Was it a mistake? Probably.

                Wonwoo simply meant nothing more than to just find someone to chat back and forth with, never meant to find someone who would stick around in his mind, and never intended to become friends with someone who he met in a chatroom at 2am because he couldn’t fall asleep, further procrastinating his essay for his Intro to Business course.

                Slamming his empty beer can on his desk, not drunk, but he wished he was, he ran laps around his mind trying to think of the pros and cons of this situation and simply couldn’t conjure up any. ‘Some weird people you can find on there, let me tell you’. Soonyoung had told him one day whilst he was blatantly not taking notes in class.

                Clearly, Wonwoo had better motives than Soonyoung did, who spent the majority of his time sleeping around, though Wonwoo didn’t classify him as a playboy, and somehow passing the class he clearly paid no attention to at all. It had taken a while for Wonwoo to see the positives of what could happen after he spends a sleepless night staring at the opening screen of some dodgy chat site, definitely not a good time.

                “And what can I get out of this?” Wonwoo asked himself, as if Soonyoung would crash through the wall in an eager demeanor to answer. Staring at his beer can that had slight dents in the side, he wished that it could refill itself, but of course, he had to live at a time where miracles didn’t exist, and he couldn’t fill it with water and have wine instead. “Soonyoung, if I get more people trying to than people trying to chat, you’re gonna pay.” He spoke again to thin air, and clicked the button that would throw him into his first adventure.

                Video chat was an option, but seeing how he was sat in complete dark besides the artificial light of the computer screen outlining his profile, and he didn’t feel like getting bombarded with said people trying to , he was all set. He opted for chat instead.

                Under the pretense user ‘anon5165’ he got connected to his first chat partner. Another anon name, but he halted his fingers in the middle of typing ‘hello’ when he saw the other person’s first message pop up. He whispered under his breath to himself the message: “Trying to find a good anonymous hook up? Try this website:” and abruptly stopped before realizing it was a bot, and he did not want to anonymously hook up. He reconnected. And reconnected. And did it again.

                It was only after the third time that he connected to a real person, who actually had something in mind. He quickly typed his greeting before he could get hit in the face with another virus infected link for a sketchy live cam website. This person, who had the username ‘97kingmin’ had replied back quicker than Wonwoo expected for a real person.

97kingmin: asl? Not in a creepy way of course :)

                Wonwoo had to pause for a moment before replying, looked something up online, and asked himself what goddamn generation was he born in that he didn’t remember what ‘asl’ meant. He felt a little less scared to reply with the smiley face taking down the ual predation behind the three letter acronym.

anon5165: 20, m, Seoul. Even if you did intend it in a creepy way I’m sure I’m not worth stalking, lol.

                Wonwoo decided the extra ‘lol’ at the end was necessary to not come off as a hard who didn’t want to fool around. He watched as the typing icon showed, and the next message popped up.

97kingmin: can’t be so sure, ha.

                As Wonwoo was about to reply, he saw another message appear.

97kingmin: I’ll pretend like you asked for my asl. 19, m, Anyang. You’re not so far away stranger :)

anon5165: unless you are really far away and actually trying to lure me in.

97kingmin: I swear, I swear, I’m really 19. I assume you are in Seoul for school, which I wanted to be, too, but I didn’t have the money then. I guess I’m close enough to Seoul right now.

                Wonwoo still had an undecipherable hunch that this guy wasn’t telling the truth, but went against his better decision and decided that if he was saying these things to Wonwoo first, then maybe he wasn’t lying. Wonwoo decided to probe at it.

anon5165: I came all the way from Changwon. It was one of my hopes and aspirations, though business is now not what I had hoped it was when I was 12.

97kingmin: Sorry to hear that. Hopefully it works out for you. I had thought about business for a split second but decided it probably wouldn’t sit well with me.

anon5165: What are you in right now?

97kingmin: anatomy. It’s a lot more hands on compared to business, no offense, lol.

97kingmin: Do you have any other links? Instagram, Twitter, stuff like that.

anon5165: yeah. I guess I’ll give it to you since you aren’t asking how big my is on the first date.

