I closed my heart; sheltering it from the words that came out of Taekwoon’s mouth. It stabbed me continuously, my soul ripped apart in half. I clenched my fists once more until it hurts. I hoped it would bruise. I hope it would turn into a raging blue purple. I thought to myself. It would be the best scar to represent my darkening heart. It’s the perfect shade to show how messed up my life is as I continued to listen to the man I love speak a thousand beautiful words to the man he was about to marry.

I knew everything was planned; everything was a setup, it was the last resort to salvage their dying company. Even his vow, I knew he didn’t make it. It was too painfully beautiful yet it was full of lies and doubts. It wasn’t him. He didn’t love the other man. But what can I do? I can never save their company. I can never give him a good life. I am a lowlife trying to make ends meet.

With the last bit of courage left in me, I looked at him once more. This time I see him moving his lips as if saying something to the man in front of him. I couldn’t hear it. All I could hear was the voice inside of my head screaming for Taekwoon. Please Taekwoon. I love you! I love you! I’m sorry I never said it. But I do. I do love you. Please Taekwoon. Please. Please Taekwoon. In my mind, I was begging, incessantly begging for something I didn’t know. What am I begging for? Why am I calling for his name? It’s too late, isn’t it? I should know this. But why?! Why?! Why am I still calling out for you Taekwoon? Why am I still begging for you? Why?! Why?!

In the middle of the battlefield going through my head, I saw him looking at me with those piercing eyes; those eyes that I love, the eyes that glittered like the stars above the highest evening sky. The same black orbs that had drowned me in these emotions that enveloped my whole being. I stared back, meeting his gaze as if fighting for something I knew I was already losing. I was holding to the last thread that connected us; it was our lifeline. I see him mouthing to me the words “I love you.” He was saying it to me! No matter how soft and gentle, those three words shook me from my very stance.

Everything turned blurry. I can feel my breathe shortening, my chest heaving up and down in a pant, beads of sweat running down my forehead. My palms turned slippery holding on tight and pulling him away from this world. I could see everyone getting up and staring at me. But I couldn’t care less. Time was moving in too slowly. I ran forward and forward never turning back. All I could feel was his warm hand on mine. I don’t care if it was wrong because it felt right. All my life this is the one brave thing I can never regret of.

I pulled him. Faster and faster we ran. We could hear people calling out his name. His mother kept on screaming and screaming for him. “Taekwoon! Taekwoon! Don’t do this to us Taekwoon! Return him Hongbin. You bastard! Return him!” She screamed with all her might, her voice getting hoarse as if the words were blades cutting through begging for her son to come back. It hurt me. It hurt me to hear those words coming out from his mother but Taekwoon’s hand held mine tighter. It was all the courage that I needed. We got to the parking lot just minutes after we made our run. I was still holding his hand. I started the engine and begged for it to cooperate. Please turn on. Come on. Please. Please just turn on. We need to run. I shouted, wishing that the car would hear my pleads. My heart started thumping and thumping. I felt a strong hand griping mine tightly. I glance at the beautiful man on my right. He was looking at me with the most honest and loving smile. I could easily trace back the tears that must have rolled away from his eyes when we were running. He was ethereal. He was the perfect masterpiece. His smile had brought me back to my senses. It had brought me back to life. It had reminded me again of the many reasons why I wanted to live. I held up his hand and placed it on my cheek. His soft warm hands cradled me into calmness. “I cannot give you the life you’ve always had and always wanted. I can’t promise that everything will be smooth sailing. I can’t promise that all the painful things will never follow us. But I promise you that I will love you until my very last breathe. I will protect you with everything I have. I will shelter you with warmth and happiness. With all of me I surrender my love to you. I love you Taekwoon. I love you. Please stay with me. Please Taekwoon. Please be mine.”

Tears came running down my cheeks as I felt his hand gently wiping them away. He raised up my head, his gaze was again piercing through me, but this time, the pain never came. Everything turned clear. All I could see was him. All I could hear was his soft gentle voice. “I love you more Hongbin. More than all the silent gruesome battles we fought. More than all the painful things we had endured and all the hurtful things that may come. More than all the scars we had that never healed and more than all wounds that may open up as we take on this journey. More than everything. I love you. I love you Hongbin more than anything the world could offer. I would gladly surrender to you my love because I had always belonged to you. Always and forever.”

With those words, my heart melted into his; molding them together as one. It was the shortest vow ever exchanged; it was not memorized nor rehearsed. But it was flawless down to the last word. We didn’t have a huge crowd to witness our love. No flowers raining down on us. No bells ringing from afar. We only had each other and it was just right. It was perfect. I pressed my lips into his. Sealing the love that we will share from here on out. I poured every passion, every feeling and emotion into that moment. It was overwhelming and yet it kept me grounded. 

I love him and he loves me. That is all we needed to know. My Taekwoon and I. Forever and always.