you always create trouble for me and make me worried.

 

the day you confessed to me.

while waiting for the morning bus to arrive, you suddenly come up to me and confessed in a loud voice.

“please go out with me!” you said, with your head bowed.

the loud voice you used troubled me too, but please think of where we’re at before you pull a stunt like that ever again.

 

the day we had our first date.

i overslept and arrived 3 hours later than the promised time on our first date. truthfully, i was really nervous the day before and couldn’t sleep at all.

i was nervous on the day itself, as well.

 

the day we bought comics together.

comics aren’t my cup of tea but somehow you managed to persuade me into accompanying you to buy that volume you’ve been dying to buy.

you ran home so quickly after purchasing it, that you fell and ruined your newly bought comic.

i ran as fast as i could back to the bookstore to buy you a new one; and although it was troublesome, the smile you gave me after that made me feel like it was all worth it.

 

the day we went to the beach together.

i lost sight of you when you suddenly spot a dolphin in the ocean.

you were practically running through a sea of people and jumped right into the ocean when you spot it so it couldn’t be helped. searching for you was tiring, though.

after that day, i held onto your hand tightly wherever we went so i won’t lose you again.

 

 

the day i gave you a plush toy i bought as a souvenir on the excursion i went on.

your eyes were b with tears as you hugged me tightly, with the plush toy stuck in between the both of us.

i could feel the people around us staring at the scene. it was probably because it looked like i was the one who made you cry (which i technically did).

 

the day we celebrated your birthday together.

we stayed out late until midnight that day, just celebrating your coming-of-age together.

i got scolded by your parents for making you come home late.

i got scolded by my parents again for coming home late.

 

the day you confronted me about your illness.

why are you telling me this now?

why did you kept it a secret from me after all this time?

do i not deserve to know about this?

there were so many things i wanted to say to you, but i did not utter a word.

 

the day you slept over my house.

you were so full of spirits that night, you just couldn’t keep still.

you danced around, played video games and even called my friends. you did everything but sleep. you even made me stay up.

the next day at school, i was bombarded with questions from our friends asking,

“he’s quite the handful, isn’t he? you must be tired,”

 

the day you told me your illness has already been cured.

i felt very happy to know you were getting better.

if only i had known what was going to happen the next day. if only.

 

 

the day you told me you were moving far away, the day you bid me farewell.

it was really, really, really hard for me.

why is this happening? i was really happy and relieved the day before, too.

why are you suddenly moving away?

i felt like my heart was breaking in two, and i couldn’t stop my tears from falling.

 

the days when you constantly called me, despite moving away.

“there’s no point in moving away if you were going to call me everyday, minhyuk,” i said.

i was actually very happy till the point that my cheeks hurt from grinning too much.

 

the day when i stopped getting calls from you.

“ah, there’s no helping it. he probably forgot to call again.” i mumbled to myself, feeling really blue.

i did everything i could to distract myself. it didn’t help, though. i constantly found myself staring at my phone, just hoping that you would finally call and i could tell you about my day.

 

the day i entered college.

i received a letter from you.

i couldn’t stop myself from smiling upon reading your name that was obviously written hastily on the letter. i was really happy.

 

but when i opened the letter that supposedly came from you, i realised there was another letter attached to it. a letter that was written by your mother.

naturally, i read the letter that you wrote first. the letter was filled with the memories we created together. reading everything you wrote really takes me back.

“i want to see him right now,” i screamed in my mind.

but when i read the letter that your mother sent me, i held myself back from screaming.

 

 

 

hey.

why did you do this to me? feeding me those lies, telling me that you were finally getting better (when you definitely weren’t).

the reason you moved away too. you moved away to seek professional medical help, not because of your father’s work.

why didn’t you tell me the truth, minhyuk?

you think telling me all these lies wouldn’t make me feel like complete ?

i’m your boyfriend. we were supposed to be there for each other until the last moment, no matter how hard it was.

 

“i love you.”

you wrote at the bottom of your letter.

 

that phrase. i wanted to hear it come out from your own mouth.

i wrote a lot of complaints about you, but one thing is for sure.

and that is; whenever i’m with you, i can never stop smiling.

whenever i’m with you, i always feel like i’m enjoying myself to the fullest, no matter what we were doing. even if we were just lying beside each other.

i’m really thankful towards you, towards everything you’ve done for me.

thank you.

 

ever since then, i’ve been afraid to fall in love again.

“but isn’t this a lie too?” i chuckled to myself.

i’m actually a coward. i can’t bear to be in a relationship ever since what happened between us. ever since what happened to you. even if i did have the courage to do it, i don’t think i’ll be able to love the same way ever again.

you were my first, and i was determined on making you my last too.

 

 

 

but the other day, i received another parcel from you. which seemed pretty odd to me.

i slowly opened the parcel, preparing for the worst to happen.

i looked inside and see the journal you wrote; ever since you found out about your illness. your favourite earring was inside the parcel too, safely placed inside a transparent bag.

 

even though you’re no longer here, when you’re long dead, you’re still creating trouble for me.

 

“hyungwon,

after i’m gone, please don’t just sit around and mourn over me.

i want you to go outside and look for a new love. find someone you love, more than me.

this is my last request.”

 

your favourite earring.

i turned it into a necklace and wear it around my neck at all times now. it’s starting to act like a lucky charm to me. you used to be my lucky charm.

because i wanted to grant your request one last time, i found a new love.

 

thank you.

with love, hyungwon.