Sometimes, when it was late into the night and the buzzing of the gas boiler had already died down after Taekwoon had turned it off, he heard small noises that only registered in the back of his mind like a thought that couldn't come to the surface—intangible, bodiless, distorted, arrhythmic sounds he couldn't have connected to anything even if he tried.

Ever since Jaehwan was with him though, his sleepless nights became more peaceful with the sounds getting suppressed by half-formed, grotesque fragments of emotions he didn't know how to handle. There was longing, warmth, something akin to happiness in there, all of them in his head and none of them in his heart where they should have been, where Hakyeon had said they would be if he ever loved someone. But having them at all was something, and he would wait for them to get sorted out by themselves so he wouldn't have to tear at his own wrist out of discomfort felt at being left alone to deal with such things.

He let go of his wrist, of the chafed and swollen, burning skin there to hold Jaehwan's hand in the bed, seeing nothing in the darkness. Jaehwan's hand was cold but comforting and the crook of his neck even more so when Taekwoon nuzzled it.

"I can sometimes feel the blood move inside my veins," he said softly against Jaehwan's skin. He could indeed feel it right now, the blood circulating inside his body, going down and coming back up, the way it coursed through all of him while his heart pumped it restlessly, the entire process feeling too vivid and making him anxious.

Jaehwan laced their fingers, but didn't say anything, and Taekwoon, though he couldn't see it, was absolutely certain he was smiling.

The sounds got even more muffled when he buried his face deeper into Jaehwan's neck, his jaw pressing against Jaehwan's bony shoulder. He fell asleep in a minute.