Kwon Woo Young

“…and I am sorry, but if you think about it, something like this can never work out,” I read under my breath as my eyes followed every word on the screen.

           The constant tapping of my nails on my desk and the continuous ticking of my wall clock mixed together in my room. My eyes were tired from countless minutes of staring and re-reading, making sure that everything was right and up to the standards of the site. Or so I hoped. There was no room for error, mistakes, or kindness. This was all wrong. It was very wrong.

           I massaged my throbbing head and deleted a few sentences that didn’t work well with the entire composition. Warning alarms were blaring in my head as I recalled the words that made me cringe and spend more than ten minutes trying to write something more sensible than keyboard-smashed words. Tingles ran through my spine when the words and sentences that should’ve brought me warm feelings started getting bigger and bigger in my mind. And I hate it.

           Breathing in and out deeply, I reread the composition for the nth time to make sure. I felt like forces were tearing insides into two. Do I lose myself in what is right? Or do I limit myself so I would still abide by the standards of the site and my persona?

           I messed up my hair in frustration and grabbed the forgotten apple on my table, taking out all of my aggravation on eating whatever was edible and near. The sweet-tasting juice of the apple somewhat released some steam, but the fire still kept burning.

           I clicked my tongue and slammed the apple back on my table. The juice that splashed onto my desk made me wince. The white screen was glaring at my face and so was the rising number of incoming e-mail as the seconds ticked past.

           “Ah, whatever,” I mumbled, highlighting the whole composition and getting ready to change everything.

           Before I could push delete, a loud knock at my door distracted me. I sighed and placed my head in my hands.

           “Who is it?”

           A flirty giggle came from the door, and I had the extreme urge to slam my head on the wooden desk in front of me. It was quite easy for me to know who were at the door and exactly what they were doing.

           Not right now, please.

           “It’s me, and Woo Young’s here too,” Hee Sul yelled through door before saying something that I couldn’t hear.

           Rubbing my forehead, I stood up to open the door for them. When I opened the door, my eyes were met with a horrifying sight: my sister and my bestfriend flirting. Seeing my sister’s hand on his arm and smiling widely at him made the weight in my head feel heavier. I had to fight the urge to close the door on them and return to the task at hand, maybe even finish the apple to relieve some stress.

           Running a hand down my face, I moaned, “Can you guys just come back when you’re finished making out with your eyes? I don’t want to give up the only substance in my stomach to the floor right now.”

           Woo Young moved to stand next to me, walking away from my sister’s grip, and placed a hand on my shoulder, checking me from head to toe.  He smiled, “Whoa, what’s put you in a bad mood?”

           “Gee, I wonder,” I muttered sarcastically, walking away from the two, situating myself back on my desk chair and turning it so I faced both of them.

           “I hope you’ll stay for dinner,” Hee Sul mused, directing her heart-winning smile at my friend first before smiling at me too. She could probably power half of Seoul with her smile.

           Woo Young nodded, “You know I will, Noona.”

           Hee Sul Unnie closed the door, which left only me and Woo Young in the room. I started rubbing my palms on my knees as he went over to get my reading chair near my window. He placed the chair beside mine, takes off his messenger bag, and sits down.

           The temperature in the room rose a bit, and I could feel the moisture on my palms return.

           “Are you cold?”

           I shot a confused look at my companion and laughed, though it did come out somewhat anxious and broken.

           “What made you say that?”

           Woo Young cautiously brought his hand down and grabbed my wrist. My heart started beating fast and my brain went absolutely blank. His touch was warm on my skin and very gentle. The contrast between his big hands and my small pale ones almost made me laugh.

           He waved my hand at my face, “You keep rubbing your knees. What? Too busy trying to answer all of the submissions that you can’t even change from your skirt?”

           I jerked my hand from his grip and rubbed the place where our skin made contact. Somehow, the feeling there was like there was a cool fire spreading over my wrist.

           “Whatever,” I muttered distractedly, running my thumb gently on that confusing feeling on my skin.

           “Hey, what do you mean ‘for the worst’?”

