the large building.

“I get it. I live far too, and come down during the summer. Is that the case with you?” he turned to look at Soonyoung, his glasses now resting on his head and his eyes in full view, and Soonyoung got lost in the way they shone in the sun.

“Yeah, I guess, I’m only here for four days, a mini vacation.” He laughed. He tripped over his own two feet and felt the other man’s hands on his arm to steady him.

“Careful,” He muttered “A mini vacation? From what, if I can ask?”

Soonyoung smiled, for what, he doesn’t know. “Can I ask you something first?” The lifeguard looked at him with an open mouth for realization and nodded his head rapidly, prompting him to ask. “What is your name?”

The lifeguard laughed and looked down, and maybe it was just the heat but Soonyoung saw color flush into his face. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even introduce myself.” He smiled, and Soonyoung could have fallen again. Soonyoung meekly got out, “It’s okay.”

“I’m Mingyu. Kim Mingyu.” He beamed at Soonyoung, and that made the latter almost choke on his words.

“Soonyoung, Kwon Soonyoung.” He bit his tongue and looked down, almost in embarrassment, and he could feel Mingyu’s lingering stare on him, not in a harsh way though. Mingyu laughed again, and that prompted Soonyoung to look up.

“So? How about my question that still stands now?” thy entered a large area that was shaded by a roof, but was completely open to the outdoors. “Wait here a minute.” Mingyu ducked behind a door labeled ‘Employees Only’, and for the split second Mingyu was gone he wondered what he did in his life to receive such good karma.

Mingyu ran back out with an ice pack, and with one hand on the crown of Soonyoung’s head and the other on the ice pack, he gently pressed it to the back of his skull. Soonyoung winced at the temperature for a moment, but took it from Mingyu’s hand once he got over the sting. Mingyu’s hand lingered a moment longer on Soonyoung’s.

The tan boy sat next to Soonyoung on a table underneath the roof in the shade, his glasses still perched on his head and when Soonyoung noticed the way the muscle of his arm flexed when he moved, he felt slightly self-conscious.

“My question?” He asked softly. Soonyoung nodded.

“My two friends; who were the ones who decided to play football right by your chair, I’m sorry about that,” Mingyu grinned and shook his head. “Anyway, they booked this four-day vacation for me. I’m excited because it has been years since I went to the beach but, to be honest with you, this is the longest I have been outside in about three years.”

Mingyu raised his eyebrows. “College?”

Soonyoung shook his head. “I only have my general education degree; I didn’t have…” He searched for the right word. “Motivation, to go to a university.”

“What’s the vacation for? For staying inside for three consecutive years? It’s impressive if you ask me.”

Soonyoung laughed at the comment. “No, actually. My first book was published a month ago.”

Mingyu beamed again. “You’re an author!” Soonyoung furrowed his eyebrows for a moment, but Mingyu kept talking. “That’s so cool. I know someone who wanted to be an author, but he didn’t have the stamina to write whole book. How long did it take you?”

“Three years.”

“Why so long?” Mingyu asked innocently, and normally Soonyoung would have been offended if someone he knew asked why he was in a state of anxiety and depression for so long, but he had to let it slide. He just met this man.

“Well,” he tried to find a way to put it without spilling his whole life to someone he just met. “It was kind of accidental. It started as vent writing, and when someone found my papers, they wanted me to make a book out of it.”

“What do you mean by vent writing? Were you like stressed and just wrote fiction stories?” Soonyoung frowned for a second at that, but he figured there would be no harm in letting him know.

“it wasn’t fiction; it was about my life.” Mingyu looked intrigued by this so he went on. “A small portion of my life, but I wrote my feelings down on paper, and I was prompted to make it into a whole book.” Mingyu was still staring at him, so he decided to play around with it. “If you’re this interested, read the book.”

“Title?” He asked with a smile.

“’Seventeen’.” He answered pointedly.

Mingyu smiled. “Maybe I will.”

--

The sleep that Soonyoung got that night was incredible. He felt so warm and cozy and he just wanted to snuggle deeper and deeper into the blanket, and he wasn’t woken up this time by a lack of warmth or blinding sunlight. He woke up to chatter though, and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t arguing.

He stretched his arms over his head and moaned at the sensation in his body. This got the attention of his roommates.

“Well, well, well, you seem to be sleeping contently after Mr. Right walked into your life.” Soonyoung sat up as Minghao rambled nonsense at him.

“What are you talking about?” Soonyoung didn’t need to look in the mirror to know his hair was sticking up.

“You and Mingyu. It was love at first sight.” Junhui stated dramatically.

“How do you know his name? I never said anything last night.” Soonyoung looked at them incredulously.

“We know someone who works here. He gave us all the details. How he’s single, how he’s searching for someone, how he’s gay,” That got Soonyoung’s attention. Turns out his friends were useful for something. “That we just got a text saying Mingyu brought your name up yesterday after we left-”

“What?” Soonyoung stood up to try and look at the phone in Minghao’s hand, but he quickly pulled it away. He wagged his finger at him. “No, you can’t see, we’re going back today so you can talk again and get together.”

