It had been a year for him, seeing the loved one in the same place. Last year he heard cold words slipping from his boyfriend’s lips. Last year, after grabbing his warm hand and staring at his steady eyes. Seungcheol could hit himself for not begging him to stay. Perhaps he was dumb enough to realise his stupidity. Now he came to the same cafe with the ultimate friend of his, munching some bread into his mouth and grumbling some harsh words towards him.

“Jeonghan, please help me.” He begged, his pledging tone was totally insincere. The male beside him who occupied with bread — not to mention that he asked a waiter to add some cookies and cake on their table, to ignore Seungcheol.

“It’s the nth times you call me for no reason, just thankful for my girlfriend’s idea to cut my hair, so I’ll be never mistaken as your date, again.” He spat. Seungcheol pouted innocently. “Oh no, your pout will not help either. It’s your fault, I won’t tell anything.” He added.

Despite the fact he used to be a tough guy in the past, Seungcheol would be reminded as a guy who lost his relationship because he could no defend himself. He could not make that person stay for him. He repeatedly blamed himself for it so he came to the same cafe every weekend or he just had to pass by to check whether existence of that person. But no, he never met a hint of his presence until today. He saw a figure of the person. Whether he shall be nervous or happy that time but he followed his heart’s guide.

“You should have told him that day.” Jeonghan nagged him. The latter kept pouting as if he was scolded by his father.

“I was too afraid.” He replied. Jeonghan shook his head. Seungcheol knew if only the feeling never appeared, he would not end moping around like this. Not because he could not find another guys - no. He perhaps could get any women also for himself, still no. None would be able to capture his eye just like that person did. From head to toe - he thought, from the character that called warm ice and the warming smile that melted Seungcheol’s heart by any means. But slowly once he got into stubborn mode, anyone could be pissed off yet the person was slowly losing his patience towards him. He was tired of his deeds, his stupidity that made him leaving easily.

“At least you should clear out the people’s mind.” Jeonghan, once again, nagged him. “You don’t need to people’s mind with your words, but one action, not by showing off your fighting skill, but don’t let them messing around your Jihoon.” Seungcheol frowned. He knew he was doomed after he knew Jihoon got disappointed of him and keeping his fury of those people alone.

A ringtone broke their solemn session, it was a call from unknown but Jeonghan beamed around as he received the call and leaving Seungcheol behind with his thought. He tossed his eyes to his coffee. The strong roasted bean scent tickled his nose but never shook his mind. He fell again in a figment of meeting Jihoon. His bubbly cheek. His jolly laugh. His petite figure which made the latter being so adorable. But there was something he could never figure out why he was like this after he left. What thing that made him stuck on the same zone?

 

Suddenly the cafe’s bell was ringing, someone had come again. But none knew someone else had dragged that person to sit beside Seungcheol without any notice. “Seungcheol.” Jeonghan hailed his name firmly as if he summoned him for an order. The latter turned to the side and see a familiar person that almost making his leg limp.

His eyes trembled as if he saw a ghost, but there was no fear of ghost in his eyes. His hand quietly shook and he muttered a name under his breath. He was nervous at all. He knew he was not ready for it. “Ji-Jihoon.” He stuttered at the same time.

There standing a man from his past, Jihoon. He gave a blunt expression, just like the usual he gave to ordinary people. “Hi, long time no see.” He blurted out cooly. Jeonghan smiled sheepishly at the older. Though he was a best friend of Seungcheol, he also like a brother for them both, he wanted them to talk, clearing up the problem which guided them into another path to sorrow. He wanted them to live happily, not in misery any longer like this. He knew both of them were still in love but too selfish to admit it. Just because one mistake when Jihoon was in the limit of patience, he wanted to cut the relationship. In the end, Jeonghan was the bystander of their lives.

Jeonghan patted their back together. “Just talk you both, I want to call my girl.” He grinned.

“Love bird.” Jihoon and Seungcheol jeered at him in unison. Jeonghan merely rolled his eyes, then he left them both to cashier for some cookies and another table to call his girl comfortably without any distraction.

While Jihoon and Seungcheol exchanged look before the older offered a seat beside him. Jihoon silently sat beside him and did not utter any word from his lips. He quietly stared outside, gazing at the limp light and breathing. They did not know how to speak up nor open the floor neither.  They were preoccupied by their own thoughts — their own yearning. Seungcheol sighed. “It is really you, isn't it?” He bravely opened the chat. Jihoon gazed at him. “Honestly, yes.”

“How’s life?”

“Better than I expect.” Seungcheol could see from his eyes that Jihoon lied. His feature, there was no bubbly cheek. He looked so thin though he wore his white sweater. His hair was dyed into dark chocolate. Although he looked still cute, He wondered whether Jihoon had eaten well or the latter managed his life better than himself.

“Did you eat well?” Jihoon suddenly became unable to speak up and lowered his head. Seungcheol chuckled. “You should treat yourself better, Jihoon.” He urged.

