Somewhere in the middle of autumn, where the leaves turn into mixed of orange and red, decorating along the walkways, roads, and around the campus, making every students and teachers in awe. It's definitely the perfect period of time to go on a date, but no, not for Seungcheol. He has a lot of assignments to get it done with and most of it needs to be submitted within the same week. He's been going to the library for quite some time now since it's near his hostel block and it's very effective by how he can be productive compared to when he gets those assignments done at his room.

Seungcheol's eyes roam around the library to see if there's any vacant seat for him but most of the tables are occupied by groups of friends and pairs of couples. He continues to walk around the library to find a place until he spots a table of six with only one person at that table and the rest of the seats are available. He walks closer to see the small and petite figure clearly, sitting there and completely engrossed in doing his work. He feels guilty for interrupting.

"Sorry… but can I sit here?" Seungcheol asked weakly.

The said guy turns around to see Seungcheol's hands full of books and a laptop with his sling bag on his shoulder.

"Yeah, sure…"

Seungcheol mutters a 'thank you' softly at the smaller before going to sit across him. He puts the books and his laptop at the table carefully, not to make any noises, before he sits down and puts his bag to the side. He quickly takes out his file of assignments, turns on the laptop and opens the reference books to the pages that he marked before. Let's get starting.

 

He has no idea for how long they've been there, doing their work because before Seungcheol enters the library, the sun was shining so brightly but now, the sun is already setting, painting the sky canvas with rose quarts and serenity pantone. Seungcheol is only three pages away before completing the assignment for his English class and looking at how far he achieved today, he wants to take a break for a while. Seungcheol stretches himself before getting up.

He looks at the smaller in front of him, who seems to be glued at his place. No signs of going back or whatsoever. He peeks a little to the side to find the stressful expression across the smaller's face.  He surely needs a break too. But Seungcheol decides to leave him be at that moment.

Seungcheol walks across the library and turns at the corner to be greeted by a decent amount of people queuing in line in front of a vending machine. He queues as well, waiting for his turn to buy canned coffee drink and he buys two of the original flavor, one for him and one for the smaller. He walks back to their table and the smaller is leaning back at the chair, an arm rested on his eyes, probably getting tired.

Seungcheol stands not that far from the smaller before he slowly puts one canned coffee in front of him. Seungcheol intentionally opens his canned coffee as loud as he can to gain the smaller's attention and he actually did. The smaller's arm drops to the side and the canned coffee greets him. He looks at Seungcheol for an explanation and Seungcheol smiles.

"You look like you really need one…" Seungcheol walks to his seat and he looks at the smaller with full attention. The smaller expresses his gratitude to Seungcheol and they both drink their coffee quietly but contently, feeling all the weariness been washed away as the coffee takes place in their body.

"You still have a lot to do?" Seungcheol initiates a conversation.

"Yeah, kinda… the library is going to close in two hours so I'll probably stay here until then…" said the smaller, sipping to his coffee now and then.

"I see… I still have a few pages to complete too so I'll stay here as well…" Seungcheol doesn't know why he says that to the smaller but he doesn't have the heart to leave the smaller alone at this deserted table in the library. Besides, by unknown forces, the smaller awakens his protective side and once Seungcheol feels that way, he's not backing out.

"Oh, okay…" Seungcheol can see that relieved smile on the smaller's face, maybe staying together with the smaller is a good idea.

And then, Seungcheol makes the first move.

"I'm Choi Seungcheol. You can call me, Seungcheol…"

"Oh, what year are you?"

"Third year… what about you?'

"Lee Jihoon, Jihoon for short… and I'm a second year."

Seungcheol nods.

 

A few simple conversations exchanged between them when they both decide to continue on their assignments.

Since that day, Seungcheol and Jihoon have been doing their assignments at their deserted table. No one seems to bother sitting there since it's too far back and at the deepest corner of the library but it gives space for Seungcheol and Jihoon to work on their assignments peacefully. They have been exchanging turns to buy canned coffee and somehow it becomes a routine for them to do so. 

 

**********

 

A few weeks later.

"I can't believe you didn't ask him out yet… Come on, you guys have been meeting up for weeks now, don't tell me he doesn't feel the same way towards you…" Jeonghan flops himself on the bed, tired from going to classes since the very morning.

"I think he waits for you to approach, since you know, you're the older one…" Jisoo joins in, taking his place on the end of Jeonghan's bed.

