‘Are you home?’

 

‘Yeap. I am in the house.’

 

He did not reply her text message after that. Putting not much thought into it, Chae Young started reading through her notes after putting her phone down. Her final exams are coming up in three days and there are a few things she has yet to go through.

 

She had heard the main door open and then him conversing on the phone vaguely in the background. Again, she did not think much about it. Then it hit her all of a sudden. Had she missed dinner time? Why is he back at three in the evening?

 

Her curiosity was answered when she saw him as she descended down the stairs. He was holding his phone to his left ear while a peculiar black bag was slung on his left shoulder. It was not his usual pilot trolley bag which he chauffer to and fro from his office.

 

“Uh-huh. Look, you get it sorted out right now and I’ll check in on you again in an hour.” With a few more ‘uh-huh’, Jin Young hung up the phone. He looked up and met his wife’s eyes. “Oh, hello there, love.”

 

She did not reply. Instead, her gaze were focused on the other peculiarity attached to him – who is currently looking back at her with his pair of curious, bright eyes and his right hand clutched tight with a bunny rabbit.

 

“Ha Seon ah, aren’t you going to greet your aunt?” Jin Young pulled his right hand a little and it tugged at his 3 year old nephew’s left hand.

 

Im Ha Seon, a three year old toddler, has finally made his appearance again in Chae Young’s life. Chae Young had met him twice and both times, he proves to be difficult. He was shy and he hides whenever she is around. He never greets her as well. When Ha Seon once agai  refused to greet Chae Young, she knew third time will not be a charm.

 

“He is down with a fever so he isn’t at his best now,” explained Jin Young as he touched the little boy’s forehead as a reflex. “I am sorry to be doing this to you but I promised my sister to take care of him over the weekend this week. She has a pre-scheduled business trip with my brother-in-law and I could not say no.”

 

“I don’t mind at all but he doesn’t like me, so—”

 

“Trust me, he likes you. He thinks you are pretty.” He then knelt down, his eyes the same level as the three year old. “Do you want to eat?”

 

The little boy had nodded slightly, his lips forming a little pout. Jin Young had settled him down in the living room as he pulled out the little blanket and a bottle of juice. After ensuring the cushion guards had been properly installed on the corners of their coffee table, he gave the toddler a kiss on his forehead and proceeded to the kitchen, his mind set on making chicken soup. All this while, Chae Young watched him and a certain memory flooded her mind.

 

 

 

“Could you just cook instant porridge instead and make her shut up already? She is being really annoying right now and I need to study for my finals!”

 

In the background came a piercing cry of a little girl, her cries were fervent as her needs goes unattended. Struggling with the formula bottle, the cries from the little girl coupling with his tantrums had quickened her heartbeat. In a spur of a moment, she lost her concentration and scalded her hand.

 

 

 

“Hello, Jin Young speaking,” she watched him hold his phone to his ear while he searched through the refrigerator for ingredient. “Mr. Lee has updated me on the progress and I will be checking in again in an hour.” 

 

Then came the distant cry from the living room and Chae Young froze.

 

 

 

She had the toddler cradled in her arms as she tried to soothe her back. She can see the little girl’s face turning red and it is not like her fever is helping much. Chae Young tried to make eye contact at him to ask for a little help.

 

Their eyes met for a moment.

 

But he looked away.

 

He ignored her, all the while making his frustrations known with little lines of why could he not get some peace during the exam periods.

 

 

 

Their eyes met for a moment.

 

He had just set the onions on the counter. His conversation on the phone was not over. With a soft apologetic smile directed at her, he exit the kitchen to attend to his nephew, “Okay, cool. Work with Mr. Lee and keep me posted. Also, Team Leader Cha, it is not really a convenient time for me right now  to talk. I’ll give you a call again when things free up, okay?”

 

With his cellphone placed on the coffee table, he knelt down in front if the toddler, “You alright there, buddy?” and then a kiss again on his burning forehead. The little boy got up on his feet and proceeded to cling to Jin Young. The adult had tried to convince the kid that he needs to cook and the little man has to be a big man now. But the little man did not want to be left alone.

 

“Alright, let’s make dinner together,” he sighed with a smile and picked the boy up, doing all of it while not forgetting a kiss on the toddler’s cheek again.

 

 

 

“Alright, let’s make dinner together,” she sighed heavily. Her only best way out is to hide in the kitchen with the kid, just so that she can get away with his constant complains.

 

But it was the worst decision she has ever made. The kitchen was hot and the little girl kept crying from the heat. Chae Young had wished he was there to at the very least, help her hold the girl. With a toddler in her arms while she struggles to cook, Chae Young felt sad.

 

She should not have kids.

 

 

 

He should have kids.

 

“Can you sit on the counter for a little while? I need to use the knife,” soothe Jin Young gently. The little head lying at the crook of his neck shook, protesting his idea. “No? But you will be hungry if I don’t make dinner.”

 

“I’ll do it,” said Chae Young before she could stop herself.

