Dar od boha ^A gift from god^

Tap…tap..tap…

The sound of the tap water somehow it brings peace, alone in the bath tub, looking over my hand, plaster? What happened? Open the plaster slowly, it hurts, my nail is crooked, there is still some blood stained leave behind, now I get it… It happened again… over and over again for the past few years, sometime when I wake up in the morning my body is in pain, sometime it bleed on my knee, got  a few scratch on my arm, my back or sometime swollen on my forehead, it happened, repeatedly, I know that something is so wrong with me that I need to seek for a help but I am scared, the answer, am I really gone crazy? So I held it, the pain, the fear, clenching my teeth, I am holding on with my will power, till now.. I am getting used to it, is it bad? Getting use to see yourself getting hurt? I don’t know when it started that being in pain is much more relaxing then not, the same reason for all my tattoo, fighting pain with pain, but the question is till when does it last? I am scared of what kind of monster I’ll turn to be?

Waking up from the bath tub, grab my towel, facing the mirror, seeing myself, I look hopeless, suddenly the thought come to my sense, for this one time, I want it so bad, to feel happy, even it will washes away like a bubbles, just for this time I want to be selfish, and maybe that man will be the reason for it… Happiness and solace, the feeling that I have forgotten for so long, how does it taste? Sweet like a marshmallow?

“Hey… Shin.. are you okay, come out, breakfast is ready..”

Breakfast? Is he making me  a breakfast? Really? Why does my heart is fluttering? Open the door, I can see that my clothes is hanging at the wall, neatly.. Did he wash it for me? I put on the clothes and walk to the kitchen, I see him busy frying something, it smells like an egg, omelet?  “Hey.. morning”, I greet him, he just smile and ask me to sit at the table with his eyes, I sit down on the chair, there is a plate full of foods and fruits in front of me..nicely arranged, there are toaster and omelet accompany with ketchup and butter, a tomato cherry for the appetizer and a glass of milk… It looks so delicious, I am really hungry as the last meal that I take is when I am at the Palladium, holding my spoon, I am started to dig it, but suddenly, all the memories started to flash back on me, bit by bit, pieces by pieces like a puzzle, it keep bugging my head, the dark room, me at the corner, the ringing bell hinting of a meal time, being stuffed with bread, the milk, forcing me to gulp everything down, I feel suffocated, gasping for some air, it’s hard to breath, refusing to eat but earning me some smack and cursing, “Eat!! That is all that you good at after all, I said eat it!! Finish everything!!”, the smack on the head, the pain of the force swallowing, I can’t even imagine that eating is hurt so much, all the memories make me tremble so much that I even drop the spoon, my heartbeat is getting faster, panting…

Jay, I am still not hungry, I’ll eat it later. “Run away, that is all that I have got in my mind, far away…”

Shin, don’t walk away from the food, and remember our deal, my rule… “I see her being so restless and scared, like being hunted by a ghost, bad memories maybe? She is sweating and trembling, before she can go too far away, I grab her waist and put her on the chair again..” Let’s talk…what happened?

Nothing, I am fine, “I can’t even look up at his face, I know that he longing for an answer, but it does calm me a little bit, being hold by him..”.

Shin, being afraid of eating is not a normal human being should do, we need to eat, some people even use it as  a therapy to fight stress and sadness, you need to eat to live, that is the right things to do or even better enjoying it, why? are you on diet? Afraid of getting any fatter?

Any fatter? “ Annoying.. He and his cheap mouth!”

What? It is true… but I hate it , woman that is so skinny, I love it, like you, it feels good to hug, mushy and comfortable like  a cotton candy, should I make a new clause, “You are not allowed to reduce weight!”

Cotton candy? Did you have a chubby girl ? “He is crazy, equaling me with a cotton candy, but it is the first time that people telling me that , “I love it your body,” it feels good after all, getting a compliment, much better than either a panda or a bear.