"I don't know, he looks like he's not interested in a relationship…" Seungcheol hates to say that but that's probably it. He observes Jihoon for weeks and he wonders if the younger is in a relationship, but there's no sign of it. Not a single one. That may give hope to him, but then again, perhaps Jihoon doesn't want to be in one with him too…

"Have you tried asking him?" said Jeonghan, slowly making his way towards Jisoo to rest his head on the guy's lap.

"No…" says Seungcheol weakly.

"For once Coups-ah, spend time with him minus the educational stuff… talk about yourself and listen to what he's gonna say about himself… get to know each other for the real deal…" Jisoo said calmly while patting Jeonghan's back gently. He looks at his tired boyfriend who's slowly drifting to sleep and he smiles to himself.

"Real deal is such a big word, man… but I do want to know more about him…" Seungcheol sighs. He looks at Jisoo and he can see that encouragement gaze his friend has been giving to him.

"Okay, okay, I'll try tomorrow…" Seungcheol rubs the back of his nape, feeling slightly frustrated.

 

**********

 

"You guys don't have to follow… Oh my god! You're going to make him feel uncomfortable, seriously~" Seungcheol stops his friends from walking in closer to the smaller figure at their usual table.

"Shush you. We're just going to take a look at your crush, nothing more…" Jeonghan quickly walks pass through Seungcheol and Jisoo follows along, hands connecting with Jeonghan's. Seungcheol mental-slaps himself for having such over-supportive friends.

Seungcheol walks faster to pass those two and quickly taps on Jihoon's shoulder when he is close enough with the younger. Jihoon is wearing a grey hoodie over his head, covering his hair and when he turns around, Seungcheol and his two friends stand still, trying to comprehend the beauty lies before them.

His hair! It's blonde!

He can never imagine the younger in blonde hair, never once come across his mind because he is used to seeing the younger in pink bubblegum hair the previous weeks. Now that the younger changes his hair color, his strength and courage to ask the younger out vanish all of the sudden. That's a lot of beauty to take in.

 

Seungcheol realizes he's been spacing out when Jihoon suddenly calls him.

"Seungcheol…? Why? Something's wrong?" Jihoon tilts his head to the side and Seungcheol had to control himself from blushing too hard.

"A-ah… Hi…" said Seungcheol and he is embarrassed for not being able to keep his cool in front of the younger.

"Hi…?" Jihoon finds it weird for Seungcheol to behave this way. He looks to the side to see a pair looking at them with that huge grin on their faces.

"O-oh, those are my friends; Jeonghan, who is my roommate and next to him is his boyfriend, Jisoo…" Seungcheol points at each of his friends and the said friends greet Jihoon happily. Jihoon greets them back with that cute smile of his, his eyes start to disappear.

"We were just walking around the library, didn't know we can finally meet you…" Jeonghan extends his hand to the younger and the younger takes the hand, feeling grateful to meet Seungcheol's friends. Seungcheol swears that he's going to strangle his roommate later on for implying such obvious hint. Finally? Finally?!

"Are you guys going somewhere?" Jihoon asked, looking at Seungcheol but the question is generalized towards the three sunbaes.

"No! No, actually me and Jisoo have some plans already… maybe you two can grab some decent dinner somewhere, out of this boring place…" Jeonghan interrupts before Seungcheol can say anything and seriously, I'm so going to strangle him later. Seungcheol glares at his roommate for making move on his behalf.

Seungcheol looks back at Jihoon to find the younger's eyes sparkled. Seungcheol is not going to miss this opportunity so he walks closer towards the younger.

"Jeonghan's right... Maybe you want to grab dinner together with me tonight? You know, without assignments and books, just the two of us spending time and drinking real coffees instead of the canned ones." Seungcheol said softly, not wanting his friends to hear but he knows those two are squealing at the back like some high-schoolers watching a romantic scene.

"You mean, like a date?" Jihoon asked and that question hits Seungcheol on the spot because now the elder is blushing red.

"Y-yeah, like a date…" Seungcheol plays with his fingers nervously.

"Sure. I don't have anything to do anyway…" Jihoon walks back to retrieve his backpack and Seungcheol can see that there's nothing on the table.

"Wait, are you perhaps, waiting for me?"

"Yeah, I thought of accompanying you at first, but since you ask me out on a date, that sounds like a better idea." Jihoon smiles innocently and possibly blushing too at his own words.

Seungcheol doesn't believe where this is going and how smoothly it goes, he looks at the younger blankly before a hand softly holding his and he can feel his body is getting dragged out of the library. They leave their usual table without saying a word; Jeonghan and Jisoo had to stop themselves from screaming like some fangirls.

