Sometimes, Jonghyun felt the fans knew them better than they did. It was thanks to the fans that he realized his true feelings towards Kibum. He thought of the younger as just a brother, but he soon realized the way he looked at his fellow member was more than just brotherly love. It’s been years since that realization, and Jonghyun decided it was about time he told the younger how he felt.

He didn’t buy him anything, he had been doing that for years, his gifts always beating out the other member’s on Kibum’s birthday. He just brought himself and a quick little confession stored in his mind.

Jonghyun knocked on Kibum’s door then walked in after the younger told him he could. It was normal for Jonghyun to hang out in Kibum’s room, there had been times he had fallen asleep on the floor because he didn’t want to wake Taemin. So it was no surprise when Kibum knew who it was without looking up from his book.

“Can’t sleep?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun just nodded.

“How’s your book?” Jonghyun asked and Kibum slipped a bookmark in.

They just got together, after 25 chapters” Kibum answered and set the book on his nightstand, putting his glasses on top of it.

Jonghyun sat down on the bed across from Kibum and the younger stretched his arms out.

“If you don’t have anything to talk about I’ll start” Kibum said, continuing their tradition of talking about one topic until they could sleep.

“What’s the topic?” Jonghyun asked and Kibum smiled.

“Love” Kibum answered and Jonghyun’s mind was all over the place.

Does he like me too? Is he going to confess first?

Jonghyun nodded, ignoring his thoughts, “You start”

“Have you ever found someone so amazing, and you just want to hug them and hold onto them forever?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun nodded.

“Someone perfect in every way and you just want them all for yourself” Jonghyun added and Kibum smiled.

“Have you ever experienced what it’s like to finally have that?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun shook his head “no”.

“I’ve come close, but then I don’t ask” Jonghyun answered.

“It’s one of the most wonderful feelings in the world” Kibum told him and Jonghyun had to hide his face.

“Do you have something to tell me?” Jonghyun asked, pain in his eyes but voice happy.

“Minho and I started dating today” Kibum answered, a huge smile across his face.

Jonghyun smiled with him, although it wasn’t genuine, “Congratulations!”

“We would’ve started dating sooner, but I was hesitant in answering” Kibum admitted and Jonghyun met his gaze.

“How come?” Jonghyun asked.

“I still had feelings for you” Kibum said it like it was no big deal, but it hurt Jonghyun’s heart to know he just missed his chance.

Jonghyun just nodded and it was quiet for a short while before Kibum spoke again.

“Minho said he waited three years before asking me” Kibum said.

I’ve been waiting five.

“Why would he wait so long?” Jonghyun asked, even if he didn’t care that much.

“He thought you were in love with me” Kibum answered.

I am.

“If I were him I still would’ve asked” Jonghyun replied.

“He didn’t want to hurt you” Kibum told him and Jonghyun nodded.

But he did.

“He better treat you well” Jonghyun warned, “I may be his hyung but I’m your hyung first”

Kibum smiled, “I’m sure he will, he insisted we sleep together tonight even though both of our beds are twin sizes”

“I should probably leave then, I’m sure he wants some alone time with you” Jonghyun said and Kibum looked a little sad.

“Yeah, but don’t think just because we’re dating me and you can’t keep doing this. If it helps you sleep we’re both okay with it” Kibum told him and Jonghyun nodded and got up.

They said their goodnights and Jonghyun left the room, making a beeline for him and Taemin’s room. He didn’t care if Taemin heard him come in, the younger was probably still in the shower anyway but Jonghyun didn’t check. At first, he laid there, thinking about it all and taking it in again that he had just lost Kibum without ever having him. Some tears escaped from these thoughts, and then his mind fell on the alone time the two would have. As if his mind was torturing him, the thought of the two making love filled his mind and he cried harder. He tried to stay as quiet as possible as he cried, but a hand running through his hair told him he wasn’t quiet enough.

This wasn’t the first time he had cried in front of the maknae, and this was Taemin’s way of calming him down. Taemin’s hands played with Jonghyun’s hair as the maknae hushed him to sleep.