? Why? are you a tsundere? You are not making any sense at all, I am preparing the breakfast for you, ask you to enjoy eating it but… Hey.. What are you doing now? “ I am quite shock, both of her tiny hand, playing with my shirt, slowly grab it tightly, slowly she lay down her head on my chest, it was so intimate and close, close enough that I can hear her heartbeat..”

Just for one minute, please Jay, stay like this.. you smell so nice, Bvlgari? You change it? “why did I am cuddling myself at him? Why? Meolla… it just happened but it feel calm, the sound of his heartbeat, the smell from his perfume, the sturdy chest, it was calm and safe… the feeling…”

You have a really sharp nose, you like perfume so much? I give you 5 minutes because you are so cute right now, you do look like a koala, cuddling at me like this…. Kyeopta… “I pinch on her cheek, it is so smooth her skin, cuddling like this with her leg also wrap on my waist, koala for sure!.”

Koala? “ I was just laughing, his imagination is beyond this world.” Yes, I love something that smell so good, it help me relaxing my mind, the things like scented candle, cologne and perfume but perfume is expensive so sometime I and Mia just go to the shop and tested all the free sample, we try each and every bottle that they have, that is why I know very well what kind of perfume that you use, I like Bvlgari better than Armani, you smell y…

y…. I should use it more often.. Should we go and buy the perfume or any scented candle that you like but you need to finish your breakfast first. Later we will go to the hospital meeting Frankie and go shopping.

Frankie? Arasso.. but more than shopping can you grand me  a wish, if I finish everything on the plate?

Wish? Okay, it is  a deal…

Promise?

Promise.. “She ask for a pinky promise, cute, that look , with her chubby cheek and her plump lips, pouting.. I agreed with her but a part of me having some goose bump, wish? Why does it smell troubles? She eat everything, but it takes time, chewing all the foods, sometime she look so lose and in pain, I keep wondering since when eating has become so hard and hurtful things to do?”

………………………………………………………………………

Motol University Hospital, Neurology Department Conference Room

It is a new feeling, seeing Frank Mueller kneel down, he look puzzled, look at me for an answer, which I myself didn’t know, the reason? It’s been ten minutes, but she just froze, looking at him coldly, but I can see that her expression is stiffened, full of thought, or maybe anger?

Shinhye: You look good Dr. Mueller, still the same? “ He come like a puppy , kneel down with just one word from him, who is he? So powerful that he can handle Dr. Frank Mueller, the specialist in DBS (Deep Brain Stimulation).”

Frank: Did we ever meet? I know you?

Shinhye: It saddened me, am I so forgettable? or maybe you know her? Helca Terezka?

Frank: Helca? You mean that Chello player?

Shinhye: Oh.. you do remember her.. suprising..

Frank: Yes, she is my patient but she has been missing her checkup appointment  for six month, I don’t know where she is?

Shinhye: Check up? Did you ever meet her on appointment? Or you just meet her on the first day, being the good doctor ever, explaining about her movement disorder can be cured by DBS procedure, listening to her worries of not be able to play chello anymore, her pressure of people pointing finger saying that she has an alcoholic problem, tarnishing her name, promise that you will be helping her, getting better again… all your sweet talk…

Frank: Are you that girl with short hair back then? What is it that you want? Jay , what the meaning of all this?

Raewon: Don’t ask me, I don’t know anything, you are dealing with her right now.

Shinhye: What I want? You gave her appointment after appointment, medicine, drawn some blood samples, sometime it was her glucose problem or her blood pressure problem, sometime you was too busy, there is an emergency surgery, each and every time, you never see her, only your nurses, telling her, next one’s will be your surgery, money after money, you drained her, but she always tell me, it’s okay he is a great doctor that is why he was too busy, trusting you, it goes on for six month, waiting sometime for hours to see you but the only things that you gave her is her prescription and the bills, the same ritual, till one  day she come see me and said, it is such a shame that people with talent of saving others is using their ability as a liability to press the weaker, I am tired of keep hoping…

Frank: I was really busy beside I have prescribe her medicines, to treat her…

Shinhye: She will never getting better without DBS, that is what you told us, remember? Busy? What? Entertained your VIP patient or hook up with your nurses? That is all