Gym Class In All Its Glory [J]

 

Written: 15/12-16 kinda

Last updated: who even knows

Posted:  5/1-17

Word count: 2,5k

 

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Junhui considers himself athletic. He took martial arts back in China, like most people his age did. He’s a naturally good dancer and he exercises when he can. Despite this, physical education is the only subject he actually despises.

 

This isn’t because of the weird smell all the old equipment has. It’s not because of the always flat soccer balls either, or the slippery football field they’re forced to use despite it being cold as hell in the afternoons.

 

The reason for Junhui’s crippling fear of his eight period is the changing room. Because he has to change, shower and get dressed in the same room as twenty other sweaty, guys. Sure, anyone would be grossed out and uncomfortable. He thinks. Junhui has no idea what other people think of it. But Junhui has other reasons too, some rather worrying reasons.

 

He spends around 90% of his time convincing himself he’s straight. Because he is, even though he’s never liked a girl before and sometimes feels like fainting at the sight of this one guy in senior year who’s muscles contract in the most beautiful way with every movement he takes and he swears to God he’s straight, even if he doesn’t believe it himself that much.

 

Repressing the feelings instead of dealing with them hurts. It hurts even more to know that it’s the reason why he can’t talk to his mum about next year. Junhui is a good son. Although a tad anti-social, he’s friendly and polite when he has to be. He works hard in school and helps around at home. And it’s mostly because he’s naturally a good person. And because he was raised well. But Junhui knows it’s also to make up for the fact that he’ll never get married.

 

Deep down he knows. He knows it on the surface too. He knows it everywhere, feels it everywhere, sees it everywhere, and always wishes it weren’t true.

 

It’s a good thing that Junhui doesn’t have friends (apart from Mingyu and Wonwoo, who happen to be in the same PE class as him), because no one really pays attention to him. He can claim the locker furthest in the corner and shower last all he wants. Not a living soul cares. Even Mingyu and Wonwoo are too occupied with themselves to question him, though Junhui knows they notice.

 

It’s not a good thing that Minghao is in this class, however. Because now Junhui has to be friendly.

 

Yesterday was no doubt painful for the other. He hadn’t brought any clothes and ended up sitting on the side, watching as the students desperately tried to warm up their stiff muscles on the freezing football field. The teacher kept asking him questions, to which he answered as well as he could. It was really quite cute how his eyes widened when he couldn’t understand something, or how the wheels visibly turned in his head as he tried to construct sentences.

 

Junhui has no idea what they were talking about, since they were too far away and he was supposed to run laps. Once he realized he was staring, he quickly snapped out of it, not even bothering to ask himself why he suddenly found that interesting.

 

They’re on the way to the changing rooms, Mingyu chattering enthusiastically (albeit slower than usual) with a hand slung across Minghao’s shoulder. Wonwoo eyes their backs with a look Junhui has never seen before.

 

“Do you also have a math assessment tomorrow?” Junhui asks casually, trying to gain Wonwoo’s attention.     

 

“Mmh,” comes the answer. His gaze doesn’t leave the pair in front of them, but his pace slows down ever so slightly so that him and Junhui can walk next to each other.

 

“We should study together today then,” Junhui states.

 

“Yes,” Wonwoo agrees. “At your place?”

 

“Sure.”

 

They continue walking in silence, panic slowly building in Junhui’s gut. The closer they get to the changing rooms, the more he feels like he’s gonna throw up. It’s normally not this bad, but Junhui figures it’s because Minghao is here.

 

The corridor is rowdy. A bunch of taller guys dressed in football gear are engaged in a playful fight, something Junhui isn't even mildly surprised by. He notices how Minghao looks their way, however. He remembers his first few days here. The culture shock was enormous. He was still young and shy, spoke no English whatsoever and didn't have any friends. It took him longer to accept Mingyu and Wonwoo too, both antisocial and out of place themselves. Now, five years and an infinity of nobodiness later, they've come to turns with it. They're self proclaimed losers, and comfortable with it.

 

He feels glad for Minghao. He doesn't have to through what he had to. He also feels a sting, rather dull and pathetic, watching him and Mingyu getting along. Stupid.

 

He doesn't care about Mingyu that much.

 

Wonwoo nudges him in the ribs, nodding towards the push doors to the changing rooms. Junhui takes a poignant gulp of air, feeling heat burn the top of his ears already.

