“My feather feelings are light. I’m emotionless”

Seungcheol walked around the campus once again. He doesn’t know how long he has been doing this but everytime he comes over, he gets closer and closer to what he is looking for. This time, he ends up in front of his old science lab. Room 208 engraved on it. He sighs heavily before letting himself walk inside. It was the same. It always stayed the same but this time, Seungcheol knows there was always something hidden in this very room he has never been able to find. Or was it the fact he didn’t know where to search?

The skeletal dummy standing at the other end seemed as normal as ever. The bones dangling weakly, like always. He walked across the desks, hands tracing the desk tops, letting the dust leave marks on his slender fingers. As he walks past through them, his hands hover every name tag secured on the corners of the desks.

His eyes widen when he notices the name he’s searching for. Yoon Jeonghan. Just even the faint imprint of ink that made the tag very unclear made Seungcheol’s eyes weilled up in tears. Just the sight of the boy’s name caused Seungcheol to break inside. Lifelessly, he rips the tag of the desk, scrunching it up as he walks out the door, not before leaving a small red rose petal atop of where the tag was. Like he always did.

“Seungcheol, Some day I will fade away”

It’s 2 weeks later he goes back to the campus. It seemed as if the campus is the only place he’ll go to if he’s not at home. Seungcheol doesn’t mind though, the campus is the only place where a part of his life is. Where a part of his life used to be, at least. The man finds himself in the middle of the school yard. Standing right inside the circle of the court, glancing at all the bleachers circling around him. There’s a spot that was always reserved. A spot where Seungcheol and the person he loved always sat together.

The feeling of not being able to do something again pains a human being’s heart so much. What hurts even more isn’t the fact that it isn’t able to be done because a person has drifted away from you, but it’s because that person had no choice other than to drift away from you. From the world.

He walks over to where he always sat, trying his best to keep his legs steady, hiding the weakness contained in his heart. Scribbles in black markers were still visible on the light red bleachers. He is surprised that even the shaggiest of moments were able to last. He was also jealous. If the rustiest moments lasted, then why did the best ones deserve to disappear.

He gulps, the chaste kisses and laughter spent on this very bleacher drifting back to him. His pained memory was enough to leave a Seungcheol alone on the red seats, hands over Jeonghan’s messy handwriting because afterall, his “I love you”s and “Forever together”s would always stay in Seungcheol’s grip. They would always stay in his heart.

He leaves, once again, placing the soft red petal over his lover’s words and useless promises. “Please come back, Jeonghan…” He choked the name out of him. It was a miracle he had the strength to say it.

“Forever is a long time but when it’s with you, I’m sure I can make it”

How long has it been since he last visited? He doesn’t know but he finds himself standing yet again in front of another classroom. This time, the words ‘Art 001’ printed neatly onto the metal label that hung on the door. He steps into the room, eyes glancing from painting to painting. The cheap acrylic used on the canvas has chipped off, leaving small paint chips on the floor. Seungcheol ignores them and walks over to the only painting that was painted well. Maybe it was just the fact that Jeonghan’s beauituful signature was on the bottom of the painting that made it so beautiful, and not the painting it self.

However, the painting did hold a special memory. He remembered the exact words Jeonghan told him as he was painting the picture. He remembered every single word that came from those perfect lips as Seungcheol layed on the boy’s lap. “Love is something everyone hates but hate is something everyone loves”.

They confused Seungcheol but he knew they were true. He tried to believe each and every single one of Jeonghan’s sayings were true.

At least he tried and Seungcheol deserved something for trying. Or trying day and night ever since the angel left to where he came from. Once again, he leaves the place weak hearted. A rose petal indicating his presence.

“I’m Sorry Seungcheol, My promises were lies”

It was sad that Seungcheol’s only lover’s last words weren't I love you but a confession everything he said was a lie. Seungcheol still doesn’t know if his confession was a lie, or if his love for him was a lie but if Seungcheol’s love for him is real, he doesn’t care. This time, he is at the school clinic, sitting in the same position many years ago, looking at the clear, white bed in front of him. He wishes Jeonghan was still there. He wishes Jeonghan could’ve said more that what he said.

He knows that Jeonghan wasn’t the only one that ended up on this clinic bed but Jeonghan was the only one that mattered to him. His hands trace Jeonghan’s body onto the soft blankets. He memorized Jeonghan’s curves and edges. He loved Jeonghan way too much to not memorize them.

He left the last petal on that bed. The bed where he lost everything. It still pains him to this day and as childish as it sounds, Seungcheol still cries himself to sleep at night. Almost everyday he has been doing this.

“Everything you love will soon go, The lesson in life is to accept that”

Once the petals were gone, what was left was the stem. The stem was weak and flowerless like Seungcheol. Seungcheol described that stem completely. Lost and lonely without its beauty. A flower wannabe left with just thorns. He is a thorn.

That’s why he left each and every petal for Jeonghan, the only person who he thinks deserve them. Jeonghan deserves them more than Seungcheol ever will.

Although the nights will stay the same. The days will always rain. Seungcheol’s life will always be a painful and useless reality.

“Trust me, Everything I do, I do it for you”

an // 

Ayyeee. My first ever jeongcheol fic. This was supposed to be pure fluff istg.

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