as promised, here is my first chapter. the next few chapters will set the stage and from there, things will get pretty interesting. let me know what you think. also fair warning: be prepared for a lot more of the rest of the exo boys in the following chapters. sehun doesn't know what he's gotten himself into~~

Sehun’s first impression of the room is that it’s too cold. Then again, he figures that’s partially his own fault. He’s cold more than not these days. It’s only September though, so it’s probably more a problem on his side than his dorm’s air conditioner.

There are two beds, placed neatly against opposite walls, two desks, a bookshelf, a mirror that’s too big on the wall. He glances at it, catches sight of dark hair and dark rings under his eyes, and looks away at the way his stomach rolls unpleasantly. University is a new start. It was what he kept telling himself as the days ticked by to his departure. Because even though life before university wasn’t what he could call pleasant, it was still familiar. Sehun doesn’t like many things, but change easily tops the list.

He decides that’s why the tight pull in his stomach won’t leave. He doesn’t know how long he stands in the doorway, staring at the room, which is untouched, set up perfectly like a doll house. There’s the sudden feeling that he doesn’t want to ruin it, that he wants to leave his suitcase there and run back down the stairs, find a corner of the campus that is worn and ruined and catch his breath again.

Instead, he steps forward, pulling his suitcase in with him. He doesn’t want to decide which bed is his without his roommate, doesn’t want to already start out this whole thing by offending the other boy. So instead he just puts his suitcase against the wall and stands and breathes. His fingers feel like ice and he puts them inside his sweatshirt pockets.

When he was little, his mom used to grab his hands when they were cold and ‘rub the life’ back into them, as she said. He tries to recreate the action, but it doesn’t have the same effect.

He thinks he could unpack maybe, busy his mind and his hands alike, but his head feels heavy and his arms tired. He is acutely aware of the way his heart seems to be beating too loudly in his chest, pulsing desperately against his ribcage, like it wants to escape as much as he does. He finds himself sitting down on the edge of one of the beds, taking in a deep breath that does nothing to expel the tension in his chest, and then he leans back, head tipping against pillows that haven’t been used before. It feels surreal almost, in a way that has him on edge, too small and too big at the same time.

He misses his parents. It’s stupid, but he does. He misses his mom’s dismissive looks and his dad’s overflowing dissatisfaction. Misses his ratty bed and the small pills in his palm that he’d chug back with lukewarm sink water. Misses gravel scuffing his knees and voices shouting around him and fists hitting cheekbones and, sometimes, he even misses the terrible feeling of walking down the halls of his high school knowing he could die that night and no one would even notice.

His roommate walks in when he’s bent over the sink, trying to control his breathing and splashing cold water on his face in hopes that it’ll snap him out of whatever this feeling is. He hears the door to the room unlocking and there’s the very real feeling of well  before he’s shutting off the sink water and rubbing a towel over his face. He doesn’t really look at himself in the small mirror, but does glance to make sure he doesn’t appear as bad as he’s sure he does.

When he steps out of the bathroom, the boy is already in the middle of the room. As soon as he sees Sehun, he’s smiling, and Sehun actually stops because oh. The smile is too big and too bright and Sehun gets the odd feeling of opening up a window in a too dark room and having the sudden sunlight burn his eyes. It’s like that, but kind of worse somehow, because it makes Sehun’s headache suddenly increase tenfold.

“Wah – I was wondering if you were here yet! I asked the lady at the front desk but she must’ve been new because she was just really confused. I mean, I thought it was a pretty simple question, but – “

He ends it with a laugh, and Sehun doesn’t know what to say. The boy – he can’t remember his name, knows he should, but he can’t – is tall, maybe even taller than him, with tanned skin and a brilliant grin and dark brown hair that peeks out of his white cap. He seems to take up the entire room on his own just with the smile, and Sehun suddenly wants to go back into the bathroom and lock the door and try not to think about how he’ll probably ruin that smile eventually.

“Jongin, by the way. I know you already know that and everything but I figure first introductions are never a bad thing,” the boy says when Sehun doesn’t respond.  Jongin. He tests the name out in his head, and decides it does sound vaguely familiar.

When Jongin reaches out a hand, Sehun reluctantly accepts it, surprised when the handshake becomes a quick hug. He feels every muscle in his body tense because Jongin is warm and soft and really, Sehun doesn’t belong here.

“I, uh – “ Sehun begins. He swallows once. “My name is Sehun.”

Jongin smiles again, and Sehun thinks he might actually blink a few times to adjust to it. He doesn’t remember the last time someone smiled at him like this. It feels very, very wrong. He feels his hands shake, so he puts them back into his sweatshirt.

“Well it’s very nice to meet you Sehun-ah. I hope you’re fine with me calling you that. I am a few months older than you after all, or at least that’s what the roommate file said.”

