I could feel the fear radiating through the twelve of them. Maybe that fear reflected in them because it rolled of me in waves. Our manager had dropped us off at the apartment complex and made sure we had gotten into the elevator. We knew we were going to the top floor and we knew the apartment number. We had seen them around the Starship building a lot, interacted with them but we had never gotten the opportunity to go to their apartments. This was a rare and cherished opportunity. It had only been a couple of months since our debut and with Yeonjung joining us later on we had been quite busy, learning to adapt, to adjust. We weren't where we wanted to be but we were slowly getting there. Working towards our goal. Everyone knew our company seniors. They'd made a name for themselves and had made our company a household name. They carried our company and we wanted them to pass the torch unto us. We weren't ready but when the time came, as leader of the new pack, i wanted them to do so without worry. I wanted to lead the WJSN members with the same tenacity and power that Hyorin led Sistar. 

"It's ok." I said it more to myself than to the others. As the elevator rode up and we got off it felt weird. Hyorin and the other Sistar members had invited the thirteen of us to a sleep over of sorts at her apartment. All of them would be there. It was weird. Seventeen girls spending the night together. Not just seventeen girls but seventeen Starship girls. It was sure to be a loud night.

We got to the apartment and i ran the bell.

******************************************************

"Their manager just called. They'll be here soon." Bora put her phone down on the table and walked backing into my living room, now fully equipped with seventeen pillows and a bunch of comforters on the floor. We were going to have a slumber party.

"Whose idea was this?" Dasom sounded skeptical. I am sure she wanted to crawl back home and lie on her couch.

"Bora brought it up and i thought it was a good idea. Yes we can always give them advice here and there but i think now that they've debuted it is better if we actually sit down with them and lay it all out. They have an understanding of the idol world now so its the best time to talk to them. When what we say will really matter."

"Hyorin. This is so unlike you. I know you want them to learn things for themselves." Soyou looked at me from the corner of her eye as she plopped down on the comforters, pulling one of the pillows from under her as she sat more comfortably.

"That's your pillow tonight. Yes you're right. I want them to learn things on their own, have their own experiences but there are a lot of things i wished someone had told us when we debuted. Someone we could have talked too without fear of going against company policy. With us they can talk about anything. Whether its other female groups they are in competition with, male idols they might like, seniors who've tried to hit on them, managers that might make them uncomfortable. Anything. We...we never had that. We had to learn everything on our own. A part of me doesn't want them to end up like us-"

"And what's wrong with us?"

"Sommie i don't mean success wise but in other areas. We're jaded, cynical. We don't let people in. They can be better than us. Achieve more if they know what to look out for, what to avoid. Just-"

"What Hyo is trying to say is that we're going to pass on the things we learned to them so that the next group especially the next girl group that comes after them from our company will have less struggles. The higher and the faster they climb the better it will be for any future trainees. Don't you guys think so? I don't them to suffer the way we suffered. No one should."

I could see them nodding their heads and i was glad that Hyorin and I had gotten Dasom and Soyou to see things our way. As i made a move to say something more, the doorbell rang. 

**************************************************************

"Why are you guys so quiet? Don't be. Are you afraid of us?"

Soyou looked to be teasing them. I mouthed for her to stop it.

"No. We're not." Seola the eldest answered Soyou. After all, although Exy was leader she was the eldest among them. In a way it was her job to protect them as much as Exy.

"So we have a lot of food. Everyone grab something and lets put them down on the floor. We'll eat and talk."

Bora was the eldest here. We all got up from where we were sitting and followed her instructions. The WuJu members had come over dressed in pajamas ready for the night. As we sat down in a circle with the food in the center i motioned to Bora that it was time to break the ice.

"So what did you guys do today?"

"I had to do a photo shoot for one of the cf's that i have." One of the youngest Cheng Xiao answered first.

Her words soft spoken and tentative. As though she was afraid to make a mistake. From experience i knew she struggled with the language barrier. That she was aware that her Korean was not at the best standard and so she was careful with her words, not wanting to say the wrong thing, and causing trouble to herself and the group by extension. One by one they listed out the things that they had done that day. Spending time at the dorm, doing a v-app, going out for an IOI event, cooking, going to the Starship building to work on songs, practice acting. The usual stuff. 

As the night went on we got closer. Talking and laugh about our own experiences that we had as rookies. Comparing it to theirs. Some hardships. We joked that they had it easier than us. That at least their first dorm wasn't a basement apartment that didn't have a proper heating system, one that had beds. The clock passed midnight, went past 1am and Bora motioned that it was time for the main event. 

