Infatuated (n.) falling in love with someone so much that it seems silly, especially because you do not know them very well
 

 

 

 

The summer was slowly coming to an end, and Minseok would need to find a job for the winter. Despite the hard work, he really enjoyed working on the farm because it was a huge distraction from his worries and his husband. His hands became rougher and his back and arms toned up nicely from the constant bending down and harvesting. He noticed that the sun had kissed his skin, and was now a lovely shade of tan instead of the pale pink skin he usually had.

Kyungsoo was growing fast, he was now able to sit upright with support and is incredibly adventurous. He is starting to acknowledge detail in things and focusing more. Minseok has started to let him sit in his bouncer and watch Pororo for 10 minutes each morning to get him use to the sounds, colours and movement and Kyungsoo loves the cartoon. He goes completely quiet and smiles when it comes on TV.

Minseok still hasn’t taken Kyungsoo to a nursery, but he told Jongin to let his sister know that he will be bringing him when his summer job ends. He got lucky being able to bring Kyungsoo to work with him and he may not find another job that will benefit the same generosity.

Speaking of Jongin, Minseok saw the younger quite a lot. They bumped into each other in the corridor of their apartment building and would Jongin would sometimes visit them at the weekend and play with Kyungsoo, the baby recognised him after a few weeks of seeing him and would smile – flashing gums and his round cheeks would rise – making Jongin coo at the baby and pinch his cheeks. Minseok noticed every time he saw Jongin he had a strange feeling in his stomach and his knee’s always felt weak. He started to feel excited and look forward to bumping into him outside his apartment just so he could see his handsome face.

Because Jongin was incredibly handsome, down from his chocolate eyes, honey skin and firm legs. Minseok found himself often stuttering every time Jongin came round his apartment. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was starting to crush on the boy. I mean, who wouldn’t? he was charming, handsome, funny, kind and caring and most of all adored his son.

As soon as Minseok started to feel a little ping of butterflies inside him when he was around Jongin, he started to feel guilty.

He was legally married, even if he had left the guy. There was no mention of a divorce and Minseok is too scared to even ask for one, in fear that Lu Han will reject it – making the divorce process even longer. For a while he did think about sending his husband a text, even just to ask how he was or let him know that Kyungsoo was growing healthy and strong. But whenever he came to do it, he didn’t have a clue what to write and he knew he would be on constant edge waiting for a text back. And truthfully, Minseok has spent a long time of their relationship waiting for a call or a text back – the image in his head sitting by the phone all night makes him feel sad.

He thinks about writing to him often, telling him how much he loves him and that he thinks about him every day. There are a thousand things Minseok wants to tell his husband, and so many questions he wants to ask.

Why won’t you hold me anymore?
Did I do something wrong?
Can we start over?
Why did you cheat on me…
Why don’t you love me… anymore?

His chest tightens as he thinks about everything. He didn’t think it would be this hard, he didn’t think it would hurt this much. Sometimes he catches a whiff of Lu Han’s scent on an old sweater or he’ll find and old picture and would smile to himself at the distant memory. He misses having Lu Han hold him at night and kissing him every morning. He misses the spark in his husband’s eyes every time he told him he loved him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minseok spent a long time wondering what it is about him that Lu Han couldn’t love, and the more he thought about it – the more he felt a lot of hate towards himself. He was clingy, sensitive and would never speak his mind. He started to avoid seeing his body in the mirror, even after 6 months the scars where still painted on his skin and there was a lot of stretched skin that didn’t tighten like the doctor said it would. The weight he put on his stomach and thighs still stayed and Minseok never let him bother him during his pregnancy because he knew it was natural and he knew that he was keeping his baby healthy inside him.

Sometimes Minseok’s mind flashes of when he walked in on his husband, and he can’t help but feel a tightness of jealously inside him at Lu Han’s new lover. He was slim, tall and extremely handsome. Broad shoulders and a sharp jaw. Minseok had none of that. He was short and round.

Sighing for the 5^th time, Minseok turned over in bed to face Kyungsoo who was sleeping peacefully next to him. He wondered if Lu Han was sleeping alone tonight. Shutting the sudden thought off, he Kyungsoo’s hair and watched his stomach rise and fall.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Farming season ended, and Minseok had picked enough fruits and vegetables to live off for the entire winter. He was allowed to take home a few bag fulls of what he harvest, and Minseok decided that this autumn he wanted to learn how to bake so he could make Christmas cake and something sweet for Jongin. Kyungsoo was teething, quiet painfully too. Each tooth seemed to be coming one after another and made the baby incredibly upset and in pain. Although Minseok was upset to see his son in pain, he was also excited because soon Kyungsoo will be able to eat baby food and solids.