                Wonwoo had his hunch debunked when he received an Instagram follow from user kinggu97, and Wonwoo was actually a bit surprised when the pictures depicted a boy with blonde hair, short on the sides and gelled at the top, with a slender body, a beautiful smile, and chiseled features.

anon5165: you have blonde hair? Didn’t expect that.

97kingmin: Yeah, do you like it? I did it about a week ago, my friends think it looks ridiculous, but I argue saying it could have been orange.

anon5165: yeah, I suppose you’re right. And yes, I like it. It suits you.

                Wonwoo scrolled further down to see older photos of him with his natural dark hair, and thought that this guy- Mingyu, his profile stated- looked good in anything.

                Wonwoo hadn’t expected it, but he wasn’t that taken aback when the guy, Mingyu, he still was not sure, had asked to exchange numbers, seeing how they weren’t that far away and could meet up sometime. Wonwoo gave it to him despite the fact that he could have been fooled by a catfish the whole time, but kept his conscience quiet.

--

                Wonwoo rubbed his eyes hard, and slammed his hands back down on his desk when he could not stay focused during this lecture. He looked to his left and saw Soonyoung, hand on his chin, jaw slowly chewing some gum that Wonwoo was almost positive that he got over an hour ago. He remembered the conversation he had last night, the reason why he was so tired. He slapped Soonyoung on the shoulder, and laughed when he jumped over dramatically.

                “Remember that thing- dude calm down I didn’t hit you that hard- the thing you told me about the chat website ages ago? I took up your stupid advice and went on last night after I couldn’t write for this essay.” Wonwoo explained after Soonyoung had calmed down. He watched as Soonyoung scooted closer to hear more of the details.

                “Really? What happened? Did you like, talk to anyone or did you just go on to find some hot cam girls?” Soonyoung stared expectantly, and Wonwoo’s faced scrunched at the last idea.

                “I can assure you I was not in the mood for any kind of ual activity last night. And yes, I talked to someone. He was interesting.”

                Soonyoung’s eyes bulged. “He? Is he hot?”

                Wonwoo grimaced. “Can you not think about for, like, 5 minutes?” Soonyoung scoffed and rolled his eyes, but prompted Wonwoo to continue. “Anyway, he’s a year younger than us and lives in Anyang. It’s not far from here, and he asked for my Instagram and my number, and said sometime we could meet up.”

                Soonyoung excitedly wriggled his body and leaned in even closer. “Show me what he looks like? Is my baby finally gonna get some ?”

                Wonwoo shoved Soonyoung playfully. “Dude, you aren’t my mother, and that isn’t something she would say either.” He simultaneously pulled out his phone and searched the infamous user kinggu97. He passed his phone to Soonyoung who ogled at the boy.

                “He’s cute! He looks good as a blonde!” He scrolled down further. “And with dark hair! Oh my god, if you don’t get with this then I will.”

                Wonwoo stared at Soonyoung incredulously. “Seriously. Be mature for a minute. No, I don’t think I will be going for this any time soon. And whatever, have him or don’t.”

                “Now I have to ask because I can’t steal your man, you know. And why won’t you go for this? You two would look so good together. Is it because you don’t like blondes? Is it because that blonde of the year above, like, Seungcheol or something, puked on you when he was drunk? I swear it wasn’t because he was blonde.”

                Wonwoo sighed. “No, Soonyoung. I thought I told you never to bring up that incident ever again.” Soonyoung shrugged and scooted away a bit. “And I don’t know. I need to know him for more than one day than to decide if I want it or not.”

                Discarding the conversation once their professor looked over and glared at the two of them for not being the only students who weren’t basically sleeping. Wonwoo scribbled excessively over his notebook while Soonyoung went back to chewing his gum, probably now flavorless, and texting someone, probably hooking up another booty call with whoever it was this time.

                Wonwoo glanced at his phone which was still on, still displayed on the profile of a certain boy he met last night. Staring at the latest selfie of him in front of a huge marble building which he was sure he had seen downtown before, he thought they wouldn’t look bad together, in the eye of another beholder. He could not picture it himself, to his own demise.

--

                Wonwoo was bouncing a ball against the wall and laying on his back, laughing at the sound it made every time, and that could only mean it was midnight on a weekend and he was teetering on the edge of being sober and being high. He could hear Soonyoung in the kitchen choking on something- either smoke, or ice, that could choke on anything- and his ears perked not when Soonyoung finally stopped choking, but when he heard his phone chime signaling a new text had arrived.