Sehun doesn’t remember if he really read the letter sent from the university regarding his roommate. He might have skimmed it, but he thinks it probably ended up in the trash before it was even opened. Still, the name Jongin had sounded mildly familiar, so maybe he had at least glanced at it.

“I’m. Yeah, sure. It’s fine. Sehun-ah’s fine.”

Another smile, and then Jongin is gesturing to the bed Sehun had laid on earlier. “So, you want this bed then?” Sehun notices the way that the covers are wrinkled the slightest bit and curses himself for not straightening it before Jongin had arrived.

He hurries to correct the glaring mistake. “Only if you don’t want it. I don’t wanna take it if you’d rather sleep there. You can have it. It’s fine with me.”

Jongin tilts his head to the side in confusion before laughing, clapping a hand on Sehun’s shoulder. Sehun feels himself flinch instinctively, and Jongin must notice, because he pulls back instantly, and the way his smile disappears makes a pit open up in Sehun’s stomach. It’s back a moment later though, and Sehun feels immediately grateful.

“No, you have that bed. I’ll take this one,” Jongin says. He pulls not one but two suitcases after him, putting them beside his bed. Sehun watches him. The conversation has already drained him. He’s not used to this much talking. At least, not in a conversation accompanied by so many smiles.

“So, Sehun-ah. Do you like pizza?”

The deviation in conversation has him unprepared, and it takes him a while to answer. Jongin doesn’t seem to mind though, doesn’t cross his arms or get impatient, just stands there, leaning slightly against his bedframe, smile not wavering even as the seconds ticks by.

“I guess,” Sehun says eventually.

“Is that a yes, or a no? Because I don’t want to bring you out to eat somewhere tonight where you don’t even like the food.”

Sehun tries not to make his surprise to obvious. As it is, he thinks his eyebrows may raise the slightest bit. “I – uh. We’re going out tonight?”

Jongin shrugs. “Don’t see why not. I mean, just to initiate this whole thing, you know? A celebratory dinner for being roommates.”

He smiles again, and Sehun’s headache pounds against his skull. He wants to say no. He wants to lay down and go to sleep until he forgets about all of this. But Jongin looks too hopeful and he’s never been good at saying no to people.

“Ok.”

Jongin claps his hands together. “Cool. I’m going to do a bit of unpacking, ok? But then we’re going because I know this amazing pizza place a few blocks down and I think you’ll love it.”

Sehun doesn’t know how to respond other than nodding, but it seems enough for Jongin. He turns on the balls of his feet and zips open his first suitcase with far too much enthusiasm. For a few seconds, Sehun just watches him. He moves light on his feet, each turn like a twirl, and when he catches Sehun’s gaze again, the smile makes a reappearance.

Sehun turns away abruptly and s his suitcase, hoping Jongin doesn’t notice the way his hands are shaking ever so slightly. He had a lot of ideas of how this first day would be. Somehow, this wasn’t one of them.

He’s almost halfway through unpacking his suitcase when the door suddenly bursts open. Something in his chest leaps and he takes a step away from the noise automatically. What happens next is too fast for him to process all at once.

A blur of motion that he dimly registers is another person leaps forward and in two bounds, is on Jongin’s back. Two others follow in similar suit, and Sehun finds himself pushing against the wall, head buzzing at the sudden noise of laughing and whooping and shouting and hands clapping backs and –

“Jonginnie!”

“Look at my little university boy!”

“Wah – this dorm is way bigger than mine was when I was a freshman!”

“Isn’t it?”

“Stop complaining. Jongin, we missed you so much!”

“Yeah – like, so much.”

“I thought Chanyeol was starting to get separation anxiety.”

“ off.”

More laughter, and Sehun would be lying if he said he really processed any of what they were saying. His chest constricts and then Jongin is pushing his way out of the pile and looking at Sehun.

“Guys, guys come on, Sehun-ah here isn’t used to your, antics yet,” Jongin says around a laugh. His eyes are shining again, and at his words, all three boys turn to face Sehun.

It’s too much attention all at once, and he feels his palms get sweaty even as he rubs them desperately against his sweatpants. He thinks maybe he should smile, but he kind of doesn’t remember how to do it in a way that doesn’t look more like a grimace, so instead he just stands there against the wall and tries not to look too shaken by the whole thing.

“So you’re Jongin’s roommate then! I’ve gotta admit, looks like our Nini got lucky,” the second boy says, stepping forward. He pats Sehun twice on the shoulder, and his grin is equally big and headache-inducing. Sehun tries to breathe and it’s kind of hard.

“Stop flirting with the kid. Do you have any dignity at all, Baek?” the first boy says, taking one long stride so that he’s in prime position to elbow his friend in the ribs. The boy – Baek – stumbles back a