“It’s not easy as you see.” He retorted. Jihoon let out a big sigh escaped. He knew it was hard to explain what happening to his life after he left Seungcheol and only beheld the latter through Jeonghan’s help. Also he was able to go on living by the persuade of their friends, including Jeonghan.

Both of them muted. Seungcheol realised, it was difficult for a person like Jihoon to speak up his life toward him, especially when he knew the reason of this mess was himself. He could not easily tip-toe Jihoon’s personal life anymore. He was afraid if he would make any mistakes. While Jihoon was nervous yet he did not know why this uneasy abruptly barging his heart. He drummed his fingers on the table to cease away his nervousness. Knowing his habit, the older male offered his drink to be shared with Jihoon. He did not mind at all, at least, it worked. Hopefully, he took a sip of the coffee and turning his head to the older.

“Is everything okay?” The older merely nodded awkwardly, he tried as possible to not show what a mess he made in his life. “How’s love life?”

Seungcheol widened his eyes, he was not ready of being questioned. His heart throbbed at unsteady rhythms. If only he could scream out, he wanted the whole cafe knew that his love life was a mess. He never found a person like Jihoon who made him like a mess right now. He wanted to love somebody but he knew the latter already stole his whole words and replaced it with everything that related to Lee Jihoon unintentionally.

“Not well, I’m too busy to stuck on you.”

Jihoon sneered. He assumed it was a lie at all, he did not want to believe that statement. “, don’t lie hyung.”

Somehow when he called him ‘hyung’, it clenched his heart. He never wanted Jihoon to call him as the same way they met for the first time. It was distressing for him. Besides he wanted to hear to be called ‘baby’ by the latter though it was only if they were in private place, not in public just like now.

“It’s the truth.” The older said, a tense on his voice which made the younger a bit shivering.

“But…b-but,” sputtered the younger, as he gripped on his edge of sweater. His finger grasped carefully, not wanting to pierce the fabric as he avoided to see Seungcheol. He knew he shall not raise his expectation on him.

Seungcheol tossed his eyes to the younger, trailing his eyes to every bit of him. He scanned as he yearned about his presence. Hopefully he still had a capability to control for not throwing himself to Jihoon, if no, they would be people’s attention. “Like a fool I wait for you in the same place,” he said, “like now.” He smiled silently. His finger hesitated to touch the younger’s hair as if he was full of compunction. He was afraid to break him into pieces.

“If said so, move on is the best choice, right?” He cocked a brow. “Than standing on the same spot.” Somehow he scolded himself too, just like always he did everyday, wanting to move on but all he did — remaining his life with a trace of Seungcheol’s shadow in his life. He was unable to get rid his crave of the older.

“If only I could, I either don’t want to move on.” Jihoon suddenly lifted his eyes to see the older. “I want you.” He said, a goofy smile appeared on his face. “Only you.” His tone became softer than ever.

The latter remained silent as he stared into Seungcheol’s eyes, swimming at the universe of longing for his presence. The never-ending warmth which appealed from his eyes. On the another side, the older also lost in the younger’s eyes, finding an unspoken answer. “I wonder how to live if I never meet you again.”

Jihoon shook his head disbelief at him. Perhaps it was a destiny to meet Seungcheol and he ought to be so sappier than before. He pondered what his mother had craved when Seungcheol was still in her womb until he became so sap like this. He giggled shyly. “Then you are still dating girls, instead of guys.” He jiggled his head as a difference of opinion. “Or you would date Jeonghan.” The one who got mentioned instantly sneezed and glaring at them both as if he knew that he became a topic of their conversation.

“You know that person is like my brother since the first time I met him. I miss my big brother, so he replaces the position when I'm far from home.” Jihoon just nodded, he was bored at the same story because Jeonghan always was in the same position, a big brother for Seungcheol and Jihoon. But the people who were not close always assume him as the oldest’s date while he was dating a girl, yes, a girl — not a guy. He was completely straight.

“So?”

The older cocked a brow.  “What so?”

Jihoon clicked his tongue annoyingly, grabbed the coffee for another sip. “We will have nothing to talk, right? I want to leave.”

He promptly grabbed the younger’s hand. “No, just don’t. I want to be with you a little longer.” His stare at Jihoon was deep, silently asking his permission to stay beside him a bit until they drifted away to each other’s path. While another male got up from his seat and smiled at the latter. “Let’s leave this place.” He nodded, obeying the younger to immediately heading to another place where they perhaps enjoyed their silent moment. He entangled Jihoon’s hand as they left the cafe. From another side, Jeonghan smiled at the sight which he longed for, then talking to his girlfriend again on the phone.

Under the dark sky two males walked side by side, locking their hand to each other, without uttering any words but breathing only. Both of them, once again, preoccupied with their own cogitations, also channeling the warmth from the cold breeze that penetrated into their bones. Being in conformity of blowing some air from their nostrils, they perceived this moment was priceless and got a pang of flashback where they used to walk together to home. Every seconds of their new rendezvous were precious.