“After one day? How about we just keep it at talk? We have another day here before we leave.” They both shrugged, Soonyoung in suggestion, Minghao in defeat. Junhui spoke up from between them, in the chair that now held deflated balloons.

“Soonyoung’s going to get his love on.” This earned Junhui a smack in the back of the head.

An hour and a half later brought them back at the beach, with Junhui and Minghao pushing Soonyoung towards the pavilion to see Mingyu again, who was chatting with another lifeguard about whatever lifeguards had to talk about. He turned back to glare at his friends while he kept walking, and it seems as if this was his unlucky place, as he trips over his own two feet yet again and lands his face right into Mingyu’s bicep (which Soonyoung would never admit to Minghao and Junhui that it was really hard and he kind of liked it).

By this time- thank god- the other lifeguard had walked away and didn’t see this whole thing happen, and Mingyu pushed Soonyoung back up onto his own two feet as he watched him steady himself.

“Soonyoung!” He sounded surprised. “Are you okay?” Soonyoung could feel his cheeks heat up, and he knew it wasn’t the heat this time. “Déjà vu, huh?” Mingyu laughed.

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall… again.” He kept his head down. Mingyu smiled at him and ducked down to try and meet his gaze, underneath it Soonyoung felt small.

“I would say I didn’t expect you here but, word gets around, and the other lifeguard seems to be really friendly with your two over there.” Soonyoung turned and saw them talking to another lifeguard who was slightly paler than Mingyu, with dark hair and the same amount of muscle. He assumed it must have been a lifeguard thing.

It fell silent between them, and Soonyoung hated the awkwardness of it, but luckily Mingyu let it hang for only a mocking moment before picking it up again. “Do you want to go sit? So you have no risk of falling?” Soonyoung grinned at that, but he nodded anyway.

“How old are you?” Soonyoung had asked out of curiosity once they sat down on the ledge, with the sun on their shoulders (but Soonyoung made sure to put sunscreen on beforehand).

“Twenty-five.” Mingyu answered. Soonyoung bit his lip for a moment, before finally deciding to meet his gaze.

“You’re older than me. I mean, I guess you look it, too.” Mingyu smiled and showed off his teeth again, and Soonyoung thought he had dreamt about it for a second. “I’m twenty-four.”

“You look it.” He answered back jokingly, and it made Soonyoung flustered again, but all he did was look straight ahead at the tinted sea through his sunglasses. “Are you in a relationship?”

Soonyoung would hate to say he expected this question, but it also made butterflies erupt in his stomach. The fact that Mingyu, out of all people, was asking if he was dating. He was most likely over thinking this, but in the moment, he couldn’t help but to be a bit happy about it, let him live.

He shook his head and looked back up at Mingyu, who was looking right at him. He repeated the question back to him. “Are you in a relationship?”

Mingyu mirrored Soonyoung’s action. “Nope. It’s been a while, but I’m still searching. Maybe the beach is my lucky token though, the last few meetings have been here.” Something in Soonyoung deflated at the mention of Mingyu having other people to talk to, so he kind of hated himself when he muttered the question, “When was that?”

Mingyu noticed the timidness in his voice and he leaned over, adjusting his seating so his shoulder was flush to Soonyoung’s. “A year ago. I stopped trying after the last person screwed me over but it was nothing serious between us, so it didn’t matter that much.” Soonyoung visibly relaxed a bit at that, and Mingyu felt it. He prodded on with it. “Does that bother you?” Soonyoung shook his head.

“No, no. It doesn’t. I mean, why would it? It’s your past, not mine, you know…” He stumbled over his words but managed to get out the message he was trying to convey. Mingyu smirked at the nervousness leaking from him, but decided not to make the boy more uncomfortable that he already was, as Soonyoung concluded when he asked another question.

“How long did it take for your book to get published?” The question was a bit off course of what they were talking about, but it prevented them from taking another route into an awkward stump.

Soonyoung shrugged. “I think maybe four months? The editors went easy on me since the entire book was me basically crying about how awful the year of me being seventeen was. They didn’t ask for too many corrections but there were a lot. I got the good to go signal about three months ago that it was all set to be published and it only took a month to find a publishing company, and then they hit the stores from there. I haven’t kept track of the sales yet, but, occasional word from my management company makes it seem its doing well.” He paused for a moment, but stopped totally and let Mingyu respond to what he said. He responded with a question.

“Are you planning on writing another one?”

Soonyoung laughed bluntly at this. “No. Absolutely not. Remember yesterday when I said that it started as vent writing?” Mingyu nodded. “The only reason someone wanted to push me to complete this was because they found enjoyment in my sad story, and now it’s out there for everyone. And there can’t be a sequel, I can’t make a sequel to my sorrow.”

“You think it’s enjoyment? Do you think maybe you’re teaching people not to do what you did or something?”

Soonyoung thought for a moment. “I suppose so.”

They had to move to the shade after about an hour of talking, the sun at its prime of the day and Minghao and Junhui standing impatiently at the entrance of the pavilion waiting for him. He took notice of this and said his goodbye, when Mingyu stopped him.

