"Up or down?" I overheard Kihyun ask Shownu in the bathroom. Why they always had to do everything together was beyond me. We had four bathrooms, but the one they always decided to use didn't exactly give a comfortable fit for two people, especially one of Shownu's size.

"Up or down?!!" I could hear him getting more impatient as his question was met with a long silence, & could only assume that he was talking about his hair.

"Up!" I answered for him, walking past the bathroom. The door was cracked, but after my response, I heard it slam shut.
'Well if you want more privacy, close it all the way to begin with,' I thought, letting my mind escape that issue for now.
A few days ago, we had the photoshoot for our new album, & yesterday we shot our entire music video. Everyone was pretty worn out, but we were used to it. We had to do this 2 times previously before, so it wasn't anything that we couldn't handle. But as for me, I wasn't even worried about how little sleep I was getting. (Or wasn't getting.) I was still in shock over the fact that I was in love with someone.
& that they loved me back.
I was so sure that I would never be in this situation with him, but I was, & it was so surreal to me. Sure, it wasn't exactly a normal relationship. Forget the fact that we were both idols & both men. But our dynamic wasn't that of a normal, healthy relationship. I have so much to worry about with him that I rarely worry about myself. Before, it was just me silently admiring him from afar. But now, that's seemed to have upgraded, & my feelings have grown ten times stronger.
When he speaks, all I hear is wind chimes. When he moves, I see nothing else but him. I live for nothing else but his smile. But when I see him smiling at Kihyun, I want to stop living. I had nothing against Kihyun. This was simply just an insecurity within myself. & I didn't know how to deal with it.
The first thing I would do in a situation like this one is talk to Jooheon, but that was now off limits. He had something against Wonho & I that I couldn't quite grasp or understand. I know he probably has his reasons, whatever they may be, but I needed someone to talk to now more than ever. & I knew talking to him wasn't the best idea.
Relaxing my thoughts, I felt two hands from behind me come up & rub my shoulders.
"If this is Minhyuk, I'm gonna be really weirded out. Not gonna lie."
The hands then pushed the back of my head playfully. Of course it was Wonho.
"Why are you just standing in the hallway? Come with me." He motioned for me to follow him, & my feet followed obediently. I would do a majority of what he asked, & not even give it a second thought. That's how much he had me wrapped around his finger. & I was painfully aware of that.
Sitting on the couch, I sat next to him, but he decided he didn't like that & picked me up so that I was sitting on his lap.
"Okay..? But now I can't see you when you're talking to me."
"Who said anything about talking?"
That's true. He didn't. So I waited patiently to see what this was all about. It felt like a full minute had passed, so I shifted so that my back was leaning against the arm of the couch; now able to see his face.
He stayed silent, raising his eyebrows ever so subtly, & my heart jumped. Why did he have to be so beautiful? It wasn't fair.
I still wasn't used to things like this, even with him being my boyfriend, but I was getting better at it. He still made it feel like it was the first time I was looking at him, every single time.
He held his hand in mine, & I looked at the contrast between our skin tones. His milky white skin looked like diamonds compared to mine. I then looked up from our hands to admire his face, which was perfect at every angle. Even without his makeup or colored contacts, he still didn't have a flaw in the world. Or maybe I was just biased.
"What's this about, hyung?"
"Yesterday.." he began slowly. "At our video shoot.."
"Ah, so we are talking?"
"I did something I shouldn't have," he continued, ignoring me. "& I don't want you to be mad about it."
I grew worried, but only nodded, promising not to get upset. He let out a very quiet yet dramatic sigh, & I knew whatever he was gonna say couldn't be good.
"I kissed Kihyun."
I tried really hard not to project how horrible I felt on my face, but my insides were churning & eating away at me. I thought of a few things I could say, such as "What?" & "Why?", but I already knew why. I knew why, just like Shownu knew why, just like Kihyun knew why.
Just like Wonho knew why.
There were still feelings there.
I got up when I could feel my face showing exactly how I felt on the inside. I felt too embarrassed to show him that. I felt his hand take hold of my wrist, & I stupidly tried to break free. I knew it wouldn't do any good. I was too weak to break out of his grip, & he still held onto me effortlessly.
"Hear me out, Changkyun!"
"What else is there to say?"
"Um, a lot? Can't I explain myself? Either way, I won't let you go until you do."
"I don't want to talk right now."
Ignoring me, he led me into our bedroom & my feet were forced to follow against their will. After the door shut, Wonho continued to explain. Also against my will.
"It's not like I wanted to!"
"How do you accidentally kiss somebody?" My voice grew louder, but not on purpose. I was just mad. Why should I have to put up with this? I ask this, & yet.. I shouldn't have even been surprised. All their flirting led up to this. All their everything lead up to this.
I felt his grip loosen on me, probably caught off guard that I raised my voice. I took that as an opportunity to storm away again, but of course he followed. Couldn't he just leave it alone? There was nothing new to say. I stopped in my tracks when I heard Kihyun's voice, & I had turned around to see them both behind me, staring each other down.
