It'd been a week since you last saw or heard from Youngjae. You went against yourself by not contacting him but he was an idol and you knew he needed his space. So, you went through your boring daily routine, the thought of Youngjae's warm smile, his lips, his voice, his entire being lingering in the back of your head.

It was around 8 pm when your phone rang. You muted your TV and picked your phone up from the coffee table in front of you. You're heart dropped when you saw that the caller ID read "Choi Youngjae". You had so many emotions running through you--anger, happiness, sadness, confusion, but you answered without a second thought. 

"Youngj-" You started to say, but you were cut off.

"Y/N, listen to me right now. Are you listening? Are you busy? ... you're probably busy..." His voice trailed off and you sighed.

"I'm not busy. Now start talking." You had a hint of annoyance in your voice, but you couldn't help it. Not after he left you without explanation and hadn't contacted you for an entire week. 

"I... I'm really sorry for last week. I could tell you were uncomfortable and I had a schedule the next day anyway so I just walked out. I figured it was best for both of us..." 

You listened to him breathe after letting out that mouthful of words, and then you spoke up. 

"And that's why you called? So you could tell me what I already know?" An annoyed laugh almost escaped your lips but you held it in. 

"No... I just... Our schedule is over and I miss you. That sounds so dumb. We've hung out once. But I miss you. The way you smell. The way you sway when you sing. The way you dance along with the music even when you don't know it, the way you look at me. Nobody's ever looked at me like that..."

The butterflies were back in your stomach now. You weren't good at being indirect so you just let your feelings out. 

"Youngjae, I don't think you comprehend how much it hurt to see you leave like that. You could have told me you had a schedule, you could have left earlier, you could have just not came, you could have kept kissing me-" you started crying without thinking and your words stopped.

Youngjae panicked when he heard you sobbing softly. "Please don't cry..." Was all he could say, practically whispering. 

You wouldn't let him know that you'd done your fair share of crying since you'd last seen him. But in that moment you couldn't stop your tears. And you knew exactly why.

"I'm coming over." Youngjae said suddenly. You couldn't protest through your tears when he said he was leaving and hung up. You just slumped back into the couch and curled into a ball under your blanket, trying to calm down. It wouldn't take him long to get there so you didn't try to make yourself presentable. After what felt like only a couple of minutes, you heard a light knock on your door. You pulled the blanket over your head, wrapped it around you and walked over to look through the peephole. It was Youngjae. 

"I'm warning you now, I look like a burrito" You said through the door. He smiled at that.

"I like burritos" he said back, still smiling. You ended the conversation when you opened the door. 

He didn't give you much time, just enough to close the door behind him, before he had you tight in his arms. "I'm so sorry. I'm so so so so sorry." He apologized over and over into your ear as best as he could, the blanket still wrapped around your head. You two stood there for a while longer, your tears still flowing.

"I.. I'm sorry about your shirt..." you said softly as you pulled your head back from his shoulder. There was a large wet spot where your head had rested. He just pulled you back into his arms, his head by your ear once again.

"Don't apologize... let's go sit down?" His soft voice made it sound like he was asking you for permission, so you sniffled and nodded into his shoulder. 

You made your way to the couch, TV still on mute. He sat down first and waved for you to join him. You tried to stop crying but the tears continued to run down your face slowly. You were ashamed at how much you had cried in such a short amount of time so you covered your face with your hands. You felt Youngjae pull you into his arms again. 

"Please Y/N, tell me why you're crying so hard. Tell me so I can fix it and never do it again." He sounded sincere and you could hear a faint trembling in his voice. Seeing you like that had made him emotional as well. You sat in his arms for a minute, hands away from your face now, contemplating what to say and how to say it. You sighed, sounding defeated, and started to talk in a hushed tone. 

"It's nothing you can fix, Youngjae. It's a long s-story... I don't want to burden you with... with me..." You started crying again. You thought about how weak you must seem in this moment. 

You couldn't feel it but Youngjae frowned into the blanket around your head. You did, however, feel the kiss he placed there. It surprised you.  

"You're not a burden. You're the only person who makes me feel special and I want to do that for you too. I want to be that for you... so please, tell me what's making you like this..." He was nearly begging you and you felt terrible for making him do that.

After somewhat pulling yourself together you started to explain the situation to him. Your head was still wedged into the crook of his neck, too embarrassed to show him your face just yet. When he heard your voice shaking or you paused for too long he'd run his hand over your back, attempting to comfort you. You told him about how you hadn't gotten close to people, about how people were so quick to drift away after you'd told them you were sick. You were too much to handle for anyone, your relationships started to fall apart. You pulled away from him and looked him in the face. His eyes were glossed over and you could tell he was close to tears. You pulled the blanket from your head and rested your hands in your lap, averting your eyes to look at the blurred images moving on the TV screen, continuing your confession. 

"That's why... that's why when you k-kissed me and you just left... You just left and I thought you were different, Y-youngjae, I thought it would be different but you left like everyone else and I d-didn't know what to th-think..." you dropped your head forward, bringing your face into your hands again.

"Come here," Youngjae said softly before pulling you into his chest. He laid back, resting his head on the arm of the couch, letting you lay in between his legs. Your head was rising and falling with the motions of his breathing and you gripped the sides of his baggy shirt, starting to calm down. You curled into a ball instinctively when he started to play with your hair. You were tired from crying. You were always tired. 

"Youngjae, I'll fall asleep if you do that..." he smiled. 

"Good. You should rest." He repositioned your blanket, making sure you were all the way covered. And then he started humming. 

Cuddling your nose into the fabric of his shirt, you drifted off.