LISTEN TO: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHiSSjimJZY

"I know how I feel about you and it's my feeling so I'll fix it on my own... you don't have to do anything," Hayi started, as the boy in front of her uncomfortably fidget, she continues,  "So why, are you acting like this to me?" 

The boy just shrugs, a slight smirk now adorning his face. Lee Hayi hates how regardless of how bad he treats her, her heart flutters at the sight of him, at the little things he does. Hayi looks down to the ground and takes a deep sigh before looking back up to see the face she had fallen for. He has kind eyes and a nice smile but why does he only hurt her? How can a person with features as wondrous as him, act like a jerk to her? 

"Are you done embarassing yourself?" the boy asked and Hayi just sighed again after politely bowing and taking exit from where she was with him. His friends who had been around and listening into their conversation laughed cockily at the girl who "thinks she can get it".

It was funny, even to her how she ended up liking the same boy who had always hurt her... this was the only way she knew how to love. When someone humiliates her, she sees it as acknowledgement of her existence. When someone takes the time to hurt her, she found it to be a validation for her living her daily life. Dean's open torture directed to her played the biggest role in making her see him the way she sees a savior. Before he entered her life, she was a wallflower. The term "wallflower" seems too pretty even for a girl like her. For years, no one knew her name, no one even knew if she existed. When Dean came around and used her as his lunch shuttle and occasional punching bag, she found it to be new. This boy sees her, this boy knows she exist... someone was finally realising that she's alive, breathing and well. Even if he hurts her, how can she not love a boy like him?

Hayi wiped the tears falling down her cheek as she walked down the quiet street. She stopped by a park bench and let out a long sigh. Her life had always seem to be a tragic colossal mess. First she was invisible, and now she is just another face in the ocean of people... why does a girl like her who had always tried to live as decently as she possibly could have to fall in love with a person who will only hurt her over and over again? It's frustrating but she couldn't help what she feels. She couldn't help smiling foolishly when Dean walks towards her even if it were to play around and hurt her. At this point, maybe her sanity is finally leaving her.

How broken is she that a boy like him flutters a girl like her?

She holds up her palms in front of her face and watched as the raindrops fall and slide down her skin. It was starting to rain, one drop by one drop. She should probably get up, find shelter... go home but she wanted to stay. She kept staring at her skin. She has got two hands, two legs, a perfectly beating heart. She has two eyes, two ears, a good working mind. What makes her lesser than anyone else, why do they look at her as if she was filled with ugly wounds?

"Am I strange?" These days, she found herself asking that over and over again. She would wake up, stand in front of the mirror thinking maybe there was something wrong with her. She would don clothes that cover as much of her skin as possible. Even in the heat of summer she covered up, afraid that if someone saw her skin, they would be disgusted because maybe to them... she is a little stranger than everyone else.

"What a ing mess you are," a familiar voice jolted her from her string of thoughts. She looked up and there he was in all his glory, Dean, cigarette resting in between his plump lips. He had an umbrella that he was holding over her head and almost instantly ordered her to hold it up. Unquestioningly, she did, eyes still fixed on the beautiful boy in front of her.

"Go home, Lee Hayi."

That was the first time in a while that anyone other than the teachers called her by her name. Her eyes twinkled in gratitude and a smile took over her face. She knew she must be crazy that something so little is making her so bright but this was how she had always lived. A little validation over her existence was enough to keep her going for a while. Maybe it makes sense for her to fall in love with Dean.

"Don't take this the wrong way, I'm not interested," he continued before he left, eyes dark and sharply boring into hers.

"Can... I at least share the umbrella with you?" she asked, shamelessly getting up and standing by his side. Her shoulder was wet now considering the umbrella was mostly over Dean's head. Sighing loudly under his breath, Dean pulled her beneath a shelter not far from the bench they were at before.

Dean studies her face. Hayi has bright brown eyes and he hated how he could see right through them. He feels sorry for her. For the many times he hurt her, there was no way a immature boy like him is deserving of someone as pure as Hayi. He grabs her by her shoulders and bend down to her eye-level hoping that this way, she would understand his words better.

"Don't dream that I could ever reciprocate your feelings, that's not happening, get it together." he hissed through his gritted teeth before pushing her against the wall and leaving her there. He spared no further glances, aware of what it could do to her.

Hayi watches Dean's back that was getting smaller and smaller as he moved further and further away from her. She knew his intentions, she knew nothing would happen. But it doesn't make her heart hurt any less. There was nothing she could do about her feelings: not about how much she hated herself for liking him because of how he made her feel about herself.

"I don't like it either but I can't get myself together," she mumbled to herself, putting the umbrella on the ground, walking down the street letting the rain pour down over her, "but what else can I do?"