"What? No smart remark telling me to watch where I'm going?" Kihyun rolled his eyes, but Wonho shook his head hastily. Kihyun looked confused, & Wonho anxiously jabbed his head into my direction. He turned to look at me, studied my expression for one quick moment, & then it clicked into his head.
"You told him?!" Kihyun exclaimed in a hushed whisper, looking frantic & angry all in one go. Wonho opened his mouth to speak, but shut it almost instantly as he saw Shownu walk out as well.
I went to all of them now.
"Shownu hyung! You remember that question you asked me yesterday? Well I'm asking it to you now."
Shownu tried hard to think about what was said, & I waited for him to get it. Realizing who all was standing in front of him, it didn't take him that long to assess the situation.
He huffed, not looking the least bit amused; crossing his arms over his chest.
"So what happened this time?"
My eyes grew big.
"T-this time..?" Had there been more times that I hadn't known about? Shownu seemed to be more in the loop than I was, so why didn't he share any of this with me? Don't I deserve to know too? Or maybe it's just that Kihyun was way more open with him than Wonho was with me? Either way, did we really deserve to be going through all of this?
Kihyun smiled his sheepish smile, but even that couldn't get him completely out of trouble. Shownu wasn't giving in.
"They kissed." I told him, trying to focus on our leader & ignore the other two in the room. It made it easier.
Shownu didn't look happy, glancing down at his boyfriend now.
"Kihyun."
"Yes?"
"Why do you do these things to me..?"
I lost my focus just for that one second, really resonating with my hyung just then. I looked at Kihyun, & he did nothing but hang his head shamefully.
"I thought he was you.."
"& I thought he was I.M!" Wonho shouted urgently, pointing a finger at Kihyun.
"We don't look that much alike, Wonho!"
"It was in the dark!"
"Huh..?" I tilted my head. Earlier I had thought that everything had been said. Was I wrong? Again?
"We were in the dressing room.." Kihyun had started to tell the story. "I had walked back in to get something before going back out on set. I didn't turn the lights on cause I could still see a little bit from the outside since the sun had just barely started to go down. I felt Wonho's arms grab around me & suddenly he kissed me. I didn't bother to think it was anyone else but Shownu hyung! All I felt were biceps, & he kissed me so suddenly that I didn't even get a chance to look at his face to make sure. This wasn't done on purpose at all!" He turned to me now, with apologetic eyes. "I.M, I'm sorry! You know I would never do anything like that to you, or Shownu hyung!"
It was silent for a while, as we all took it in.
"I believe you," I finally said, mainly because I knew he didn't possess the balls to act on his impulses. "It's this one I'm worried about." My index finger extended out to Wonho, & he his teeth from the inside of his mouth.
"I know what I did was wrong. I'm sorry. I should have made sure who it was first. But to be fair, you guys pretty much have the same body type!"
"So why don't you go have with him instead then, huh? Since we have the same body, what's the difference?" That was low, but I didn't care.
"But Kihyun is too loud when we do it!" Wonho spoke without thinking, as usual. Shownu cracked his neck & pushed my boyfriend up against the wall. He was hovering over him, & Wonho merely looked at him with a twisted smile & a gleam in his eyes.
"What? Are you mad that he doesn't scream like that for you? Is that hurting your daddy complex, perhaps?"
Shownu started breathing harder, & Kihyun knew when it was time to step in, putting himself between the two. I felt a little scared, to be honest. I never saw Shownu this angry, if at all. But at the same time, I didn't want Kihyun to stop him if he snapped. As mean as that is to say, I was so curious as to what he would do. & I could have Wonho get what he deserves without having to get my hands dirty. So then there's that.
Shownu backed away slowly, seeming to calm down more when Kihyun gave his arms a light squeeze.
I could feel something coming on, & imagined him counting to ten in his head or something.
"What is wrong with you?" Kihyun was full of rage. "You have a perfectly good guy right there, yet you insist on pining after me, meanwhile making it harder on everyone else! If you're not gonna treat I.M right, then give him to someone who will! Like Joohe-"
He stopped himself, & everyone seemed to wonder why, including me.
Wonho balled & unballed his hands into fists several times.
"Do you wanna finish what you were gonna say?"
"No, but not because I'm scared to." Kihyun made sure to make a point of that, & I could only wonder what he meant by it. If he's not scared to say it, then why did he stop himself? Maybe so as to not cause any unessicary drama?
Shownu sighed & grabbed Kihyun's hand to leave.
"This won't happen again. He's all yours now." The leader's final words before the door closed to their bedroom behind them.
Wonho's mood seemed to shift in a blink of an eye, as he smiled at me lovingly & put his hands on my waist. I looked away, still upset over all of this.
"I'm sowwy.." Out of the corner of my eye I could see him poking his lower lip out, doing what I could only assume to be his best aegyo. But it failed to change my mood.
"Listen, even if it wasn't on purpose, it still hurt me. Just understand that, & we'll be good."
He turned my head towards himself & he gave me my favorite smile. I got swept up in it entirely. I was too easy on him. & as usual, he got his way once again.

Without any consequences.