Yeah, I try to play it cool

but eventually

You make me laugh yeah that’s you

• Seventeen, “Fronting”

The First.

It is like any other day when Jihoon gets confessed to.  He minded his own businesses during the day, the white noise of collage corridors lulling him to an unaware bliss only to be broken by a way too handsome young man in front of him. It’s a bit surprise really, Jihoon isn’t the easiest person to approach or deal with and many would regard him as a cold hearted person. Even Jihoon himself would regard himself as one. He is stoic, annoyed easily and very withdrawal to those he didn’t know (or cared to get know to) so it was a bit surprise.

And above all it was very much of a surprise to get confessed by one of the popular man in their department.  Jeonghan is prettily handsome, smiling and casually stating it would be nice to go on a date with Jihoon.  And Jihoon couldn’t turn Jeonghan down right away. He was hesitant, confused almost of the affection the handsome man was showing towards him.

“Let’s start with being friends, I don’t… really know you, right?”

The words that left his mouth would turn against him. Starting off as friends would turn out to be either a great success and they would eventually start dating or they would stay as friends and someone else would come and snatch either one of them away.

It turned out that Jeonghan was easily swayed.

Jihoon watched, a little bit heartbroken, how Jeonghan laughed brightly, leaning against broad shoulders, his fingers slightly gripping on biceps. It makes his insides slump when it’s not him who plays and combs Jeonghan’s hair. (He still remembers how silky it felt to pull his fingers through the locks.)

Jihoon hates skinship, he hates it with passion but he later accepts Seugcheol’s hug, no matter how hard he wants to push the other man away, away from his aching heart. It’s warm inside that hug, Seungcheol’s arms hiding him away from the world, away from all the suffering and the tears he definitely didn’t want to shed, wet Seungcheol’s shirt.

The Second.

Soonyoung is a bright star suddenly appearing into Jihoon’s dark life (it actually had been Seungcheol’s idea to sign up for a dance class, to get him think something else than Jeonghan). He is all smiles, grins and laughs and Jihoon finds himself easily (maybe too easily) pulled along.

Maybe Jihoon finds himself smiling more, opening up more, snapping less and Seungcheol grins at him, knowingly. Jihoon thinks his friend’s smile doesn’t reach to Seungcheol’s eyes but he forgets it as soon as Soonyoung bounces to them. They match greatly, their movements blend incredibly nicely, so in sync that Jihoon’s heart wants to burst out of his chest when Soonyoung’s hands brush against his back and “cause I don't wanna lose you now, I'm looking right at the other half of me” booms through the speakers, Seungcheol sitting on the floor, following their every movement.

Jihoon thinks it might be a little bit more than just a casual crush.

But it is all just inside his head, it’s all only for the sake of the spring break performance. Jihoon is used to everything to come into nothing.  

It’s not nice feeling to watch Soonyoung to laugh, play games with someone else, sing his songs to someone else and it’s kind of sad to watch him to move away when Jihoon comes closer to the duo, hesitantly, leaning against Seungcheol who welcomes him with a casual joke, nodding and eventually a warm radiating smile. Jihoon listened almost absentmindedly as Soonyoung and Seugcheol talk and joke around. He tries to take part in it but he ends up lowering his gaze when his eyes meet with Soonyoung’s.

It almost doesn’t hurt as much it should, to be against Seungcheol’s side and feel his body heat. Seungcheol’s presence is almost comforting and Jihoon takes it.

At least this time he doesn’t cry.

The third.

Mingyu and he didn’t click at all, at first. Mingyu is tall, handsome and clumsy as whereas Jihoon is small, cute and coordinated with his movements so they are not a match made in heaven.

But maybe it’s the teasing, the playful arguments that bring them closer. Maybe it’s because Mingyu is taller so his hands and arms are all over Jihoon, touching, hugging and Jihoon pays back double, kicking, jumping and claiming Mingyu as his official picky back target. It’s all fun and laughs. Mingyu doesn’t hide the fact that he adores Jihoon, his gaze following after him, a cheeky smile grazing his lips and Jihoon would sneer back at him but deep inside Jihoon knew he adored Mingyu the same.  