 

Her eyes met his again. Gently, he said, “No, love. You need to study and I would hate to—”

 

Before he could finish his sentence, his phone rang again. She gestured him to hand Ha Seon over to her but the toddler refused to go to her.

 

“Come on, I don’t bite,” she approached them with a tentative smile. The toddler hid his face away from her. Not willing to give up, she rested her hands on his little back and started soothingly. 

 

The phone was still ringing. She should coax him quickly. He should pick up the call. Instead of thinking, 'Which part of I will call you back when things free up did you not understand,' she figured it must have been urgent. She tried a few rounds of peek a boo and she recognised the little smile that almost broke against the toddler's lips. When his eyes finally twinkled a little, her fingers started to his little red cheeks. She used her ultimate weapon, a cutesy voice and a little pout, “Pretty please? Let me hold you, please?"

 

Jin Young chuckled when the toddler relented while watching the little guy rest his head on the crook of her neck. He was not sure what it is with toddlers and their fondness towards crook of necks. He really needs to attend to the call. He stole a glance at them again, a smile unknowingly crept up his lips as he looked at the both of them. 

 

Mouthing an 'I'll be quick,' he leaned in for a quick kiss on the toddler's forehead.

 

Something felt different.

 

It was the closest the both of them had been.

 

 

 

It was the furthest the both of them had been.

 

Something felt different.

 

It was perhaps her fault that she could not soothe his niece when she was down with a fever. She should have been gentler. She should have been cuter. She should have been a better cook. She should have been better at everything.

 

Perhaps then he would not be sulking and refusing to talk to her for days.

 

When he finally did, it was after the final exams. He apologized with a kiss to her lips. His kiss tasted like tobacco. It was bitter, like his apology. Then her hand stung. He was holding it without noticing the scald she suffered caring for his niece.

 

 

 

“I am back,” Jin Young quickly grabbed an apron and tied to his waist.

 

“Let me cook,” He had just put the pot of water to boil when she finally offered. He rejected her offer and she rejected his rejection. Exasperated, she looked at the toddler and say to her husband, “You will burn the house down and we don’t want to die now, do we?”

 

“I can cook!” He had playfully placed his hands on his hips in protest. The toddler giggled. “Alright, fine.”

 

He went over to her to exchange their roles—him the child holder and she, the head chef.

 

“Just so you know, I feed myself just fine with home cooked meals.”

 

“Yeah and they are all made by me,” Chae Young pinched the toddlers cheeks lightly before removing the apron from her husband’s waist. He hoped she didn’t notice the way he held his breathe when her hands s around his waist to untie the apron at his back.

 

Chae Young had not realized what she had done. It had felt too—natural.

 

Was ot because of the domestic routine they fell into for almost six months now? Perhaps it was because she felt relaxed. The toddler was not crying eventhough he is sick. Jin Young was being calm, caring and gentle despite his phone blasting incessantly.  It made her feel the need to feed them both, the big boy and the little boy. It was the least she could do.

 

“Seriously, love. I’ll cook. You have to study for your finals which is in three days,” his tone had changed to a little serious. He needs her to take him seriously.

 

“I’ll study at night. It will be fine,” with her hair up in a bun, she held the knife, ready to chop some onions. Playfully, she held the knife up and said, “Now get out before I turn you into dinner!”

 

With a giggling sick toddler in his arms, he smiled gratefully at her and walked out of the kitchen. He had occasionally returned into the kitchen with the toddler in tow, just so that he can check in on her—and in case she needs help.

 

***

 

“Let me do it,” he quickly grabbed the bowl from her hand to proceed to wash the rice for dinner.

 

“Ha Seon?”

 

“Asleep in our room.”

 

As she watched him wash the rice, her talk with the girls came floating into her mind.

 

Could this man really like her? Is it even possible?

 

Of all the people in this world, it cannot be her.

 

“Go study, love. I’ll get the rest done. We just need to blanch the spinach and fry the anchovies and peanuts right?” He looked up and found her staring. Before he could comprehend her expression, she nodded and quickly left the kitchen.

 

Confused, he wondered if he had gone too far with his teasing.

 

Dinner had come and go. While having some blanched spinach, he cheekily sought confirmation from his wife on his cooking prowess. She totally ignored him with a laugh and proceeded to feed the little boy with chicken soup.

 

“You just blanched the spinach. How hard can that be?”

 

His eye widened in horror at his wife’s discount on his skills. “I am truly hurt. I did the seasoning as well, can’t you taste the genius in the perfect seasoning of soy sauce, garlic and ginger?”

 

“I tasted only salt and you call that genius?” laughed Chae Young.

 

Despite it all, she made sure none of the side dishes were left. He, on the other hand, made sure the chicken soup was spotless. The toddler, on the other hand, is just happy that he is getting chicken soup at all.

 

You would have thought they had enough of flirting for the day—or for the rest of their life, but bed time came and the toddler begged to differ.

 

Ha Seon had felt better. It was probably the chicken soup laced with medicine that has finally kicking in its effect. He then decided to conquer the middle of their bed, throwing their bolster down on the floor. Jin Young had lean in to kiss him again to which Chae Young had lost count for how many times he had done that.

