Jackson woke up with the strong need to dose himself in aspirin and water. His mouth felt dry, his head in pain from the sudden movement.  Jackson sat up. His lower body was completely taken over by Mark’s long legs. Somehow they had ended up back at home, in Mark’s bed, tangled together. That’s how it always worked. On of them (usually Jackson) would get entirely drunk and the other would drag them home.  Jackson sighed, nursing his headache.  He attempted to detangle Mark’s long limbs off and succeeded after a while. Jackson stood over him, watching him sleep. He looked so cute when he slept Jackson said out loud to no one in particular.   Jackson noticed the blueish bruised mark  on Mark’s lower neck.

“He got a hickey, since when I’m sure it wasn’t there yesterday” Jackson voiced his thoughts frowning. He decided to get out of the room and get ready for his Saturday morning shifts at work, before Mark woke up to see him talking to himself.

 A while later, whilst Jackson sat at the kitchen table stuffing waffles in his mouth, a half awake Mark walked in.

“Morning sunshine, you drank less than me, why do you like crap” Mark stuck his tongue out at him.

“I slept well thanks for asking” He said, taking a waffle from Jackson’s plate and downing a glass of water.

“How badly was I drunk last” Jackson gazed at Mark.

“Are you sure you want to know”? Mark raised his eyebrows, mischief coating his eyes.

“cmon bro, just spill it”

“Well, you may or may not have seriously pissed of Jaebum, trashed their neighbours car and backyard, oh and some chick was looking for you saying she’s carrying your baby”. Mark stared at him, trying to contain his laughter.

“Don’t tantalise me” Jackson warned.

“I tried”

“So I didn’t do anything I might regret”?

It was like a switch was . The Mark that was laughing, teasing Jackson disappeared and his look was more, troubled as if he just remembered something he didn’t want to.

“I, I, don’t know” He stammered.

Jackson frowned and he gave Mark a addled look. “What’s wrong”?

“Nothing, It’s nothing” Mark stuttered once again. Why was he like this, was he hiding something?. Jackson’s mind recollected the hickey he saw. He grinned.

“Did you hook up with someone last night”? He fixed his gaze on Mark’s neck. Mark followed, almost loosing his balance.

“Ya,No”.

“Then why are you so nervous? Could I have given you that hickey” Jackson teased which only resulted in Mark blushing deep scarlet.  “Why don’t you try to remember that part on your own” he mumbled before heading for a shower. Jackson sat in a daze for a while.  At the moment it didn’t occur to him that Mark had just admitted that it was Jackson who had caused the hickey. It couldn’t, he had to be messing with his head.

Jackson chuckled. Nice try Mark.  But why did he feel like he wanted him to be right.

The whole morning, Jackson couldn’t shake off the image of Mark peacefully sleeping in bed. He wanted to ask him personally had he really given him the hickey but he couldn’t bring himself to. If Jackson had something the night before, he could trust Mark tell him.  Jackson had always trusted Mark. In fact, if there was someone Jackson would blindly put his trust in, it would be Mark. The boy knew everything there was to know about Jackson. His likes, dislikes, his habits and unexpected behaviour. Sometimes it terrified Jackson that Mark knew so much about, even things he couldn’t figure out about himself. But other times, it soothed him, calmed him knowing that there was someone out there he can lean on.

Jackson was 10 when he met Mark. He had just moved homes and at that age, he was already a troublemaker and just  as confident as he was now, so when he saw helpless Mark getting bullied, he stepped in to save him. From then on, they had become inseparable.  Jackson had always been an easy going person; he got along well with everyone, but never allowed them to know so much about his personal life. Until he had met Mark.  Jackson was incredibly clingy, touchy when he got drunk to the point where someone could take advantage of him and he wouldn’t know. Which is why Mark or any of the other boys had to constantly keep watch whenever he drank. Mark, on the other hand was the clingy type when he got sick, and dragged down with a fever. And that would be the time Jackson would be forced to cuddle with him the whole day.  As much as Jackson was his cuddle buddy whenever he got sick, Mark was Jackson’s listening buddy whenever he had anything to say.  Jackson would tell him things he never dared tell a soul, no matter how ludicrous it seemed Mark would listen.  That was what Jackson loved about Mark. He never judged him. He was always there.