           I looked up to find Woo Young scrolling through the open and highlighted composition, probably reading it word for word. Alarms started going off in my head and I felt panic creep up.

           “That’s nothing!” I grabbed the mouse from him and tried to open a new tab to distract him from the composition that I’ve written but he had grabbed the mouse back.

           He clicked back to the reply, “That is not just nothing.”

           Struggling with his other hand that kept pushing my advances back, I managed to jerk my right hand through and I quickly clicked on ‘Send’ before he could read any more. Thank God that the internet in our house was quick and the message was sent before I could even let out a deep breath of relief. He had stopped meddling and threw his hands up in frustration.

           “What did you do?”

           My mental victory dance stopped short when Woo Young’s words rang through my brain. From feeling high and mighty, I was reduced to feeling stupid and frustrated once more. I had just sent an awful e-mail to a submitter. I had violated a personal rule of mine for the site. What did I do?

           “I didn’t,” I started and groaned while massaging my head. “That wasn’t supposed to—“

           But it was. That was supposed to happen. That was clearly my intent. There wasn’t anything wrong with what I had written, so why am I feeling frustrated and guilty with it?

           “No. It was nothing. Forget about it,” I insisted, shaking my head and opening my inbox to check the mail.

           The dark-haired male took the mouse from my hand and clicked on the sent folder. “How about let’s not forget it and let me see the reply that you just sent?”

           I sighed and leaned back on my chair that created a weird creaking noise. It wasn’t like I could stop Woo Young from finding out, anyway. And besides, I didn’t do anything wrong, right?

           He remained silent as his light brown eyes moved with each line and sentence on the e-mail. Somehow, I felt nervous once again, like whenever it was time for peer reviews for our work. There were nervous butterflies in my stomach that continued to wreak havoc as the time stretched. Even though I was practically cracking inside, my face remained blank—or at least I hoped it was.

           Woo Young focused his eyes on mine, and I felt frozen in his gaze. If he had wanted me to spill anything and everything, he could do it with his gaze alone. Just a bit more and he could make me crack.

           “Why did you do it?”

           As he asked, his gaze softened before he turned towards the netbook’s screen once more.

           I titled my head a bit, “What do you mean “why”?”

           “I’ve known you for more than a year now. You’re not someone who would send something like this,” he gestured over to the letter, unsurely.

           “I am someone who would send something like that,” I huffed, fumbling to find my resolve. “Just—scroll up.”

           I tugged on my bangs with my hands in total irritation. This wasn’t the time or place for a fight, and definitely not with Woo Young. The last thing we needed was another storm brewing.

           “Wait a second,” he called, placing his slender fingers on my shoulder but keeping his eyes on the submission. “You did all of that just because of this guy that—“

           “He wasn’t just some guy, Woo Young,” I stated. “You can see it there. It’s practically screaming at our faces: I-D-O-L. That’s not just some normal guy!”

           Instead of letting it go like I expected him to, he pushed the netbook so that it was right in front of me and crossed his arms on his chest. Woo Young gave me a stern look.

           “That, to me, looks just like any other guy in love,” he pointed out. “That looks exactly like any regular customer of yours. Now, go apologize.”

           I pushed the blue device away, “No. You’re not the boss of me, and you’re certainly not the owner of the site. Are you Aphrodite? No.”

           Stubbornly, he grabbed my hands and pressed them against the keyboard. “Well, I’m Adonis! I have some say in this.”

           “What?” My voice hitched up as I struggled to free my hands from Woo Young’s sturdy grip. “That makes no sense! Adonis is just the god of beauty and desire. When they rename you to Cupid or Aphrodite, then you have some say in what I do.”

           Once I got one of my hands free, I smacked Woo Young on his forehead using my palm. His eyes widened, his mouth hung open, and his hands immediately went towards his forehead.

           “Hey! That hurts,” he complained, lifting his dark bangs and checking his forehead once more using the reflection from my netbook’s screen. Gliding his slender fingers on his slowly reddening skin, he hissed in pain and turned to narrow his eyes at me.

           I scoffed and reclined into my chair, “Baby.”

