Time creeped by. Seconds, minutes, hours.

To Mina, several hours seemed like an eternity. Simply staring into the darkness of the room did nothing but alleviate her mental instability. Time was hurting. She didn’t want to admit it but Mina was losing her sanity, she was going crazy; insane, locked inside a cage with nothing but her own thoughts. She began to see things, hallucinate. 

Mina actually had to claw at her own skin violently to remind herself that she was still alive. When the angry red lines drew blood, Mina felt relieved. She gazed down at her reddened arm and smiled fondly at it. Thank god. Pain was the only sure way that Mina knew that she was still breathing and human. She couldn’t even trust her own voice anymore.

Mina sat there, knees up to her neck with arms wrapped so tightly around them that they shivered. She rocked back and forth, repetitively, trembling and waiting for something that will never come. She needed to see another face desperately, even if it’s her deranged kidnapper. She was sure that she was losing her mind by herself. It scared her even more than death. To die as someone else…

In order to let herself her something…anything Mina talked to herself in a series of mumbles and stammers. Anything, anything to keep her sane. She would laugh, chuckle, giggle at nothing. Maybe at herself. It came from deep inside her tortured soul, a low desperate laugh.

Hehehehe, AHAHAHA

Everything was eating her alive, scratching at her soul. She was sure that this was a million times worse than dying. So this was Momo’s intention, leaving her to rot in her own mind? Mina wasn’t sure how much of this she could take. The first few hours, she had been quiet, aware, wondering, questioning. But as time dragged on, Mine felt her soul painfully draining from her body. The quiet of the room was deafening, so much so, that Mina had to make any noise she could, had to make herself see things she didn’t. 

he candle was still burning, the wax melting, dripping.

The only thing Mina could do now was close her eyes and sleep. Despite the overwhelming fear that threatened to consume her whole, she let her trembling heart rest. Mina nestled herself into the soft carpet. She sniffled, letting the darkness wrap protectively around her, be her blanket and soon enough, her mind drifted off into a far better world.

———————————————————————————————————————————

The door made a pitiful squeak as it opened. Mina’s head snapped up as beams of light shot through the room, instantly blinding her. It sent scintillating stars across her already blurred vision. It took a moment for her abused eyes to adjust to the sudden lighting but as soon as they did, the door shut as abruptly as it opened. Mina’s shoulders sank, the tiny bit of excitement she had, getting out of her.

Something glimmered in the darkness…

Cold, metal, sharp. 

Mina struggled to see what was glimmering as Momo sauntered slowly around the cage again, her eyes focused on Mina’s shivering frame. Mina stared intensely at the floor, not daring to meet Momo’s dangerous gaze. Don’t look at me like that. She felt like an outcast circus animal, shackled to the wall and ready to be slaughtered or whipped by the ringmaster. And Momo was the ringmaster. She had all the power. Mina had none.

Momo stopped at the side of the cage, the metal instrument gripped tightly in her palm behind her back. She stood there and stared down at Mina, smiling that insane grin while she did it.

After minuted of her just standing there, waiting patiently, Mina finally could not withstand it, that penetrating gaze that almost pierced right through her soul. She looked up at Momo, a pathetic expression crossing her face…one that an abused dog would have. Mina hated herself for indirectly begging to be let go, but she had to at least try for herself. For everyone she haven’t been able to share her love with. With those who have never loved before. 

Momo continued to look expressionlessly at Mina while Mina did a quick scrutiny of her, since that may be the last time she was ever going to see another being, even if it is someone she detested and feared. Momo’s hair was still tousled, but more so than earlier. Wisps of hair stuck out randomly from her low ponytail. She was still wearing black. 

Mina’s eyes drooped, she felt so tired of trying, so tired. Her image of Momo turned hazy and unrecognisable, it nearly disintegrated. Flashes of light shone through her vision. As the world began to fade, she felt the ground shake and dissolve beneath her. She felt like she was disappearing off the face of the earth. 

“Come here,” Momo voiced out softly yet assertively. It was a direct command, a threat. 

Mina’s mind was reduced to nothing but a pool of smoke and fog. She didn’t care anymore, she didn’t resist anymore. Any humanity that clung on to her so desperately earlier was now gone. She got on her feet and staggered over to where Momo was, her wobbly legs barely keeping up with her movement. Her feet hurt on the fluffy carpet. Every step was glass through skin. She was nothing but a puppet, a slave to Momo. The only thing missing was strings attaching Mina’s limbs to the bars of the cage.

She stopped in front of Momo, looking back at her kidnapper with the same sort of intensity underneath the shadows of her hair. Outside, her gaze was intense, but inside, her gaze was an array of tiny particles jumping up and down. Momo’s figure was yellow and black, devoid of details. Her blonde stray hair was a tuft of fur. Was she going insane? She had the urge to touch that jumpy mess of dots and particles, just to make sure that Momo wasn’t a hallucination, a figment of her imagination.

