YES. THAT MARKHYUCK KISS IN MY SMT KILLED ME TOO.

“Ge, will you go out with me?”

It was as if time had stood still when Chenle said those words as NCT Dream were in the midst of having their usual practice for Chewing Gum’s choreography, one lovely day. The group were seated on the floor, resting- they were given a 5-minute break before their dance teacher returns and another rigorous round of run-through was about to commence, but some of them had other ideas— namely, Chenle and Renjun. They were at the middle of the room, standing face to face; pre occupied at the moment and didn’t had an ounce of care of what was happening around them for they were too engrossed on whatever it is they were conversing about.

Mark was dumbfounded; he literally had his jaws dropped as he stared at what was happening before him.

Chenle, one of the youngest members of NCT’s latest unit, was confidently and boldly asking Renjun out, for the entire group to hear and if Mark wasn’t so shocked at the moment, he would be so proud of the younger for having the courage to do something as straightforward as this.

But the eldest in the group had different thoughts lingering in the back of his mind.

He was not so sure if it was because he had been busy with a lot of thing that he hadn’t noticed or he hadn’t been paying close attention to s but before he knew it, the kids were growing up too fast for his liking. Jeno was dating Jaemin— for a few months now, and Chenle had just confessed to Renjun.

They were now capable of doing those sorts of things which only adults would do– they weren’t little kids anymore.

And somehow, Mark felt like he was left behind and it made him dissatisfied. He was the eldest, the leader, yet how come they were all pairing up except for him?

Well apparently, everyone saw this coming; Chenle and Renjun. The younger had been dropping hints here and there for a few weeks now and it would take a blind person not to notice what those motives of him signified.

Unconsciously, he turned to stare at Donghyuck who was just beside him, also staring at the two Chinese males. Donghyuck seemed somewhat pleased in the turn of events, the corner of his mouth curling up to form his very infamous grin.

Mark felt warm at the sight of the younger smiling like that— even though he won’t admit it. Despite the fact that they dispute a lot and were considered the Tom and Jerry pair of NCT, Mark couldn’t help himself but feel a certain attraction for Donghyuck as time passes by.

They’ve clashed a bunch of times before— it was unevitable; they were each other’s exact opposite. Mark was more driven, more passionate about his dreams and that he makes it his number one priority, and yet he was selfless; thinks about others before himself. Donghyuck was different. He liked living in the moment, more carefree; it has always been about enjoying life to the fullest and not worrying about stupid things like Mark does.

However, if they were so different, what happened that made Mark liked the younger?

Sure, Donghyuck was loud, obnoxious and immature at times, but… if Mark looks back, Donghyuck had always been there — from the start of their trainee days till now.

Debuting for three consecutive times is more stressful than other people thought; Mark had been under a lot of pressure. People expected so much of him, from being the maknae of NCT U and 127 to being the leader of NCT Dream.

When they were first put into NCT Dream, he was happy, sure. Being able to debut with his friends that were around his age had always been one of his dreams, but being their leader was a whole other story.  The kids relied on him so much and the burden was hard to carry sometimes that the latter feels like giving up in the middle of everything. But yeah, Donghyuck was there, he helped him up when he stumbled down and knocked some sense into his head when he was almost at the brick of quitting. Sure, the other hyungs were also there but Donghyuck had a different impact on him. He had been a witness to his many insecurities yet hadn’t judged him even at the slightest.

The older was really thankful that he had Donghyuck.

And he would be lying if he denied that this was one of the reasons why he had fallen for him.

But of all people, why did it have to be Donghyuck?

It freaked out Mark at first of course— knowing he had fallen for the younger without his consent and without much preparation. He hadn’t expected any of it, hadn’t planned anything like he usually does. Donghyuck had been the first to disrupt the usual calm routine of Mark’s normal life and surprisingly, he didn’t mind any of it.

And honestly, the older doesn’t even have any plans of doing anything about it on the first place.

Being a witness to Jeno and Jaemin’s amazing lovelife and now, Chenle confessing to Renjun, somehow he felt bitter.

Why? Because he knew that what those two couples were- whatever they had- would never be attainable with him and Donghyuck.

Mark knew that the probability of the younger liking him back was pretty damn close to zero, possible to be a negative integer even. Why would Donghyuck even like him? Sure he was handsome, and talented and smart- call him a narcissist if you may- but he was a worrywart, he tends to overthink and he was a really complicated person. All his uncertainties would come crashing down on him at the thought of the slightest possibility of the maroon haired male not liking him back.

And besides, they were close friends.

Their friendship was something precious to him, something he really treasured and he isn’t stupid enough it risk it all on emotions he knew would eventually pass.

Donghyuck deserved better than that, he believed.

When Renjun’s “Are you sure about this Le? Think about it” answer came, everyone went speechless, Jaemin may have even let out a rather loud gasp. No one expected that to happened, to say at least.

Wait, did Chenle just got rejected?

Silence spread throughout the room, both Chinese males still in front of the other, but only Chenle had his eyes on the older, Renjun had his gaze focused on the polished wooden floor, avoiding the younger’s eyes, afraid to look at him.

