“I will respect the privacy of my patients, for their problems are not disclosed to me that the world may know. Most especially must I tread with care in matters of life and death. Above all, I must not play at God…” I was reading the Hippocratic oath from a picture hanging in my office. It was a gift from Emi, which she gave me five years ago when I finished studying my specialty. “I must not play at God… I must not play at God… I must not play at God…”
“Dr. Ji?” My assistant called. She was standing in front of my desk. “Dr. Ji?” She asked again.
I finally looked at her. “What?”
“The last patient for today had to cancel her appointment…”
“GREAT!” I exclaimed. She looked at me with a confused expression on her face. “You may go, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I turned my chair towards the window.
“Are you sure Dr. Ji?” She stuttered. I’m a workaholic so it’s no surprise that she’s this shock. This is one of the many things Emi and I have in common.
“Yep! Don’t say anything else and just leave!” I impatiently exclaimed; I wanted to be alone. After I heard how she closed the door, I stood up and walked towards the window. I stood there with my arms crossed. I know I ed up. I know I’m responsible for all that’s happened. I wish I could change everything, but I know it’s too late now. If I could just go back in time, I would do anything to fix the mess I’ve created. “I must not play at God… I must not play at God… I must not play at God…” I closed my eyes. “Why did I get so involved in this? Why did I do it? Why did I try to play God? Why am I asking these stupid questions? I know the answer. Meeting her was when all this ed up situation started.”
Three months ago
I could feel Mark’s fingers caressing my face. “What are you doing?” I asked as I woke up from my pleasant sleep.
“I’m waking you up.” He whispered in my ear. I chuckled and looked at him. There he was, looking y as hell. People are right when they say you enjoy more a forbidden love. I don’t care that he’s married. I don’t care that I have to see him briefly now and then. All I care of is been in his arms. I embraced him and kissed him. “What should we do today?” I asked in between kisses.
“I have tickets for the Opera.” He replied.
“Really? Do we have to?” His plans for today didn’t make me that happy. I’d rather go to the movies than to a theater. Yep! I’m not that “educated”.
“You don’t have to. I’ll just pick-up a random girl and take her instead.” He said with a smile on his face.
“Yah! Forget it!” We laughed and kissed.
I’m not sorry for what I’m doing. I love him and I know he loves me too. This is all I need… I need him.
“Well, it wasn’t as painful as I thought.” I whispered to Mark. He smirked. “Honey, this is the intermission, it means we’ve only seen half of the performance.” He said with a mockery tone.
“I hope you’re kidding.”
“You need to improve your French. That’s what they just said through the loudspeaker.” He was enjoying it; we were in France. He lives in Sweden with his family, that’s why we try to meet in France or Korea, so we won’t get caught.
I rolled my eyes. “I better should enjoy these minutes then, I’ll go to the bathroom.” I quickly stood up and headed to the doors.
As I was washing my hands, I felt someone eyes on me. I raised my head and I saw her, intently staring at me while smiling. “Do I know you?” I asked in English. It was an Asian woman whose face looked familiar. “I’ve seen her somewhere.” I thought.
“You’re a shameless!” She exclaimed in Korean.
I stood up straight and walked to where she was standing. “And you’re funny! Why are you speaking banmal to me when you’re obviously much younger than I am? Who do you think you are?” I was annoyed.
“Be careful on how you talk to me. I know my methods for getting what I want are unorthodox…. But you really are something else, been here with a married man? It’s sickening to see the both of you act so lovey-dovey. I saw it all from my balcony.” She said while walking to the bathroom’s sink. She took out a lipstick from her clutch and started fixing her make-up.
I suddenly remembered who she was. She’s Samsung’s group Chairman's daughter.
I felt chills running through my body, my cockiness disappeared the moment I realized I was dealing with someone this powerful.
“I’m leaving.” I shyly said. I was about to exit when she exclaimed: “Is it true that Emilia is pregnant?”
I stopped walking. “How the hell does she know this?” I thought. “Is none of your business!” I said.
“You’re probably wondering how I know this.” She was touching her hair. “I like patterns. Ji Yong Oppa, Emilia, and Soo Hyunssi are traveling on the same day to Sweden. Isn’t that curious? Then I remembered that Mark, your married boyfriend specializes in genetics and lives in Sweden. Believe me it’s not that hard to figure it out.” She said with an innocent tone.
“So what? It’s not your problem anymore… The intermission is about to end, I need to get going.” I was opening the door when she grabbed my arm. I looked at her and pulled out of her grip.
She walked really close to me and then whispered in my ear: “I think that it should be from Soo Hyunssi… no matter what. Understood?”
“Are you crazy? We’d only know once the test is done, and it can also be from GD, there’s a 50/50 chance… so stop saying useless things and just move on.” I looked directly at her eyes.
“You should be grateful towards your best friend. She loves you so much, that she sacrificed her happiness for yours… well, yours and Diego’s and Ji Yong’s Oppa and Soo Hyunssi’s too.”
I was feeling numb. I didn’t understand a word she said. “What sacrifice?” I dared to ask.
“She didn’t tell you? She’s such a martyr.” She shook her head. “I told her that if she ever got back with Ji Yong Oppa, I would destroy everything she holds dear. I would tell Mark’s wife and everyone who knows you about the affair. I’d tell everyone who’s interested to know that Diego had a fling with Stanford’s Principal daughter just to get a copy of the final exam… It’s obvious Soo Hyun knew Emi since before they shoot the Ad, I was going to release it to the press… and I was also going to release the photos of she and Ji Yong Oppa having dates while he and I were still dating.”
I was so shocked. How did Emi handle all this? Why didn’t she tell us? “I will not let you blackmail me. Emi may be a martyr but I’m not.”