Why does your hair look so soft…? Why do i want to touch you so badly? 

Momo revealed the metal object in her hand. She held in in front of her, like a prized possession ready to be used for the first time. A murderous trophy. Even that looked so tantalising to touch. 

Mina expected it but the shock was still incredibly profound. Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe again, clamping up tightly by the prospect of death, her lungs contracting rapidly. She was choking on oxygen, on the exact thing she could’t live without. That was it, that was the end. 

A knife. It was a knife. 

The carpet was hard as she collapsed onto the ground, her legs giving out at the sight of the blade.  

“ Please…don’t, ” Mina choked out, every word sending pain through . It was good to be able to talk to someone other than her but that thought was buried deep in the back of her mind.

Momo sank down with her as if Mina had grabbed on to her violently and pulled her down alongside her. Her knees hit the ground hard. It was like Momo was on Mina’s bodily command, that Momo was Mina’s puppet to toy with when it was instead, the other way around.

A trickle of blood flowed down Momo’s palm. Red, fresh, blood.

The blade had dug deep into Momo’s skin. How did she not even notice? Or did she willingly allow that to happen? 

Mina trailed her horrified eyes from Momo’s expressionless face to her palm. Her pupils quivered. The sight of blood made Mina feel faint. She had scratched herself earlier to the point where it drew small blood however, when she saw Momo’s palm bleed, her stomach lurched. Was it simply the objective concern for another human being, even though she proved to be less than that?

Blood. More blood.

Momo blinked at her hand, registering the freshness of the blood and smiled affectionately at it. From her expression, it didn’t hurt as much as she wanted it to. Momo stared at the blood that was now coating her hand like the ocean. She moved her fingers slowly, then her eyes drifted toward the knife. She ran her fingers cautiously, delicately over the blade as if she feared to ruin the beauty of it. The metal was ice cold against her fingertips save for the blood that tarnished its surface. 

The glimmer of the blade reflected in Momo’s eyes along with the little light emanating from the candle. Momo moved her gaze from the knife to rest on Mina’s face. A small smile crept up onto her lips, barely a tilt of her lips. Momo accessed Mina for a long moment, her fingers still on the knife.  

“Mina, do you fear blood?”

———————————————————————————————————————————

Soft breaths, the crackle of a flame.

Blood stains ruined the dark carpet.

Part of Mina was glad that Momo was going to be doing what she feared the most. She was finally going to be put out of her misery, the long torture of isolation and silence. 

Mina watched as Momo drew out the knife, holding it carefully. Momo pulled up the sleeve of her shirt, revealing pale white skin on her forearm. The skin there was tender, and filled with small brown, ridged lines, as if her skin had repeatedly been torn by blades and sewn, healed back together. Some skin still stuck out from the lines, telling Mina that the wounds were recent. 

Momo took the blade and sliced an empty area of her forearm so quickly, it was imperceptible. It took about 10 seconds for the white cut to turn into a bright, agitated wound. She could see the vivid redness of Momo’s blood as it trickled out of the cut and down her forearm like snakes, navigating around the previous cuts. The bleeding was slow at the start but turned heavy not too long after. She could see Momo’s eye twitch underneath her blonde bangs, probably either in pain or pleasure. 

Mina did not know what got into her corroded brain at that moment, all she knew was that she felt fascinated by the entire cutting thing. The way the blood was so viscous, the way it slid down Momo’s arm, the way it looked so red it was nearly glowing in the dimly lit room. Mina was fascinated. She wanted Momo to do it again.

Maybe it was enjoyment of watching her kidnapper hurt herself, however at the same time, Mina felt this surge of a mixture of emotional pain and pity for Momo. She clearly was cutting herself even before the kidnapping happened. Despite her being a kidnapper, Momo had never once tried to hurt Mina deliberately. She was hurting herself and Mina could not watch another human being, hurting herself in that way. 

“Doesn’t it hurt?” Mina asked, voice quiet, dripping with concern. She was prodding at her now, making her open up to her. Mina knew she was taking risks, stepping into deep waters but watching Momo hurt herself to such extent, she had to do something to stop it. From a person to a person. Not victim and kidnapper. She was going to forget that Momo was someone she was supposed to be afraid of for a moment.

“It does,” Momo replied, not looking up from her forearm. 

Mina could tell from the hideous scars that lined Momo’s arm that the wounds ran deep. She could see in her mind, the unrelenting pain that haunted Momo for a long period of time. Her situation right then was nothing compared to the anguish that Momo experienced to want to hurt herself like that.

“Then why have you been cutting yourself? I see the scars that you try to hide, Momo.” 

“I enjoy the pain.” Momo said, finally meeting Mina’s curious stare. She smiled, a genuine smile, one that a friend might show. “It keeps me alive.”