Minseok took Kyungsoo out in his stroller for a walk around town to help Kyungsoo’s crying, the rocking of the stroller helped soothe him in some way. He likes to sit up and watch people walk past, and he starting to let out little words of “da” and “oh!”. Kyungsoo’s personality is starting to show, and so far he seems extremely shy around strangers except for Jongin and Minseok just finds it amusing.

The baby is literally obsessed with Jongin, whenever he comes over he’ll start to bounce on his bum and smile showing all gums. Jongin makes Kyungsoo laugh hysterically but is also comfortable around him enough to let Jongin rock him to sleep. Usually, when Kyungsoo was new born he didn’t like anyone putting him to bed except Minseok – and now the elder is a little jealous of his own son, he wishes that Jongin would snuggle him to sleep. Sometimes.

Jongin comes over quite often, they watch movies and talk about their days and future – but never their pasts. Minseok wonders why Jongin bothers coming over to see them when he could go out and have a much better night than listening to Kyungsoo garble nonsense words. Either way, they get along extremely well, and Minseok finds his cheeks aching from the amount of smiling he does when he’s around the boy.

He took Kyungsoo for a walk around the park, the season of the ending of summer and the beginning of autumn was beautiful to Minseok. There was still life in the world, and when the current flowers die new ones will sprout up for the autumn. He stops the stroller in front of a bed of wild Gaksichi, bends down and plucks one. He tickles Kyungsoo’s chubby hand with the soft blue petals and watches the baby stare curiously, long thick eyelashes curling outwards. Kyungsoo opens his hand to let Minseok place the flower in his hand, he takes it gently bringing it closer to his face to inspect the petals. His fingers pluck a petal, and he stares at his father in shock at what just happened. “Oh! You plucked its petal!” Minseok smiles, and Kyungsoo plucks another – giggling each time Minseok pretends to be surprised.

He sits down on a bench nearby, putting the brakes on Kyungsoo’s stroller to sit in front of him. He enjoys the peacefulness before the dawn, from here the sunset is glistening in red’s and soft pinks. Kyungsoo happily plays away with his feet, somehow managing to get one foot up to his mouth and taste his sock. Minseok takes his phone out to check for any kind of notification, as usual he’s the least popular person. He hasn’t even told his own parents yet that he left his husband and is living in the middle of nowhere in a tiny apartment next door to an extremely hot neighbour. It’s been so long since he saw Lu Han that now he’s started to forget how it feels to be loved, to be held and kissed. He shakes off the thought of it, he has a son that needs all the love he can give him now and another relationship isn’t what he needs.

The weather is perfect for a coffee, and Minseok knows a friendly place not far from where they are now. his lips, the bitter taste is already craving through his taste buds. “Let’s go get coffee and you can have some milk.” He simple says to Kyungsoo, and begins to head in the direction.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They had a cute little coffee date, just him and his son. The café was quiet and they were happy to warm up a bottle of Kyungsoo’s formula while Minseok sat and drank his latte. He took the baby out of his stroller and sat him on his lap, letting him play with a few of his toys while he waited for his warm milk. Minseok noticed a sign at the window advertising jobs, and he thought about asking them before he left. His work at the farm had just ended and he had enough to provide for the month but would need to find something to help him get through Kyungsoo’s first Christmas and the winter.

He bought Kyungsoo to lay back in his arm and tested the temperature of his milk before giving it to him, the baby seemed like he hadn’t been fed in days and gulped it down fast. Now he was getting bigger, he was eating more and becoming more active. He liked to hold onto Minseok’s fingers while he was being fed and watch his appa.

At times when Minseok wasn’t busy, especially times when he was sitting alone in a small café he would think about bizarre things. Mostly Lu Han. He wondered when he wouldn’t love him anymore, when it didn’t hurt to breathe when he thought of him. He wondered what he was doing now, was he happy? Was he lonely? He looks down at Kyungsoo, the baby doesn’t have many of his father’s features, except maybe his small nose. He wonders what kind of personality his son will have when he’s older, hopefully he can bring him up to be a better man than Lu Han.

There’s so many things he wants to ask Lu Han, but at the same time he doesn’t want to ever face him again and just get on with his life. He wonders what he would even say if he was to see him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For some reason Minseok seems to be rather lucky recently, maybe it’s the town or the fact that he had so much bad luck being with Lu Han that finally he was set free from being unlucky. On the way out of the café, he enquired about a job and they said he could start on Monday. He was absolutely delighted but the only problem he had was he needed to put Kyungsoo in nursery, and although he had enough funds from saving – he was more upset about being apart from his son even for a short amount of hours.