Mingyu’s hand is always there, a warmness that supports Jihoon in his darkest moments, gently pulling him forward. But he is not the one to whom Mingyu rolls over, lays his head against or the one Mingyu would ever want to be more than just a great friend.

Jihoon takes it as it is; he is already almost numb to the pain that starts to radiate from his heart when Mingyu is eloped into a back hug. And it’s almost ridiculous (as Mingyu moves along) how Seungcheol grins at him, circling his arm around his neck and pulling him into a suffocating hug. It’s funny how Seungcheol would always be there and Jihoon laughs a little, Seungcheol’s hand withdrawing, leaving a warm feel against his back.

The fourth.

It’s almost stupid how happy it makes Jeonghan to watch Jihoon to get giggly (excited even) when Jeonghan makes Seungcheol do stupid dares, to see Jihoon laughing, grinning and flapping his hands around stupidly. And it’s not even Jeonghan to whom Jihoon reacts. Maybe Jeonghan once had a crush on his cute and grumpy underclassman but crushes come and go.

Jeonghan knows for sure his friend’s love for that said grumpy underclassman is way much deeper than his silly crush. Jeonghan rolls his eyes at him, watching as Jihoon awkwardly punches his leg up and down, up and down, leaning over his notes, scribbling down lyrics. Seungcheol makes a face over the younger one’s body and Jeonghan almost wants to punch him for not making a move already. It is so stupid because everyone and their mothers know how much Seungcheol cared for the younger one; all needed now is Seungcheol to admit it too. It’s like Seungcheol never even realized that he cared as much about Jihoonl as he cared about Seungcheol. But they are dumb, Jeonghan concludes but a small smile forms to his lips when he watches, how Jihoon tries to ignore it but he doesn’t really see Seungcheol but he almost can feel it. He feels the look, the affection, and a smile breaks into his face, Seungcheol raps, his harsh tone but gently words beautifully fitting into the song.

Soonyoung learned fast that whenever there was Jihoon, there would be Seungcheol. Dancing together with them turned out to be fun nonetheless and the way Seungcheol pulled tiny compliments out of the younger one in his jealous turmoil were the most fun Soonyoung could ever watch to unfold around him.  Seungcheol tries not to show it but the red hue on his cheeks when Jihoon sits next to him (almost onto his lap) tells enough to Soonyoung and he knows when it’s an end came for him.

Mingyu saw it right away. Under the tiny and angry interior was someone so caring and loving that it felt so wrong not the get all that warmness out of him. Mingyu would try, oh he would.  It’s teasing and bickering, it’s all laughs and almost aggressive caring. It’s not like Mingyu tried to hurt anyone but then again you can’t really choose the one you fall for, right? It’s not only Mingyu who adores Jihoon and it’s not only Mingyu who sends caring, loving gazes towards the shorter male.

They are dumb, Mingyu would conclude, when Seungcheol finally pulls a heartwarming smile out of Jihoon.

And rest to come.

They are used to the body contact, with all the hugging they do but it suddenly gets awkward when Jihoon is pushed by Seokmin who is encouraged by Soonyoung, his tiny body collapsing against Seungcheol’s much more muscular and firm one. And then there are the kisses. Firstly, to cheeks when someone pushes too much and Seungcheol breaks and doesn’t want to share. Jihoon objects, grimaces even but laughs hysterically, his cheek burning from where Seungcheol planted the wet kiss on.  Secondly and finally and forever to come, Seungcheol claims Jihoon’s lips. It is something everyone in the room expected to happen at  some point (Seokmin and Hansol had been acting way too friendly with Jihoon who apparently was tense to Seungcheol’s jealousness)  but Seungcheol never backs away when it comes to Jihoon and younger one’s firsts. 

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Gosh, this is so stupid, I can't hahaha.