where things are just a memory and the present

you used to be my everything

I remembered the first time seeing you. It was at the cafeteria, and you were laughing with your friends. I didn't notice I was staring so long that when you turned to me, I flushed and looked away. I swear the day could not get any worse. I bumped into you in the hall, and you even became my seatmate during our Chemistry class. You were about to say something to me, when the professor called it quits. I left as soon as the students started standing up, not bothering to look at my back.

 

"And you just messed up the whole thing." Jihoon laughed. "Great job, Jeon Wonwoo. to be you."

 


 

I remembered the time I confessed. It was at the cafe where I worked and I saw you talking to your friend, Seokmin. Because of my room mate, Soonyoung, I may or may not slipped a letter on the notebook on your desk while you went to the bathroom, and while Seokmin started flirting with Soonyoung at the counter. Truth be told, it was hilarious. I ended up bumping your chest and you asked me what I was doing on your table. I couldn't speak, and when I did, I ended up telling you I like you. You were surprised and I just scooted my way at the staff room, sulking at the thought of being rejected. But when I went back to the table after being summoned, you gave me a paper and smiled at me before leaving with your friend. I looked down and I was sure my face was red.

 

'Call me, baby ;)
09XX - XXX - XXXX

- The guy you like,

Mingyu'

 


 

I remembered when we became official. It wasn't anything romantic at all. I was running late since my previous class was at the other building and it was dumb of me to take a longer detour when suddenly you pulled me and ended up getting my first kiss at the restroom. The place smelled like piss and a hint of your shampoo, but I didn't care. During that time, you were the only thing I was thinking about.

 

"Can I kiss you once more? "

"Yes, please."

 


 

I remembered the time I got sick. You skipped your night shift just to take care of me. You made me soup, helped me clean up, and even stayed by my side until I sleep. I didn't tell you that Hansol texted me you were scolded by Seungcheol for not attending your shift that night. So when I asked you, you just smiled and said it's okay. I couldn't help but feel guilty so I personally asked for and forgiveness from your boss.

 

"I'm sorry this is my fault."

"Won, what are you doing here?"

"Shut up, Gyu. I'm apologizing."

 


I remembered the time when we cuddled in our bed. I was late for class and your professor gave yours a free time. We didn't have one in the afternoon, so to cure my mood, you bought chips and sodas from the convenience store downstairs. You even set up the movie as I sat there on the couch after you draped a blanket on me. We just stayed in silence and enjoyed to movie as it lasted.

 

"I love you."

"I love you too."

 


 

I remembered it all.

 

 

 

But most of all, I remembered recieving a phone call from Jeonghan, saying you're at the hospital. I rushed as soon as I ended it. I even remembered putting on the wrong shoes during that time. But I didn't care; not once, not at all. I looked at you through the glass and I couldn't help but cry. I wanted to hug you, and hold you in my arms as soon as you're okay.

And I thought it would happen when you wake up, but I stood there, listening as you flirt with the nurse. As I entered the room, you just looked at me, confused. I was about to hug you but you asked for my name. I halted. I couldn't speak during those time and I just smiled sadly and told my name. I knew what it meant. You were gone in my arms in a swift.

 

"What? I'm not gay, Hyung."

 

You told me that when I came to tell you the truth. It wasn't only me--in fact, it was everyone who told you. But you took it as a joke and one time you shouted at Chan when he said you love me. You ignored us for days. And days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. But you came back and grinned at me like nothing happened. I thought we would be okay, but then you told me,

 

"Hyung, can you be... my best man?"

 

And how stupid of me to say yes. But I cried in front of you, and you asked me what's wrong. A lump on my throat prevented me to speak. I sobbed and shook my head, telling you I'm just proud. But I wasn't proud; I was crushed.

 

 

I was devastated.

 

 

I was gone.

 

 

You were gone.

 

When the wedding day came, I stood still , ignoring the questions Seokmin and the rest asked. I couldn't hate your bride. She was lovely, beautiful and if I was straight, I would marry her too. But things weren't like that, so I prevented myself from crying in front of the people I consider as home.

The reception came and you grinned at me, telling me you were happy. I forced out a smile and told you I was too. When you went back to the stage with your wife, I decided to leave and stay at the front porch. I didn't notice you made your way there too after you were summoned, so you even have to call out just for my attention. We exchanged greetings and stayed quiet until you spoke.

"Remember when you guys told me I was gay? I really wanted to prove you I'm not, and look at me now. I'm straight as hell."

 

I know that. Stop talking.

 

"But once I was wondering why you guys would tell me I'm gay." You looked at me. "Do you know anything, Hyung?"

 

Yes, I do. But I ended up looking away from you.

 

"Was there something about us back then?"

 

There is.

 

"Was there something I don't know?"

 

I closed my eyes.

 

"Or are you in love with me, Hyung?"

 

"What if I still am?" I don't know where the confidence came from but I stared at you, tears finally falling after being held back. You were taken aback and you just looked at me.

"We kept telling you everything, Mingyu." I choked. "But you chose not to listen. I am in love with you. And you were in love with me... Well, you used to be." I sobbed once more. The pain felt so bad but it also felt so good. I was used to it already.

"But I told them to stop it. You were unhappy. You ended up snapping at Chan and I couldn't help but feel bad and decided to stop everything." I forced out a smile. "But I'm not like you. I'm not stubborn or selfish. I decided to let go of you since you did...

 

You used to be mine, Mingyu. But as long as you're happy, I'm happy too."

With that, I left him there.

 

 

And our story ended there.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"I remember now."

 

 

 

I thought it did.

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Comments

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Jhskmg__ #1
Hello,
I really love your fic
I want to translate it and the sequel 'AIWBYE' into Vietnamese to share it with many readers in my country.
Could you please give me your permission?
I promise to give credit fully to you.
Please reply me as soon as possible~
Have a good day!
Exoticfangirl2011 #2
Chapter 1: Please please please have a sequel ;~; now that Mingyu remembers I want to know what's going to happen
tantalumina
#3
Chapter 1: I already read this on AO3, but I'm only guest so I left kudos! I love the ending though it's so sad. Open ending like this make me wondering what will Mingyu do. Oh my imagination run wild @_@
exocat15
#4
Chapter 1: Oh my god so mingyu lost his memories and wonwoo let him go and mingyu's married but now he remembers his history with wonwoo
why did I choose to go on this emotional rollercoaster
thanks anyway :)
3036jonestom #5
Chapter 1: Wow the endings amazing!! Sequel plz!! Need to know more about what happens after!!