Mark found the entire situation to be painful, the silence was suffocating and he didn’t like the way things were going.

The leader had no other choice but to break the silence that followed after the older Chinese’s answer by telling them to go back to practice in a monotone voice to let him know that he was serious. The boys then scattered and went back to their places, just in time that their dance instructor went back inside the room and practice passed just as scheduled.

Tension was still thick in the air even in the middle of practice. Chenle wasn’t the usual cheerful and jolly little brat that he always is and Renjun seemed distracted; he tends to make mistakes in some of the moves that hadn’t escaped the leader’s observing eyes. But Mark hadn’t said a word, he just gave the younger an encouraging smile when he caught his sight, telling him that it was alright and he understood what the younger was going through.

Being confused about his feelings– Mark has been there, gone through all of that– so he definitely knew how Renjun was feeling.

After practice had ended, while they were fixing their stuff  so they could head on home, Mark saw Donghyuck headed straight for Chenle as the younger was the first to exit the room in a hurry, probably still sour about being rejected.

Being careful to not get caught, the leader would stare at the younger; the source of his affections, with the corner of his eyes as Donghyuck followed their Chinese male vocalist outside the dance room.

Mark couldn’t help but think about what could happen if he confessed to the younger, what Donghyuck would say.

Would Donghyuck reject him like what Renjun did?  Would Mark sulk like Chenle about getting rejected? Or would he say yes right away like what Jaemin did when Jeno asked him out?

He frowned bitterly before picking up his bag and waited for the younger kids to be done with so they could go home.

Like he’d ever get the guts to confess.

As if.

--

He was twirling the pencil skilfully around his fingers, tapping his shoe against the carpeted floor, head slightly banging as he hummed to a particular tune he had just made up a while ago.

Mark had locked himself inside of his shared bedroom with Donghyuck, writing lyrics for a song that had been playing at the back of his mind since last night, going over a few notes and crossing out some words he thought didn’t fit the song.

Composition has been one of his strongest fields in the music industry and had decided to hone it more for the past few years ever since he was still a trainee; he had been studying and practicing lyrical composition and had deemed himself talented at it. He would usually stay up all night if he was inspired to write down something and just drown himself in his art without much care about other earthy things, such as his burdened heart, his unrequited feelings for the younger vocalist and stress.

If you would ask him, Mark had wrote a bunch of songs about Donghyuck, a bunch of songs he wrote down on his composition notebook he had hid under his bed for safe keeping since the younger was quite nosy for his own good. It would be the downfall of Mark Lee if Donghyuck found that notebook; it was full of cringe worthy and cliché songs that the older had wrote out of frustration and angst. He would never hear the end of it if the younger did found out. But there were some songs and lyrics that were pretty good— some, not all.

Mark was ambitious, he had a lot of dreams; one of them is for NCT to sing one of his self-written songs in the near future, a song he had written on his own— without the usual help from Taeyong. He was confident that one day, his skill would be worthy enough for SM to allow his group to use his compositions. Mark can’t wait for it to happen; for Taeil, Doyoung and Jaehyun to hit the ridiculously high notes he would make them do.

And yeah, he can’t wait for the words he had composed, come out from those bow-shaped lips of Donghyuck’s.

But before he could think of the future, he should definitely focus more on the present.

Things haven’t been going well for him in the past few days.

Feeling a sudden wave of rage hit him at the thought, Mark crumpled down the sheet of paper he had in front of him out of frustration after scribbling down some rather large circles and lines, making the notes he had effortlessly written down unreadable anymore. He leaned back on his chair, staring up to the ceiling before groaning.

A couple days have passed by and Mark would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling at edge most of the time. They were busy with promotions and school had been taking its toll on him. He never really understood the concept of Math and how it could possibly help him on his music career.

The stress was starting to build up and Mark knew he just had to get away from it.

After having come up with a decision, he stood up and decided to go outside the room and unwind. He looked down at his wrist watch, realizing that it had been about 3 hours since he started writing and came up with nothing.

Nice going Mark.

The kids were watching a movie at the living room. Donghyuck had asked him earlier if he wanted to join them but he declined the offer, wanting to be left alone for a while so he could write.

But it was just a lie.

Honestly, he just didn’t want to see Chenle flirting with Donghyuck in his face when he would join them.

Yeah, it was definitely the reason why.

Mark wasn’t sure how it happened or why it happened but those two have been acting pretty close with each other lately.

It was getting on his nerves, at how close Chenle was getting to Donghyuck these past few days. Mark knew that Renjun hadn’t accepted the main vocalist’s confession— yet, but the leader knew that they were bound to end up together anyway. Everyone knew that. It was so obvious that Renjun liked the younger back. Something was just holding him back.

But why was Chenle sticking to Donghyuck like glue? Wasn’t Renjun the love of his life? Why was Chenle doing those things?

The older knew that Chenle was probably up to no good, probably planning on making Renjun jealous or something by hanging out with Donghyuck more and being rather clingy. But something just felt off, something wasn’t right.

