5

The Sky [Pt. 2]

Letting Go What Should Not Be & Not Letting Go What Should Be

Zitao had thought Yifan was crazy. Bringing someone’s daughter in their date seemed like a very bizarre idea. And plain idiot. Why would Yifan bring a little girl with them? They can’t even kiss in front of her. And in all honesty, Yifan’s attention has been severely divided between him and her. At the first minutes Zitao was irritated by how sweet Yifan would treat the little girl – he was jealous.

And he was torn by the sight of Yifan looking like the great father he would be, if only he was given the chance to be one. And Yifan might have it, if his story is different.

It adds another point to his list of ‘Reasons Why I Should Stop ing Up Wu Yifan’s Life’.

However, the irritated feeling in his heart stops burning the moment tiny fingers wrap around his wrist gently.

Zitao gasps in shock as he looks down, finding the much said little girl glancing up at him with such innocence in her eyes.

“Did I upset you?” Daemin asks with her melodious, chirpy voice.

He doesn’t know how to answer to a child’s question. One wrong answer and he can make her cry out of devastation. He looks around to find Yifan and ask for help, but Yifan is also looking back at him in expectation at what he’s going to answer. There’s this faint smirk on Yifan’s lips, and Zitao wants to slap him at least three times for it.

“No. What made you think like that?” Zitao answers like a robot. He hears Yifan coughs. “I mean, no, Daemin, why would you think like that? Did my face scare you?” answer ‘yes’ and I swear I will kick you back to your father.

Daemin shakes her head. “You looked sad. Since we got out of the re, um, restaurant.”

“This is how my face looks in general.” Zitao shrugs. Yifan coughs again. “Sweetie.” he adds awkwardly.

“Do you feel sick? Do you want to sit down? What can I do for you?”

You can shut up and just go play with pedoFan right there. “I’m fine, Daemin. Why don’t you go play with Uncle Fanfan, hm?”

“But you’re alone,” Daemin says like it’s a difficult explanation, “and if I go play with Uncle Fanfan, I would still worry about you.”

Zitao looks into Daemin’s eyes. And she looks up into his as well. Somewhere along the way he hears Yifan holding his laugh.

“Fine, I’ll go play with you.” Zitao sighs heavily, letting himself to be pulled by a six years old child. “What were you guys doing?”

Turns out that it’s actually fun. Maybe it’s because Daemin is quite different from other kids that it’s fun; she’s not whiny out of the blue, she doesn’t cry over littlest things, she listens well to Yifan and surprisingly to him as well, she always makes sure that the both of them are following her around, and even if she occasionally asks about her father, she doesn’t do it in ‘I-want-my-daddy-now!’ way.

“Date?” Daemin asks with her round, innocent eyes. “What is a ‘date’?”

Zitao snorts hard when Yifan eyes him unapprovingly.

“It’s something adults do when they want to be together for a few hours, talking about nice things and make each other laugh.” Zitao explains smoothly, sighing in relief when Yifan seems approving of his theory and Daemin nods.

“So Daddy must be talking about nice things and laughing with Uncle Jongdae, right?”

Zitao glances at the direction towards the restaurant, and he just happens to notice Minseok and the Jongdae guy walking out of the place, laughing about something. “Yeah.” Zitao smirks. “Definetely.”

Daemin lets the subject drop gradually, and Zitao thinks that Kim Minseok must’ve been a very great parent to raise such an educated, sophisticated young girl.

Eventually their ‘family-date’ ends. Minseok asks nicely if he can take Daemin back because the little girl looks sleepy already, and much to his own surprise, he feels reluctant to let the little girl go.

“Uncle Tao?” she calls softly, and Zitao’s heart clenches at her voice. “Will I ever meet you again?”

He gulps. This might will be the first and last time he ever get to meet her. “I can’t promise you.” Zitao says, and Yifan laughs because Huang Zitao doesn’t know anything about talking sweetly to children. “If I get lucky someday, we will meet again.”

Daemin pouts. “We have to meet again.” she says like an adult.

Zitao smiles. Soon you’re going to forget me, little girl.

Minseok and Jongdae go towards their own path with sleepy Daemin, while he and Yifan continue their quality time, leisurely walking along the shore. Somehow the silence is not suffocating. It’s the type of silence that he didn’t want to cut with other bodily deeds. It’s the type of silence that shows how comfortable he can be with Yifan even without doing anything.

However, Yifan cuts in through it. “I remember you said to me once that you like strolling around the shore.”

Zitao frowns. Did he say that? Sounds like something he could’ve said, however. “Hm.” he agrees.

“Glad that we’re doing something you like.” Yifan’s voice gets muffled with the wind. Zitao glances at his side, noticing how Yifan is keeping a distance between them, although it’s not that far. It’s like Yifan is giving him his own space, yet is also reminding him that he’s not going anywhere.

See? This is why it’s so hard on Zitao’s side.