                Wonwoo scrambled over to his phone, stumbling over his arms and legs and tripping once, before he could get his phone and see who had sent him a message at this hour.

                Oh. It was Mingyu.

                “Is that that hot Instagram guy?” Soonyoung said over his shoulder, and Wonwoo nearly had a heart attack.

                “Jesus Christ, Soonyoung, let me know you’re coming near me or something.” Wonwoo turned back to his phone, heart beating. “And yes, it’s him. Now go.” Wonwoo shoved Soonyoung’s stomach so he stumbled backwards, laughing when he landed on his , stopping when he remembered there is people who lived downstairs. He shook his head at Soonyoung, still trying to stand, and drew his attention to his phone.

Mingyu: I know it’s late and stuff, but seeing as you were up at 2 last time, do you think we could Skype or something? I’m bored, and don’t want to do this project.

                Wonwoo and Mingyu had chatted over the time they had first met, talking about places in Seoul they could meet at, never actually having a set date yet, and their separate lives. Though it had been about a week since they had met, and though they seem to talk comfortably now, he still had not done this with him yet. He didn’t know how to answer, and he read the message to Soonyoung.

                “Play hard to get. It works every time.” Wonwoo sighed.

                “Soonyoung, I’m not trying to be an . I just don’t know what to tell him.”

                “Well, do you not want to Skype with him or something? He seems nice, yeah? You’ve been talking to him more often since you met and I think I would be less hesitant to video chat now than over Chat Roulette or whatever.”

                “No, it’s not that I don’t, it’s just I’m…”

                “Awkward.” Soonyoung answered for him. Wonwoo hit his leg but sighed, because that was the truth. He sat pondering his choices when Soonyoung interrupted him. “Look- say yes. If it gets awkward, I’ll jump in. Just keep talking. He said he doesn’t want to do a project, ask what it’s on, ask about his major, his school, just keep it going as if it were me.”

                Wonwoo was impressed that Soonyoung had named this off the top of his head, but the last sentence didn’t settle with him nicely. “If it were you I would have made you shut up already because you can’t stop talking about how much you get weekly.” Soonyoung shrugged innocently. He picked up his phone and replied, and decided if anything weird happened, he would blame it on the weed.

                Mingyu had looked a lot less like the Instagram pictures. Not in a bad way, but the pictures showed his at his prime during the say, filters, lighting, and all that. This Mingyu was lighted by a lamp to his right and his hair was strewn across his head like he had just run his hands through it twenty times. Wonwoo could see his dark roots peek through the curtains of sandy blonde, and he thought it didn’t look to bad on him. He saw Soonyoung grab his as if the sight of Mingyu gave him an instant out of the corner of his eye, and chose to ignore it.

                “You look lovely.” It came out louder than expected, but Wonwoo went with it.

                Mingyu laughed and propped his chin up on both fists. “I could say the same.” His voice was something. It was deep and it fit his looks, and his laugh seemed to come along with the whole package as well.

                Wonwoo held up the last of his blunt, the only thing that was the reason he was doing this, and the reason he was awake at this time. “I have an excuse.” Soonyoung’s arm darted out and grabbed the blunt, leaving Wonwoo holding up air. Mingyu laughed with an arched eyebrow.

                “You’re with other people?” He asked slowly.

                Wonwoo shook his head. “Just one, don’t worry about him.” Mingyu sat up straighter and folded his fingers over one fist. Wonwoo decided to veer the conversation away from Soonyoung and why he was smoking two blunts at once. “So your project.” Mingyu sighed with a laugh and looked down. “What’s it on?”

                “Well, anatomy, you know already. We have to create a big diagram on a certain section of the body and explain all of the muscles and their functions and the nerves and stuff. Complicated .” Wonwoo suddenly wished he was doing that instead of business.

                “Sounds a whole lot better than writing a paper on the biggest industries and how they got to the top.” Wonwoo added.

                “No offense, but yeah. It does.”

--

                “Mingyu wanted to meet up.” Wonwoo told Soonyoung the following Monday in their Economics class.

