I'm crying. It's 4 o'clock in the morning and I'm laying by an electronic fireplace in my apartment crying. I never cry in public. I never cry. I'm not some Cancer or Pisces all in touch with my inner deep feelings or anything like that. The fact that I'm crying right now is something that is blowing my mind. I feel weak. I feel ineffective.

I feel unbalanced.

And I hate that feeling.

"What time is it?"

I turn and notice that Mark has walked into the living room. I get embarrassed as soon as he does. I don't realize how loud I was being at that moment. I find myself struggling to get out of there.

"Sorry. I'll head to my room. Didn't mean to disturb you."

I almost forgot about him. He's been avoiding me. After finding out that JB and Jackson were married I got sick to my stomach. The only thing that I could do was cry like a little ing idiot. I attempt to change the subject though. Luckily it is dark in the living room. I start towards my room.

I don't make it far. Mark grabs me by my arm.

"Wait are you ing crying?" he asks.

. He's noticed.

"Do you really care?"

"I didn't think Libras cried."

"We aren't robots," I respond.

He shakes his head, "No that would be Virgos. Your little creepy friend who stands by the door who likes to break fingers is more like a robot. I just figured your lives were so balanced and ideal that you had no reason to cry."

"That's ridiculous. That's like me saying Aries don't believe in wearing shirts..." I respond.

I look at Mark. He is shirtless again. He's still holding onto my arm. After a few seconds he releases it probably because it gets a little awkward. He sits there and shakes his head watching me.

"What are you crying about?" he asks me, "Just spill it. Not that I care or anything. I just need to get back to sleep and it's clear that you are a little bit emotional right now. So let's just get this over with. Let me know what's bothering you."

There is an awkwardness at that moment. At first I want to resist but then I realize that Mark is actually attempting to be somewhat nice. I mean he's still doing it in his rude way but at least he was making some sort of attempt. That was better than what I was getting before. I figured I probably shouldn't waste this.

I lean up against the wall in the darkness, "I got an invitation...to a dinner party."

"So?"

"So it's the person who the invitation was from. I just found out the person that I was in love with is married to someone else."

"Are you serious?" he asks and sighs a little bit, "Damn..."

"Well now you know. Goodnight."

I start walking away. He grabs me again. For someone who got so mad when I grabbed him back at the bar he was really being grabby now. I stand still though and turn around.

"Why you walking away? That can't be it."

"It is it."

"You don't like to talk about your feelings do you?" he asks.

"It doesn't accomplish anything. It makes me look off..." I explain to him, "With Libras your head and your heart are always supposed to be equal. We embrace our emotions but we make our choices based off of our head. The man I am in love with is named JB and I walked in on him with my best friend. They looked like they just had ."

Its awkward talking to the guy who is my husband about my ex-lover. I'm shocked when Mark actually seems to be interested in this conversation. Maybe he is being a little bit more open because it is in the middle of dawn. Maybe he is being more open because he saw me crying and he just wants me to shut up so he can get back to sleep like he said. Whatever the reason I'm trying to understand Mark a little bit better.

"A---Is he an Aquarius? Those guys start with A's. What a waste. Aries' names should start with A's if you ask me. They get everything first. I guess that's beside the point. Maybe it's not. A. Oh my god. Wait. It's that pretty boy from the back at the bar huh? That Aquarius in the suit that I laid out on his ."

He seems proud of his show of violence right now.

I nod, "Yeah."

"Jesus. What a ing square. The guy looks like he sleeps in a ing suit. Is that really your type?" Mark laughs, "He couldn't even fight."

"I don't look for a fighter."

"Well if you were my lover I would probably fight a little harder for you. He fell flat on his ."

"You ARE my lover," I correct him, "In case you forgot."

Things get awkward. I think he did forget. Maybe he thinks he's just talking to someone on the street. It's making it harder to have this conversation right now. It seems like he seems to be reminded of the situation that we are in. Maybe I shouldn't have brought that up. His face gets a little tight again. He crosses his arms and seems a little defiant.

"You know what I mean."

I nod, "I suppose. Anyway he was drunk. And it's not the point. I stormed out when I found out they were together. It was immature of me. I turned him down when he proposed to me. I have no right to be mad..."

He looks at me, "Why are you so ing fair?"

"I'm just looking at things from his view..."

He sighs a little bit, "Jesus Chris. That's ridiculous. Is that what you guys do? You have the right to be pissed. You're in your emotions. Sure you were wrong but you can be pissed and wrong at the same time. Stop being so goddam fair all the time. Are you mad about this?"

"I don't know..."

"Jr. Are you ing mad about this or not?"

"Yeah."

Mark nods.

"Go to this stupid ing dinner party and scream at them. It doesn't have to make sense. It doesn't have to be fair. Scream and look stupid."

I'm so confused.

"What would that accomplish?"

He shrugs, "Nothing really. But you'll feel better. Try it. Now. I'm going to sleep so please keep it down."

He nods at that moment as though he's told me the most impressive thing in the world then he just walks off. You would have thought by Mark's swagger that he had just created some master plan or something like that. Still...the more I think about it the more I realize that maybe this is what I was going to do. I open up my tablet.

I respond to the invitation that I got earlier from JB. I RSVP.

For two.

***

Work the next day is awkward. I purposely avoid my friends. I don't want to avoid the girls but I know that Jackson is going to be with them. I know it's going to be super awkward. What's worse is that I start getting emails to my mobile device asking if I'm OK by the twins. I think Jackson has finally broken the news to them about who he's married to. There's no other reason they would be so worried. I end up leaving training yet again. I feel like I'm running behind in the orientation classes but this new life is something that I just can't get used to.