           “Okay, no,” he said, “you just bruised my pretty forehead. That is not okay. Give me your phone.”

           “What?”

           “Give me your phone,” he insisted with gritted teeth. The ‘baby’ was still holding on to the small patch of red under his bangs and pressed his lips into a firm line.

           Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my backpack off my bed and hauled it into my lap. I ped the front pocket and rummaged through my personal stuff before feeling the smooth texture of my cellphone pouch. Grabbing the small rectangular pouch in my hand, I pulled it out and ped it to get my small white Samsung. Before I could even light it up, Woo young had snatched the phone from my grasp and unlocked it in one swift swipe of his finger through the dots.

           While he started tapping some buttons, I placed the pouch back in the bag, zipped up the bag, and flung the bag back on the bed. The sound of a dialing phone reached my ears and I turned around to find the phone on the middle of the desk and my dark-haired friend situating the netbook before him.

           “What are you doing?” I was about to reach out and take the netbook from him, but he glared my hand away. If his eyes could shoot lasers, my hands would have turned into stubs at that very moment.

           The dialing had stopped and a clear familiar voice spoke from my phone, “Good evening, Eun Hee. Is there something wrong?”

           The formality and stiffness in the tone confirmed the name in my head. I sighed and smacked my forehead.

           I asked, “Why did you call Ae Mi?”

           “Yo! What’s up with the call, Eunnie?”

           “And Ha Rin?” I grabbed the phone to check, and sure enough, he put us all in a conference call.

           “I second Ha Rin’s question. Why did you call us? Is Woo Young also included in this conference?” Ae Mi asked calmly through the phone.

           “No, I’m here with Eun Hee,” Woo Young answered before raising his hands (though the others could not see). “I have called for an intervention.”

           “An intervention? Really?” I almost laughed at the whole concept, but Woo Young’s stern facial expression wasn’t something that should be laughed at.

           I had to admit though, even if he was technically trying to scare me off, he still looked like something sent from above. I guess the look that he was going for was a dark-haired, charismatic, and mysterious murderer—one that you would completely surrender to.

           “Yes, really,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Alright, I need you guys to listen to this letter entry that a certain someone here replied rudely to.”

           I groaned, “I didn’t do anything wrong!”

           Woo Young held out a hand to shush me, and I did the most grown up thing ever: I crossed my hands over and ‘hmph!’ed.

           Clearing his throat, my devilishly handsome friend read:

           “Dear Aphrodite,

 

           Is that how you’re supposed to start it? I don’t really know how this works. I don’t even know why I’m doing this! I just got this idea from a friend of mine and I thought, “Why not?”. I could give it a shot. I should at least try it. Your site is really popular and it’s actually trending (congratulations!). That should be a huge sign that you’re really good, right? So why am I so nervous about this?

 

           Uhm, there’s this girl that I really like. She’s really nice, funny, cute, gentle, and just perfect. She brings me butterflies and I feel better whenever she’s around. I’ve been watching her from afar for a couple of months now and I fear that we’ll always remain far from each other. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I want to get closer to her and get to know her better. I want to be there for her since she had always been there for me. For us. I want to talk to her normally and hear her laugh because of something that I said. I want to know more about her family, her interests, her whole life. Maybe even become a part of it. Her smile is a permanent part of my mind now, and I always imagine her smiling when I’m tired because I feel fully recharged and ready to start working again.

 

           There’s just a tiny problem: I’m an idol and she’s a fan of our group. I know this sounds crazy and you’re probably thinking that I’m joking or lying, but it’s true. I am part of this group that is well-known with thousands and thousands of fans. She is included in that sea of fans. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get close to her without someone’s help. But I guess, there’s a more important issue that I should tackle first: should I even try? Do you think it’s worth it? Am I way over my head?

 

           I know that those questions are really stupid. Of course I can’t be with her. My company prohibits it and our manager will surely kill me if we’re together. Everyone says that these kinds of relationships don’t last. Is that true?

 

           I was hoping that there is someone out there that could tell me that these feelings that I have will last and fighting for her is worth it. Maybe I’m going to do the right thing by following my heart instead of following everyone else’s orders.