 

There's nothing to fear, he knows that much. But it's like any other phobia. The more you avoid it, have nightmares about it and wish you didn't have to endure it, the more you’re prone to react the same way as in your fantasies.

 

Nothing weird is gonna happen.

 

He's just going to stick to Mingyu, Wonwoo and Minghao. He's gonna stick them, look down when he changes, shower with his eyes closed and hope he doesn’t slip on the wet floor. Which has happened, by the way.

 

They don’t need to open the door once they arrive. It swings open right as they’re about to enter. A bunch of guys walk right through them, one accidentally bumping into Minghao’s shoulder. Junhui notices the boy’s shudder.

 

He swallows. So hard his throat hurts for a while afterwards.   

 

Nothing happens for the first three minutes. Well apart from Junhui continuously snapping at the others for doing nothing really, but it’s not something he can help. Too many nerves, too many panicked voices in his head, so many half guys and Jesus Christ he might pass out.

 

What’s wrong with him all of a sudden? Sure, it’s always been a struggle, but it was never this bad. He doesn’t like thinking about it. He doesn’t really think about it. So what’s changed? What has him so hyper aware of his non existing uality all of a sudden?

 

When he panics, which actually isn’t that often, he does this thing called blacking out. There are so many things to worry about at the moment that his mind just gives the up, leaving him rude and inconsiderate (when he actually bothers to open his mouth). This is not to his favor at the moment, since Minghao is here and he doesn’t want to give the boy this impression of him. Unfortunately, being nice is too much of a struggle at the moment. He knows he’ll regret it afterwards, but ignoring his friends is the only thing keeping him busy enough to not completely slip into insanity.

 

He’s in the middle of taking his shirt off when he hears it. The laugh.

 

It’s so obnoxious, dripping in mocking sarcasm, it cuts through all noise surrounding Junhui both internally and externally.

 

“You think you’re so funny,” a voice scoffs. It’s Hansol. Junhui was in the same music class as him last year, but transferred. Yes, the half Korean half awful singer was that annoying.

 

“Mingyu over there is laughing,” the other guy, the one with the diva laugh, points.

 

Junhui looks at Mingyu, baffled, who is indeed laughing like it’s no one’s business.   

 

“Who the hell is Mingyu?” Hansol frowns, throwing a bag over his shoulder. He turns to leave before the other guy can further elaborate. Said guy drops it, shaking his head in a gesture disturbingly similar to a sassy hair flip.  

 

“What was that?” Junhui asks Mingyu, going back to changing his clothes.

 

“What you just witnessed was the most oblivious pair of idiots in this entire school.”

 

Mingyu smirks while tying his shoelaces.

 

“Oh give it a rest, Mingyu,” Wonwoo snorts.  

 

The smile immediately drops from the brunettes face. “What?” he looks up, a slight pout gracing his lips.

 

“They’re not in love,” Wonwoo says, as if they’d had this conversation a million times before. It would actually not surprise Junhui if that was true.

 

“They don’t know it yet, anyways,” Mingyu mumbles back.

 

Junhui stands still for a while. A total of three strange things just happened. For one, mister Popular Guy just openly admitted that he knew Mingyu’s name in a room full of students. Secondly, Mingyu and Wonwoo were not all lovey-dovey with each other. They were… arguing? Bickering? Talking with bitterness in their voices? Junhui doesn’t know how to describe it, since he’s never seen it before. And third… He made eye contact with Minghao just now. And his eyes were warm. They made him feel warm.

 

He shakes his head.

 

Strange days, these past few days.

 

Junhui forgets to panic after that. A new found calm has finally settled in the air around him. Unfortunately, the others don’t seem to notice. Minghao still sticks to Mingyu and Wonwoo doesn’t talk as they make their way to the football field. It hits Junhui that he doesn’t remember anything he said to the others before Hansol made his scene.

 

-----

 

As expected, gym class passes. Everything passes, disappears eventually, but it is in the way they do that make Junhui paranoid.

 

He leaves with his bag slung across one shoulder, cheeks still a little flushed and stomach unsturdy. His steps are frantic and desperate to get him as far away from school as possible. Maybe so far away he won’t ever have to come back. Not because something particularly bad happened. Nothing did, really. He was just himself. Which was the problem.

