Ji Yong POV
“Well, at least today I don’t have to pretend.” I was thinking as we were on SBS Inkigayo’s stage performing “Let’s not fall in love”. Since it’s a kind of sad song, I was able to keep my state of mind.
After our performance we were heading to our dressing room. Taeyeon was walking towards the stage. As we were passing by each other, she turned to look at me; I continued looking towards the hallway. I haven’t spoke with her since before I traveled to Los Angeles.
“I’m so ing moody these days!” I thought as I entered the dressing room; I intentionally slammed the door. Everyone stared at me. I grudgingly sat on a chair and started playing with my phone.
“Hyung, would you like something to eat?” Daesung dared to ask. I stared at him with a shut up expression; after he moved back to where he was I looked at my phone again.
“Everything is ready.” BoRam whispered. I stood up and walked out of the room, we entered an empty dressing room.
“Is it really necessary for me to travel to Sweden?” I asked, annoyed.
BoRam nodded. “I think that’s the safest way for you to do the test. If you set a foot in a hospital here in Seoul, sooner or later the press will learn about it.”
I scratched my head and frowned. “Ok.”
Nan Gook suddenly entered, he looked at BoRam. BoRam left.
“Should I be afraid of loosing my job?” Nan Gook asked.
I turned my back on him and rolled my eyes. “Of course not.” I replied.
“Then why are you having so many secret meetings with BoRam?” He asked again.
I even didn’t think my answer. “Because I trust him.” I muttered.
He didn’t say anything. I turned and looked at him, he was shocked.
I sighed and closed my eyes. “I’m sorry hyung. That’s not what I meant to say.”
“Don’t even try to fix it. We both know that’s the truth.” He was about to open the door and leave, when I exclaimed: “There’s a chance that I’ll become a father in some months.”
“That’s what BoRam has been helping me with. I know if I’d told you, you’d let Hyun Suk hyung know about this.”
“Ji Yong… What the heck are you talking about? Who’s pregnant?”
I looked at him. “Are you ing kidding me?” I thought.
“We should let know Yang Sajangnim about this… Why are you so sure that she’s pregnant with your child? Isn’t CEO Haro dating Kim Soo Hyun?”
“That’s what I’m trying to find out, if the child is mine or not!” I exclaimed.
“Oh!” He timidly said.
“Ji Yongie, I know you may think this is a bad idea, but we should tell Yang Sajangnim all of this…·
“No.” I interrupted him.
“This is quite a mess! He can strategize and tell us what we should do to minimize the impact that this could have in your career. I’m sure CEO Haro will get back with you, but the most important…”
“We’re not getting back together.” I corrected him.
“Even if the child is yours? The right thing to do will be for you getting married with her.” He stuttered.
I laughed. “I’m not getting married with her. If the child is mine, I’ll be a responsible father but that’s it.” I firmly said.
“I highly doubt CEO Haro needs your money.”
“Why the heck do you have to repeat her name e-v-e-r-y time? Let’s not get ahead of time; the child probably isn’t mine. ”
I quickly exit the room.
“I just want this nightmare to end as soon as possible. I want to move on and leave this in the past. I’m never getting back with her. I’m never forgiving her. I always thought she wasn’t this kind of woman. Maybe this is why I’m so angry and frustrated, because to me that’s what made her special. Seeing her kissing and touching another man drives me crazy. I’m pretty sure of what happened in his apartment that night… Stop it Ji Yong! Don’t waste your time thinking about this… about her.”
The next morning I was jogging in the park. It’s been difficult to keep this routine, but I’ve noticed that this helps me unwind, and right now this is what I need the most. As I was reaching a curve I felt someone’s hand on my shoulder. I immediately stopped running and turned around. Nan Gook was catching his breath but managed to say: “Please tell me you’re not dating her!”
I frowned. “What are you talking about?”
He handed me his phone. I saw the article’s headline: “G-Dragon Moves on From Lee BoNa with Girls' Generation Taeyeon”
“What the?” I thought as I read the article. Apparently Netizens have been gathering “prove” of our “relationship” from coincidences of what we wear and post in our social media.
I smirked. “This is absurd!” For some reason I started laughing out loud, so much that I had teary eyes. Nan Gook was confused of my reaction. I know it’s not that funny and it’s nothing to laugh about, but I find it really amusing on how fans can collect every tiny piece of proof and learn what you may be doing with your life. “Wah! Thank you netizens!” I exclaimed while wiping my eyes.
“Please tell me that she’s not the one pregnant.” Nan Gook whispered. I quickly looked around to see if anyone was close enough to hear his whisper, fortunately only the both of us were there.
“Of course not!” I replied.
“Are you sure?” He asked in disbelief.
“Hyung, I haven’t even been with her.”
He had his eyes wide opened. “Does that mean that it could’ve happened? Are you seeing her? Ji Yong! You know how annoying and cautious SM is about their artists, they keep calling YGE and I, asking if we know anything about it.”
I started walking towards the towers. “We just exchanged phone numbers. We spoke a couple of times, but that was all.” I wanted to be honest with him; I know I’ve been keeping a lot of secrets from him. I do trust him, but I also know that although we have a close relationship, he would tell Hyun Suk about anything that could jeopardize my career.
“You know how Yang Sajangnim have been clear that he doesn’t want anyone of you dating a SM artist.” He warned me.