 

**********

 

Seungcheol walks towards a fast food franchise, the nearest from the library, with Jihoon on his side, hands holding one another and fingers intertwine. Seungcheol can feel his rapid heartbeat, beating fast than the normal bpm and he wonders if the younger feels the same way too. He looks to the side and he gets caught by the younger. Jihoon is looking back at him with the same intensity of attentiveness and he breaks the staring game with that sweet smile of his.

Seungcheol can never stop himself from smiling whenever Jihoon is around.

They enter the restaurant and there are quite a number of people but not too crowded so they get in line as soon as they spot an empty table for two. Seungcheol asks Jihoon to wait for him at the table while he waits in line and he can see that pout coming from the younger. As much as he doesn't want to separate from Jihoon, but that's probably the best decision in the given situation.

"Hey, I'm not going anywhere…" Seungcheol smiles reassuringly, giving his hand a slight squeeze and Jihoon feels embarrassed for behaving this way. Since they've taken their relationship up a notch, Jihoon experiences these new feelings towards Seungcheol and he doesn't know how to handle it yet.

Seungcheol let go of their hands and he swiftly runs his hand through Jihoon's blonde hair under the hoodie, ruffling it gently. The younger closes his eyes because the action startles him but when Seungcheol stops, he can feel a pair of hands on his shoulder, turning him around and urges him to walk towards the empty table. Jihoon walks to the said table, feeling all fluffy on the inside.

 

A five-minute's wait and Seungcheol is heading towards Jihoon with a tray of foods and drinks in his hands. He sits across the younger and when the younger notices his presence, he puts his phone down into his pocket, giving the elder his full attention. Seungcheol wants to hold the younger's hands but he isn't sure if Jihoon likes PDA so he resists himself. He taps his fingers on the table, looking around the area, not sure of what topic should he starts on first.

"I've seen you around at the library, even before we met…" Jihoon breaks the silence and much to Seungcheol's surprise, he doesn’t know that the younger notices him because he is sure that he keeps himself as lowkey and private as he can.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeap, you always sit at the front area and when I go to the counter to ask for some reference books, I notice you, but you probably didn't notice me since you're too fixated in your assignments…"

"Y-yeah…" Seungcheol tilting his head to the side and rubs that very spot to hide the embarrassment.

"The closest we get was when we both were looking for some books at the same aisle and at that time your hair was black…"

"Really?!" Seungcheol doesn't know that the younger notices him for a few months ago. He had that black hair back in last semester and he dyed his hair earl grey-colored just when the new semester starts.

Seungcheol can't take his eyes off the younger because there are so many questions running through his head but he can't find the first question he wants to ask. Jihoon looks embarrassed for telling the elder that fact so he quickly grabs a hamburger, unwraps it before engulfing, feeding his hunger. Seungcheol takes that as a sign for him to start eating too and he finds it cute, he chuckles softly.

"Why are you laughing?"

"Nothing. It's just cute of you to remember the details…"

Jihoon's cheeks flush red hearing that, he quickly grabs a coke and drinks it to shove the blushes away.

They eat their foods delightfully and converse a few random topics; like how the weather these past few days, how the other customers are oddly noisy in the place, how come they never know the foods here are amazing. When they're done with the simple yet satisfying dinner, both of them walk out the restaurant and little that they know, they've spent so much time talking and eating since it's already dark outside.

 

Seungcheol takes out his phone to look at the time and it's still early for them to go back to their rooms so he asks the younger for a walk at the nearby park. Jihoon nods and after sharing loving gazes and cheeky smiles, he looks down at their hands. Seungcheol boldly holds Jihoon's hands and intertwine their fingers, causing the younger to blush like a girl who's been taken out on her first date.

They decide to sit on the wooden bench on the side of the park. There are a few students walking by the park and a small number of couples who sit on other benches as well. Seungcheol's cheeks heated up at the thought of them being a couple. A few seconds of silence makes Seungcheol wonders what the younger is up to and he looks to the side to find the younger is plugging his earphone to his phone and scrolling through the list of songs. When Jihoon finds the one that he searched for, he puts one end into Seungcheol's ear and the other into his. He plays the song and twirls his phone strap; trying to hide his blushes.

The song starts off very calmly and Seungcheol has to admit that the song is pretty much melodic and tranquil. He grows to like the song when suddenly the singer starts to sing in Japanese. Seungcheol can't hold himself back from laughing and Jihoon looks at him curiously.

"I didn't know you listen to Japanese…"

"Oh…" Jihoon laughs. "…I find this song very relaxing and I know a few Japanese words and watch a few anime, so yeah…"

"The only Japanese words that I know are 'ohayo gozaimasu' and 'aieru'…" Seungcheol feels ashamed for being not widely known about the language.

