It’s been a year since Jaehyun often feeling as if he just wakes up from a coma, from a really deep sleep without any dreams, without any memories of how and when he sleeps then how he wakes up in an unfamiliar place. If he’s lucky enough, he’d wake up on his bed, but still with no memories of the night before.

At first he suspected it’s happened because he had sleeping habit, maybe sleepwalking, that’s why he often wakes up in the strange places. But one day, when he found himself waking up inside the warehouse, in the middle of the sea of blood and unconscious bodies around him, he was terrified. He knew it’s not only a sleeping habit anymore.

“I’m a monster. I’m possessed.” That’s what Jaehyun thought.

He met a shaman, diligently following what the shaman said for a week, doing strange rituals and bring talisman everywhere he goes, but it didn’t change anything. He still woke up in the middle of nowhere, without any memories why he was there. Even though for that week there wasn’t any bruise and cuts on his face, and there wasn’t any blood stain on his clothes, he was still terrified.

He stopped meeting the shaman, thinking maybe there’s something wrong with his brain, with his mental. The idea of coming to the psychiatrist was scaring him. “What if I’m crazy?!” Jaehyun was scared. His society is still labeling someone with mental disorder as the lowest human being. Someone with mental disorder is treated differently, even lower than how people treats animal.

People could sympathize with a cancer patient, but why they couldn’t do the same with a mental disorder patient? They both sick, though in the different aspects. Jaehyun wondering why. But that’s how society works. He couldn’t change people’s perspective in a blink of eyes. He couldn’t blame people if one day they find out about his abnormality and call him ‘crazy’.

Jaehyun is scared. He is still not ready being “different”. He feels scared interacting with people, scared what if they find out and then tell him to go away, to not be there, to should not having a big dream, to should not doing something he always love.

That’s why Jaehyun builds invisible walls around him, to protect himself. He is hiding behind those walls. It’s been a year since he pushes people off of him. Jung Jaehyun has no social life. His world only rotates around university-apartment-university-apartment, or so he thought at first until his therapist helped him finding out about his alter egos, the strangers who live inside his body but with the totally different personalities and memories.

His therapist helps him getting know his alter egos better. Sometimes his therapist asks him to talk to one of his alter egos, whom considered as the safest among the 4 alter egos he has by doing a routine recording every counseling session. Then whenever he gets the reply, he still feels it’s only a dream, a really bad one, because he knows it’s himself who talks but with the different consciousness, personality, name, and experiences of life. He wishes it’s not one of his alter egos who talks to him, but his twin. It must’ve been nice having a twin named Jung Jae Yook who loves cooking instead of sharing the same body but with the different consciousness.

Jaehyun never talks to his other alter egos aside of Jae Yook. His therapist said he’s still not ready meeting those three, but his instinct told him maybe they hate him and refuse to talk to him. Jaehyun knows better than anyone, even he himself sometimes hates himself.

Jaehyun has been trying to make a peace with himself, to forgive himself – as how his therapist suggests him to do – but it’s useless since he has no idea of why he has to forgive himself, forgive himself of what?

Jaehyun knows there’s a big hole in his memories. He always knows there’re some missing puzzles in his life. Before he knew he’s suffering from the Dissociative Identity Disorder, he thought it’s only the usual thing. People often not remember their childhood recollection, do they? But now he’s wondering, maybe there’s something, an important thing in his childhood that shapes him into who he is right now. He’s trying hard to remember what it is, but there’s nothing. His childhood is normal, as long as he remembers.

Jaehyun never bothers anymore with bruises on his face. He knows, it must’ve been because of Jay, one of his alter egos.

Even though Jaehyun never talks to Jay, he knows many things about Jay based on what his therapist told him, though he’s sure his therapist still not telling him everything about Jay, nor his other alter egos. There’s the right time for it, that’s what his therapist said.

Jay, 24, a Korean-American, the heir of the strongest gang in Asia (though Jaehyun knows the gang is only the imaginary thing, because he knows there isn’t any gang named the Rabbit, ! Even the name is funny!), a really good fighter, master a lot of kind of martial arts, strong, tough, talks without any filter, a playboy, loves wearing an Eifel tower piercing on his right ear and a cherry earring on his left ear, fluent speaking a lot of languages, clever, sly, and has anger management issue.

