He was wearing a sweater with sleeves long enough to cover his fingers, so that Hakyeon, Wonshik, and Hongbin couldn't see him abusing his wrist as they sat in the living room, Jaehwan sitting next to him on the sofa, and Hakyeon and Wonshik sitting in the armchairs, Hongbin occupying a chair from the kitchen next to them.

The silence was deep enough to make Taekwoon's head ache with a pressure starting at the nape of his neck and throbbing there as they stared at each other with all the others except Hakyeon who cast his eyes down and was examining the floor.

Wonshik cleared his throat.

"Hyung," he said, barely audible, "how do you— where did you two... meet?"

Hongbin let out an indecipherable noise and Hakyeon looked at him from the corner of his eye. Taekwoon chose to ignore it.

"I saw him in the newspaper," Taekwoon said, picking at his skin faster. "He's a singer."

"Singer," Hongbin said in a weird tone. "You're saying it's a— he's a singer?"

"He is," Taekwoon nodded. "And a very good one at that, but he still hasn't been discovered."

"Oh, I wonder why!" Hongbin exclaimed.

"Hongbin," Hakyeon said in warning, though Taekwoon didn't know what he should be warned about.

"He doesn't like singing in front of a large audience," Taekwoon replied. "But we've been talking about the possibility that he could maybe sing at Wonshik and Eunhye's wedding, because there won't be too many people and... the guests might enjoy it."

Wonshik in a sharp breath and Hongbin snorted, saying, "You do realize he can't even say a ing word, right?!"

"Hongbin!" Hakyeon shouted, and Taekwoon felt his nails cut into his wrist deep, blood spilling out and smearing on his skin as he kept pinching it. Hakyeon stood up from the armchair. "Into the kitchen, Hongbin! Now!"

He grabbed Hongbin's arm and dragged him into the kitchen, slamming the door behind the two of them just after Hongbin shook his hand off.

"What's wrong with you?!" Hakyeon's muffled voice came, and Taekwoon could tell he was trying to be quiet but couldn't quite manage.

"What's wrong with me?!" Hongbin hissed. "He's sitting there with a ing doll, talking about it like it's a person and neither of you are doing anything about it! He's gone ing nuts!"

"Calm the down," Hakyeon shot back. "I've been thinking about a solution for a week, but I can't just take him to a psychotherapist—"

"Why not?!"

Taekwoon didn't understand what they were talking about. He heard their voices and all the words they uttered, but they simply didn't make sense to him, they didn't have meanings. He looked at Wonshik for help, and Wonshik tore his gaze away from Jaehwan, blushing.

"So, uh," he said. "Are you planning to come to the wedding?"

"Yes," Taekwoon replied.

"Good, good," Wonshik nodded.

"I'm not doing this," Hongbin said inside the kitchen, and a moment later, the door flung open, Hongbin bursting through it and not even sparing Taekwoon, Wonshik, and Jaehwan a look as he left the house.

Hakyeon stepped out of the kitchen looking uncomfortable.

"Is he okay?" Taekwoon asked, frowning.

"He's... just..." Hakyeon looked at Taekwoon and then at Jaehwan and then back at Taekwoon. "He's still a little sad about the breakup with Wooyoung."

Taekwoon nodded, thought he would later have to tell Jaehwan about Hongbin and Wooyoung's relationship to make him understand what happened.

“Would you guys like some coffee?” Taekwoon asked, mostly to loosen up the awkward atmosphere.

Hakyeon and Wonshik shared a look, and then Hakyeon gave him a watery smile, saying, “Yes. Yes, we’d like some, Taekwoonie.”

Taekwoon nodded and stood up, smiling at Jaehwan to encourage him even if he looked beyond worried that he wouldn’t be able to have a conversation with Taekwoon's friends. But Taekwoon trusted him; he knew Jaehwan was charming enough to enchant Hakyeon and Wonshik with his loveliness, if he had made Taekwoon fall for him so hard the moment they had seen each other for the first time.

He stood by the counter, finally freeing his hands from his sweater. The inside of his right wrist was an angry red, scratches framing the cut he had made with his nails, blood like watercolour smeared across the small wound, creeping into the cracks of his swollen skin. The blood had tinted the faded black material of his knit sweater dark in some spots. Taekwoon touched his cold fingers to the flaming skin, pain like lightning rushing through his entire body, but he didn’t even flinch.

“Woonie,” someone called.

Taekwoon looked to his side. Hakyeon frowned, blinking down at Taekwoon's hand and gasping. When he looked up again, his eyes were full of tears, one of them running down his cheek. Hakyeon was a rather sensitive creature.

“Taekwoonie,” he whispered, and reached out for Taekwoon's hands, fingers curving around Taekwoon's for a moment before Taekwoon snatched his hands away, hissing from the sensation despite wanting to. He pulled the sleeves of his sweater over his hands again. Hakyeon sniffled, wiping his face into the shoulder of his shirt. When he next spoke, his voice was nasal. “What about the coffee?”

“Coffee?” Taekwoon asked, perplexed.

“You left the living room saying you’d make us coffee,” Hakyeon replied, sniffling again.

Taekwoon didn’t remember. He looked at the kettle on the stove, but suddenly forgot what he should do with it.

“It’s okay,” Hakyeon said, voice trembling. “Wonshik and I— we both need to go, anyway.” He took a step forward as if he wanted to hug Taekwoon, and Taekwoon felt his body twitch at it, a strange kind of pounding pain starting behind his temples. It felt like he’d had that sort of headache before, but he couldn’t pinpoint the time in his life he had. Hakyeon's eyes seemed to droop. “Call me if you need… anything,” he sighed. “Even if it’s just company.”

“I have Jaehwan,” Taekwoon said.

Hakyeon's eyes filled with tears again, but Taekwoon didn’t want to know his reasons for feeling like crying. They were always complicated and difficult to comprehend, requiring Taekwoon to try and feel sympathy when he rather wanted to stay clean of the emotions Hakyeon felt.

“Yes,” Hakyeon breathed. “Yes, you have him.”

The corners of Hakyeon's lips moved upwards and he left the kitchen with Taekwoon following him into the living room.

“We’ll see you at the wedding, then,” Wonshik said, stealing a glance at Jaehwan still sitting on the couch.

Taekwoon nodded and opened the door for them, Wonshik wrapping an arm around Hakyeon's shoulders and ushering him outside.

Taekwoon shut the door and shuffled back into the living room in his old slippers, crouching down in front of Jaehwan, resting his right hand on Jaehwan's knee. He reached up to place his left palm on the back of Jaehwan's neck, pulling him down so he could press their foreheads together. His thumb brushed against the small hairs on Jaehwan's neck as he closed his eyes. The house was completely silent, but Taekwoon heard thumping, rhythmical and steady, coming from his chest. He felt panic rise inside him at it, so he held Jaehwan's knee tighter, his eyeballs prickling under his eyelids. He was scared of it all.

“Thank you for being here,” he said, maybe; he tried to say it out loud but couldn’t hear his own voice, like he was only imagining himself speak. His thumb slid over Jaehwan's full lower lip and it.

He pressed his lips on Jaehwan's, chin shaking as he kissed him gently, and he felt Jaehwan smile against his mouth.

I love you, he heard Jaehwan say and he smiled, too, kissing Jaehwan deeper.

His wrist hurt more than ever, the fire burning under the cut feeling like it could destroy them both. Jaehwan was cold to the touch, like rigid plastic left outside in winter and Taekwoon had never felt the two of them be so similar.

He hugged Jaehwan as close to himself as he could, felt the thumping inside his chest grow more intense at it.

And Jaehwan was still as always.