                Soonyoung’s headshot up, and he was suddenly a whole lot more interesting in this conversation than their work. “So? Do it!”

                “Calm down, and I already told him we could meet up. We are going to that new huge library downtown. The one I told you about a while back.”

                Soonyoung tilted his head in disappointment. “A library?”

                Wonwoo glared. “Yes. Some people find calming aesthetics in books, thank you very much. He was also as enthusiastic about a library. You know how nice those photos look online. Anyway, we are meeting there on Wednesday since we both don’t have class.”

                Soonyoung clapped lightly. “Congrats on your date.”

                Wonwoo scoffed, but the word didn’t feel right in his mouth. He didn’t feel like this was a date, simply a meet up. Just to hang out. He suddenly hoped Mingyu didn’t think of it like that.

--

                Wonwoo was stunned by the architecture of the building. The pillars on the inside seemed miles high from the ground, and the carpet was red and clean, it gave Wonwoo a sense of old timey libraries you only see in movies. He was also amazed at the books lining each shelf, loved how they all looked so clean and neatly put together and non-touched. He almost felt wrong standing in there, but he couldn’t move at the same time. His neck started to hurt from admiring the work of the ceiling, making it look like an ancient dome.

                “Wonwoo!” He heard an unfamiliar voice shout his name. It was the blonde boy that Soonyoung had been so anxious to see Wonwoo off with, but Wonwoo had only been anxious on what to wear (Mingyu makes it seem like all he ever ears in name brand and things over 100 bucks each). Said boy was wearing a beige coat that went to his knees, he left it ed to display a clean white shirt and dark wash jeans with holes in the knee. The ensemble ended with black matte boots that Wonwoo didn’t even know existed, but he suddenly wanted them (and was sure he couldn’t afford them).

                He smiled back and walked halfway to meet him, both stopping in the middle and fallen silent out of shock and expectancy. “Oh.” Wonwoo muttered as he looked up.

                Mingyu stared down. “Oh…” He echoed with a small smile. Wonwoo was at least an inch or two shorter than Mingyu, and that wasn’t something he could get from just his Instagram photos. Mingyu laughed. “I thought you were taller than this.”

                Wonwoo breathed in deeply. “I suddenly wish I was taller.” He looked down. “Maybe it’s those shoes. Where do you even buy shoes like those?”

                “You like them?” Mingyu asked hopefully. Wonwoo nodded. Mingyu beamed.

                “How was the ride here?” Wonwoo asked once he stopped looking at the shoes that he wish he had on his own feet.

                “it was good. Only about 30 minutes. I got to look at all the buildings though. That’s always nice.” Wonwoo looked back up to the ceiling, as if he couldn’t control where his eyes wanted to go. “Have you been here before?” He heard Mingyu ask.

                “No, I’ve wanted to come though. I love books and libraries and stuff, you know?” Mingyu nodded. “I wanted Soonyoung to come with me but he thinks it’s weird that I like books so much. I don’t know why he wouldn’t like this place though. He likes stuff like this.”

                Mingyu was quiet for a moment. “Are you together?”

                Wonwoo looked at Mingyu now, who was looking at him with a certain emotion that he couldn’t place. “What do you mean?”

                Mingyu opened his mouth for a moment, then shut it, opening again. “Well… like… are you guys dating? Or something…”

                Wonwoo laughed at this. The thought was absurd. “No, no. I wouldn’t date Soonyoung. He’s not my type, he’s not into me, and he sleeps around like it’s a sport and he needs to be the champion. He’s not a boy though, he does it respectfully, you know?” Mingyu laughed slightly.

                “I’ll pretend like I do.” Wonwoo started walking in a direction and Mingyu eagerly followed. “Are we going somewhere?”

                “Yeah, I’ll take you to a corner bakery-café thing that I like.” Mingyu smiled and followed. He popped another question.

                “How did you and Soonyoung meet?”

                Wonwoo thought for a minute. “We met in high school because I heard he was selling weed and I wanted to try, so I went over and got high and basically had the best time of my life with this guy who had bleach blonde hair, and that’s how we met. We lost a bit of contact over the transition from high school to college, and reconnected when I hooked up with someone at one of his parties who then ended up puking on me. It was a scene really, but we’ve been kind on best friends ever since, I guess.”

