"For my best friend, my soul mate and my unbiological sister - Joon-zal. I miss you."

We remain unwritten throughout history, and no X will mark us on a map. But in books of prose and poetry, you loved me once in a paragraph”                                                                                                   ~Lang Leav

You ever get the feeling like you are being watched either in the death of the nights or the lonely afternoons?

I know I was being watched but I didn’t know why and who was.

Hey, are you watching me again today too?

            Life has never been perfect for 18 year old Jung Miho – divorced parents none of them bothered about whether she ended in the trash or what she was doing.

            Ever since I was six, or that’s the farthest I can remember, I was home alone most of the time. Appa worked in another town and eomma was always away at work. Being an only child was hard, but being alone was much better than being with eomma and appa.

            I always felt like I was the cause of all the problems at home. Appa and eomma always fought. They blamed me that they were stuck together, not that they said that to me but I always felt that way. It didn’t matter much to me, till I reached 18. That was when things began to get out of hand. Appa never came home and he stopped sending money for me and eomma, I guess he got settled with the secretary of his that mom said he had an affair with. Eomma was much worse; she would always come late and head straight to bed, leaving only the strong scent of alcohol around the house.

            Growing up in an old huge house which was isolated from the rest of the neighborhood, I was basically alone most of the time. I wasn’t that much of a loner until my boyfriend, Minho, passed away a year ago. He met with a tragic car accident ...and he died. Since then I kept to myself, it isn’t like the world is bothered about me anyway. I was breathing but I knew I didn’t have a life anymore. I was a living corpse.

            When mom and dad were away I would aimlessly walk around the house, always feeling like I was being watched. But somehow I got used to it, that feeling of being watched. It all started in his funeral last year. I’m sure it was just him and he didn’t mean me any harm; he was just making sure I was okay.

            Growing up I soon came to realize that neither mom nor dad were concerned about me, that they didn’t need me. But I hung on to life because of him – Minho.

Lee Minho – he passed away when we were just seventeen, I loved him, he loved me. The car accident was tragic and he died leaving me alone.

But I still feel him around, like he is keeping a watch over me, that feeling of being watched never leaving me.

“Say Minho, is that you?” I’d ask and there’d be nothing but silence.

Why he was still here, and what he was still doing here remains a mystery for me…he won’t tell me either.

But just while walking around the house alone, I catch a glimpse of the way he smelled back then – It’s never been like home since he left.

The front door opened as Miho ran to the door only to find her mother with her new boyfriend

“Oh Miho-yah, Say hello to uncle” her mom said surprised, she probably thought her daughter was sleeping

“Hi” Miho said walking back to her room.

Once again, tonight I’ll lie on my bed with a broken heart, thinking what I did so wrong to deserve this kind of life, it’s just one of those nights again.

          ~A loving son and a caring brother. Maybe God loved him too much~

Miho read the beautiful words carved in the grave of his boyfriend.

“I can’t believe it’s already been a year, Minho” I said as I placed the white rose on his grave

I missed him, I had to admit. He was the one I trusted with my whole life, the one I couldn’t live without.

Strange…it’s already been a year and I am still surviving.

“Minho-yah, are you doing well? Are you in heaven already? Do you miss me sometimes??”

Miho stared out of the window as flashbacks played on the back of her mind

I don’t want a life like this. I want a life where there is happiness and there’s a feeling of home – I want to be with you Minho-yah.

“Jung Miho, stop it” I muttered to myself as I walked away- the feeling of being watched never leaving me.

I still remembered what he told me that day…

“Miho-yah, you know oppa loves you so much and would never do anything to hurt you… even if I leave, know that I will always be there for you somewhere, I’ll always take care of you and I’ll always be around”