By the end of the day I'm getting dressed and I've given Mark a suit to wear for the dinner party as well.

Mark is resistant as always.

"I never agreed to come with you to this dinner party. I stated that you should go. Alone. Meaning you should go do your thing."

"It was your idea. You're my husband."

" that sounds so weird when you say it," he states.

"Please. I mean I want to be able to sleep tonight. I think you want to be to be able to sleep tonight," I tell him.

The only thing I can think about is appealing to his sense of sleep at this point. I know Mark doesn't like me. Hell. He probably hates my guts but he seems to really like the idea of sleeping. Me staying up crying about JB and Jackson wasn't exactly my way of doing it.

Mark looks at the suit.

"Can't believe this ."

Mark still wears the suit however. He still decides to go with me. I feel a sense of comfort with him being there...just because of how Mark looks. Knowing JB he is pretty close to my friends and would be inviting some of them to this dinner party. By the time we pull up to JB's apartment I look over at Mark and I'm just completely shocked at how handsome he is in a suit.

Mark pulls at the tie. He looks behind his corner at Nyxx who is standing outside the apartment. I know she won't come in. He gives her a look as though trying to get some sympathy but Nyxx shows no pity. He clearly doesn't like it. He's coughing as though it's cutting off his breathing air. It's clearly not but this is a guy who's used to walking around with no shirt. He looks the part but Mark clearly is uncomfortable. He won't stop jittering around. I'm actually shocked as we are standing at the door that he really decided to come to this thing. He clearly would rather be anywhere else but here right now. He doesn't seem like the type to get along with Aquarius, Libras and Geminis. The air signs weren't really his thing.

"I'll hate you forever for making me do this," he warns me, pulling down his tie, "Just so you know. Forever. That's a long time. You realize that right Jr?"

I let him face me as we stand at the door. I adjust Mark's tie. I close his jacket as well. He looks like an Aquarius honestly. I mean he isn't as tall as the Aquarius guys and his body is much more muscular than most Aquarians but like an Aquarius he looks so good in a suit. That is until Mark opens his mouth. Then you remember that he definitely isn't the person who he says he is.

"Relax, you look handsome."

"Can you not---"

"Not what?"

"Give me compliments and ," he tells me shrugging me off a little bit, "It makes me feel weird."

"God forbid I tell my husband he looks handsome," I argue.

"Stop calling me that."

"What?"

"Your husband."

Difficult wasn't the word to describe Mark. He scorns up his face a little bit. I ignore him and ring the doorbell to JB's apartment. His apartment isn't too far from mine. It's a penthouse suite. I wasn't expecting anything less from the next Police Commissioner.

It's JB that opens the door. When he sees me his eyes light up like they did a million times. He's so tall. He towers over us at the doorway wearing a white suit, white tie and pointed classy white shoes. He looks godly.

"Oh my god. Jr. You showed up. I didn't think you were going to..."

"You sent me the invite."

"Yeah but...I just assumed that you would say no. I just assumed you wouldn't be comfortable with..."

Just at that moment I see Jackson show up at the door. He is laughing about something. God knows what he is laughing about. He is in an amazing mood. I knew my best friend and I knew when my best friend was having the time of his life. I watch as Jackson runs right into JB. The two of them grab each other close. I don't think Jackson even recognizes me honestly. When his eyes do recognize me he has the same shocked expression. I feel like I'm intruding on the dinner party.

"Jr. I didn't think you'd show up," Jackson said.

"That's what I just said," JB responds.

The two of them laugh. Nothing is funny really. I think they are just trying to lighten the mood. The awkwardness is filling the threshold. It's so ing awkward. I can tell they legitimately assumed I wouldn't show up for something like this. They probably sent the invitation just to be nice so that I wouldn't be insulted. The fact that I actually am here is getting to them. Still I watch Jackson trying to save the situation. He leans over and gives me a quick hug. JB hesitates as though unsure whether to touch me or not, but regardless he decides not to. His hug is quick. Maybe he doesn't know how Jackson will feel if he hugged me for too long. Maybe he doesn't know how I would react to it.

Jackson struggles to save this moment, "You look amazing best friend. And oh my god. This must be your husband."

"This is an Aries?" JB asks.

I can see the slight shade in JB's voice as he looks Mark up and down. Mark is handsome right now.

"Amazing," Jackson says and smiles at me again, "What's his name?"

I'm distracted. Seeing the two of them together right here is hurting me. It is literally painful. Jackson is trying his best to not make this awkward. He's getting some support from JB but not a lot. JB and I are exchanging these awkward glances every other second. Every time he looks at me it ing hurts. It feels like he's taken a small knife and is pricking me with it in my chest over and over hoping to get to my heart.

I'm standing there. Speechless.

Jackson gives me a half smile. My best friend knows me. He knows something's wrong.

"Um. Jr. Listen...if this isn't a good time it would be really understandable if you didn't want to come in," Jackson explains to me, "JB and I would completely be OK with that."

He was speaking for him and JB. How fast they were acting like a couple. Meanwhile my husband hated my guts.

I take a step back. I'm ready to leave.

Just as I turn to run someone stops me. It's Mark. He pulls me over. He puts his arm over me and pulls me close. That's when he turns and he kisses me. He kisses me on the lips. It's just a soft peck but I'm shocked none-the-less that it happened. When Mark kisses me in front of JB and Jackson both their eyes shoot open in shock.

"My husband is perfectly fine. Matter of fact it was his idea to show up to this," Mark says squeezing my arm a little bit harder.

JB looks Mark up and down. He looks me up and down. After a quick awkward moment JB just walks into the house. He doesn't excuse himself. He doesn't invite us in. His face is like a stone figure as though someone carved it out of granite. He leaves Jackson at the do