“Think carefully on what you do. You’re Korean. Think about the scandal. Emilia pregnant with Ji Yong’s oppa child, while dating Kim Soo Hyunssi? Ji Yong’s and Kim Soo Hyun’s careers will be destroyed. Her company will be destroyed. All Asia will hate her for destroying Asia’s most beloved celebrities.”
“Why do you enjoy making Emi’s life miserable? What has she ever done to you? Even if Emi doesn’t get back together with GD, I’m sure he won’t get back with you… As far as I know he hates you.” I said and exit the bathroom. She shouted something but didn’t hear what she said. I was so mad with myself, mainly because deep inside of me I knew she was right. Her ing words were right. The scandal would destroy the three of them. “Let it be Gahee, let it be… you can’t take part in this, you can’t change the results or try to hide the truth. You’re not God! You’re not God! Just pray, pray for the child to be Soo Hyun’s. Everything could be fixed If only the child would be his!” I was walking like a living dead through Paris’ streets, I didn’t have the courage to walk back inside the theater. “I love Emi, I love her like a sister. But I just can’t hide the truth. Just pray Gahee, if you pray, God will fix this. Just pray! Just pray and don’t get involved.”
Back to the present
“Until when are you going to stand here like an idiot?” I asked myself. I was still in my office although it was 11:00 PM. These past three months have been a living hell for me. The guilt has been consuming every part of myself. I made a stupid decision and I don’t know how to fix this. Maybe if destroy myself I’ll be able to pay for my mistake.
“Where should I go so I can get in trouble?” I grabbed my purse and left my office. As I was walking to the parking lot, I started thinking where to go. I smiled as I thought of the best place for this. I obviously have to go to Meca, I’m going to have trouble just trying to get in, since I’m just a commoner without millions and connections.
I decided to grab a cap. The driver left me in the main entrance. I was starting to feel the rush; my heart was beating fast as I was climbing the stairs. I entered and seconds later a young chaebol entered too, followed by a harem of girls. I hide in between them. Before the girls started asking who I was I kept my distance from the group, I started laughing out loud due to the ridiculous situation. I was able to enter without being a member! People who were passing by my side looked at me like: “What the hell is wrong with her?”
“So you did it Gahee! You’re in. Now get yourself wasted and forget about everything… at least for tonight.”
I entered the first nightclub I saw. Big Bang’s “We like to party” was playing. I headed directly to the bar and sat on a stool.
“What would you like to drink?” A bartender asked out loud.
“VODKA!” I shouted.
My phone started ringing, I didn’t even see who was calling and just answered: “Hello?”
“Unnie? Wah! I’ve been calling you all day!” It was Emi.
“Oh! I’ve been busy. What’s up?” The truth is that I’ve been avoiding her.
“I think Jellybean is a Big Bang fan.” She said with a low voice.
I was surprised. “Why do you say that?”
“He kicks, every time he hears Ji Yong’s voice he kicks!” She seemed kind of happy.
“Yah! Emiah! Stop imagining things! It’s not like Ji Yong is the real father… I don’t think jellybean likes him… maybe it’s just a coincidence… You know what? I have to go! I’ll talk to you later…”
“Why are you getting angry?” She interrupted me.
“I’ll call you later!” I exclaimed and hung up.
I started ordering vodka after vodka. Soon after I was drunk, everything was spinning and I was seeing everything double. “I need to get to the bathroom.”
As I was standing, I accidentally pushed a girl. She spilled her beverage on her dress. “Yah! You idiot! You ruined my dress!” She shouted.
“Do you want to die? Why are you shouting to me?” I exclaimed.
“Who are you? You don’t even look like a member.” She said while looking at me from head to toes.
“How can you keep your head on top of your neck when is that big!” I shouted and pushed her.
“You dare to call my girlfriend fat?” A man said. He was about to grab me when someone grabbed his arm. “Do you have any clue with whom you're messing?” He said. I quickly turned my face to where he was standing. “GD Oppa!” I exclaimed.
“Oh! I’m so sorry… We’ll leave” The man said and walked away with the girl.
“Yes! You better leave ! Otherwise GD Oppa will certainly kick your !” I shouted.
“Are you alright?” He asked.
I nodded. We locked eyes; he was smiling. I felt more guilty and looked down. “I need to leave.” I said and started walking towards the entrance. I realized I wasn’t able to do it; I was stumbling with everything in front of me. GD placed my arm on his shoulder. “I’ll take you home.” He said.
“Nope, you don’t have to, I can do it by myself.”
“Forget it. I wouldn’t forgive myself if something happens to you.”
As we were walking to the parking lot, I was staring at him the whole time.
“Why do you keep looking at me?” He asked.
“You’re handsome.” I said and laughed. “Are you happy?” I asked.
He slightly smiled. “I think I’ll be happy someday, when I forget everything that’s happened.”
“You mean when you forget Emi.” He flinched when I said her name. After a while he nodded.
“Do you still love her?” I was feeling anxious; I knew I was about to do something more stupid.
He took sometime to answer my question. “I don’t love her anymore.” He said.
“You’re lying, I can tell.”
“You don’t know me that well.” We reached his manager’s van. He was helping me to get inside.
“You still love her. I’m sure you do.”
“I don’t.” He said, annoyed.
I was also getting annoyed. “Why are you trying to hide it? YOU STILL LOVE HER!” I shouted.
“I really don’t... Hyung, take her to her house.” He exclaimed and started walking away.
“What about your child?” I blurted.
He quickly turned around. “What did you just say?”
Maybe I was making another big mistake, but the alcohol was helping me to tell at least one of them the truth. I blurted once more: “Emi is pregnant with your child.”