                “That’s cute. If you find weed and puke cute.” Mingyu looked at Wonwoo. Wonwoo laughed, and Mingyu’s eyes practically glowed when Wonwoo looked back over to him.

                “I guess it’s cute then.”

--

                “So, how was your date?” Soonyoung sat down excitedly in Economics on Thursday in front of Wonwoo.

                Wonwoo shrugged. “I don’t really think it was a date. We just did normal stuff and I showed him some of Seoul. We went to the café that you showed me that one time and that was it. It was only like a few hours.”

                “That’s a date, .” Soonyoung pushed Wonwoo aside so he could squeeze in on the bench. “What does he look like in person?”

                Wonwoo sighed and groaned. “Soonyoung, you know what he looks like, why would it be any different in person?”

                Soonyoung put his hand over his heart in faux hurt. “Because pictures can’t tell you about height and what he smells like and how his hands feel and video calls don’t tell you exactly how his voice sounds.”

                “Fine, he was a god who came down from heaven and his voice gave me ear s.” Soonyoung’s jaw dropped in excitement. “I’m lying, idiot. He sounded the same and he was a few inches taller than me which was kind of awkward cause I had to look up a lot. And how you I know what his hands feel like?” Wonwoo rose his voice.

                “I’m sorry, it’s just a normal date thing to shyly ask to hold someone’s hand.” Soonyoung sat back and stared at the walls in front of them. Wonwoo looked at him like he said the stupidest thing.

                “It wasn’t a ing date, oh my god. It was all platonic. I don’t even know if I like him.” Wonwoo threw his head back, and brought it back up when he hurt a muscle.

                Soonyoung sighed. “Do you know if he likes you?”

                Wonwoo shrugged. “He looks at me a lot and he always smiles and stuff. Maybe he is just like that all the time.”

                When Soonyoung didn’t say anything, Wonwoo turned his head to look at him. He was staring at him with a ‘Really?’ look, like Wonwoo had not realized he did something stupid. Wonwoo furrowed his brows in a silent response of ‘What??’ and Soonyoung groaned and turned his body to face his friend. “Listen, have you ever liked someone?” Wonwoo shook his head. “Let’s pretend you have then. Pretend a gorgeous person met you one day and you couldn’t stop looking at them. What would you look at them like?” Wonwoo didn’t move. “With admiration, which is probably how he looks at you. Listen Wonwoo, if you don’t like this kid, you can’t lead him on. That’s an thing to do.”

--

                Thoughts going through his mind, Wonwoo couldn’t tell if he was high or if he was just tired. Did he like Mingyu? He couldn’t see himself with Mingyu no matter how hard he tried. Mingyu wasn’t the one that he wanted to wake up with, Mingyu wasn’t the one he wanted to take road trips with, and every time he tried to picture it, he had to open his eyes. He decided that the boundary between him and Mingyu was solely platonic, from Wonwoo’s side, at least.

                Was he leading Mingyu on? No, this is how Wonwoo usually is. Soonyoung usually jumps from person to person, and it wouldn’t be leading someone on if he acted like himself.

                Wonwoo didn’t want to hurt Mingyu. And that meant Wonwoo didn’t have the courage to tell Mingyu that it wasn’t what he thought, but that could wait to see if Mingyu just likes him as a friend, and nothing more.

                He was going to meet Mingyu again, the second time, and back at the museum that was right next to the library. Mingyu had thought of that one, he wanted to go in last time he saw it when they were in town together and Mingyu claims he thought it would be a nice place to spend the day. Wonwoo didn’t mind at all, he had been once and thought it was indeed very beautiful, so he took up Mingyu’s offer and sat outside as Mingyu pulled up and stepped out of the cab.

                “Beautiful day, yeah?” Mingyu looked like he just came off of the runway, black jacket- about the same length as the last one he wore, and light wash jeans this time, with white shoes. His hair was styled the same, and Wonwoo wondered where he got the money from. Or if the clothes were expensive at all.

                Wonwoo nodded in response to his question. “It is very nice. Too bad we’re here.” Wonwoo teased. Mingyu’s smile faltered.

                “We don’t have to go in… if you want to stay out.” Mingyu hesitated.