“What about you?” Zitao asks airily. “A life with a spouse and a child. Is that what you like?”

He can feel Yifan’s eyes boring holes on him.

“I mean, do you dream of that kind of life?” Zitao tries to rephrase what he meant, but it seems like he’s failing. “Forget it. I’m so ing awkward.”

Yifan laughs. His laughter sounds so good in Zitao’s ears, it makes him wants to crush him in a tight hug and slap him at the same time for being so good at everything even at laughing.

“Yes.” Yifan answers. “That kind of life. I dream of it sometimes.”

“Sometimes.”

“Often.”

Zitao lets out a huge sigh. “Never really though you’re a perfect candidate for family-man.”

“What’s the harm in it?” Yifan asks rhetorically. “A warm life with a spouse and a child, inside our medium-sized and comfy apartment, with stable job that pays more than our bills and good education for our child,” he stares over the horizon above them; the sky is slowly turning into slight shades of lilac, “simple breakfast at the morning, nice lunch in a comfortable restaurant at noon, home-made dinner at evening, or sometimes take-outs instead.”

Zitao turns to his side, looking at Yifan who pretends that he doesn’t know Zitao is staring at him.

“I want it.” Yifan whispers. “That kind of life.”

“Hm.” Zitao smiles. “It seems like a lot of people want it as well.”

“Do you?” Yifan finally turns to him. “Do you want it too?”

It could’ve been such a harmless question, but Zitao can read Yifan like an open book. He can decipher the gleaming, vivid hopeful look in Yifan’s eyes.

This man hopes that I want the same dream as him.

“Well,”

Should I lie to him that I don’t?

“it looks… great.” Zitao gulps. “And almost too good to be true.”

Phew.

Yifan looks unsatisfied with his answer. Yet the older one tries hard not to show it. “Yep.” he just grins, and it looks as fake as those Gucci bags those try-hard models wear whenever they are trying to match up with him.

“Wu Yifan?” Zitao calls, and Yifan immediately stares up at him. “Be honest. Have you ever felt tired of me?”

Both of them look at each other, trying to figure out each other’s mind.

“Yes, I have.” Yifan answers truthfully. “Once. Or maybe twice. Especially that time, when you didn’t reach me for like, two months?”

“Ah, my European tour.”

“Yeah, that.” Yifan says. “I was so done with you. You never called, you never let me reach you. I thought that maybe you’ve forgotten me on purpose, as if I was just a mere thing you found on your short stop in Seoul. So I kind of… really hated you.”

Zitao sighs. Of course you have to hate me.

“But then you came back, and you went straight to my apartment from the airport, and then I realized,” Yifan starts to grin sheepishly, “that it was just who you are. You’re someone who cherished freedom so much. And who was I to resent you for being who you truly were? From hating it, I came to love it, your flaw.”

“My flaw?”

Yifan nods. “Not wanting to be attached too much to someone.”

“You came to love my flaw.” Zitao repeats those words because it sounds impossible, almost drama-like. “How?” ing why?

“Because… I don’t know, but I think that’s what people do when they truly love someone, Taozi.” Yifan says carefully. “When they understand their loved one’s flaw, they came to see things from their loved one’s point of view. And when they finally do that, they would come to love the flaw as well.”

“I still don’t understand.” Zitao presses. “What do you do after you finally love the flaw?”

“Well,” Yifan thinks for a moment, “when you love it, you’d stop making a problem out of it. When you love it, it turns to be like an equation to figure out that person’s mind or what that person would do. As example, you don’t give me news for a month.” Yifan steps closer to him. “I could’ve thought you’re doing something fun with someone else, or you’ve forgotten that I exist, or that you don’t want me anymore. But I don’t think like that. Instead, I wait for you patiently, and expect you to come to me when it’s the time for you to do it.”

Zitao frowns. “And?”

“And you really did, didn’t you?” Yifan grins. “You always come back to me.”

I always come back to him.

That sentence strikes Zitao like a lightning.

I always come back to him.

“What about you?” Yifan asks gently. Still keeping a short distance between them. “What do you think my flaw is?”

That’s the problem. Zitao snorts. “What the are you talking about? You’re like, the most perfect man in this whole universe. You got no flaws.” I always come back to him.

“Come on, there must be something I lack on.”

“Well maybe you lack on cooking but aside that, seriously, nothing is wrong or imperfect when it comes to you.” Zitao gestures him from head to toe. “Face? ing check. Body? ing double check. Brain? Damn triple check. Personality? A ing hundred percent point.”

Yifan giggles. “I’m glad if I look appealing to you.”

“Appealing – you er, you do know I fell in love with you because of your face.”

“It’s okay, as long as you love me.”

“You ing camembert cheese.”

Maybe if I didn’t always come back to him, everything would’ve been much easier.

==========

“Oi, Sehun,” he heard Jongin’s voice booming behind him, “someone’s here to see you.”

Seh