The next step he would have to do in order to get Kyungsoo into nursery was to speak to Jongin’s sister, and the only way around that was that he’d need to speak to the boy himself. And oh god it made him nervous. Jongin had always came over to his apartment, and he was always the one who made conversation with Minseok. The elder was terrible with keeping a good conversation and would often mumble and play with his fingers. He wasn’t even sure if Jongin was home and they didn’t get to that point of their friendship to exchange numbers, but since he was on his was home he figured he’d gather up the courage and go knock on his door.

 

 

 

 

Luckily and Unluckily Jongin was home. He opened the door to Minseok and a sleepy Kyungsoo resting on Minseok’s hip, he already went back to his apartment to drop off his things and stroller and took a casual short 5 step walk to the boys door. As always, Jongin was smiling as bright as ever and gestured the two to enter his home.

His apartment was completely different to Minseok’s, the layout to the furnishings where different and also bigger. Minseok had one bedroom where else Jongin had three. Jongin also had a balcony, a large family bathroom and a ensuit in his bedroom, from what Minseok could see after having a nose around when the younger wasn’t looking. As soon as they stepped in, Kyungsoo reached his little arms out asking to be held and Jongin cooed at the baby. He spoke to Kyungsoo with a soft voice that seemed to have the baby smiling and drawing into him, he was so gentle too and it made Minseok smile to himself. “Oh Kyungsoo! If I knew you was coming to visit me I would have bought you some toys, hmmm maybe I have a few plushies lying around somewhere! You know what, I saw a Pororo plushie today and it reminded me so much of you, I think next time I will buy it for you so you’ll always have something to play with when you’re here…..”

The boy went on and on, walking around the apartment talking nonsense as if Kyungsoo actually understood him.

Minseok shyly took a seat on the large sofa, his weight instantly sinking into the soft material. After a few minutes, Kyungsoo had almost forgot about his Appa until he saw him in the corner of his eye and reached his hand out to point to him as if to say to Jongin that he was done with his cuddle now, please can I have my daddy back? Jongin laughed and handed him back to Minseok, who settled on his chest and happily took his pacifier from Minseok’s hand.

“Actually Jongin, I came over to ask you something.” Minseok started, clearing his throat. It was just nursery for his child and he was getting nervous just talking to him. When did anyone make Minseok feel like a little school girl? “I got a new job.”

“Oh that’s great! Where is it?” Jongin exclaims happily, he dashes to the kitchen to get them both a glass of juice and comes back with a plate of cupcakes.

“Do you know café amasvin near the bank?”

“Yeah, they do great muffins. Is that your new job?” Minseok nods and takes a sip of his juice. The of Kyungsoo on his pacifier is loud and he feels somewhat embarrassed.

“Ugh sorry.” He cringes, cheeks blushing and lets out an awkward laugh.

“It’s okay. It’s just how he les.”

Minseok smiles. Why is Jongin so nice? He didn’t think people this handsome would also have a heart of gold. He was always smiling, always friendly and from Minseok’s point of view – has no flaws. “I need to take Kyungsoo into nursery, so I was wondering if you could contact your sister for me.”

“Of course! I’ve already told her about Kyungsoo so she’s excited to meet him. When do you start?”

“On Monday, in four days. Is it too soon?”

“Not at all.” And there it was again, that golden smile that made his insides tingle and his heart feel funny. The amount of aching heartbreak Lu Han gave him just disappeared in that single second of having Jongin smile at him. It was genuine and real.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Minseok was so sure now that he had developed feelings for Jongin, he was a ball of clumsiness around him and found himself having constant hot flushes whenever he thought about him. He felt bad though, crushing on someone as gorgeous as Jongin when he had a husband which he left. The whole situation is something he’d watch on a kdrama. On Monday, Jongin showed up in the morning and offered to take Kyungsoo to nursery together, considering he was working that day and Minseok felt a lot calmer knowing that his neighbour would be there. He didn’t sleep at all that night, he’s never ever been away from his baby, the farthest distance was when Kyungsoo slept in his crib in his own bedroom at night. He had a weight on anxieties on his shoulders, he knows Kyungsoo will probably cry the whole time there, and will be difficult for Jongin’s sister.

They took Minseok’s car, and he made Jongin exchange numbers so he could text him pictures every so often and call him if anything happened. He wasn’t even nervous about starting his new job, and he probably won’t be able to focus on anything feeling his safety blanket is on the other side of town.

He didn’t leave the nursery until he kissed Kyungsoo over a hundred times and looked around the place for any possible dangers the baby could somehow crawl into. He wasn’t even crawling yet, but Minseok had it in his head that it was a possibility.