 

Never has he been this aware about himself before. He does well in gym class, normally, but today nothing seemed to be going his way. He didn’t get the ball a single time and their team lost every game. He was rude to Mingyu on several occasions and completely ignored Wonwoo when he asked about their study date Junhui completely forgot about. All of this is nothing new, nothing that has bothered him about himself before, but today he hates it. He hates that this is what he gets like under pressure. He hates that he was even under pressure in the beginning, since virtually nothing was different from any other day.

 

He lets out a huge sigh of relief as he pushes through the students on the school yard, approaching the gate with a quick pace. He just wants to get out of here already.

 

Pebbles, dead leaves and pieces of paper flutter around his shoes. The sun is already low in the sky, reminding him of how close November is getting already.

 

Junhui stuffs his hands in his pockets, stress unwinding the second he’s out of school campus.  

 

He needs a long bath. A cup of ramen. A really good vampire drama.

 

Of course he knows all those things aren’t doable; he has homework and has to get groceries for his mother before even getting home. But simply the thought of a relaxing evening is enough to calm him, a tingly sensation making his eyelids heavy.

 

Not a lot of people from school live in this side of town. It’s almost only him and a few cars. The only other signs of life are the timid footsteps behind him and the cat running across the empty road.

 

His phone vibrates in his jacket pocket.

 

Junhui thinks it might be his mother about the groceries, so he stops in his tracks, fishing up the device and reading the lock screen display of the first words. She just wants to remind him.

 

He stuffs it away, catching a glimpse of the boy previously behind him passing by. He’s about to look down and continue walking when he recognizes the curly hair.

 

Minghao walks with small steps, head cast down and hands nervously clutching the straps of his backpack.

 

The boy hadn't said anything to Junhui, so he assumes he doesn’t want to talk.

 

Or he was too nervous to talk.

 

Or he didn’t know it was Junhui. Which he knows is bullsit himself, but still a possibility he guesses.

 

Minghao is an awkward amount of distance away from him now. Just far enough for Junhui to have to shout to get his attention. He doesn’t want to do that, even if there are barely any other people around. Just walking, a little faster than normal, is a way better than that.

 

It doesn’t take long for him to catch up, the other’s steps being short and uncertain.

 

“Minghao,” Junhui nods.

 

Said boy jumps. He looks at Junhui, adorably surprised, and waves a little apprehensively in response. He presses his lips into a fine line, looking in front of him and wavering ever so slightly in his stride.

 

Junhui is not disappointed that he didn’t speak. He's merely let down that he didn’t get to hear the boy’s voice again. It was so long ago he barely remembers what it sounds like.

 

Time doesn’t make sense, Junhui thinks, because he knows it wasn’t long ago they were in school and Minghao was trying his best to converse with the others. But it feels so terribly far away. It’s as if this walk has taken hours. As if he’s been debating with himself on whether to talk again just so that Minghao will be forced to utter some words in response for weeks.

 

“Supermarket,” Minghao says.

 

Junhui stops.

 

Oh yes, supermarket. Grocery store.

 

They’re there already.

 

How did Minghao know this was where he was headed?

 

He stares at the automatic doors for a while, feeling dumb at the lack of conversation between him and the for some reason intriguing new guy.

 

When he looks up, Minghao has already begun walking away. Junhui gulps. He wants to say something. Anything.

 

He taps his foot impatiently, hating his brain for thinking so much without coming to any conclusions, as Minghao slowly but surely makes his way over the pavement.

 

“See you in school tomorrow,” he ends up blurting out.

 

Minghao turns around. Again, his eyes are widened and curious, but this time he looks like he’s stifling a smile. And trying to come up with something to answer with.

 

“See you tomorrow,” he says.

 

See you tom-ah-row.    

 

When Junhui enters the grocery store, he can’t help but let a grin blossom as he looks down, willing for the swelling, airy feeling in his chest to stop.

 

He should tell Mingyu he’ll help Minghao with English from now on.

 

The boy’s already making an unexplainable progress.

 

Junhui can’t wait to hear what he’ll sound like without that heavy accent. He can’t wait to hear Minghao speak the same way he does himself. Confidently, but not familiarly.

 

Six eggs, two packets of silk tofu and a bunch of bananas later, he’s annoyed with time feeling oddly long again. And kinda wants to hear Minghao’s voice. Again.

 

*****

 

a/n

 

• This took sO LONG I AM SO SORRY

• Btw highlight mv

• Btw nct 127 comeback

• Btw 2017

• Btw this story still :-)