FIVE
Fighting the darkness“Hey… Don’t be scared. Take a deep breath. In and out. Please.. Should I get a nurse? Or do you want to be alone? Not that I think that you should be alone right now, you know. Or should I…”
I stopped myself from rambling on and on by pressing a hand to my mouth. Jepp’s head had jerked up as I started speaking and now I could see his face. He was not crying. But that was no relief to me at all.
His eyes were wide open in panic, darting around without really seeing and his lips were pale and trembling. He was gasping for air, his hand still in his hair and with every passing second it seemed to get worse. I felt so helpless but still raised a hand and slowly began his back and as that didn’t do anything I took all my courage and, with a little force as the frightened man was all stiff, bedded down his forehead onto the crook of my neck and put my arms around him, starting to slightly sway back and forth. As I had somewhere read that you should try to minimize the intake of oxygen of a person with a panic attack, I hoped my shoulder would do the job. A pillow would be a way to big risk in my state. In the end, I would choke Jepp to death while attempting to help him, so a hug and my shoulder would have to do.
Still consumed by that horrifying thought of killing him by mistake, I suddenly felt Jepp’s arms winding around my midst and his face pressing a little stronger into me. He was still violently shaking so I increased the pressure with which I was holding him and started humming. I wasn’t humming an actual song. Just a melody that came to my mind that instant to calm Jepp and myself and I hummed it just loud enough for him to be able to hear it.
Like that we sat for what felt like a little eternity but I didn’t mind. I liked being held so desperately. It was so nice to feel needed. And although I was the one trying to spend shelter and comfort, deep down I could feel how desperately I was in need of an embrace as strong and true as this one. I let my head sink a little so my nose was buried in the thick hair of the man in my arms. His hair smelled nice and I closed my eyes, trying to forget everything but that embrace and the tickling of his hair on my nose, his smell and the feeling of his face in the crook of my neck.
All too soon his breath got a little slower, the shaking subsided and his body lost its stiffness. Before he could push me away I removed myself from him and looked at my hands.
“You should go and see a nurse. They would probably want to know about that panic attack. Maybe you can get something to make you feel better or so. Get a good rest.”
With that said I scrambled to my feet and hurriedly went back to my room.
What had I done?
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So.. I am late again. But I still try to update at least once a week!!
I am not sure if I portrayed the panic attack alright or not as I never had a full grown panic attack. Also I didn't want to leave you hanging with the ending but I felt like it was a good one for that chapter.. And yes it is not really supposed to make sense yet. Hope you're not mad at me >.<
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