                Wonwoo shoved him slightly. “I’m joking. I’m excited to go in. The sun is too happy for me.” Mingyu smiled again.

                “Sorry you love being sad.” Wonwoo laughed at him and turned his body to go in. Soonyoung might call him a nerd ibn this situation too, but he was genuinely excited to go in. There were so many things fascinating about a museum and it had been a year or two since he went to this one. Walking in took his breath away and there was so much more to look at. In the center of the foyer there was a statue, a man with flowers, or leaf branches, something that Wonwoo didn’t really care about. A fountain below the statue, and flowers and various floral sets surrounding the fountain. Wonwoo stared intently, he wanted to memorize as much of this as possible.

                After both of them had paid the fee for entry, Wonwoo stood in front of the display again, and pulled out his phone to take a photo, setting it gently back in his pocket without taking his eyes away from the centerpiece.

                “Do you like it that much? We haven’t even got started.” Wonwoo had almost forgot Mingyu was there, but when Mingyu tugged on the hem of his sleeve and pulled him further into the museum, he didn’t resist, eager to see the rest of what this place had to offer that was different from the last time.

                Most of what there was to see were paintings, and though many were focused on that, Wonwoo kept looking at the architecture of the building. The fascinating Roman palace like design had Wonwoo unable to take his eyes off of the mural on the ceiling depicting angels and cherubs high in the clouds. That’s what Wonwoo could say he felt like right now, like he was in the clouds. The first time he could say that without getting intoxicated.

                When Wonwoo turned to see what Mingyu was looking at, he jumped a little when he realized he was looking at him. “Why are you looking at me?” He stupidly asked, and Mingyu smiled.

                He shrugged. “No reason.” Wonwoo raised an eyebrow to the action when he turned and walked in a direction, looking back to see if Wonwoo was following. As if his eyes only knew the same direction, he couldn’t stop looking at the ceiling more than the actual displays.

                By the time they had seen everything (and Wonwoo had almost ran out of storage for pictures on his phone), they were both hungry, and right by a new café that neither of them had attended before, and thought it was a good end of the day destination.

                Wonwoo had sat back down with a coffee in his hand and Mingyu followed suit. Wonwoo pulled his phone out to inspect the photos he took to see if they were any good, laughing triumphantly and heading to Instagram to post one of the ceiling and the skylights, enjoying the aesthetic of the photo. Mingyu watched him again as he typed out a caption (something about being free and art and ) and he looked up to see Mingyu hadn’t moved since they sat down.

                Wonwoo snapped his fingers in front of his face. “You okay? You’ve been spacing out a lot. I think this rich clothing is weighing down too much, I might have to take it.” Wonwoo pinched the material of his jacket.

                Mingyu shrugged, a small hint of a smile still on his face. “I don’t know. I had fun at the museum.”

                “So much fun you black out at random times?” Wonwoo took a sip, and Mingyu then looked down into his own drink. He shrugged again. “What’s with you today? You’re going all quiet and art-hoe on me.”

                “Art-hoe?” Mingyu asked with a small laugh.

                “Yeah like those people that like art so much they just like stop and stare and-” Wonwoo demonstrated. “All day. It’s like, ugh, god, don’t you have something better to do?” Wonwoo laughed, and Mingyu took his chance to laugh at what he was saying as well.

                “I can be art-hoe if you want art-hoe?” Mingyu raised a brow while Wonwoo scrunched his and shook his head. “Then I’m not art-hoe. Plus, I can’t sit still for that long.”

                Wonwoo watched as more people came in and more people left, he looked out the window and around the building, taking in the place he was surprised he had never seen. There were people here he was sure took his major, but he didn’t care enough to memorize everyone’s faces.

                Mingyu spoke up while looking at his drink. “It wasn’t too cliché, right?” Wonwoo was confused.

                “What was?”

                Mingyu kept his head down. “A museum date. I asked my friend and he said it was a good idea but I mean so many people do the museum and I just didn’t want it to seem… I don’t know… unoriginal.” Mingyu had a blush creeping on his cheeks and Wonwoo stared, not sure of what to do.

                He had to speak soon, he did not want Mingyu to get the wrong idea, though it really was. “A… a date?”