"You know, 'ohayo gozaimasu' is 'good morning', right?"

"I know… and 'aieru', it means 'I love you', right?"

"Y-yeah…" Both of them blush at the word love because the word itself is very powerful.

"Japanese has three ways of saying 'I love you'…" Jihoon starts to explain. "…'daisuke' is for friends and person that you like, 'aieru' is for a more serious relationship and 'koieru' is for the person you want to spend the time with…"

 

Seungcheol looks at Jihoon and the younger gives him another curious look.

"If I say 'daisuke' to you, what would you reply?" Seungcheol knows the feelings are obvious since they've been spending their time together at the library quite long enough for the feelings to develop, but then again, there are more about Jihoon that he doesn't know yet so he isn't sure what the younger would reply.

Jihoon looks down, feels the burning on his cheeks and when he can feel that gaze coming from the elder, he laughs. Seungcheol doesn't get why the younger is laughing but he is happy. The affection he feels when Jihoon is laughing is too much for him to handle and it clouds his judgment, he can't stop himself when he already leans in towards the younger and kisses his soft, slightly plump lips.

Jihoon kisses back without hesitation and his hands make its way around Seungcheol's neck while the elder's hands slowly wrap around the younger's waist, bringing their bodies closer. Seungcheol is melting within the kiss and he knows the younger is too when he tilts his head to the side for a better angle. Seungcheol feels like this is the happiest moment he has ever been in his life until Jihoon pushes the elder away.

"I'm sorry…" Jihoon leans back and looks away while biting his lips, feeling frustrated and agitated at the same time. Seungcheol doesn't say anything in return because he keeps on looking at the younger expression, feeling worried and guiltiness overtake his body, but the younger clenches his fists tightly and struggles to hold the tears back. Wait, what?

"Hey, hey…" Seungcheol cups the younger's cheeks and turns him around for them to face each other. Seungcheol looks deep into Jihoon's eyes to find something but he doesn't know exactly why the younger is crying. It should be him for being hasty. He rubs away the tears before apologizing.

"I'm the one who should be sorry… I'm sorry for invading your personal space. I didn't mean to…" Seungcheol keeps on rubbing the rolling tears away but it doesn't stop. Jihoon holds onto Seungcheol's hand on his cheek and gives it a firm squeeze.

"No, it's not that… It's me…"

"Why, Jihoon? Tell me…"

"I-I like you, okay… but I don't want to, you know, do it with you…"

Seungcheol's brain stops to work for a spur of moment because what?

"It's not just you, I mean, anyone… I don't want to do it with anyone…"

"O-oh…" Seungcheol's hands drop back onto his knees involuntarily and Jihoon knows where this is going to end, but he decides to tell the elder anyway.

"I like you… I really, really like you, but I can't… I'm an ace, Seungcheol…" Now that no one is going to rub the tears away, Jihoon just let it roll down his cheeks.

"Ace, as in aual…?" Seungcheol asks for a confirmation and Jihoon nods slowly, afraid if the elder is going to leave him after knowing the truth.

"Okay, that's okay…" Seungcheol pulls the younger into his embrace and he hugs the younger tightly, no sign of letting go.

"S-seungcheol…?" Jihoon feels weird at Seungcheol's quick acceptance because he can't just accept that fact, right? Does he even know what it means?

"Yeah?" Seungcheol answers while resting his head onto the younger's crown. He sheds a few tears and when Jihoon can feel it on top of his head; he shakes himself and pushes the elder, but to no avail.

"Jihoon, I like you too, so much… and if that's who you are, I respect that."

"B-but then, what about you?" Jihoon doesn't want to believe how this can flow smoothly because most of the relationships he's been in always end up breaking apart after knowing the fact.

"What about me…?" said Seungcheol indifferently.

"What about your desires? You know… I don't want to hold you back. You don't have to accept us if it's too much for you…" Jihoon's voice breaks because it's painful to be away from Seungcheol after the time they spent together. Jihoon doesn't understand how he can develop such feelings towards the guy so easily and he wants to know why.

"Don't worry about that. I'll figure it out somehow…"

"Seungcheol, I'm serious…"

"Me too…"

Jihoon sighs.

 

He pushes the elder away again, softer this time and Seungcheol loosens the hug. They both look at each other, hoping to find the sincerity in one another before Seungcheol speaks up.