“Minseok, hey, it’s going to be okay. He’s going to have lots of fun and meet other babies. I’ll text you constantly okay.” Jongin assures him, Minseok looks at him before handing Kyungsoo over who goes without a fuss.

“Don’t worry! He’s going to have a great time and he’ll sleep better tonight for his daddy!” Jongin’s sister Jeong chirped in, she was a spitting image of her brother and Minseok felt her calming aura in the identical smile to Jongin’s spread on her face. “We have everything we need, and you bought enough clothes and diapers to last him a week.”

The boy blinks a few times, plays with his sweaty hands before nodding. “Okay. Great. I’ll go then.” He waves to them both, planting a kiss of Kyungsoo’s chubby cheek who found deep fascination in Jongins beaded bracelet and turns away to leave.

“Kyungsoo, say bye bye to daddy.” Jongin says, holding his little fist and making him wave. “Don’t worry, I’ll text you constantly. Now have a good first day at work!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had only been just over 30 minutes until Minseok was desperate to hear how his son was doing. Considering he already worked in a café before, he didn’t need any training and was set to cleaning tables and taking orders for the first day to help him get used to the job slowly. It was busy when everyone came in ordering their morning cups of coffee to go, but after the rush hour Minseok could get his phone out to text Jongin.

 

Minseok: Is Kyungsoo okay?

He tapped his fingers on the bar impatiently waiting for a reply, staring at his phone.

Jongin: hyung… it’s been 30 minutes. U need to trust me
Jongin: he’s fine. We’re having tummy time xD

Minseok: I miss him :(

Jongin: I can’t say I understand but u need to let him be more independent, its only a few more hours and he’s really having fun! he’s meeting other babies and interacting.
Jongin: now get back to work! U don’t wanna get fired on ur first day for being on ur phone the whole time

Minseok: alright. Send me some pics ok?

Jongin: will do!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Minseok received enough pictures of his smiling happy boy, including a few selcas of Jongin snuggling Kyungsoo (which he saved to his device to look at later) he felt reassured enough and was able to get on with his shift. Barista work was easy as anything for him, and he was thankful he wouldn’t be working in the mud on his hands and knees this winter.

 

After work, he rushed out to his car to head to the nursery trying not to go over the speed limit and not run any red lights. His mind was pacing with so many worries, even though Jongin even sent him a video of Kyungsoo trying lemon for the first time and cringing and laughing at the bitter taste, he was still worried. But Jongin understood. He knows its natural for new parents to feel like that, and especially when you’re a single parent. He knows by now that Minseok has a lot of anxiety problems and insecurities, but he’s always there to help him out.

He was happy to see that Kyungsoo had fallen asleep by the time he arrived, Jongin placed him down on a green bumper bed and placed a blanket over his waist to keep him warm.

“Did he get off to sleep okay?” Minseok asked, he bent down to brush his sons delicate hair away from his face. There is a total of 7 babies, Kyungsoo being the 8^th with 5 people working so Minseok know’s that Jongin’s sister isn’t running around the place like a headless chicken trying to stop 8 babies crying. “He was so good, you have a really well behaved kid.” Jeong assured him, and helped Minseok pack away all of Kyungsoo’s belongings.

 

Minseok offered Jongin a ride home considering he bought him to work, he started to relax more often around the boy and found himself laughing along with Jongin’s jokes and talking about other things than Kyungsoo, work and the weather. Jongin helped carry Kyungsoo’s baby bag when they arrived to their apartment block and the elder offered him for a drink to thank him for everything he’s done for them both. It’s the least he could do.

“You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met Jongin, seriously I wish there was something I could do to return the favour.” Minseok said, after handing the younger a mug of hot chocolate to fit in nicely with the early autumn weather.

“It’s really nothing. You obviously haven’t met a lot of nice people hyung.” Jongin waved his hand off, he looked comfortable sitting on Minseok’s couch and drinking his brew. He almost looked as if he fit in the picture perfect Minseok had inside his head.

Minseok laughed, maybe Jongin was right. Maybe he constantly surrounded himself with too many negative people that he never got to see a kind heart. “Perhaps your right.” He couldn’t stop to think about Jongin though, no matter the occasion the boy was always in his mind. And it really irked him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few weeks before Christmas and Minseok started to notice Kyungsoo was extra whiny, clingy and moody. Although the babe loved going to nursery and was extra happy when Jongin was working, he started to interact with other babies the same age group as him and was learning and well as playing. It took Minseok awhile to get used to being without his son during the day, but the busy shifts kept his mind occupied and the reassuring texts from Jongin updating him calmed his nerves.

