Silence.

 

That is what Jungkook was greeted with when he returned to school again for the first time in 2 weeks. He hadn’t planned to return to school at all this year, for fear that people would ask how he was. How he was coping. But his mother insisted, and he was tired of only seeing the pity in her eyes whenever she looked at him, so he agreed to come back. To try to be happy for her.

He peered around the room for a few moments while his classmates either stared at him or tried to awkwardly avoid eye contact. Even his teacher stared at him with pity, and it took everything that Jeon Jungkook had not to snap at them to “Mind their damn business” and to “Look the other way”, but he wasn’t in the mood to speak, or to even be angry at the world when he knew that he had every right to be.

“Jungkook” a voice finally said, breaking the silence. A wave of relief washed over Jungkook when he realized that the voice was coming from Jin, his upperclassman and close friend as well as  the teacher’s aid for his History class. Jin waved him over, clearing a spot for him at the desk that his teacher usually kept strictly for his aids, and moved his own work aside so that Jungkook could place his backpack in front of himself. Jungkook grabbed a rolling chair and sat close to his Hyung, fully expecting the teacher to tell him to go sit at his own table, which was nearly an everyday occurrence whenever Jungkook sat beside Jin; and then the class would laugh and he would get a few dirty looks from some of the girls who no doubt thought he was annoying. But this time he didn’t. Of course he wouldn’t. He can’t. He has to pity the boy whose best friend died merely two weeks ago. The boy whose best friend was the sole reason he smiled even though the world gave him every reason not to. And now he was gone, and Jungkook was alone, and forced to deal with a building full of people who didn’t and never could understand the pain that he felt every single day that his friend was gone.

Jin must have noticed the pain that flashed across Jungkooks face because without warning he was rolling the younger boys chair closer to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulder to shield him from the others. The teacher began his lecture once again and everyone looked away from the two. No-one dared to look back when Jungkook sniffled and wiped his eyes while Jin spoke to him in a soothing tone, and no-one blinked when Jungkook walked out of the classroom, Jin hot on his trail. Great. He had only been in the classroom for maybe 5 minutes tops and already he was a sobbing mess again. He knew he shouldn’t have come to school, because it was bound to happen at some point, him breaking, and he prayed that it wouldn’t happen as soon as it had. But now, here he was, sitting outside in the courtyard, his uniform as well as Jins covered in his sticky tears and his eyes already swollen from crying.

Park Jimin. That was the name of his best friend. He was the school’s quarterback and heart throb. His grades we're spectacular and he constantly had a smile on his face. Despite popular belief, he wasn’t mean to relatively anybody, and Jungkook practically held him up on a pedestal because of it. He was such an amazing person, which made his death that much more unfathomable. No-one understood why it had to be him who died in the accident. No-one could come up with a reason as to why he had agreed to get into the passenger seat of the car with a drunk driver, or why he was never wearing a seat belt to begin with. Jungkook could help but think back onto that night at the party, the night that he had lost one of the best things to ever happen to him, and how he had blamed himself for not trying harder to keep Jimin with him. Maybe Jimin would still be here with him. Maybe he would still be sitting beside him, laughing at how pathetic he looked with tears streaming down his face. Or maybe he wouldn’t be crying in this scenario and Jimin would be waiting outside of his 1st period History class with his favorite blue gatorade in his hand and a bag of fruit snacks in the other because they we're the only things that he could stomach in the morning.

 

“Hey Jungkookie” Jimin called from across the hall, his signature toothy grin and eye smile bright and bubbly as he approached the younger male with snacks in his hands, “Do you want to come over and study for the History final next week? My mom is testing out making homemade powdered donuts tonight for a family get together this weekend and apparently I can’t be out in the living room much, so I thought we could just work in my room.”

