Pushing through this crazy crowd is not the activity I’m aiming for on this winter evening.

“Excuse me.” I said on repeat for the past five minutes.

I can hear people’s frustration as I try to pass by them. They started to fight back, trying to push me back. My toes are probably bleeding right now from being constantly stepped on.

Why am I doing this to myself?

Because you wanted this. You choose this.

Is this the life I wanted?

If this isn’t, is life worth living?

            I instantly set aside the little argument I’m having with my self when I realize that I’m already in front of the crowd.

            Just in the right time. I reached for my school bag, grabbed my camera and started filming. I gazed at the stage for a moment. The lights, the entire set-up was for them. In any second now, he’ll be there, passionately doing his thing.

            The crowd went crazy when the platform rose, revealing the most awaited performers of the evening. The first note of their song played and the crowd went wild. I unknowingly panned my camera to where HE is. I know exactly where he is, of course, I’ve seen him perform in different events and stages before. I was there when he and his group were learning the choreography for the first time in their little dance studio.

            “Fall…” The crowd sang with them.

            It’s the most magical thing I’ve ever witness in my life. The connection between a boy group and their fans, through music that only a portion of the world’s population can understand its meaning right away after hearing the lyrics for the first time.

            As the performance goes on, with me expertly following him through my camera lenses, he saw me. He looked at me for a second or two.

How can I not smile like crazy?

During the second verse of the song I caught him looking at me again, longer this time. I held his stare for a moment, his eyes were inquisitive.

Yes, I did it. I’m here now.

And as if he heard my thought, he smiled.

The last time he looked at me was during the last chorus of the song. His eyes were so sincere that I wanted to cry at that very moment when he utters his line.

“I need you girl…”

And right there, I can feel my tears on my ice-numb cheeks.