It was a Friday when Minseok arrived after his shift to pick up Kyungsoo, he was lucky enough to work around the hours that Kyungsoo would be in nursery, that way he wouldn’t have to worry about getting him picked up. For the first time in the few months of Kyungsoo being in nursery, he was crying when Minseok arrived.

Apparently he had been crying for a good thirty minutes but couldn’t detect the problem. Minseok just said he was probably teething since he’s been incredibly cranky recently. The baby curled his hands into fists and kicked his legs when Minseok took him and began to wail even harder. He smiled an apology to Jeong and walked out to his car.

 

The whole journey and Kyungsoo screamed the place down, Minseok was starting to get worried. He said calming words to the baby while glancing in the rear mirror to keep checking up on him. When he reached their apartment, before getting him out of his car seat and checked his temperature. “Oh gosh, baby you’re so warm. Are you feeling sick?” He ignored all the stares from his neighbours around him and walked fast to get his son inside from the cold.

He took him inside the warm apartment, and placed Kyungsoo on his mat while he went to get changed out of his work clothes. Kyungsoo was crawling now, and from the bedroom Minseok could hear his son crawling around while whimpering. He went back to the living room, tears where streaming down his son’s chubby cheeks and the sight broke his heart. There wasn’t anything he could do for tooth pain, except to try and help ease the pain by giving him warm milk and teething toys. He knelt down to pick Kyungsoo back up and nestled him on his chest, the baby instantly rested his head under his father’s neck and gladly took the pacifier from Minseok’s hand and guided it to his own mouth.

“What shall we do with you hmmm?” Minseok murmured, bouncing calmly around the room to try help Kyungsoo sleep or at least comfort him a little more. The crying increased for a while until eventually he settled down into sleep, clutching Minseok’s collar with his tiny fists. The man sighed, he looked around the room and noticed he hadn’t done anything to prepare for Kyungsoo’s first Christmas. There wasn’t a tree or not a single decoration. He hadn’t even gone shopping for gifts.

This would be Kyungsoo’s first Christmas, he wouldn’t be spending it surrounded by family and a huge table filled with delicious food. He wouldn’t wake up to a room filled with presents, or listening to Christmas stories on Christmas eve by a roaring fire. He’d be spending it in a tiny apartment, with just his father and a few presents. Minseok was his only family now, after spending the whole summer and autumn from not hearing from Lu Han, Minseok finally realised that their relationship was completely over and that his husband didn’t want any contact with his son.

He looked down at Kyungsoo, his tears had died to his soft pale cheeks and was now in a heavy sleep. He placed Kyungsoo on the sofa and tucked him under his favourite blanket, he felt his heart sink for a moment. He couldn’t provide his son’s first Christmas. He felt like utter and he wanted to curl up in a ball and hope for the best.

No matter how hard he tried, there was always something that reminded him that he was an idiot for leaving and trying to deal with everything alone. He paced around the apartment, thinking of what to do in his current situation. He had to give Kyungsoo his first Christmas, it was extremely important to him as well as his first birthday – which would be coming up after Christmas.

Checking his wallet, he had enough to get a few things for Kyungsoo but not for a tree. He thought about just decorating the apartment in Christmas lights instead, especially flashing ones – that way Kyungsoo would enjoy them. He really didn’t have a lot of time, and Christmas was just a week away.

 

That night, Kyungsoo didn’t sleep. He cried and cried, his cheeks were hot and he had diarrhoea twice. Minseok felt useless and exhausted, no matter what his baby couldn’t settle down to sleep. He refused his pacifier, throwing a tantrum and knocking it out of Minseok’s hand when it was offered. “My sweet angel, I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. I wish I knew what to do.” Minseok whispered. He turned the baby to lay on his stomach and massaged his back and patted his bum in a soft rhythm, after a long half hour, Kyungsoo’s crying started to fade and Minseok fell asleep with his hand unconsciously patting his son’s back.

 

However, in the morning Kyungsoo seemed worse. Minseok tried to feed him, but he couldn’t le for long before he was being sick all down Minseok’s shirt. He cried for hours, and tears turned into screams and Minseok was really starting to panic now. Surely it shouldn’t be this painful for a baby to be teething? And was it normal for him to be sick and have a stomach ache? Minseok thought about it, perhaps Kyungsoo had a stomach bug and caught something from one of the babies at nursery. He paced around the apartment trying as many things as possible to help Kyungsoo, each time he glanced at his son in pain, wailing with thick tears running down his cheeks and kicking his feet in frustration a little piece of him inside died.