                Mingyu bit his lip, he inhaled and tilted his head, still not looking up. “Yeah, I, um… I thought that it was a nice place to go, for one. A date, that is.”

                Wonwoo almost wanted to laugh at how clearly flustered he was, but at the same time he really did not know what to do. All of his suspicions were confirmed, and now that he was in this sticky situation, he felt uncomfortable, and not warm inside like all those romance novels portray. He felt like he needed to escape this situation, and he wanted to pretend like none of this happened. “Oh, Mingyu…” He bit his tongue. Mingyu looked up, his cheeks pink and hands nervously gripping the cup, expecting him to say something dejecting.

He can do this. He can do this. Just tell him you don’t like him. He can do this. “It wasn’t cliché. I had fun.” He couldn’t do this.

--

                “I’m screwed.” Wonwoo was laying on his floor at close to 5 in the morning. He and Soonyoung stayed up all night after Wonwoo proclaimed he needed to get very high and right now and wouldn’t tell Soonyoung why.

                “I hope you mean physically. You are very ually constipated. You need someone good.” Soonyoung rolled onto his side and propped his head up on his elbows.

                “You know, right now, I wish you were right. But you’re not. And I’m angry.”

                “So? Explain.”

                Wonwoo groaned. “Mingyu likes me and he thinks that we have gone on a date yesterday and I’m pretty sure that he thinks our first meetup was a date too and instead of telling him that I don’t like him I was stupid and said I had fun with him and he probably wants to go on another date and now I’m leading him on and I don’t want to be an and lead him on but I don’t want to hurt him what do I do.”

                “First of all, breathe,” Soonyoung looked concerned and confused. “Second of all, you’re an idiot for not saying anything yesterday.”

                “I know! Help me, Soonyoung help me.” Wonwoo was rolling on the floor now.

                “Wonwoo, I don’t know what to tell you. If you don’t want to be an the only way to do that is to start liking him, or grow a pair and tell him you don’t like him like that. I don’t see why you don’t like him like that, he’s hot as , but, whatever, it’s your standards not mine.”

                Wonwoo sighed deeply. “Yeah, yeah, just roll me another blunt please.”

--

                Wonwoo knew he was going to get into deep if he continued, and even though he opened up the messages and even though he tried countless times to reject Mingyu, he just couldn’t do it. So here he was, sitting in front of the café they had gone to a week prior, waiting for Mingyu to show up yet again. Mingyu had set up another date, that word didn’t feel right in his mouth, and they were heading to the city just for a day out.

                This day was mimicking the last in weather, so Mingyu suggested walking around in the city streets, window shopping, as Soonyoung put it, and Wonwoo knew he had to grow up and tell Mingyu he couldn’t date him.

                Mingyu tapped him on the shoulder when he arrived and Wonwoo stood up. Mingyu pulled on his sleeve again to give him the activation energy to start moving, Wonwoo was reluctant but did it anyway.

                Throughout the whole day, Wonwoo felt a bubbling sensation at the pit of his stomach, an uncomfortable feeling, a feeling that made him want to curl up and smoke however much Soonyoung was willing to give him for free, but he was here instead.

                What sat the worst with Wonwoo was that Mingyu thought he liked him back. The more the day went on, the worse this feeling felt. He knew what he was doing to Mingyu, and the effort he worked up at one point was crumpled up and thrown away the next when Mingyu’s face blossomed into a huge smile showing Wonwoo something he thought was cute, or something he thought would be cute on Wonwoo.

                He had stayed quiet most of the time, Mingyu didn’t seem to notice, and he just let him drag him around the streets because Wonwoo could not muster it up to tell Mingyu he did not want to do this. He knew he would be in deep , with Mingyu, with Soonyoung, and with himself. He didn’t have the heart to break Mingyu’s heart. The way Mingyu had acted made it seem like there was nothing bad in the world, and all of his efforts to have fun with Wonwoo could make someone else who reciprocated his feelings feel like the only person who existed. But that wasn’t Wonwoo. And he didn’t want to be the who led him on.

                When it was getting dark and Mingyu’s hand hadn’t let go from Wonwoo’s sleeve- dangerously close to his hand- they stopped on a bench and felt the breeze flow by their skin, a cooling feeling on Wonwoo’s heated neck. He felt movement by his right hand, where Mingyu was, and when he felt Mingyu’s fingertips slide up his palm, he knew he needed to put an end to this.