I clapped my hands together getting everyone's attention. We were loud. As to be expected. We were Starship girls after all. I laughed a little at that. Although i was the oldest, i didn't feel an age barrier between us. "Guys guys. Listen up. So i know we've been having fun but Hyorin and i made up this event that i really wanted to do with you guys. Honestly, we didn't even tell Soyou and Dasom about it. We discussed it among ourselves."

"It may seem pointless at first. You guys might hate us for doing this but Bora and I thought about this a lot. When we first debuted, we didn't have anyone to depend on. We had to watch what we said to people outside of the company because rumors could spread quickly. We learned quickly that the only people that we could depend on, the only ones we could rely on was each other. However because we didn't know how to go about things, how to properly trust each other, we had misunderstandings and arguments that could be avoided. We lost a lot of sleep not only because of that but in the way we allowed outside influences to manipulate us and our bond. It took us a while to get to the point where we trusted each other explicitly. And when i say outside influences, i mean netizens whether domestic or international, other idols, managers and the like. Exy a lot of this will also come down to how well you lead them. You need to find what works for you and the group. Although you're the leader, Seola is the eldest. Trust her to help you."

They listened attentively as Bora and I both spoke. Exy was the first to break the silence.

"So what is the event that you want to do with us?"

"Som-ah theres a metal bucket with a cover in Hyorins room next to her piano. Bring it." We waited for Dasom to retrieve the bucket and return. When she returned i took the bucket from her and emptied out the contents. We had since picked up the food containers and placed them on the kitchen counter top and on the island. A lighter, a packet of 15 pens, strips of white writing paper and a brown paper bag fell out of the bucket. Even Dasom and Soyou were intrigued. 

"So here's how this is going to work. A lot of people will say a lot of things about all of you and the group. If you allow those things to sit with you and fester it will break you guys apart. Exy won't be able to catch everything and some things will slip past her. As leader things slipped by me and there was only 4 of us. There are thirteen of you. You have to know what to expect. Know what people think of you so when you hear it, it won't affect you. If you trust in the person next to you, it won't matter what someone tells you about them or about your unity as a group. You will know and trust in each other. Each of you will take a pen and 3 slips of paper. On the first piece of paper you're going to write something that the other members don't know about you. Something that if the public finds out they will surely criticize you for. You think that all your secrets are tightly locked up but whatever is in the dark comes to light. Don't keep secrets from each other. On the second piece of paper you're going to write something about the group. The worst thing you can think of. Criticisms that you know are there. On the last piece of paper you're going to write something about another member. Something you don't like, something you hate, something that to you makes them unlikeable, something that the public could use against them. All of this will be anonymous. You will each find a place to write and then you will drop it in the brown paper bag. Bora and I will then read each one out loud then drop it in the metal bucket. After we've read all thirty nine of them we will set it on fire. You will never know who wrote what. What you will know though is what the people in your circle in thinks about you."

"There won't be a thing that someone else can say that will make them surprised. If one of you has a secret, that means that all of you have secret. If one of you have a fault the whole group has a fault. When Soyou was younger she went out to parties with her friends and someone took photos and posted it up years later after she had debuted. From then on people called her a delinquent and made up rumors. What was even crazier was that it was just Soyou, but it was 'Sistar members are delinquent.' If you think your faults and your secrets are yours alone you're wrong. So...who wants to start?"

They were silent for a minute. Bora had finished the speech, closed it up after i had started. They looked at each other nervously. As though they were scared to find out more about each other. I wasn't sure she would be able to lead all 12 of them but when Exy reached for the packet of pens and snapped the packet open i knew she had the drive and the strength to be the leader. She pulled out a single black ink pen and grabbed three pieces of paper and got up, making her way into a corner. Next was Seola and one by one all thirteen of the girls had grabbed a pen and three slips of paper. Finding a place in my apartment to write. I had given them free reign of the place. The process took a little longer than expected but as each girl came back to the circle and dropped their pieces of paper into the brown paper bag i could feel a sense of determination that wasn't there before. To survive despite all.

I closed off the mouth of the bag and shook it before reading each slip. And as we got to the last slip i could see their down cast faces but in there eyes was the need to protect each other. From people who would find out their secrets and use it against them, from people who would try to break them, from the outsiders who would try to undermine their importance in the group. I brought the metal bucket to the table and the seventeen of us stood around the table. I handed the lighter to Exy. Her hand was shaky as first but then she firmly grasped it, looked at the other Wuju members and lit their darkest fears, and realizations about each other and their group on fire. And as the flames reflected in their eyes Bora and I looked at each other from across the table. For now our minds were at ease. They wouldn't break them the way they had broken us.