Seeing him so frustrated, so hurt and couldn’t figure out what the problem was made Minseok feel like the worse parent alive. As his father, he should know what Kyungsoo is feeling, or what to do when he’s like this. “Please… I can’t afford the hospital bill. It’s okay baby, everything’s gonna be okay.” He his son’s hair on his nape, bringing his body closer to his and snuggle him tightly. His head snapped into an idea, rummaging through a small box in the kitchen he found some ibuprofen for babies in a strawberry flavour. He poured a teaspoon amount onto a table spoon, bringing it up to Kyungsoo’s mouth. He refused it, moving his head and pushing the spoon away from him.

“Please baby, it tastes nice. It will make you feel better.” Minseok assured, and when he noticed that Kyungsoo’s chubby cheeks start to glow redder he stops. Something is wrong with his son and he’s starting to think that it isn’t toothache. Without putting into much thought, he tips Kyungsoo’s head back and shoves the spoon in his mouth. The baby half swallows half chokes but manages to at least take some of the medication. He glares at his parent and tugs on his collar as he cries harder into his neck. “I’m sorry, appa had to do that. It’s okay, hush sweetheart.”

A knock at the door has Minseok frowning, now isn’t the right time to be pestered into joining someone’s religion. He ponders for a few seconds before realising that they won’t go away since Kyungsoo is screaming the apartment down. Sighing, he opens the door ajar to tell whoever it is that it’s a really bad time but comes face to face with a very worried Jongin.

“Hyung? What’s going on?”

Minseok isn’t sure if he’s relieved or irritated to have his neighbour at his door right now. He forces out a fake smile and opens the door widely to let Jongin enter. He doesn’t want the whole block to be interrupted by Kyungsoo and getting complaints that the single father can’t even control his own kid.

“I think he has toothache, he was sick a few times and won’t stop crying. I just gave him some medication now though so he should be fine.” Minseok says, rubbing Kyungsoo’s back and bouncing lightly on the spot. Jongin reaches forward and places his hand over Kyungsoo’s forhead, by now his thick dark hair is damp from sweating and sections of baby hair are stuck to his skin.

“As soon as I got home I could hear him crying, I mean I usually hear him anyway when he’s cranky but not like this. Hyung I really think you should take him to see a doctor.” Jongin says firmly, there’s a look of worry in his deep orbs and a little part of Minseok panics inside.

“I… I can’t.” Minseok whispers, he doesn’t want to admit to Jongin that he’s failed as a parent, and that he can’t even afford medical bills for his sick baby. Maybe he should have just stayed with Lu Han, at least by then Kyungsoo would be entitled to medical assistance regardless if Minseok was unhappy.

“Why?” Jongin tilts his head and frowns, he can’t seem to read Minseok and for months he’s been trying to get him to open up. At first he thought the boy was just shy and didn’t take well to strangers, but unlike his son Minseok was incredibly difficult to express himself. He worried constantly for him, although he didn’t know the situation of Kyungsoo’s father, he felt like it wasn’t even his place to ask. He sees the panic in Minseok’s eyes and his face begin to flush out its colour. “Hyung? Are you alright?”

“I can’t afford it. Please, just let me look after him. He’ll be fine, I’m sure of it.” Minseok panics, and starts to prepare a bottle of formula for Kyungsoo. “Minseok, I really think you should take him to see a doctor.” Jongin says, he’s starting to feel a little awkward by the fact he’s telling some guy how to look after his baby, but from the colour in Kyungsoo’s cheeks and the amount of pain he seems to be in has him worried completely.

Minseok ignores his neighbour, and continues to rummage around his apartment while muttering soothing words to his son. He feels embarrassed and slightly judged with Jongin’s eyes burning into the back of his head.

“Minseok, please. I will help you.”

“I can’t let you do that Jongin. I appreciate it but I can’t even afford my sons first Christmas presents let alone his medical bills.” Minseok snaps. If he was to even consider letting Jongin help pay for seeing a doctor, he’d be in debt to him for years.

“What’s more important, your sons health or his first Christmas?” Minseok glares at Jongin, of course both of them are equally important to him as his parent. “Listen, don’t argue with me on this I’m just trying to help! You can’t always do everything yourself Minseok, get his things together and I’ll meet you in my car.” Jongin finally argues, he notices Minseok’s eyes start to water and he wonders if he was too harsh on the boy. He leaves the apartment, picking up the car seat for Kyungsoo on his way out.

 

 

 

Luckily Minseok turned up but the journey to the hospital had an awkward silence except for the grumbling and little cries from Kyungsoo in the back seat. Jongin felt a lump in his throat every time the image of how scared Minseok looked when he yelled at him, he can’t believe his own mouth caused him to make someone feel so horrible. He wants to say something, anything just to get rid of the tension but his mind is so full of thoughts he can’t concentrate.