But it never occurred to Jackson that he may not know Mark as much as Mark knew him. He was naturally quiet, hardly getting involved in social activities. Jackson had to literally haul his to social gatherings. But he was content, as long as they stayed like this for eternity.

Jackson tried to ignore the sickening feeling that he may have done something the nigh before as he served customers. Reminiscing his childhood with his friends, he was beginning to suspect that whatever unforgiving thing he had, involved Mark.

“Excuse me, am I paying you to doze off or something”. His boss wacked him on the back of his head with a towel as he glared at Jackson.

“Sorry boss, needed a moment, Yugyoem’s got the crowd”.

“I told you, it’s Hyung, and that kid cannot be trusted with serving food so hurry after him please” .

Jackson smiled.  “Why are you so cranky lately Chansung Hyung, husband not coming home often?  His boss rolled his eyes.

“You love using that line don’t you; it’s getting old by the way”.  His boss smiled fondly.

“I guess Junho Hyung is back, judging by the way you’re grinning”. Chansung ran his hand through his faded brown hair, a shy smile tugging on his lips.

“He’s back and for good this time, no more tours, he opened his own musical school here”

Jackson clapped, feeling giddy with delight. Chansung Hyung was a good guy, a brother to Jackson since he started his job 4 years ago. He’d warmed up to him and his friends, trusting them with his cafe. A small part of Jackson felt envious of Chansung and his husband’s relationship. They had everything. The thought of Jackson spending the rest of his life with someone he loved dearly, made him feel optimistic.

“Congrats Hyung”

“Thanks, now get your back to work please”

Maybe it was because Jackson stood up too quickly, or he had witnessed a couple, their public display of affection for each other too obvious in his eyes, but the memories of the night before came crashing down sending back down into sitting position. Jackson shook his head violently, repeating ‘no’ to himself until it was ringing in his ears. He remembered everything, Mark’s lips, his scent, his emotions.  One he calmed himself down, accepting the fact that he had made out with his best friend he resumed back to serving, half paying attention. Jackson didn’t know who to blame. He was mad at Mark for not telling him, but a part of him sympathised. How could he phrase something like this and tell him as if it was nothing. Jackson was sure he would have gone all the way with him if Mark hadn’t stopped him. The words he said replayed back in his mind.

“Hurting you would probably kill me”. That’s exactly what he had done.  The sickening feeling returned to him and he felt nauseous.  He asked Chansung  if he would take the rest of the day off, pleading with Yugyeom to cover his shifts. He went to the only place he could think of.

“It better be good, you woke me up” Jaebum grunted. They sat down on the sofa, Jackson jittering with nervousness.

“Ya, what’s wrong? Jaebum sounded concerned.

“Hyung, did anything seem out of the ordinary with me and Mark last night at the party?

Jaebum furrowed his brows confusion plastered all over his face.

“No, you were out of it again so he took you home as usual”

It was silent for a moment.  Jaebum coughed to break the awkward silence.

“Why? He asked, as he watched Jackson think.

Jackson turned to him teary eyed. “Because I think I might’ve done something terrible to Mark Hyung”

Jaebum froze slightly shocked. It was on very rare occasion that Jackson cried and this was petrifying. His boyfriend usually handled this better since he was everyone’s mother.  He edged closer, placing Jackson’s head on his shoulder.

“What is it that you did?

Jackson was still for a while.

“I kissed him” He croaked his voice hoarse from crying.

“Was it like a peck because that could be counted as an accident, or was it like a long deep kiss”

Jackson turned and stared at his Hyung surprised. Jaebum only rewarded him with a innocent smile, his eyes twinkling. Relieve took over his body, Jaebum was honest to god scared for a second.

“Why are you not shocked? Jackson asked.

“Should I be? Now answer my question”

“It was deep” Jackson stuttered his face heating up”  

Jaebum whistled. “Well it took you both long enough.”

Jackson turned to him. “What do you mean by that”

“oh com on, it’s pretty obvious to the outside world that you two adore each other, so why can’t you both see it”

“We’re best friends Hyung” Jackson exclaimed.

