Dear Kyungsoo,

             If you are reading this, it means I’m gone. I know I hurt you and I’m so sorry. It will be my only regret. I want you to know that you are the only person I have ever loved, including myself. I really wanted to change. For you. But I was too damaged. I wished that I had met you earlier. There are times where I didn’t want to get up, I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to go to school. Times where everything was dark and hope for happiness was gone. There were also times where I would feel almost normal, like I could bear to live my life. Those sudden bursts of happiness were all with you. You made me happy, Kyungsoo. You’re the only one who could do that and I want you to know that. My memories of you are the only thing that lights up my dark world. I was afraid that if you knew, you wouldn’t look at me the same way again and I’ve always loved the way you look at me. It was one of the only things I treasure. It made me feel like I could overcome it but when I’m not with you, my demons take over and it gets harder and harder every day. I’m sick and I don’t want to be sick anymore. I was so deep into the sea that my shore is no longer in sight. Life was not beautiful to me anymore. I am selfish and weak, I don’t deserve someone like you but you showed me how it is to truly love someone. Now, you’ll have to be strong unlike me and live your life. I know you have a bright future ahead of you. It will be filled with light and happiness. I hope you could think of me as a happy memory, think of me as your first love. I have to let you go now. You won’t be my Kyungsoo anymore, but you’ll be the only happiness I’ve ever experienced in my life. Yo