“I know!” I exclaimed. I never intended to date Taeyeon; I just thought that maybe a couple of nights on her bed would help me to forget her. After I kissed her in that bathroom, I was able to feel alive again.
We entered my apartment. “When are we leaving for Sweden?” I asked him.
“Tonight. BoRam told me that CEO Haro will be in the morning in the hospital doing the test, we’ll arrive in the afternoon so there’s no chance of you meeting her.” He replied while opening the curtains of my living room.
I took a towel and wiped the sweat of my face. “Great! I just want to get it over with.”
Nan Gook stared at me but didn’t say anything. “We received a proposal from Nylon, the Japanese magazine, they want to do a photo-shoot with you and with Nana…”
“Nana?” I interrupted him.
“Yep, Nana Komatsu. She’s a model and an actress.”
“I don’t know her.” I quickly ran to my bedroom to get my phone so I could Google her.
“She’s a kid.” I said as I looked at her website profile. “She’s only 19.” I continued.
“So what?” Nan Gook asked.
I shook my head. “Nothing. I was just wondering who she was. When will the photo-shoot take place?”
“At the beginning of next year. You know how well organized are the Japanese… So should I commit to this schedule?”
“Why not? It’s so far away that I may even forget about it.”
The next day we arrived in Sweden and headed directly to the hospital. As we entered, I got a glimpse of the both of them together. They were getting into a van. “This is ridiculous and a waste of time. It’s pretty obvious that he’s the father of her child. I never thought love could turn into hate. I’ve never hated any of my ex-girlfriends. Lee BoNa doesn’t count, as she was never my true girlfriend. I don’t think I even hate Kim NaLa, who was such a gold digger. Is this hate? Not even in a million years I would’ve thought that I’d hate her.”
The test was done quickly and I was out of the hospital a couple of hours later after I arrived.
“When we’ll know the results?” Nan Gook asked.
“The Doctor said he’d have it next week.” I replied with disinterest.
“I booked a room for you in the Four Seasons.” Nan Gook said as we were getting into the car.
“Let’s go back home. I don’t want to be here any longer.” He was startled due to my request but he didn’t complain.
“When will this ing nightmare be over? I just want to move on.” I thought.
A week later I was in one of Meca’s clubs. The promotions of our Album were finally over. I was celebrating with the members and some other friends.
“Haven’t you received the test results?” Taeyang whispered.
I nodded. “Today.”
He looked at me surprised. “So?”
“I haven’t opened it yet.”
“What? Why?” He asked again.
I lighted another cigarette. “I don’t know.”
“It’s not that I didn’t know. It’s just that maybe deep inside of me I was scared. Scared of this been the end for good.”
“What’s up Ji Yongie?” Lee Soo Hyuk just arrived and sat next to me. I slightly smiled and offered him a cigarette, which he refused.
An hour later we headed to another club. As we entered, Tyler Kwon greeted us. “Hey! What are you guys doing here?” He happily said.
“We’re just celebrating the ending of our promotions.” Top replied.
“Cool! You should stay with us. I’m just with some friends. I think you all know each other.”
As I was seeing all of the familiar faces, I saw one I know pretty well and I haven’t seen for a couple of years. I was surprised to see her here. She walked towards me after everyone started greeting each other.
“How are you?” She asked with a big smile on her face.
I smiled back. “Fine. I’m glad to see you looking so well.”
Tyler patted my shoulder. “The former lovers reunion! This is so sweet!” He exclaimed.
I looked to the opposite side from where he was standing and rolled my eyes.
“I love bringing people together!” He exclaimed again. This time I looked at Kiko; she was looking down. I could see she was feeling uncomfortable.
“Excuse us.” I said and grabbed her arm. We went to the terrace, there we were able to talk about what has happened in our lives since the last time we saw each other. We laughed and it was obvious that the chemistry we used to have, was still there.
“Are you seeing someone?” She shyly asked.
I smirked. “Nope. Are you still dating Nomura?”
She laughed. “Wow! It’s pretty clear that you know nothing about my life. I dated him for a while, but we split like a year ago. I almost forgot how Korean autumn nights are really chilly.” I started rubbing her arms trying to maker her feel warm, minutes later I was back-hugging her.
“I’ve missed you.” She whispered. I caressed her cheek with my nose. I could feel her body trembling. “It’s incredible that after all this time her body reacts this way to my touch.”
I was about to make her turn around when Emilia’s face filled my thoughts; I quickly pushed Kiko away. “What’s wrong?” She asked, surprised.
“Before something else happens, I need to do something very important. How long are you staying in Korea?” I walked to the door but I waited to hear her answer.
“One week. I’m filming some part of my new movie here.” She replied.
“Good. Let’s see each other one of these days.”
After locking the door of my apartment, I threw my keys against the wall. “When will I be free of you?” I shouted. “I’m tired of this! I’m tired of having you in my thoughts!” I entered the living room and saw the white envelope on top of the center table, my heart started racing. “Will this set me free or will this just make my tie with you unbreakable?”
I had the envelope in my hands. I was shaking. Minutes passed by and I wasn’t able to open it.
“Get it together !” I took a deep breath. I opened my eyes and I finally opened it. There was a lot of information on the page, but then my eyes found what I was looking for. I took another deep breath and started reading: “Probability of paternity…”