 

           I hope that you can help me resolve my problems. I can’t help it if I’m absolutely smitten by this wonderful and mysterious girl even though I’ve only started to like her for two months and I don’t know much about her. There really is something about this girl that makes it hard for me to stop thinking about her and to try to forget her.

 

          

 

                                                                                                           Sincerely,

                                                                                                           Byun Baek Hyun of EXO   

          

           P.S. I hope that you’ll keep this confession a secret? You said in your homepage that you’re sworn to secrecy and you will never make a submission public. I trust that you won’t tell a soul about this.”

           “Well, so much for keeping a secret,” I drawled with a sigh.  

           Woo Young shushed me once more and said, “We need to talk about this. It’s not like you’ll keep this a secret from us, right?”

           I looked away from his eyes when I found myself unable to react quickly. Would I have kept it a secret from them if Woo Young never found out about it? Yes.

           I looked at him dead in the eye and answered, “Of course not.”

           He gave me a broad grin that certainly lit up his face. Seeing him smile, it instantly made me smile back.

           “Wow, that was so sweet that I think my teeth are rotting,” Ha Rin sneered through the phone. “The letter was already too much, but you guys just had to add that little drama segment.”

           “Shut up, Ha Rin,” I said, forcing a chuckle from my throat.

           A sigh with slight crackle from the phone came and Ae Mi intervened nonchalantly, “I don’t see any problem with that.”

           Woo Young took a deep breath before his eyes were reverted back to the firm and hard look that he had earlier. And here I thought that he was going to let it go by now.

           “The letter wasn’t the problem,” said Woo Young, “it was the reply that Eun Hee sent to that submitter.”

           “Let’s hear it, then,” Ha Rin said impatiently. Static and rustle could be hear from the phone, which I assumed was from Ha Rin’s side.

           As I was about to insert again that I absolutely did not do anything wrong, Woo Young held up his hand again to shush me. It was as if he had read my mind and moved to stop me before I could even waste a breath.

           “Dear Byun Baek Hyun,

 

           You don’t know how much I appreciate you doing this. Thank you for believing in me and taking the time to write about your situation. It takes guts to write about this kind of situation, more so because of who you are. Regarding your identity, don’t worry; I will keep you and this letter safe from the public. You have my word on it.”

           “That sounds fine to me,” Ha Rin huffed, interrupting Woo Young before he could continue with the next paragraph. Ha Rin’s voice sounded restless over the phone and I could feel her irritation rising.

           I couldn’t blame her. Day was quickly turning into night and I assumed that she hadn’t eaten dinner yet. A hungry Ha Rin is a very annoyed and impatient Ha Rin. Not good.

           “No, no,” Woo Young sang. “That’s just the calm before the storm. Wait ‘till you hear what she wrote next.”

           I already knew what the next lines were about. This was where everything was going to go wrong, for no real reason.

           I sighed. Woo Young can be such a dramatic person.

           Woo Young continued, “I am very grateful that you have confided in me and gave me the opportunity to help you before it could turn for the worst. Now, you may be shocked. What do I mean by ‘turn for the worst’? Let me ask you this question: have you even thought about the risks that you’re taking and the consequences in pursuing one of your fans?

 

           Sure, it seems like the dreamy fanfiction for any fan and the perfect fairytale for anyone to be able to date an idol, but that’s all it’s ever going to be: fiction. It’s just something that people can imagine but can never have. It can never happen in real life.

 

           You had already pointed out in your letter that your company does not allow dating. Isn’t that already a sign that you shouldn’t even consider this? Do you know why they do not want you to date anyone? Scandals. There are going to be lots of scandals. Both of your faces are going to be everywhere, and it’s going to create Hell for your PR department. Cameras will follow you everywhere 24/7 and you will have no privacy whatsoever with your little crush. Not to mention, you will lose thousands of fans because it’s very hard to market an unavailable male to a sea of single women.

 

           In short: your reputation will be tarnished and you will lose a lot of fans.