“So were me and Jinyoung before we both decided we liked the idea of kissing each other”

Jackson couldn’t argue with that. He sat dumbfounded. Could it be possible, did Mark harbour secret feelings for him? Jackson knew if he did, he would never keep quiet about it, but Mark...that was a different story. He ran his hand through his hair groaning in frustration. Why did things have to end up being this complicated.

“So did you like the kiss?

The question threw Jackson off guard and he almost fell off the edge of the sofa.

“What the hell Hyung” He said astounded. But Jaebum’s face remained serious.

“If you liked it that should tell you something about your emotions right now”.

Jackson blushed. This was something common for him today. Jackson never blushed. The fact that Mark never pulled away fell into his memory again. Could it be that he liked it? It occurred to Jackson that neither did he pull away.  No matter how drunk Jackson got or clingy, he never kissed anyone. This meant that he had liked it, he wanted to kiss Mark.  People did say alcohol brought the truth out of people.  Even now sober, Jackson was thinking of Mark’s lips.

“It’s okay, nothing to be ashamed off, falling in love with your best friend is something that can happen” Jackson was snapped out of his thoughts. Was he in love? Did he even like Mark? Jackson was now aware that he was attracted to Mark or at least to kissing him but he couldn’t call that love.

It made sense to be in love with him though. He had spent most of his life with him. No one knew him better like Mark did. Jackson was always oddly protective and sometimes slightly possessive of him. He loved spending time with him, sometimes that’s all he wanted to do. Mark made him happy. Whenever he saw him, his heart felt as if someone was lifting it to the heavens. Was that love?

Jackson felt overwhelmed by his new found feelings. “Even if I was in love with him, I couldn’t be sure he feels the same way”

“Oh he does, trust me” A sudden voice came from across the room.  Jinyoung smirked.

“Did you idiots think you were in the house alone?”

“Babe, I though you were asleep? Jaebum reached out to pull his boyfriend, sitting him on his lap.

“Hyung, what do you mean by that?

Jackson felt as if he was in a trance.

Jinyoung reached across cupping his face. “I’m sorry you cried my little baby, ummah should’ve been here to comfort you not this big dork” Jinyoung spoke giving Jaebum a side glance.  Jackson, being very used to this repeated the question again ignoring Jinyoungs motherly fuss.  Jinyoung looked as if he was contemplating something.

“I’m not sure if I should tell you this or if any good will come out of it but, Mark definitely cares for you in a much more than friends way, he likes you or loves, that’s up to him to say”

Jinyoung took a deep breath. “Do not tell him I said this or else he will honestly murder me.

Jackson couldn’t believe what he was hearing. So Mark did have feelings. And he kept them to himself all this time. It tore his heart out knowing how hard it must’ve been for him to keep his love a secret whilst Jackson was oblivious to it. All this time, he watched him chase after so many girls, get his heart broken yet Jackson didn’t know he was breaking his heart.

Jinyoung nudged at him.

“I love you both dearly but I will say this one thing, if you can’t give him what he wants and deserves, then do not raise his hopes and lead him on"

“Not until you have your feelings and what you want in check” Jaebum added.

Of course. It would only be fair on Mark. Jackson knew he wasn’t ready to give Mark what he wanted. But would he ever be? 

Jackson left his Hyungs house, Jinyoung still fussing over him. Jaebum had to pry him off. 

"Your son will be fine, he's not a child" Jaebum said slightly frustrated. 

Jinyoung threw his hands in the air. "What kind of a father are you? 

"The kind that's pretend, can we go back to cuddling in bed? 

Jinyoung followed his boyfriend after closing  the door. 

Jackson couldn't go home yet. He couldn't face Mark just yet.  So he went to go see the one girl he grew close with without sleeping with her. 

"Oppa, do you show up at people's doorsteps without calling first? 

Ji Min glared at him, her makeup and hair  half done. 

"Going somewhere special? 

She walked back inside loudly shouting over her shoulders. 

"If you must know, I'm going on a date" 

jackson sniggered, shutting the door behind him. 

"What idiot said yes to you? He joked. She growled at him, balling her fists. 

