My relationship with Kihyun existed only behind the camera. Behind his idol life. I wasn‘t complaining at all. We wanted it this way. Publicity would do no good for both of us. In his free time he always came to my apartment where we just appreciated our time together. He would talk nonstop about guys, what they did. He always asked about his performance, never really satisfied with himself. His dance was lacking, that high note should have been better. He was always insecure. In my eyes he was perfect. Not that fangirling kind of perfect, but perfect with his own flaws. He was giving it his all, for the sake of group, his family and for the sake of Monbebes. It was their comeback. And I saw with my own eyes how hardworking they can be. And there it was – their first comeback stage. And then another. The day of pre-voting was close. I refreshed like crazy, waiting for opportunity to vote for the person I loved the most. But the competition was real this week. Week passed, Kihyun never stopped by. I knew he was waiting for the results. He wanted to come back as a winner. For the first time. They were sure they got it this time.

Monday, 9 AM, KST.

They came third.

I could see that sadness on his face on television. They were cheering for the winner, but inside, they were screaming. Was it not enough? They were tired.

After two hours, I heard keys shuffling near the entrance. So he came after all.

He walked straight to the couch and sat next to me. Without a word, his head fell on my shoulder and his hands were slowly wrapping around my waist.

„I’m sorry“, he said quietly, tears falling down. I just hugged him tight and mumbled into his hair,

„It’s okay. I’m proud of you. Monbebes are too.“

Yeah, kind of short, but you got the message. They really deserved to win <3