When they arrive, they are seen to straight away by a couple of nurses. Jongin waited outside while Minseok took his child in to be examined, he sat on a blue plastic chair and hung his head low. He had to drag Minseok to the hospital otherwise his kid would have been incredibly sick, he’s been drawn so close to the baby he can feel a special bond between the two. And Minseok, well, he just wants to make the elder smile and open up. There’s just something about him that Jongin really likes and admires, and wants to be closer to.

It’s another hour before Minseok comes out of the room, his body is hunched and Jongin can tell that he’s been crying. At once the younger gets to his feet and wraps his arms around Minseok, the elder doesn’t hug back but Jongin just wants him to know that he’s there for him. “Is he okay?” Jongin asks, pulling away. Minseok wears a blank expression on his face and pulls away to sit down.

“He has an infection.” The elder whispers. He stares at his shoe long enough to burn a hole into it. “He must have caught a bug, but he’s on a drip now and is sleeping. He wouldn’t stop crying the nurse had to hold him down to put the needle in and… I just stood there. I didn’t know what to do…” Minseok’s voice begins to crack as new tears escape his already swollen eyes. “I really am a ty parent.” Minseok breaks. He doesn’t care that he’s sitting next to his hot neighbour who he has a huge crush on, or that he doesn’t even know him that well to cry in front of – but he’s just so exhausted from everything that’s happened. He would never let his son get as sick as this without realising, he loves and adores him with every inch of his soul. And yet, here is here doing exactly what he feared the most for his baby. He lets his heart pour open and cry harder than he did when he discovered his husband was cheating on him. He cries and feels Jongin’s warm arms wrap around his frame and pull him to his firm chest. He cries and hears Jongin whispering him encouraging words. He cries and see’s Jongin take Minseok smaller hand in his own and squeeze it tightly.

“It’s okay. I’m here hyung. It’s okay now.” Jongin repeats until Minseok’s breathing goes back to normal and he just lets Jongin hold him without saying a word, and Jongin doesn’t expect him to say anything. It’s been so long since Minseoks been held he’s forgotten how wonderful, how warm and safe it feels. He’s forgotten how it makes his worse days feel slightly better, and how much a small amount of skin ship puts a smile on his face.

They have both been silent for a while, Minseok keeps checking the time on his phone. He wonders if he should let Lu Han know that Kyungsoo was in hospital, but then again what would he say to him? It’s been months and he hasn’t heard a single word, why would Lu Han want to even pick up the phone to him?

He sinks down into the plastic chair, the beeping sound of Kyungsoo’s monitor flows through his ears. “This is all my fault.” He lets out a shuddered whisper. A fresh batch of tears pool in his eyes and don’t even hesitate to escape, running thickly down his cheeks. Jongin doesn’t have a tissue, so he uses the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe them away. “It’s okay to cry hyung.”

“I… Jongin, I’m a terrible parent.” Minseok sighs, he can see in the corner of his eye Jongin giving him a puzzled look but he doesn’t even want to look at him right now. “I took Kyungsoo. I just… took him from my husband. I didn’t even tell him or leave a note. I just left. I think about it every day and I regret it so much.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons for it Minseok. You’re not a bad parent, whatever you had to do you did it in all good intentions for Kyungsoo.” Jongin replies calmly, finally the boy is starting to open himself up a little bit.

“How do you know that? You don’t know me.” Minseok shot back, he quickly mumbles out an apology and Jongin waves it off. “I just… I’m a really weak person Jongin. I let people walk all over me. I’m too scared to speak up or voice myself when I need to fight. I knew Lu Han was cheating on me for years but I was a coward and never said anything. I mean, I didn’t even tell him I was leaving him and taking our baby with me. What kind of person does that make me?”

The tanned male smiled honestly at his neighbour. “Honestly, I think it makes you an incredibly brave and strong person. You say that he walked all over you, but you’re the one that stood up and left when things got overwhelming. You’re the one that decided that you and Kyungsoo would have a better life without him. And I think that makes you an incredibly great parent.” He throws an arm round Minseok leaving the boy’s cheeks to glow red with nerves. “Minseok, look at me.”

The boy slowly turns his head, he starts off looking at Jongin’s plump lips, then to his nose until he’s met with a pair of chocolate orbs staring into him. “You’re wonderful Minseok. You’re kind, strong and important. You’re… beautiful really.”

Minseok freezes. He can’t stop looking at Jongin’s lips and thinking about amazing they would feel on his own. Before he realises it, Jongin’s leaning closer and invading his personal space. Their noses touch for a brief second and Minseok is literally counting down the seconds to his death in his head. “I just… let me…” Jongin’s breath ghosts across his lips – and just as soon as he takes that centimetre closer to Minseok’s lips the door to Kyungsoo’s room swings open.