Jaehyun knows, it’s Jay who makes him woke up in the warehouse back then, among the unconscious bodies and sea of blood. It’s Jay who caused painful bruises and cuts on his face and palms. It’s Jay who gave him a lot of blood stains on his clothes, made him really mad when Jay ruined his favorite shirt!

Jay often made Jaehyun mad. Jaehyun has no idea why. And it seems like Jay knows everything about Jaehyun. It seems like Jay hates Jaehyun, so much.

Jay knows which one is Jaehyun’s favorite shirt and jeans – both had been ruined. Jay knows how to annoy Jaehyun by making him wakes up inside the trash bin, knows very well how much Jaehyun treasure the cleanliness around him. Jay knows Jaehyun loves reading Harry Potter and often re-reads the books whenever he’s bored or exhausted because of school assignments and projects, that’s why Jay burned the books, Jaehyun cried when he found out the book’s covers were scattering around the ashes of the pages, Jay is so cruel, leaving Jaehyun only the book’s covers as the proof of his evil deeds.

It’s Jay. It’s always been Jay.

Jaehyun knows, there’s no way Jae Yook, Yoonoh, or White would do those kind of things!

Jaehyun often talks with Jae Yook via the video recordings. Jaeyook is nice, and often cook Jaehyun a lot of delicious meals.

Yoonoh has OCD, so there’s no way Yoonoh would burn Jaehyun’s books and leave the ashes inside his bed room!

White is so pure, almost like a child, though his therapist said that White rarely talks with his mouth, only communicate with the drawing. White has a phobia of the fire and flame, so there’s no way he’s the culprit!

It’s Jay. It’s always been Jay.

One day, when Jaehyun woke up with a lot of bruises on his forearms, he knows there’s something wrong. The problem is, the bruises don’t look like his previous bruises whenever Jay had had the fight with the gangs. This time, the bruises look like the love bites.

Jaehyun, as usual, couldn’t recall anything. Why-how-when-where-and who gave him those love bites?

Jay? But Jay is too dominant. He wouldn’t let anyone give him those visible love bites. Jay is too casanova to let anyone leave him traces. One of Jay mottos is: Jay can have anyone, but no one can have Jay. He wouldn’t let anyone marks him!

Yoonoh? No way! He would never let anyone touches him! But it’s a different case if someone forced himself/herself on Yoonoh. God, Jaehyun hopes it’s not Yoonoh! Based on what Jaehyun’s therapist said about Yoonoh, he has a trust issue and kind of scared of people – not to the level of social phobia though – but still… it’s scary imagining him being by someone.

White? It’s even scarier imagining someone White! White is just a teenager. 16! For God’s sake! Even though Jaehyun doesn’t know White as much as he knows Jaeyook, he always has a soft spot for White. He has no idea why.

Jaeyook? Yeah, probably. Even though Jaeyook never mention anything about his love life whenever Jaehyun talks with him via the video recordings.

“Maybe it’s Jaeyook. I’ll make sure to ask him about this later.” Jaehyun whispers as he traces his fingers on those purplish on his forearms. He’s frowning deeply, there’s a strange sensation inside his chest. His heart is tightening in an uncomfortable way, making him gasping – trying hard taking the fresh air as much as possible into his lungs, but there’s a tingling inside it at the same time as well, as if someone had lit the fireworks and made him see the beautiful colors and light on the night sky, feeling warm, safe, and loved.

Jaehyun desperate to find out what’s the cause is, or maybe who? He wants to remember everything. He wishes he could remember every detail, everything what his alter egos had done.

Because he got the feeling that his alter egos: Jay, Jaeyook, Yoonoh, and White know something he doesn’t know, and he desperately wants to know.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ *********** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lee Taeyong thought Jung Jaehyun looks really charming under the sun rays of the summer, when Jaehyun took off the snapback which is hiding Jaehyun’s beautiful eyes from people around him. Taeyong wished he could stare into Jaehyun’s eyes directly, but as usual, the architecture boy only walked on the campus garden that separating the architecture and psychology major buildings silently, fast, without any sound, almost like a ninja. When the summer breeze played with Jaehyun’s black hairs, Taeyong feels something warm stirs inside his heart.

Lee Taeyong thought Jung Jaehyun looks really charming behind the white hoodie. It’s autumn, not that cold, Taeyong thought, but Jaehyun always wears a really thick hoodie, or sometimes a coat. Whenever Jaehyun wears the coat, he always pairs it up wit