Chapter 2

NOT YET BETA'D!
 

“So you said you’re 23, right? Should I call you hyung?”

Yoongi looks up at the boy in front of him. It’s been three days since he went to the first session and he agreed to meet up with Jimin, Dr. Kim’s assistant, to start writing the list and also to know each other a little better, since they’ll be working together for apparently quite a long time.

“Huh… It’s okay… I guess?”

“Okay then, Yoongi-hyung!” the younger says brightly, testing the new honorific.

There it is. The smile. All cute, chubby cheeks and crescent shaped eyes.

No one ever smiled at him like that. It wasn’t Namjoon’s dimpled smile, nor Hoseok’s heart shaped one; every time he saw the other boy smile, his heart warmed up and his brain still struggled to find a logic explanation to this since he’s never felt this way just because of someone smiling, especially when he didn’t know said person.

They were at a café in downtown Seoul, the shop had a really relaxing atmosphere and there was a really nice coffee aroma in the air.

“So hyung… should we start?” Jimin asked, taking a notepad and a pencil case out of his bag.

Yoongi knows what he has to do, but he’s still not sure on which kind of physical contact triggers his haphephobia; not that he’s ever thought about it.

“Actually I’m not sure what to say… I kind of always thought any type of physical contact was no good to me.”

“Oh, it’s okay hyung. We can think of this together, so you don’t need to worry.”

“Okay. So… What do we do?”

“Well, let’s go for grades. We’ll start with some common things and then we’ll go with some more… intimate things.”

Yoongi nods.
That made sense.

“Okay then. So hyung, how do you feel about someone placing their hand on yours?”

“Uh… It usually makes me feel uncomfortable, so I usually ask to the person to remove their hand…”

Jimin takes note, writing what he said near a circled ‘#1’.

“Hyung, what about holding hands?”

He doesn’t even have to think about that.

“Can you believe I can’t even hold my mother’s hands?”

Jimin’s expression dropped but Yoongi gave it no attention, not wanting to bring up this discussion.

“No good, huh? How do you feel when it happens accidentally, though?”

“Huh… really uncomfortable, kind of nervous too? I start sweating and it may happen that my breathing becomes unstable…”

Again, Jimin writes. This time near a ‘#2’.

They go on like this for a while, Jimin asking and Yoongi answering. They discuss about hugging and whether Yoongi ever thought about cuddling with someone, this leading to the talk about being in a relationship.

The topic had always been kind of a taboo for Yoongi, since he’s never been in a serious relationship with someone because of his haphephobia.

Noticing the change of Yoongi’s expression when he mentioned the topic, Jimin stopped talking to look at the older.

Yoongi didn’t even realize Jimin’s sudden silence or that the younger was staring at him. He was thinking too much, he knew it, but talking about the relationships he couldn’t have wasn’t easy for him.

“Hyung, you don’t have to answer me if you don’t feel like it.”

He looked up to see Jimin’s worried eyes staring at him. It’s then that his eyes started getting watery. He didn’t want to burden the younger with his problems, yet he was doing exactly that.

Yoongi could feel the familiar sensation of the beginning of a panic attack prickling at his stomach, breath getting shaky and sweat collecting on his palms.

That was the clue for Jimin to stand up and quickly walk to the other side of the small table to approach the elder. He took care not to get too close to Yoongi, since that could trigger his panic attack even more.

“Hyung. Hyung, look at me. Breathe. In and out. Slowly.”

Jimin had his eyes locked with Yoongi’s so he could help him keep calm. The other male just stared back at him with trembling, teary eyes and even if the sight broke Jimin’s heart, he made sure to not show it in order to help Yoongi.

“Okay hyung, breath with me,” he said breathing in and out slowly, Yoongi imitating him.

Tears spilled from the elder’s eyes, marking their way down his cheeks. A few moments later Yoongi’s breath began to slow down, coming back to its regular pace. He wasn’t crying anymore and it was clear that his panic attack was coming to an end.

“That’s it, hyung. Just like that. Keep breathing. You did so good.”

The younger kept whispering reassuring things as Yoongi gradually calmed down.
A few more moments passed before the other was able to speak again.

“Ji-Jimin…”

“Yes, hyung?”

“…thank you.”

The elder was averting his eyes from Jimin’s and even if his cheeks were still slightly flushed because of the previous attack, Jimin knew that Yoongi was also a bit embarrassed (which, really, he shouldn’t be!).

He was about to reply when he noticed that Yoongi was opening his mouth to speak again.

“And… I’m sorry for this… I didn’t want to bother you with my problems but I still did and-“

“Oh no, hyung, oh my God, don’t apologize! Really, that was no problem at all! I’m here to help you! I just glad it all wnet well. And also, I forgot to tell you… I don’t want this to be a ‘patient-doctor’ kind of thing… I’d be very happy if you’d think of me as a… friend trying to help you? Yeah.”

Yoongi’s eyes widened when the word ‘friend’ was mentioned and Jimin worried if he actually went too far.

“A… A friend…?” the elder asked.

“Is that… not okay?”

“No! No, that’s just… just new. Y’know, I’m not really used to… making friends…”

“Oh, I see…” Jimin paused, silence awkwardly filling their conversation when neither Jimin nor Yoongi dared to speak again.

The elder watched as Jimin’s brows furrowed, and Yoongi couldn’t help but wonder what the younger was thinking about so intently. But suddenly, his face rised again and Jimin looked at him with sparkling eyes.

“Hyung~ You’ll see! When we’ll be done with our sessions you’ll be able to make sooo many friends~!”

Yoongi honestly wasn’t expecting that: the sight of the younger slightly bouncing on his chair in excitement, with a bright smile adorning his features. He couldn’t help but chuckle.
It wasn’t a mocking gesture, it was just because Jimin was so adorable that he reminded Yoongi of a small, cute dog and that – please understand – was too hilarious when he could actually picture a wailing tail and twitching puppy ears on the younger boy.

As for Jimin, he just stood there, smiling. He didn’t know why his hyung was laughing, but it made him so happy to see him enjoying his company, plus, the elder’s gummy smile was so… cute.

When Yoongi finally stopped his little laughing gig, Jimin caught the chance to speak.

“Back to ‘business’… I think we can finish here for today, hyung. It’s not like we have to write the whole thing in one go… unless you want to?”

“No, I… It’s okay, we can finish it some other time.”

“Perfect. Then we can just arrange another meet up~ You do have my number, right?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll… send you a text.”

At that, Jimin started gathering his things.
He was almost done when Yoongi spoke again.

“Jimin?”

“Yes?”

“Would… Would it be okay with you if we… went for a walk right now?” the elder asked, looking at him.

Yoongi watched as the boy’s mouth gaped into a small ‘o’ that then morphed into that chubby-cheeked smile of his.

“Of course, hyung! I’d love to~”

“Oh- uhm… great.” Yoongi said, standing up. He didn’t even know why he asked that, but there was something in Jimin that made him want to know the boy more and more. He felt comfortable when he stayed with him, and he felt like he didn’t want to go home yet.

So they paid for their drinks (well, technically, Yoongi did. Claiming it was the less he coulddo to thank the younger.) and they both went to exit the small café.