 

           Speaking of fans, have you even thought about their reactions? From what I have gathered about idols is that every idol has two sets of fans: the admirers and the obsessed. The admirers are those fans that adore you and acknowledge you as any other human being with needs. Those are the fans that will tell everyone that it’s okay for your to have a girlfriend since you’re human yourself and that they want you to be happy. Then, there are your obsessed fans. I don’t think I even have to explain this to you since you encounter them every day. These are the fans that follow you, stalk you, beg you, harass you, and make your job ten times harder than it should be. I’m sure you have encountered these more than enough, yes? Do you know how they will react once they find out that you are dating someone? Even if the media still hasn’t found out about your relationship, they surely will. You have no privacy while they are still around. And once they find out, who knows what their reactions will be.  They might think that because you agree to date a fan, everyone has a chance at getting you. Fighting them off will become tougher and they might become more obsessed. Everything will go into chaos.

 

           This now relates to your crush. Have you even thought about the safety of the girl? Once you even give her an ounce of attention, everyone will be all over her. Media will follow her everywhere she goes since you technically dragged her into the spotlight. Fans will try to dig up everything about her life and try to find her flaws. What’s worse is that I know that some fans will make her life a living Hell because she is with you. And this is just a hunch, but I do believe that your company will also make your crush’s life difficult in order for her to break up with you if you’re not the one who will break it off.

 

           There is also a case where she will feel inferior to you. Because you are an idol, there will always be a gap that she will feel between her and you. She is just a fan while you are a famous Korean idol. You are molded to perfection with a face that could probably seduce thousands of women and is the envy of many men. You have been trained to be a special star in the spotlight. You have talents like singing, dancing, and public speaking that could instantly capture the attention of a crowd. You are not an average person, but she is. She is just a normal human being. She may look average, carry herself averagely, have an average personality, have average or no talents at all, and appear invisible to most people. There is a huge gap between the two of you that will become an issue to her in the future. She will feel like she can never be enough for you.

 

           She will not live an easy life, and that is because of who you are and your status in our society.

 

           So to answer your question about trying, I suggest that you don’t even think about it. Do yourself and the girl a favor by not taking it any further. It is better to leave it alone than do any damage. It’s not worth it once you think about everything that can happen once you try to pursue her.

 

           Yes, you are very much way over your head. Start thinking seriously, please.

 

           As for your last question: no. Relationships like those cannot last. It simply cannot withstand immense pressure from everything and escape the huge gap that it has to face. In the end, one, if not both, of you will crack.

 

           So do yourself a favor and move on. Don’t even think about ruining everything you’ve worked for. It isn’t worth destroying all of your hard work to be with someone who sees you as someone that she could never be equal with.

 

           It’s great and all that you were able to feel something as wonderful as that, but it is just puppy love. It’s not even real love. You can’t fall for someone in only two months! It’s all hormones. It’s the illusion of simple attraction.

 

           I’ve been really hard on this, and I’m sorry, but if you think about it, something like this can never work out.

 

           I do hope that you find wonderful love, just with someone who is equal to you.

 

                                                                                                                       With Love,

                                                                                                                                   Aphrodite”

           Woo Young took a deep breath after finishing the long letter. It wasn’t until after he finished it that I felt the weight of my words. The way he read it to me sounded awful, but the words still rang true to my ears.

           And it wasn’t until after a while that I noticed that nobody was saying anything. Silence wrapped around the room and the rustles from Ha Rin’s part weren’t even there anymore. Even Woo Young had surrendered to silence and was staring blankly at the screen.

           Finally, Ae Mi’s voice cut through the silence and she said, “I don’t see any problem with that either.”

           I let out a huge breath of relief once I heard the words from the cellphone. Even though I knew that Ae Mi would definitely side with me, the wait for her reaction was nerve-wrecking. She could tell me that I was wrong and point out my flaws in her monotonous voice that always scared me. Her voice plus her distant personality have always scared me because you can never tell what she would say or how she would react, but at the same time, it made me feel relieved that she was so distant.

           Woo Young stared at the phone in disbelief, “What?”