“Hey Soonyoung,” He sounded hesitant, but Soonyoung gave him the softest look he could conjure up and turned back. “Do you want to go out?” Soonyoung raised his eyebrows, this question took him back a little bit, and also signaled the butterflies to return in his stomach.

“Out?” He asked dumbly.

“Yeah, like, a date.” His lips slowly stretched into a smile and it encourage Soonyoung to do the same.

“Yeah, sure.” He answered eventually, liking the way Mingyu’s smile seemed to grow bigger. “It’s a date.”

--

“, , -” Soonyoung paced frantically.

“What is wrong with you? It’s just a date.” Minghao tried to reason.

“What do I wear? Casual?” Soonyoung ignored his comment.

“Yes, casual, obviously,” Junhui in. “Formal is too formal for this place, it’s just a small seafood place downtown.” Junhui picked for Soonyoung a slim fitting white shirt and some black jeans that Soonyoung doesn’t even know why he brought. “This is fine. Actually maybe not this, maybe,” He exchanged the pants for loose fitting but nice looking light wash jeans and a burgundy shirt instead of the white. “So it’s not obvious if you get anything on you.”

Soonyoung stood there dumbfounded, partially by the fact that it was actually a nice outfit and mostly because he actually gave him useful advice.

“Now go. Get that loving.” Ah yes, back to the regular Junhui.

It makes some sense that seeing someone shirtless would raise a bigger reaction, but just seeing Mingyu in a casual denim button down and white pants like his own with a pair of striped Vans- from what Soonyoung could make out, he would rather look at his face than his feet- made his heart lurch. He greeted Mingyu with an exasperated smile and Mingyu took his elbow and led him inside with a promise that this was where he needed to eat at least once while he was here.

The feather-like touch on his elbow made him feel so at home, and he found himself missing it even though the owner of the hand on his skin was sitting across from him. His hair was off of his forehead and his skin was glowing like an angel would, without the sunglasses he looked younger, and it was almost a charm of his. His smile was so big now that Soonyoung was looking at it face to face, the apples of his cheeks becoming so wide whenever he showed it off, and Soonyoung couldn’t get enough.

The night brought laugher and butterflies and really good seafood, and by the time the sun was putting the display for the both of them as they were sat on the wooden fence separating the parking lot from the beach walkway. Soonyoung was listening to Mingyu tell him about a time he fell asleep on the job, got a sunburn and fell of the chair.

“Sorry for laughing, but it’s hilarious.” Mingyu shook his head as a way of saying it was funny, and letting him laugh. “I fell asleep so much in high school too, especially senior year. I remember almost nothing.”

Mingyu breathed a laugh and looked over at Soonyoung who was watching the sun go down.

“Have you ever watched the sunset?” Soonyoung shook his head.

“I live in an area where it’s not so easily accessible, to see it I mean.” Soonyoung kept staring, but Mingyu was looking at him. Soonyoung could see in his peripheral. “That, plus the fact that I never left the house to see what was going on.” He chuckled at the end, letting it be known that the comment was meant light-heartedly, but only Soonyoung knew the weight it carried.

“I read your book.” Mingyu said after a beat of silence. This prompted Soonyoung to tear his gaze from the sun to see if Mingyu was genuine or not, and if he thought that Soonyoung was a lost cause like he had thought about himself for many years.

Soonyoung looked down, embarrassed suddenly. It was embarrassing to know that the person you hit it off with quickly knows all about the worst part of your life, but seeing as the story is public, Soonyoung should have expected it. He felt Mingyu place a finger under his chin, and he let his head be lifted up to look at him. When Mingyu didn’t say anything right away, Soonyoung did. “I didn’t think you would. I feel a little ashamed now that you know everything, it’s not exactly my proudest thing to admit.”

“You shouldn’t be ashamed. I think it’s kind of amazing how you got over everything. It was a rut in your life, everyone has one of those, some people suffer worse than others, but it’s still an accomplishment when you get over them.” Soonyoung looked at Mingyu with hopeful eyes, and Mingyu went on. “I think it was very courageous of you to put that out there. To let everyone know that you don’t live in that world anymore.”

Soonyoung stared at Mingyu, and all he could see was sincerity, something he realized he lacked the first time. Mingyu hadn’t moved him finger from his chin, and instead placed his thumb on the front of his chin and moved his face closer, and he closed the space by making his face meet Soonyoung’s, and if Soonyoung said this was his renaissance, he wouldn’t be lying. It was such a pure feeling, to know that someone thinks that what you did was a brave move, and Mingyu, on top of it all, and Soonyoung was brought to reality again when the softness of Mingyu’s lips on his own made him feel lightheaded. Mingyu pulled away after a moment of Soonyoung’s stuttered reaction, but it wasn’t out of disappointment or regret. He smiled at him, and Soonyoung smiled back.

He still kept his hand there, but Soonyoung didn’t mind at all. He liked the weight it provided, and he thinks it was all he needed to keep from floating to the clouds. A moment’s burst of confidence fueled his next move of moving back in to Mingyu, because once wasn’t enough.

His year of being seventeen was nothing to remember, but maybe his year of being twenty-four was where he could start over again.