The smile hasn't even left Myungsoo's face when he hears Sungjong say something to Sungyeol who has just joined them in the waiting room, the words so familiar because he has heard the exact same thing not five minutes ago, and Myungsoo couldn't help the quiet bitter scoff escaping his lips as he feels his heart crashing down.

He creeps out of the room as more and more people file in, crowding the space that for some moments earlier seemed to belong solely to him and Sungjong. He doesn't even bother checking whether the younger notices his going away, knows with conviction that even if he were to stare at the other from a close distance Sungjong would not look back to meet his eyes - a Lee Sungjong just does not stop to see the destruction he leaves in his wake, simple as that.

So he walks down the hallway, trying to find an empty studio where he can be alone with his own thoughts for a little while, and slips right in when he finds one. It's only after he plops down, his back sliding against the wall next to the door, that he lets out the laugh he has held within, his voice echoing in the darkness mocking his own stupidity.

Really, he should've known better - he ought to, after spending the last few years playing this game Myungsoo now isn't sure he actually ever knows how to.

Sungjong has been more than fair to warn him right from the start, making it clear to Myungsoo about what to expect, and infatuated as he might be, Myungsoo knew what he was signing up for. But if there's one thing he always prides himself on, it's his perseverance, and Myungsoo was confident then he could eventually turn things around as long as he kept on trying.

He isn't all that confident now, though, his perseverance crumbling beneath the weight of pain Sungjong has managed to inflict over the years, the same kind of pain he has gotten used to but still wounds him each time as if it's the first time.

The pain of finding yourself believing something to be real when it's not.

Myungsoo knows he only has himself to blame, for falling for the same trick again and again. He knows he should've been more cautious earlier, when Sungjong took out his phone and beckoned him to come closer and said, "Hyung, let's take a picture together." He probably shouldn't have ignored the alarm going off somewhere in the back of his mind when Sungjong let out an amused laugh and told him that there's no one else around hyung, come on and gestured with a shrug of his right shoulder and his twinkling, teasing eyes what it was exactly he wanted Myungsoo to do.

And most definitely, Myungsoo shouldn't have done exactly what Sungjong had wanted, resting his head on the younger's shoulder and then smiling, so carefree and unguarded and open, hiding none of the affection he harbors for the person next to him, for he'd thought they were the only ones who would look back at this shared moment together.

Except apparently Sungjong had wanted to have such moment with Sungyeol too, and most likely every other member, and at this point Myungsoo wouldn't be surprised if the younger would later showcase Myungsoo's oh-so-stupidly-in-love-with-a-bandmate look for all the world to see.

A couple knocks on the door pull him back from his reverie, and when someone opens the door and pokes his head in seconds later, Myungsoo is glad to see it's Sunggyu.

"Everything okay?" the leader asks, in a tone that clearly means I know it's not. It makes Myungsoo smiles, despite himself.

"Yeah. Just needed some fresh air. It was so crowded back there, it's kind of suffocating," he lies, because Sunggyu doesn't need him to say the truth to understand. He takes the hand Sunggyu offers to haul him off the floor, and doesn't shake it off when it lingers at the small of his back, providing some sort of comforting warmth, as Sunggyu ushers them both out of the studio and into the hallway again, where the others members have gathered.

Myungsoo doesn't miss the way Sungjong's mouth tighten into a thin line at the sight of them both before he looks away, and Myungsoo is too distraught to feel sorry that he has somewhat upset the younger. Sunggyu's constant and silent encouragement has been one of the reasons why he hasn't completely lost it, and if Sungjong wants to keep playing this game, then he just has to deal with it, much like Myungsoo has to deal with a whole lot more.

-

They barely exchange words as they proceed with the schedule of the day, Myungsoo running on automatic pilot as he is still trying to pick himself up after what happened earlier. Rehearsal's over before he knows it, and someone suggests that they take a group picture since the promotion round is almost ending.

Myungsoo's the first to offer his phone to one of the staffs to take the picture with, and he lines up with the others, doing the choking gesture that ironically feels so apt with his current situation, and tries to ignore the fact that Sungjong is standing right next to him.

The staff starts counting down from three, and Myungsoo feels more than sees that Sungjong swiftly shifts, coming right from behind him with his arms tightly wrapped around his torso, the hold tightening as he rests his chin on Myungsoo's shoulder. Myungsoo's too taken aback to react, and they're still in exactly the same position when the shutter clicks, effectively capturing the moment in frame forever.

The unexpected embrace is gone as quick as it has happened in the first place, leaving Myungsoo rooted to the ground because he doesn't think he can deal with this, too. The crowd around them slowly disperses, Sunggyu leading the others back to their dressing room after throwing a concerned look over his shoulder, and it takes Myungsoo a moment to be aware of the familiar body heat that remains close to him.

"What was that for?" he asks.

"You were upset," Sungjong answers matter-of-factly, and Myungsoo can barely hold himself back from laughing at the absurdity of it all.

"Right," he retorts, shaking his head, "because that's how you roll. You always go around giving me backhugs to comfort me when I'm upset, and it's never for show."

His voice drips with venom so thick he can feel the burn on his tongue, and he knows he's crossed the line because Sungjong visibly flinches at the words, though his face betrays none of the hurt he feels - if any - when he looks at Myungsoo in the eyes for the first time that day before turning around and walking away, and Myungsoo gets the message.

You can always quit the game.

But that's the thing.

He won't.

He can't. 

["But why can't you?" Sunggyu once asked him, and Myungsoo didn't answer him then. He didn't think he could make Sunggyu understand even if he tried - and he knew Sunggyu understood a lot of things, but not this one.

Because sometimes it didn't make sense even to himself, why it meant so much to him whenever Sungjong made him stay behind after dance practices just because he didn't feel like going back to the dorm yet but hated to be all alone either, or whenever Sungjong woke him up in the middle of a stormy night and invaded his bed and took half the space as he curled into a ball under the blanket without no explanation whatsoever, or whenever Sungjong gripped on his hand so tight, nails digging into the soft flesh of his palm, just to stop himself from saying things that could most definitely get him into troubles.]

Actions speak louder than words, they say, and while Myungsoo is still left to wonder if Sungjong shares even the tiniest fraction of affection Myungsoo feels for him, he has been made certain of one thing, and it's more than enough to keep him going.

Sungjong needs him.