           “I don’t see any problem with that either,” Ae Mi repeated nonchalantly. “She didn’t do anything wrong by telling someone the truth and the consequences of their actions.”

           I exclaimed, “Exactly!”

           I shot a smug look at Woo Young before reaching over and grabbing my forgotten apple on his side of the desk. Taking a big bite out of the apple, I shook my head jokingly at the flabbergasted male beside me.

           “I told you I didn’t do anything wrong,” I said proudly.

           “No! What you did was wrong!” He gestured with both hands at my netbook, disgusted.

           “How exactly is that wrong?” I challenged him with a look.

           “You—“

          

           “Wait a minute,” Ae Mi called out, “where’s Ha Rin? She hasn’t spoken up since Woo Young continued reading.”

           I took the phone in my hands and checked to see if she had hung up on us. Surprisingly, her phone’s still in the conference. Funny, here I was thinking that maybe she got very impatient and sneakily hung up while Woo Young was reading.

           I brought the phone closer to my mouth, “HA RIN! Park Ha Rin, don’t you dare sleep on us or leave your phone in a room!”

           “Thank you so much for destroying my eardrums, Eun Hee,” Ae Mi hissed. I could imagine her rubbing her ear daintily while moving the phone to her other ear.

           “Sorry,” I mumbled and placed the phone back at the center of the desk. Rustles sounded from the phone before Ha Rin’s voice drifted wearily from the phone.

           “Don’t get your in a twist, Eunnie,” Ha Rin’s teased which made me blush, “I’m here. I was listening the whole time. Can’t I be quiet for a while?”

           “Wow! That’s something you don’t hear every day. Are you sure you weren’t silent because you hit your head and fell unconscious for a while there?” Woo Young snickered at his little joke, finally snapping out of his bewildered phase.

           “Yeah, it’s because you read it so boringly,” Ha Rin sneered. “Bite me, pretty boy.”

           Woo Young was about to hurl back a response when Ae Mi interjected, “Okay, enough. I still need to study for my foreign languages. Can we finish this call?”

           “Yes,” I cry out the same time Woo Young called out, “No.”

           “Oh come on, guys,” Ha Rin yelled in exasperation. “I’m so hungry!”

           “Me too,” I admitted. “Can we stop now?”

           “No, no, no! We still have to talk this out,” Woo Young insisted. “Don’t you see how she’s shooting down the chance for this idol to experience a beautiful and exciting love?”

           “But it’s risky and it could ruin someone’s life or career,” I pointed out, turning in my seat and lowering my body so that my upper back to my head was on my bed while my and thighs were still on the chair.

           “I agree,” Ae Mi commented. “The girl should also never feel inadequate or lower than the guy. She would appear as if she was only an accessory if she chooses to be with him.”

           “Yes, that gap is an issue,” I pressed on, using my hands to gesture at a gap.

           “I’m not good with any of this bull,” Ha Rin started, “but I also think that it’s better if he mans up and move on. Damn silly, that boy is.”

           “But this could give hope to a lot of people, Eun Hee. Think about the message that you could send through this,” Woo Young said, grabbing one of my hands in his. “Love can bring people with a great gap closer and a relationship between people who are out of each other’s league is possible and beautiful.”

           I bit my lip and tried to gently take my hand out of his. The strong urge to rub my palms against my knees starts bubbling up again. I didn’t want him to be grossed out by sweaty palms.

           I sighed, “Yes, but that gap is way too big. This isn’t your average high school love problem, but a problem involving someone’s career and someone’s safety. I can’t just give them false hope and assure them that everything’s going to be all right when it won’t. They’ll go through Hell to be with each other.”

           Woo Young finally lets go of my hand and I start my knee-rubbing ritual again. He ran a hand through his hair and looked down. I swear I saw something flicker in his eyes but in vanished before I could even check to see if it really was there.

           “But it could be a love as wonderful as Romeo and Juliet’s,” he whispered. “Maybe even better. The gap doesn’t matter.”

           I rolled my eyes, “The gap does matter.”

           “And Romeo and Juliet died in the end, Woo Young,” Ae Mi shot. “The story’s a tragedy. I don’t think it gets better after that.”