 

“You kiss her too.”

 

“You can’t just kiss someone. You need to ask for permission.”

 

“Ask her.”

 

Jin Young shook his head. Ha Seon folded his little arms. He must have thought it looks intimidating. Then it turned into a little staring contest. The little boy squint his eyes. The bigger boy then gave in with a chuckled. He turned and looked at her, a little amused twinkle found its way there.

 

“Can I kiss you?”

 

“You have to say please.”

 

“Can I kiss you, please?”

 

Jin Young was prepared for rejection. In fact, an elaborated speech of how she had hurt him began rehearsing in his mind. He would put his hand to his heart and pretend an arrow shot right through it. He was prepared to more with an elaborated act.

 

 “Of course,” She had caught him off guard, “But only on the hands, please.”

 

His eyes were wide. She was not looking at him but her hands were out the princess style.

 

Tentatively, he took her hands with his fingers. Their eyes met as he lowered his lips and gently kissed it.

 

It was a little longer than it should have so she pulled her hand away slightly and looked another way.

 

Chae Young had hated herself at that moment. She should not have allowed herself to be in such a playful mood that warrants him that permission to kiss.

 

***

 

He sensed her being tensed. When he found her on the balcony, he clasped his hand together and approached her with caution. He tried, “Hey.”

 

When he found her shifting away slightly from him as he stood beside her, he felt a weird pang hit against his heart, “I am sorry.”

 

She shrugged. She did not know what he was apologizing for.

 

He did not know what to do. He wished she had said something.

 

“We almost lost him you know,” he cleared his throat. “Ha Seon I mean.”

 

That got her attention. She turned and looked at him.

 

“My sister almost had a miscarriage. She was in bed rest for 2 months, all just to ensure he came in to this world,” he stared at the star in the crisp autumn night.

 

“I hated him at first. I could not understand why she will risk it all for him. She can get another child and save herself first.”

 

Then he turned and leaned his back against the railing, his voice deep with regret, “But then he was born and it all changed. I never thought I could love someone this much and it killed me that I had wished he was never born.”

 

“I am glad he is here,” she offered as she saw his eyes welled up a little. It must have killed him that such evil thoughts have crossed his mind. He is always so gentle, so considerate. “You should forgive yourself. You just love your sister too much to think straight.”

 

A little silence passed through. He was trying to construct his words.

 

“I do not think I’ll forgive myself soon for that. Hence, the kisses. It is my way of telling him I love him. I am not a e, just so we are clear.” It was his best effort to diffuse the tension.

 

“He has been such a wonderful gift. In fact, my family thinks he is a God’s gift that they literally named him that, ‘Ha Seon: Haneulae, seonmul.’”

 

“You will make a good dad you know,” she had let her thoughts slipped through her lips.

 

He laughed bitterly. Looking at her, he asked, “Do you think I will ever have the chance to be a dad?”

 

She wanted to tell him that it was all up to him to decide before she remembered the underlying insinuation. She cleared and suggested that they should all rest for the night, carefully avoiding the word ‘bed’.

 

“Would you like me to sleep in the living room instead? He had removed the bolster and all.”

 

“It’s fine. He is there, isn’t he?”

 

If only she knew that Ha Seon being there now does not mean he will be there when the both of them wakes up.

 

***

 

Morning had come and it had gotten a little chilly in the room. Breathing in, he turned to his other side and proceeded to search for the little body to hug for warmth. His arms found said warmth and with a smile, he pulled himself closer and drifted off to bed again. He liked that the little kid suddenly smelled like jasmines instead of—well, smelling like a kid which is of formulas and baby powder.

 

Jin Young was in a deep sleep. The bed was particularly warm and toasty and his hands—which were usually cold—felt surprisingly warm. His surrounding smelled nice, like he is a garden surrounded by jasmine. He was happily working away on his laptop on a project before he felt little pokes at the base of his feet.

 

‘This cannot be right.’

 

“I am hungry.” A little voice called.

 

His eyes opened. Rose gold coloured hair greeted him and he blinked. Not once, but twice in order to figure out what was going on. Before he could do that, Ha Seon had continued to poke him.

 

Why can’t adults understand that his stomach is more important than their sleep?

 

He nodded with a sleepy smile and started to uncoil himself from his wife. Of course, it was not before stealing a glance and resisting the urge to smell her again and shower her with a kiss.

 

‘Wait what? She does not want your kiss, you idiot!’

 

“Is your head hurting?”

 

“What? No.”

 

“Then why are you shaking them so hard?”

 

“It’s because—nevermind that. Shall we have breakfast, buddy?”

 

Gently and carefully, he got out of bed and closed the door behind him.

 

He will apologize to her again later.

 

Eventhough he was not sure if she is even awake.

 

If she was, he hoped he had not smelled like bad breathe to her.

 

He should not. He had showered before bed.

 

He should have smelled like cedar wood and peppermint.

 

And smell like cedar wood and peppermint he did.

 

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AN: Hello! I hope you made it through to here. I had tonnes of fun writing this and hoped you had tonnes of fun reading this too!