Jungkook peered up from stuffing his notebooks and History book into his backpack to acknowledge his best friend’s presence and smiled back at him. Jimin had a naturally contagious smile and bubbly personality, which is probably why all of the girls we're constantly all over him. Even after he turned them down, they would still be there to support him, because in there eyes Jimin could do no wrong. Which wasn’t wrong. Jimin was well behaved and an all around great influence, and loved by nearly every person that he came into contact with. He was always there to lend a helping hand. Always there to make sure that Jungkook was smiling and always there to lend his advice when asked.

“Yeah, I don’t see why not. What about practice though? I thought you guys had a game next week?” Jungkook finally answered, throwing his backpack over his shoulder and heading towards his next class. Jimin smoothed out the front of his uniform while he walked, a habit he’d had for as long as Jungkook could remember. A day without a good Uniform smoothing was hardly a day at all.

“Nah, Coach canceled practice tonight. He said that we we're good enough to be able to have a day to rest and get some sleep. We’ve been working really hard, so we’ll be fine.”

“Okay well then it sounds good to me. I’ll let my mom know then” Jungkook said with a smile. He was rewarded with a pat on the back and a wave as Jimin walked away, popping a few more of the chewy treats into his mouth and swallowing them down with a swig of his drink.

 

Jungkook smiled softly to himself as he carried his knees up to his chest and sighed. He missed small conversations like that with Jimin, and the thought of never being able to talk to him about it again made his heart ache. Tears filled his eyes again but didn’t fill them very much before they trailed back down the partially dry streams that the old tears left behind. He wiped his eyes but no matter how many times he wiped they we're still coming, and they came hard. Jin wrapped his arm around Jungkook again and pulled him into his chest where Jungkook fell limply.

“Im tired of crying” Jungkook said softly, so softly that Jin had to strain to hear him.

“I know. Me too. We all are.” Jin replied, taking in a shaky breath and swallowing hard. He knew that Jin was trying to be strong for him; after all he was the oldest of the group, but that only hurt him more. He knew that everyone in the group had their own special relationship with Jimin, and everyone was coping differently. Taehyung, probably the only boy he could ever say was happier than Jimin, stayed in his room most of the time and played the piano -a talent that Jimin had been so excited about upon hearing that Tae could play. Jimin spent a good amount of time after practice just lying around and listening to his friend play in the music room. It was soothing to him, and the longer that everyone listened, the deeper they fell into a state of complete and utter tranquility. After he found out that Jimin was gone playing grew to be his least favorite things to do, and now he hardly goes by the music room again. It became too difficult for anyone to be able to go near the music room since the accident, because no-one wanted to be the first to seem like they had moved on.

Jungkook and Jin stayed outside until lunch time and one by one everyone joined them, although no-one spoke. Not until a few of them had forced down their meals and the others had given up on even trying.

“Has anyone opened up their gifts from the funeral yet?” Hoseok asked, not bothering to look up at anyone. Jungkook sighed and patted down his uniforms jacket to try and smooth out the wrinkles from lying on Jin for so long. As expected, everyone shook their heads no. No-one could stomach doing anything since the funeral, let alone open up gifts from Jimins mother who had given some of Jimins personal belongings to the boys. She had explained that each one reminded her of specific moments of us and her son, and had written down the moment on a piece of paper and placed in inside the box for each of us to read, so that we could remember our friendship the way that others saw it. So we could remember it in a special way, and forever cherish the moments we had with her boy.

“Im too afraid to. I don’t have the strength to read anything on my own. I’ll cry all over the paper” Yoongi spoke up. Jungkook peered up at the blue haired boy and tried to picture him crying. Yoongi’s face was firm and his brows we're scrunched up as if he we're thinking about something really hard but getting too frustrated. Yoongi had never let anybody see him cry, so the thought of him crying was hard to picture.

Jungkook yawned, his eyes already feeling heavy from crying so much so early in the morning.

“We could open them all together? If everyone is okay with that? I’m afraid too but I think I may feel a little better if I could get it over with. It’s just sitting in my closet getting dusty and I keep feeling like it’s him. Like I’m pushing him away somehow.” Namjoon said, shaking his head softly. Taehyung nodded but didn’t say anything in reply.