           “Dude, let it go. It was never meant to be in the first place,” Ha Rin yawned.

           From my position, I could easily see the hurt in Woo Young’s eyes as the two girls on the phone talked more about the situation. I remained quiet and watched the emotions that passed through the eyes of my bestfriend. I honestly don’t know why he looked hurt with the comments—they were simply the truth—but I knew better than to ask about it. He never seems to answer any personal questions, as do I.

           I pushed my upper body off the bed and patted Woo Young’s shoulder. “See? It’s not worth it. The end.”

           Grabbing the cellphone, I held it in my hand and said, “I think we’ve had enough here. Sorry for disturbing you guys. Good night!”

           The two bid us both good night before hanging up. I turned towards Woo Young and bumped his shoulder with mine.

           “Hey, you all right?”

           “I just don’t get it,” he admitted, sounding lost and settling his gaze on the screen.

           I raised an eyebrow and placed my white Samsung on the desk, “Don’t get what?”

           He reclined on his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. His eyes were directed at my ceiling as he said, “When someone tells you that they like someone who is way older than they are, you tell them to go for it. When someone tells you that they like their bestfriend, childhood friend, or enemy, you cheer them on. When someone tells you that they like their bestfriend’s girlfriend or boyfriend, you tell them to be cautious but to follow their heart.  When someone tells you that they like their young professor or teacher, you give them advice on how to pursue them. But when someone tells you that they’re poor and they like someone who’s very rich, or they’re the boss of a huge company and they like a lowly employee, or they’re an idol and they like a fan of theirs, you go completely nuts and stop them from experience everything that is wonderful about love. Why?”

           I my dry lips and looked at him square in his eyes. He needed to understand what I had to say next.

           “Loving someone who’s out of your league is stupid and pointless,” I answered firmly.

           “Why do you always think that?”

           “Because it’s true,” I took a deep breath, “and because—“

           A knock on my door threw me off my train of thought and stopped me from doing something I shouldn’t have. For that, I felt relieved.

           “Eunnie! Woo Young! Dinner’s ready,” Hee Sul called out, drawing out Woo Young’s name a bit lighter than mine.

           I rubbed my forehead to loosen myself up and yelled, “Coming!”

           I felt a hand on my shoulder and I turned to find Woo Young smiling at me. Any trace of the confused, hurt, and strict Woo Young was gone and replaced by the normal playful Adonis that I’ve come to know.

           He nodded his head toward the door. “Come on. I know you’re hungry.”

           I nodded and we both left the room to join my sister downstairs for dinner. The rest of the night proceeded like it has every time Woo Young comes over to help with the site. Woo Young and Hee Sul flirted at the table, Woo Young went back to the room with me, we answered some submissions, started on some homework, and Woo Young returned to his house when it got late. It was like the intervention and the rude letter never happened. We laughed, joked, and helped each other.

           But while I was answering the remaining inquiries in my inbox and finished the remaining exercises for a class, I didn’t know that the moment of normality that I was experiencing was only the “calm before the storm” as Woo Young has said earlier. I didn’t know that something was going to push my life out of its orbit and send me spiraling down. While I slept, I couldn’t help but feel heavy and feel that something was wrong.

           I woke up at around four in the morning and I couldn’t go back to sleep after that. Maybe it was the guilt of sending an awful letter finally settling in, even though I am right with my opinions and belief. Whatever it was, the heavy feeling wouldn’t go away.

           I sighed as I my netbook. If I couldn’t sleep, I might as well use the huge amount of time that I have to answer more submissions so I could relax in the classroom later. The sweet image of a morning that I could use to chill with everyone gets me pumped up to reply even though I was so tired.

           But the smile was wiped clean off my face when my eyes met with an overflowing inbox. The numbers didn’t just double but tripled overnight. This has never happened to me before.

           When I opened my inbox, I had to hold my head to stop the world from spinning around me.

         “,” I cursed when I was faced with an inbox overflowing with e-mails from only one person repeating the same thing over and over again.

“Take it back.”