"Are you looking for a fight so early during the day? 

Jackson held his hands up, as if to surrender. "Okay okay I'm sorry, I clearly meant, what lucky guy said yes to you? 

Ji Min rolled her eyes at him and continued to apply her blusher. 

"Do you really want to know?. She darted her eyes avoiding eye contact with him. 

"Of course I do, this guy is taking out my little baby girl" Jackson retorted. Ji Min may be know as the fiesty girl that could pack a punch but to him she was always like a little sister. Even if her way of expressing her love was painful and involved getting punched occasionally. 

"It's Yugyeom" The words barely left before Jackson started laughing, almost choking. 

"Yugyoem? He blurted. In what way was this possible.

"ya no need to act so surprised, I'm still a woman and even if you fail to see that, doesn't mean everyone else can't" 

She threw her brush at him. 

Jackson chucked. It explained all the times Yugyeom tagged along when he went to go see Ji Min, or how he had begged Jackson to tell him her number. 

"Still if he hurts you, I'm punching him" 

"Thank you but I'm pretty sure I can handle him oppa. 

"Good" . He sat there for a while, watching her walk about her apartment, applying makeup, fixing her hair. 

She stood in front of him, hands on her hips staring expectantly at him. 

"So what brings you here? 

"Are you not going to even offer your guest a glass of water? 

"You know where to kitchen is, stop beating aroun the bush and spill" 

Jackson considered whether he should tell her. He decided too many people already knew how much trouble he'd gotten into. 

"Did you get into trouble? Oppa! Are you selling drugs and you double crossed and now they want your body? Her eyes widened but Jackson saw the smile on her lips. 

"Try coming up with something believable" 

"Well what then, you don't come visit me unless you need something" 

"I just to talk to someone and stop my thoughts from running around okay" Jackson sank on the sofa. 

" oh okay" She sat besides him. 

"Can I ask what you're running away from? She asked softly. 

"Is it possible to want someone but be scared of that whole possibility that you could have them if you tried? . He didn't know why he asked that but he waited for her reply. 

Ji Min sighed. "Sometimes we love people that we think we can't have" She smiled sadly at him . "Sometimes our own love scares us, but if you could have that person why not, I think it would be scarier to be without them" 

Her response astonished Jackson. The truth to it all shoked him. He was scared of his feelings. He couldn't nitpick them and understand. He didn't want to tell Mark anything incase his own emotions betrayed him and he no longer felt anything. He didn't want to show Mark this side to him. Most importantly, he didn't want to wound Mark anymore than he already had. By the idea of life without Mark terrified him more. Jackson didn't want to admit it but his life sort of revolved around Mark. Mark was his pivot. Mark kept him grounded. Without him, Jackson felt as if he might go crazy. 

"Oppa, whoever this person is has clearly changed you,you never seemed so deep in your own thoughts before" She flashed him a cheesy grin. 

"Who said this was about me? 

"No offence but you're very bad at acting". She stood up. "Actually take all the offence, I don't care". She sauntered off into the kitchen which overlooked the living room. 

"Can I ask you for a favour? 

"Shoot" 

"Can I stay here for a while" 

"oppa no, you go fix this" She gave him a serious look. Sometimes she forgot he was the older one. 

Jackson left her apartment with the promise that he will fix this but he never had that in mind. Instead he called his Hyung. 

"Hello" Jinyoung spoke from the other line. 

"Hyung I need a favour" 

"I thought you would be with Mark by now, where did you go? 

"That's not important, Hyung I don't  think I could face him right now" He said glumly. 

"Do you need a place to stay? Jinyoung knew him so well 

"Yes Hyung" 

"Alright my child, but you do know that Mark is going to be worried? 

"Yes I do Hyung, I'll try to handle that" 

"come over and pick up the keys to the small condo" 

Jackson sometimes thanked the gods for Jinyoungs wealth. 

He headed for his car. 

Explaining anything to Mark was going to be tough.

A/N HEY THERE. So this chapter was exhausting to write and I know it might be disappointing since you guys wanted the whole confrontation and talk between Mark and Jackson but for now I wanted to creat some tension. 

What do you think Jackson is going to do !? 

Thank you for reading !