“I’m sorry.” Seungcheol muttered.

“That’s okay, I see people will do a mistake once in their lifetime.”

“If only I told them earlier…” Jihoon shook his head.

“That’s okay, I said.” He insisted, which made the latter feeling guilty at all. The older did not know what else could make him feeling better. So he stopped their pace as broke their interconnected hand.

“Could we have a chance?” Jihoon shrugged, he knew nothing of future, he knew nothing of any possibility about themselves.

“Could we start again?” Seungcheol asked, yet there was no answer. Only winds swayed brushing their cheeks.

“You know I'm perfectly fine and I don’t want you to pity over me, don’t be like this.” The younger became persistent on his own, averting himself from another heartache and finding the lost self in hope that Seungcheoul would love him more than he did. He want no expectation from his mind, but he could not resist the growing bloom in his heart toward the latter.  

“Jihoon, stop pretending you are okay with our finale.” He went into a rage. He was tired of seeing those lies through his eyes, Seungcheol wanted the latter having a happy life but he knew he just made a plight in the younger’s life. Through his eyes, he knew if only Jihoon could be a little honest towards him, if only he was allowed to be confident of his presence, he saw Jihoon’s life was misery without him. So was he. He was a mess — a trouble without Jihoon. The latter was the reason he casted loosing the playboy character. The reason he knew how to be a better person yet his stupidity blundered. Also the younger was the excuse for Seungcheol being a single.

“Seungcheol.” Jihoon was solemnly staring at the older’s eyes. He wanted a happiness, not only for him but also for the older. But how if his happiness was being with him? How if the …

The older suddenly pulled the younger into his fond embrace. “I want to be with you again.” He whispered which sent shivers to Jihoon’s spine. The younger suddenly was being unable to protest at his sudden deeds. A fond embrace which likely stopped their seconds right away plus both of them remained in the warmth of a hug, not wanting to be apart. Slowly Jihoon shoved himself to reply the hug, lingering his arm around Seungcheol’s waist, snuggling his nose against the older’s chest. Just like in a movie, the first snow of the year had fallen above them.

“Let’s start a new beginning of our story.” Seungcheol advised, his hand tightened his grasp on Jihoon yet the latter pushed the older slightly. Afterwards they noticed the first snow had been falling on them. The older male beamed sheepishly. “As if the Heaven wants us to get back again.” He commented, ending with a shrug.

“Then…” He sighed, releasing the big burden from his head. He stoutly lifted up his chin and staring at his eyes without doubt. “Hello, my name is Jihoon.”

A pang of his heart was melting down when he saw a certainty inside his gaze and a form of sweet smile appeared on his face. “Hi, Jihoon. Nice to meet you, my name is Seungcheol.” He smiled back and pulled his tiny hands. They understood it was new beginning but they took a lesson from what happened to them in a year. Though it was hard, the destiny brought them back together. With a little baby steps, they knew they would work harder to stay together as possible as they could. Also as long as the Heaven gave a grace upon them. Even in their heart, silently they prayed and promised themselves, ‘however desperately and difficultly the obstacles that against their relationship, they urged themselves to not cut the strings’.

 

 

 

*epilogue :

A male who kept muting his cookies to his mouth while talking on the phone with his girlfriend, at the moment he frowned. “Why don’t believe me?” He whimpered.

“Because you are lately so naught, Jeonghan.”

He whined again with a mouth full of cookies. “I…” He sipped his drink as he swallowed it. “I’m not naughty.” He heard a bubbly giggle that tickled his ear, he missed those variety sounds from his girlfriend. But suddenly he heard a fake cough from someone he knew.

“Babe, don’t tell me that you are with your cousin again?” She giggled again. “Indeed, when Joshua let me alone with you?”

“YAK, I TOLD YOU TO NOT EAVESDROP THE CONVO, HONG JOSHUA!” He screamed, then he calmed down once he knew he was in the public, not in his home.

“See, I told you, noona, he is bipolar.” Jeonghan gritted his teeth as he heard his friend mocking and talking bad about him in front of his girlfriend though he knew Joshua was a bit protective to his cousin.

“Because he doesn't want to share the sweetness I get with you, Joshua.” He smiled when he eavesdropped what compliment she gave through the phone. He knew sometimes the love itself was unexplainable, could be a material to change people to be a better person and improve their quality.

Far from his seat, a pair of males watched how Jeonghan smiling alone.

“Someone is happy.” The person commented. Jihoon smiled in unison. “Just like us?” Seungcheol nodded. They were happy to find their big brother having his little happiness in his hard time to do a long-distance relationship with Joshua’s cousin which also their senior.

Now everyone was happy, back to the path where they shall to walk to a better future without any regrets, without any doubts with the person they loved by their sides.

끝