"I like you, I want to spend more time with you, I want to get to know you and I don't think that's hard for me…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, even if we like each other, that doesn't mean we have to do it to prove anything. I see you as a person that I like to be around with, a person that I really want to spend the rest of my time with…" Seungcheol express his feelings calmly.

"That's it?"

Seungcheol nods and Jihoon can feel his tears are falling even more. The younger hugs the elder tightly, because Seungcheol's existence is more than enough reason for him to live without questioning his aual and homoromantic orientation.

"Thank you." You don't know how much this means to me, Seungcheol…

 

"What was it again?"

"Huh?" Jihoon breaks the hug to look at the elder; Seungcheol seems to be lost in his thoughts, thinking something.

"If you’re the person I want to spend the rest of my time with, so that means what I feel towards you is 'koieru'?" Seungcheol asks as he tries to remember the piece of lesson that Jihoon gave him earlier.

Jihoon smiles.

"Close enough…" The younger brings the elder closer for another kiss when Seungcheol presses his finger on Jihoon's approaching lips, stopping him from going any closer than they already are.

"We can kiss?" Seungcheol doesn't quite sure and understand how to behave with aual person especially when that ace is his lover. He is afraid to offer any kind of skinship, let alone the more intimate ones because he doesn't want to make Jihoon feels uncomfortable around him.

What if he steps over the limit, cross over the boundary? He knows that he won't be able to control himself once they're halfway into it and that's absolutely something he wants to avoid. He wants to avoid that from happening at all cost because he respects Jihoon for who he is.

Jihoon on the other hand, suddenly feels insecure about this. What if Seungcheol is holding his back? He doesn't want Seungcheol to hold back but at the same time, he doesn't want to do it. But then, what if Seungcheol loses interest in him like other people after experiencing a few months being a lover to an ace?

Jihoon doesn't know the best answer to that question that can make it clear to the elder.

"Hey, look at me…" said Seungcheol once he notices Jihoon takes too long to answer his question.

"Let me rephrase that… Are you comfortable if we kiss?"

"Yeah…"

"What about other skinship, like holding hands, hugging, cuddling…?"

"I kinda enjoy it if doing it with you…"

Seungcheol suddenly feels touched hearing it coming for the younger.

"If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, just slap my face. That's the fastest way to make me regain myself back."  Seungcheol suggested, half jokingly, half earnestly. He is happy to see that Jihoon is laughing again. He would do anything to make the younger smiling and laughing.

"I don't want to slap you, you idiot…"

"Please tell me if I cross the line, okay?"

"Okay…"

"Promise?"

"Promise…"

Seungcheol takes the lead this time to close the gap between them and continues where they left.

 

**********

 

It takes quite some time for them to adjust into the relationship. There are times where Seungcheol almost crossed the line and Jihoon had to punch the elder to stop him. There are times where Jihoon will run away from the elder because the guiltiness is eating him alive instead of staying next to the elder's side and offers an apology. There are times where Seungcheol jokes around about Jihoon is being too serious of not wanting a love making session and there are times where Jihoon takes serious about it.

But, there are times for reconciliations too.

Eventually, after five months knowing and learning about each other, they come to a mutual understanding of respecting one another. When Seungcheol almost cross the line, Jihoon will push the elder away firmly instead of punching him and walk elsewhere to calm down. When both of them finally come to their senses, endless chain of apologies will be exchanged and it will always ends with a chaste kiss. Seungcheol stops himself from making that kind of dangerous jokes and Jihoon learns the elder's sense of humor.

When problem do arise after that, they both will talk about it quickly before it can prolongs as it can takes effect on them in return. They make a promise to tell everything and no secrets between them and as far as they have been together, never once that promise is being broken. Communication is important and it's true.

When people ask Seungcheol why he is willing to 'sacrifice' himself, he only has one answer to it.

"I 'koieru' him and that's more than enough…"

Other people would give Seungcheol the weird look because not only they can't understand what he meant; it seems that Seungcheol doesn't want them to in the first place.

Even though that's actually not the correct way to say it in Japanese and Jihoon will always laugh at Seungcheol's childishness, but he still feels that growing affection coming from the elder every single time he heard that and he had to remind himself on how lucky he is to have Seungcheol in his life.

I love you too, you idiot… Jihoon smiles contently.

 

---

I'm not really sure the difference between romantic friendship and platonic love, but I know for sure both doesn't involve any ual desires. My closest friend told me that she's an ace and tbvh I find it hard for me believe it at first, but once I spend more time with her, I come to understand her more and more. I don't want her to feel bad or discouraged for being who she really is and for those people who are an ace too, I don't want you guys to feel that way. If people can't accept you for who you are, then it's their lose.