                “Mingyu-”

                “Wonwoo-”

                Names simultaneously spoken, both held different weights. They looked over at each other, Mingyu looked anxious, and Wonwoo prompted him to speak first with a simple nod. Mingyu smiled nervously and turned away, and Wonwoo’s gut churned.

                “Wonwoo… I, um…” Mingyu breathed in and looked up, and Wonwoo wouldn’t keep his eyes on Mingyu. “I don’t know how to do this.” He whispered, probably to himself, but Wonwoo heard. He needed to stop him. But he couldn’t. “I really… I really like you Wonwoo.” Mingyu was avoiding looking in his direction, while Wonwoo stared at the ground. “I…” Another breath in. He was getting impatient, but he knew what was coming.

                “What are you trying to say?” He asked softly.

                Mingyu laughed. “I’m trying to ask you to be my boyfriend.”

                If Wonwoo were not in public, and if he didn’t care about what other people thought of him, he would probably have puked, or ran away, or both. This was not a situation Wonwoo ever envisioned himself in, and he wanted out immediately. He felt bad for not liking Mingyu like he deserved to, Mingyu was sweet, he really was, but Wonwoo was not the one to give him the love he needs.

                “Oh, Mingyu…” Wonwoo took a deep breath in and it cut short, he wasn’t sure if he was going to cry from nervousness, or if he was upset about hurting him. “I can’t.”

                Mingyu was quiet for a minute, and Wonwoo stood up. He attempted to leave, but Mingyu stood also, and pulled his arm back, and he turned. “Is it something about me?” Mingyu looked broken, and this was what Wonwoo wasn’t anticipating. “I can change for you.”

                Wonwoo exhaled exasperatedly. “No, it’s not. Mingyu, listen. You are a very sweet boy who deserves the world, I promise you that. But I can’t give that to you.”

                Mingyu shook his head. “I don’t need the world Wonwoo, I’d be happy if I could just have you.” There was that feeling again.

                “You can’t have me, Mingyu.” Mingyu looked confused and sad, and Wonwoo just needed to say it and get it off his chest. “You can’t have me because I don’t like you like that, Mingyu.” Wonwoo took his sleeve away from the younger boy who stood there, staring at Wonwoo.

                “But you didn’t say anything. You didn’t say that the other day.”

                “I know, because I panicked. I’m not good at rejections or rejecting and I couldn’t reject you.”

                “You made me think that you enjoyed that, as a date, and not as friends.” Mingyu looked like he was about to cry and Wonwoo had to look away, to spare his own coward heart.  “Why did you lead me on like that?”

                Wonwoo didn’t know what to say. He really didn’t know why he led him on. “I don’t know. I didn’t know what to do. I’m sorry, Mingyu.”

                Mingyu looked down, and the breath he took in told Wonwoo that he had let his tears fall. “You made me think that I found somebody, Wonwoo. Someone that I thought liked me back.”

                “You can find somebody; you could easily find somebody else. Anyone would want you.” Wonwoo didn’t want to see him cry, but he couldn’t be weak, and look away.

                Mingyu shook his head. “You made me think that I had a chance. Because I’ve tried, Wonwoo. This was my only chance that I have had in a long time. I thought I had a chance.” Mingyu looked at him, and Wonwoo could see light reflecting off of the watery paths on his cheeks. “You’re all the same.” Mingyu’s voice cracked, and he backed away.

                Wonwoo couldn’t say anything. What could he say? Mingyu was right. Wonwoo was the here, there was nothing he could say that could change this.

                “Why, Wonwoo?” Mingyu couldn’t stop his crying now, didn’t bother to mask his despair. “I thought I could have found happiness with you. But you didn’t stop me when I tired, and now…” Mingyu took another step back, and Wonwoo didn’t move. “Forget it.”

                Wonwoo watched as Mingyu moved backward another step until he turned his body away from Wonwoo.

                “I hope you had fun breaking my heart.”

                His body turned away from Wonwoo and didn’t turn back, and Wonwoo’s own heart couldn’t forgive himself.