Mina kept quiet for a moment, letting the words sink in. How could anybody enjoy pain? The pain she had inflicted upon herself earlier was to make her feel sane again, it was far from enjoyable. Maybe Momo had to learn to enjoy pain as it was like a lifeline, she had to hold on it with a death grip. Finding the pleasure in what you’re addicted to.

“Are you really okay?” Mina prodded again.

“Always.” Momo replied swiftly, eyeing the cut and poking at it with the blunt end of the knife. 

Mina frowned. She buried her chin in the crook of her knees and wrapped her arms around them. “Being okay doesn’t mean self-harming. I can help you get over this.”

"You are going to kill me and I'm here trying to help you. God, I must be insane." Mina said, her voice faltering. She swallowed her saliva that had somehow pooled in .

That fact wasn’t enough for Momo to lift up her head. 

“I can't kill you, Mina. I just can't.” Momo drawled as she traced the open wound with the sharp blade as if she wanted to open it even more even as the blood was trailing all the way to her palm.  

“I’m scared, Momo. This isn’t love. You kidnapped me, locked me up, and I am so scared that I might die…because of you,” Mina said, glancing ever so briefly at Momo’s forearm. “Thank you for claiming that you love me, but this isn’t it.”

She didn’t know why she suddenly decided to spill out her fear and feelings to the person who caused it but as soon as the words were out of , she felt more at ease. Those words felt like her last. “Just let me help you. I know you kept me here because you need me. you need someone.”

Momo said nothing but the way she looked at Mina from underneath her bangs sent goosebumps crawling down her skin. They were filled with such pain and malice, the light of the flame illuminating the browns of her irises. Mina knew she had hit a sensitive topic as soon as she saw Momo's smirk.

“I love you but that doesn’t mean I will hesitate to hurt you. Now, don’t be scared...” Momo drawled again, lifting up the knife against the light. She held it right in front of Mina’s face.

“Give me your arm.”

——————————————————————————————————————————-

There was a line on Mina’s forearm, made by the blade that Momo dropped on the floor. It took 5 minutes to emerge from her skin, manifesting in an angry and irritated red line. It hardly hurt when it happened but as it was left alone, it began to sting and throb. It was tender and protested violently when Mina ran a thumb as gently as she could over it. 

Mina liked looking at it. It was so red and jarring to the paleness of her skin. The skin buried deep as the wound did. It bit and gnawed and chewed. Somehow, Mina felt the pain there, at least there was something there on her skin. Something that was a part of her.

It was a struggle to get the line on Mina’s forearm. It involved lots of screaming and yelling and yanking. Momo had to restrain Mina as she was shoving the blonde away in the cage on her two feet. Momo had grabbed her wrists and pinned her to the side of the cage, her lips only hovering inches away from Mina. Momo’s breath was warm against Mina’s tear stricken face. She hadn't experienced anyone getting so close to her before. This was all new. So new. Even if it was with a self-harming, monster.

For a short heart-stopping moment, Mina had thought that Momo was about to kiss her neck or even her lips, her face. Her heart was pounding like crazy against her chest, threating to shoot out of it, in fear? Or something else, something Mina would never forgive herself for feeling. 

Despite herself, Mina found herself leaning into Momo. God, she hated herself for it. All that clouded her mind at the moment was that she wanted Momo to stay where she was, she didn't want her to leave. She didn't want the only other person there to leave along with their warmth and company, to leave her alone again.

The heat between them was pulsating, sending Mina into a drunken-like stupor. Mina felt the same fluttering feeling when Momo first laid her hands on her. The hug. There was something there. Something like yearning, love? No. Not love. Lust? Yes. Pure lust.

Momo took the opportunity when Mina was fazed, to take her arm gingerly and slide the knife over the skin. Mina could only watch, caught up in her own need, mesmerised yet terrified. It hurt. It hurt badly but it was better than clawing at her own skin. 

Mina noticed how anxious Momo looked after she cut her, it was worst than what was expected of Mina herself - as if she was having a panic attack right there. Her eyes were wide and shaky, her hair was even more tousled then earlier, her chest was heaving up and down. Her breaths were erratic.She looked to be the one suffering instead of Mina. 

Even though Mina was scared out of her mind of the idea of having someone else cut her, when it happened, Mina didn’t oppose. When it happened, Mina had just let it. She had accepted Momo for what reason?… Pity? It drove her mad. What on Earth was she feeling?

 Yes she was terrified of the pain, of the possibility that Momo might stab her with the knife however, she had let it happen. She was curious of what Momo would do out of love. Mina hated herself for taking advantage of someone's love for her, she wondered if she would have acted the same way with someone other than Momo as well. It made her seem like a horrible person.

“Momo?” Mina said her name quietly. When Momo didn’t respond Mina added - the most ridiculous thing she would ever find herself requesting- “Do it again.”