You always ask, how much I love you

Sometimes, you get worried about the far ahead future

Don't worry, don't torture yourself
You are my perfect love

Even if you're just breathing
Even if you don't have makeup on
You are beautiful, eye-blinding

“Kyuhyun … you came,” Hyukjae smiled weakly at his boyfriend, flopping down back on the white bed, worn out with the effort of greeting him.

“Of course I came, sweetheart. Why wouldn’t I?” Kyuhyun asked, sitting beside his lovers’ bed.

 “Look at me,” Hyukjae whispered wearily, looking down at himself. “My hairs’ nearly all gone, I’m so pale and thin… even my eyes don’t shine anymore. I’m … ugly,” Hyukjae had always held a very high esteem for his looks and other people seeing him like this was horrible.

Kyuhyun drew in a sharp breath. “Let me tell you, Hyuk, you are not ugly.” He Hyukjae’s thin brown locks and brushed them out of his eyes, lingering over his head where the scar from the previous years’ operation had left its mark. “Your hair is still as beautiful and thin. You’re beautiful, Hyuk, and your eyes are shining like summer stars.” Gently Kyuhyun brushed his lips over Hyukjae’s, passing his hand over that sleek jawline and drawing back.

Hyukjae had been diagnosed with brain cancer two years before, and had spent the last year and a half in and out of the local hospital in Seoul, having all sorts of treatment – treatment that hadn’t cured him. Scars were still littered around his body, and the cancer took its’ toll daily on Hyukjae, the effects of the cancer getting worse as weeks passed.

“I’ll love you however you look,” Kyuhyun whispered finally, holding onto Hyukjae’s hand and the palm. “You’re still incredibly beautiful for me, Hyukjae.”

Hyukjae smiled, the first real smile he had smiled in weeks, his gums barely showing as he struggled to find energy. Kyuhyun smiled broadly, and kissed his nose, sighing in contentment. “Hyukjae-ah, never stop smiling like that, okay?”

I think of you just once a day
It can't be more, because I'm saving you up

The sunshine of a hard day
If only you are here, it's OK
That's all I need

“You won’t give up on me, will you?” Hyukjae asked Kyuhyun, who shook his head furiously and held onto his hand tightly.

“I’ll never give up.” Kyuhyun said simply. He grasped hold of Hyukjae’s hand tightly, as if he would never let go. “You’ll be dancing soon, Hyukkie, I know it. I don’t know whether it’ll be a day, a month or a year from now, I want to see you dancing, you like dancing don’t you? You look beautiful when you dance; always have done, and always will. Don’t give up on your dream, okay?”

Hyukjae nodded weakly, reminding himself of when he first met the awkward dancer holding his hand tightly – he couldn’t dance at all, and Hyukjae would always find it funny to watch his boyfriend struggle to replicate what he just did. Now Hyukjae feels like crying, because he’ll never dance again, never find happiness again.

“Kyuhyun … why are you crying?” Hyukjae asked the younger man softly, reaching out with his other hands to hold the man’s hand whom was holding onto his like he could never let go.

“I don’t want to let you go, Hyukjae,” Kyuhyun sniffled, letting tears splash onto Hyukjae’s hands, big, gulping sobs that shook his body.

Hyukjae swallowed; he wouldn’t let himself cry – he’s never cried throughout his whole time at this hospital.

Kyuhyun blinked at him. “You’re so brave, Hyukkie,” he whispered, wiping away his tears.

Hyukjae smiled thinly, bitterly. “Kyuhyun … I need you to wheel me over to this window. I need to see outside,”

Kyuhyun blinked again, and followed his hyungs’ orders obediently, pushing the bed slowly so it didn’t hurt or move Hyukjae too much. Hyukjae winced a couple of times but he steadily ignored the pain; he’d rather enjoy this time for happiness than remember it for pain.

Hyukjae reached the window and Kyuhyun opened it, and he breathed in the cool night air that swam into the room. It shot into his throat and into his lungs, breathing in natural, cool air that woke him up, as if he had lived a dream for years.

Hyukjae lifted an arm, summoning energy from inside him to enable him to do this.

“Kyuhyun-ah, do you see this star?” he pointed to a star twinkling in the sky, the brightest star in the sky. “When I go, Kyuhyun-ah, I want you to look at this star and remember me,”

“Don’t say that, Hyukjae please,” Kyuhyun whispered, grasping hold of his hand. “Please don’t,”

“Kyuhyun, remember me as this star. Remember me as the brightest star in your universe.” Hyukjae said softly, feeling tears run down his face slowly.

When you give off that lovely smile with your eyes
You are beautiful, eye-blinding

I think of you just once a day
It can't be more, because I'm saving you up

The sunshine of a hard day
If only you are here, it's OK
That's all I need

“I’ll never forget you, Lee Hyukjae,” Kyuhyun said softly, caressing his face and kissing his lips.

“Kyuhyun-ah, I don’t want you to come back now. Remember me like this. Remember me only like this and remember the good times, don’t remind yourself of the hard times. Forget.” Hyukjae said simply.

Kyuhyun nodded, hands plastered on his face and sobs racking through his body.

“Kyuhyun … I’m going to turn this life-support machine off.” Hyukjae said calmly. “I’m going to leave this world when I want to …. not when God tells me I have to.”

Kyuhyun didn’t respond, just edged closer to his lover and kissed his lips in one last, passionate kiss. The world spun away and both saw fireworks; the last, most special kiss both men would ever have.

“I love you Hyukjae,” Kyuhyun said thickly, trying to keep his tears under control. “Will you wait for me?”

“I’ll wait for you forever, Kyuhyun.” Hyukjae said softly. Kyuhyun bowed formally to him, and kissed his hands, kissed his lips, his neck and his face, showering his love and raining butterfly kisses, remembering his lover as he wished him too.

Kyuhyun left the room, shutting the door and started to cry, sobbing even more as a long beep drowned out his sobs; and as the nurses and doctors raced towards Hyukjae’s room Kyuhyun stopped them going through.

“Remember me only like this.” Hyukjae’s voice spoke solemnly in Kyuhyun’s head as the doctors pushed him away; but there was nothing anyone could do to save Hyukjae now.

“I’m going to leave this world when I want to … not when God tells me I have to.”  

When you give off that lovely smile with your eyes
You are beautiful, eye-blinding

I think of you just once a day
It can't be more, because I'm saving you up

The sunshine of a hard day
If only you are here, it's OK
That's all I need