Mark had no idea what it was exactly.

He reached for the door, thinking that the kids might not have been finished with the movie yet so it was probably best if he could join them and enjoy himself even for a little bit, to keep his mind off some things that had been bugging him.

As he opened the door, a rather irritating sight had welcomed him.

Donghyuck had his head rested against Chenle’s shoulder while the younger was holding him in place, his arms around the older.

Mark hadn’t said anything, though he badly wanted to strangle the younger chinese male for even thinking of holding Donghyuck like that. How dare he?

But he decided to just remain his composure; he should be the better man out of this. Yes, he should.

Relax Mark. Keep your cool Mark, he told his self.

“Hyung, you could lay in my lap you know?” the sudden suggestion from the younger definitely didn’t pass by the leader’s ear and boy was he pissed.

He was about to say something, say anything, just to get those two away from each other but was beaten to it when Renjun had suddenly stood up and left the room in a hurry, a unpleased expression was clear as day on his face that Mark had caught before the former fled and left the younger ones disbelieved.

From where he stood, it would seem like Chenle was ready to follow suit, ready to follow the older to whenever it is he was supposed to be going but before he even got the chance to do so, Donghyuck had held onto his wrist, preventing him from moving. And was where Mark felt his irritation reached its peak.

Something was boiling at the pit of his stomach, some unknown emotion he hadn’t felt in the past, without further listening to what the two were probably talking more about, before he knew it, he cleared his throat, catching the attention of the younger kids in the other side of the room.

“Donghyuck, come here for a second,” he said, arms crossed across his chest as he continued on staring at the male in question.

The younger male turned to him, clearly stunned by his sudden appearance and Mark couldn’t help but snort at his expression. “Why?” Donghyuck asked, letting go of the hand he had on the younger.

“We need to talk,” a tinge of venom trailing in his voice, not forgetting to spare Chenle one of his ‘don’t-touch-him’ glares. “In private.”

Donghyuck seemed to be hesitant at first, not wanting to follow the older, but the look of urgency that Mark had gave him made him think otherwise.

After dusting himself off, he headed towards the door. Mark gave way to let the younger enter the room but not before he caught a glimpse of what seemed like concerned eyes from Jeno and Jisung but paid it no mind.

He slammed the door behind him when he turned and entered the room and saw the younger jolt as wood crashed against wood at the impact of the door to the frame.

They stood across each other, said nothing.

The younger was staring at him, waiting for him to say something. Innocence was visible on the younger’s eyes, like it was as if he wasn’t aware with what he did and it made Mark sick to the bones.

Tch.

“What the hell are you doing?” Mark said straight away, arms still crossed.

“What do you mean?” the younger asked with furrowed eyebrows, confused at the query being hurled at him.

“How could you allow Chenle to do something like that to you?” Looking rather sceptical at the other, he raised his brow at the younger’s oblivious act. C’mon, Donghyuck was dense just not to this extreme!

“Do what to me?” the younger tilted his head to the side, still muddled. “Hyung, I don’t understand.”

“Are you even aware what you are doing Lee Donghyuck? Have some decency. Not everyone is pleased if they see you flirting with another member in the open. Don’t you even feel bad for Renjun? You already know that he likes Chenle yet you’re doing this!” he said in one breathe, irritation trailing in his voice. He was really pissed and he wasn’t sure what he was saying anymore.

“Why is Chenle and Renjun-hyung dragged into this? I really don’t understand.”

“Stop pretending that you don’t know cause I know you do!”

“But I really don’t!” And of course Donghyuck won’t back down in a verbal fight.

“Don’t deny it,” Mark sneered, almost threatening.

“I’m not doing anything wrong here hyung,” the younger defended. If Mark wasn’t clouded with rage of some sort he would have definitely noticed the sudden change in Donghyuck, like he wasn’t at all expecting Mark to be like this to him.

“Not doing anything huh?” he clicked his tongue before he smirked bitterly at the younger. “Unbelievable.”

“And I’m the one who’s unbelievable?” Donghyuck was outraged. “I really don’t know why you seem pissed off about this but I did nothing wrong hyung!”

But Mark was too prideful, too unwilling to back down, too reluctant to listen. “That is not nothing Lee Donghyuck,” he said adding emphasize in his words.

Why can’t Donghyuck see what he had done wrong?

“What is your problem hyung?!” the younger shouted; unable to contain the fit of fury he too was feeling. “If you have an issue with me why don’t you just outright say it in my face so I’d understand,” he sounded hurt. “You can’t just expect me to understand everything right away if you aren’t even telling me anything!”

I am jealous, damn it!

But of course, he wouldn’t say that out loud. Mark said nothing, couldn’t come up with a retort to counter the younger’s words, couldn’t say anything back. Awkward silence then invaded the room, leaving Mark utterly defeated.

You’ve won this round.

Donghyuck hadn’t said anything as well; he was just silently observing the older, searching his eyes. This stare was so piercing, so intense that Mark had diverted his gaze first and broke contact.

He then heard Donghyuck let out a