“It could be better for all of us, if we had people to support us there” Jungkook heard Jin say beside him. Now everyone's attention was directed at him, and Jungkook suddenly grew self conscious as everyone eyes fell on him. He knew what they all wanted. They wanted his approval, but he was afraid still. He didn’t want to, because he knew that he had been the closest to Jimin, and that his mom probably gave him what would be considered the best gift and he wouldn’t be able to contain his anger anymore. He was afraid that he wouldn’t be able to hold in his emotions as well as he had for as long as he had. Most of all, he was afraid that his friends would see him in a state that only Jimin had ever seen and he wanted that to stay a moment between him and his best friend. He wanted to feel like Jimin and him had their own special time that couldn’t be shared between anyone else, something that he could treasure on his own for the rest of his life. He wanted to have a feeling that no-one would ever be able to understand except for himself. And in this moment he was not ready to give that up.

“No I can’t” Jungkook said, shaking his head and closing his eyes tightly. Jin swallowed behind him and reached for his shoulder.

“Jungkook, we’re all hurting. It may be better for you if you had a little support while you opened it-” Jin started but Jungkook shook him off his shoulder and scooted away.

“No I don’t want to! Jimin was my best friend. Opening that gift is an intimate moment that I want to keep to myself. I don’t want to share!” Jungkook spat at them, throwing them all off guard.

“Jungkookie-” Hoseok started but immediately stopped whenever Jungkook flinched. That was the nickname that Jimin had dubbed him whenever they first met in Junior high. He was a 1st year and Jimin was a 2nd year; They had met during a track meet, when Jungkook had only just begun his running career. Jimin was also in track, and was considered their most powerful runner until Jungkook had joined him in school.

 

The two boys lay panting in the grass after their first practice match against each other, both with sweat practically pouring down their faces and chugging down water.

“You run pretty fast for a kid just out of elementary school” Jimin said after catching his breath. Jungkook laid his head back on his shoulders and let the sun engulf him as he calmed down.

“Ive been practicing. I wanted to make sure I was accepted.” He shrugged, taking a swig of his water. Jimin scoffed at him and gently pushed his shoulder like they had been friends their whole life and Jungkook said something ridiculous.

“You’ll definitely be accepted. You beat me, and I’m supposed to be our strongest runner. Have you ever thought of cross country because I think you may be good for that too.”

Jungkook snorted at the comment. He had thought about joining cross country, but he liked the idea of using his stamina to his advantage. He was fast and he could stay fast a lot longer than the other runners, and he liked that. He liked being strong.

“What is your name anyway?” Jimin asked, looking over at the other members of the team and peeking at the small group of girls who had crowded around the entrance to the fence. Jungkook couldn’t help but notice how they oogled at this kid, and how weird he thought it was to watch them.

“Jeon Jungkook.”

“Jeon Jungkook. Jeon Juuungkoook. Jeon Jungkookie. I like it. It rolls off the tongue.” Jimin sighed. “Do you want to know my name?”

Jungkook scowled at the last nickname and glared at the boy beside him. “Don’t call me that.”

“What?”

“Jungkookie. It makes me sound like a little kid.”
“But you are a little kid. You’re only 12.” Jimin snorted, before standing back up again. Jungkook stared up at him and probably would have hated him if it weren’t for the fact that he was such a likeable person. “I have a feeling you and I are going to get along just fine Jungkookie.” Jimin smiled.

“Stop calling me that!”

 

“Don’t ever call me that. Ever. That’s not your job to call me that.” Jungkook muttered, glaring at the older boy before him. Hoseok didn’t bother to say anything. He knew that whatever he said would just go in one ear and out the other for Jungkook and instead decided to look away from him. Jungkook stood and glared down a the guys beside him and wiped away the partially dry tears from his face.

“I don’t want to do this. I don’t care if you all want to get together but Im not going to be apart of this. Im not ready.” and with that, Jungkook his heels and headed towards the school parking lot.

“Where are you going?” Jin called after him.

“Home.”