“Mr Lu? Your son is awake.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo was only in hospital for a few nights, Minseok was allowed to sleep in a hospital bed next to his little crib. He pushed the bed next to his son so they could hold hands through the bar as they both slept. When Kyungsoo woke up that night and interrupted Minseok and Jongin’s almost first kiss – he seemed a little dazed from pain relief but was managing a smile when he saw his father. After a few hours Jongin left Minseok to be alone with him and said that if he needed anything at all just to call him. The day after Jongin came to see them both after work, bringing Minseok takeout and a spare charger for his phone. Minseok has work tomorrow but he needs a few days off work to get Kyungsoo settled back at home and wait until he’s much better.

When Minseok was able to take Kyungsoo home, he was more than happy to. The scent of hospitals reminded him too much of when he was in labour for hours without a hand to hold because Lu Han fell asleep most of the time. Jongin offered to pick them both up, since he had Kyungsoos car seat still sitting in the back and Minseok didn’t want to call for a taxi.

The elder felt his cheeks burn when he saw Jongin again, even in jogging pants and a hoodie he still managed to look like a god. Kyungsoo was giving a week’s course of antibiotics in a liquid form for him along with an oral syringe so he doesn’t have to try to force a spoon down him again. There was a little awkwardness in the car ride home, it was the first time they were alone together since they nearly kissed, the other times they always had nurses around them. Minseok stared out the window in silence wondering what to say and Jongin stared straight ahead, eyes on the road and out of ideas of questions to ask him about Kyungsoo’s health. Eventually, Jongin cleared the air with a forced cough and bought up the subject of Christmas in a few days.

“I haven’t had time to plan or even go shopping. I guess I’ll just stay in the apartment with Kyungsoo and watch Christmas movies showing on TV.” Minseok sighed, he spent the whole time at the hospital with his son he didn’t have the time to go out and buy gifts. He still had a few more days and hopefully he can find something in the sale.

“You still have time, we can always go together. What do you want to get him?” Jongin replies cheerfully, Minseok wants to know what Jongin eats on a daily basis to make him so cheerful all the time. He envies it.

“He likes pororo.”

The rest of the journey they talk about other plans they have over the Christmas holidays, Minseok needs to do overtime at work and find someone to look after Kyungsoo during the hours he’s not at nursery and Minseok’s working late. After Christmas, it’ll be Kyungsoo’s first Birthday and Jongin almost screams and excitedly jumps in his seat saying “It’s mine two days after!”
Minseok bursts out laughing, the first time he’s laughed in a few days and joins in with Jongin’s plans of having a joint birthday party as he’ll be turning 21. He felt a sudden wave of happiness all of a sudden, like all his worries about money and Kyungsoo just disappeared for a simple second.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas came and went by fast, surprisingly Minseok didn’t need to work much and his boss was completely understanding in his situation. He found Kyungsoo back to his normal smiley self and was laughing a lot more. He even noticed a few teeth coming through already, his plump rosy cheeks had Minseok happy that he was healthy. Christmas morning Minseok had tears of happiness as he helped Kyungsoo open his presents. It wasn’t much, but enough for a 11 month old baby. A few days before Christmas eve he managed to go shopping for a few hours and pick up a few things in the last minute sale.

Kyungsoo squealed when he saw his first present was a pororo plushy, his appa managed to quickly take a picture of his little chubby smiling face and send one to Jongin, the other to some old friends wishing them a Happy Christmas. They spent the rest of the morning opening more presents, including a few from Jongin and Minseok almost hit the guy considering he’s already done enough for him like pay for Kyungsoo’s hospital bill. Jongin bought Kyungsoo a few oufits and some rilakkuma baby toys. Minseok received a tiny silver locket holding a tiny picture of Kyungsoo inside. He has no idea how or why but tears run down his cheeks because it’s the most beautiful and thoughtful gift he’s ever received.

How could a man who barely knows Minseok understand how his heart works and how to get under his skin? No single man who do such a thing, no single man would spend time with a single parent and pay for their medical bills and buy them beautiful jewellery. No single man, as wonderfully kind and handsome as Jongin would treat his precious baby like his own son. He isn’t sure why he’s crying again, but it isn’t painful. He has a tinge of hope and future happiness inside him, and all he knows is that he wants to finish off what could have been in the hospital a few days ago.

 

 

 

 

 

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i know i said this would only be a twoshot but this chapter is super long so i decided to make it into 3 chapters lmao